A woefully inadequate book review- by a ‘special’ guest poster!!

by Lori Dwyer on October 14, 2010 · 28 comments

Aren’t you lucky..? I have a very special guest poster for you today. Her name is Mrs Winterpepper. She is a snobby old bitch quite the busybody may or may not be close friends with my mother-in-law. I’ll let you be the judge of that.


Welcome. My name is Mrs Winterpepper, and I will be you hostess for today.

Lori *sniff*, a friend of a friend of an unfortunate family member, is continually raving on about this ‘blog-whatever’ of hers, and how silly people send her things for free so she can tell them what she thinks of them.

*Sniff* Reeeeeallly? Well. Goodness me. In fact, just lately she tells me she’s been sent a copy of the book Cocktails at Naptime“. Quite frankly, I was disgusted. Cocktails? At naptime? Really. *Sniff*. I confiscated the book. In order to do a thorough inspection of this… this.. concept.

I was, quite frankly, beyond being disgusted. I was horrified.

The advice contained within!! The debauchery. Never in all my days have I seen the word- well, you know the word, I’m sure, if you’re reading this blog with it’s foul words. That word. The f-word. Used in this context. In relation to motherhood. Mothers of small children should not be having s-e-x, ladies. It’s improper. As this book points out, you’ll be far too tired and leaky for that anyway, but that is hardly the point.

This novel contains information on how to be something called a “yummy mummy”. It contains a ridiculously unabashed chapter on the myths surrounding post-natal issues such as sex, sleep and *sniff* chocolate. It also goes into graphic detail on the after-math of childbirth, and the routine hospital humiliation that goes hand in hand.It discusses such ridiculous things as ‘body image’ and the concept of actually going back to work after you have children. Imagine.

Really, the only part of this book that I found even relatively close to the truth was the section titled ‘Instructions for New Grandmothers’. They may have got everything else tragically wrong (one is almost tempted to call Community Services *sniff*), this part of the book is spot on. My daughter-in-law never fed her baby correctly. I tired to tell her- every four hours, and if he’s hungry in between, then too bad, but she just refused to listen. And, why, yes, I do buy my grand son quaint little outfits from a shop nearby named Little Angels, run by another grandmother just like me, just as the authors of this book suggest. And then I struggle him into them, bow tie and all, the very second my daughter-in-laws back is turned.

Really, it’s for his own good. Those track suit pants may be comfortable, but he just does not look proper.


After ringing Lori and giving a good lecture about the evils of this book, she attempted to point out to me that it is actually “tongue-in-cheek” or “satirical”. I’m not sure what either of those words mean. I’m assuming they mean that Lori found this book quite amusing. But I can see how this would appeal to her low-brow sense of humor. Which all of you apparently share. It’s a disturbing thought. Excuse me while I pour myself a stiff cup of tea. *Sniff*.

The culprits authors of this book are Gillian

….and Emma. Should you see them on the street, avoid them.

Ladies, you should be very, very ashamed of yourselves. *Sniff*

Well. That’s my review. This book is exactly what it promises on the cover- a woefully inadequate guide to early motherhood.

For some Jesofiah unknown reason, I have an extra two copies of the book in my (*editors note- greasy, scaly, wrinkly, old lady….) hands. I certainly don’t want them soiling my book shelf. My Mills and Boons take up plenty of room as it is, thankyouverymuch.

Now, if you would like a copy of this book, Cocktails at Naptime, *sniff* I need you to leave me a comment. Be polite. Say “Pleased to meet you, Mrs Winterpepper”. If you could all chorus it together, like you used to do in primary school, that would be most satisfactory.

And.. tell me the best advice your darling, wise mother-in-law ever gave you. As I said- weren’t you listening the first time!?– I have two copies to give away. You have until Monday 18th October at 8pm to impress me. At which point I will choose the winner at random anyway.

*Sniff*. Well, that’s it. Really, I don’t know what you lot see in this place. It’s giving me a headache.

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Trish.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• October 16, 2010 at 9:02 pm

"So, pleased to meet you, Mrs Winterpepper"…
"I've not had the pleasure before of meeting such a refined lady"

My mother in law told me to face the pram towards /walk into the sun . So the sun was in the babies eyes …guaranteed to encourage (force) a baby/toddler to close their eyes and fall asleep.
(oh my poor hubby)

She also tried to speak to me pre marriage about her sex life advice …said she only had ever had 3 Big O's when her ex hub (my FIL) had a bad back ….but I feined deafness and pretended not to hear her.

I am still pretending to be deaf (well I wear a hearing aid) but alas she discovered emails at the age of 78 …I have no escape from her weekly advice …of course it goes in one eye and out the other.


Sarah October 15, 2010 at 7:11 am

Pleased to meet you, Mrs Winterpepper =)


Wanderlust October 15, 2010 at 6:22 am

Will be sending Mrs. Winterpepper a copy of my Flaghussy Chronicles when it comes out. :-)


JourneyBeyondSurvival October 15, 2010 at 6:01 am

I would like to know how you mother-in-laws do it. Yes. I really would like to know how you can completely and totally ignore an entire person, except when that person is gestating your next descendant.

I would also like to know how it can be termed 'proper' to tell one to be sure and rough up ones' *ipples before the baby comes. REally? Good and hard you say?

Seriously MrsWinterPepper, I would rather take one of your books off your hands. Please don't call write or visit unless emergent.


Kirsty October 15, 2010 at 1:28 am

Pleased to meet you Mrs Winterpepper.

I try not to listen when my mother-in-law speaks. Safest all round really otherwise I might be forced to sock her one in the chops and that just isn't acceptable. (apparently!!)


EmmaK October 15, 2010 at 12:35 am

Mrs Winterpepper thank you! At least someone has the balls to stand up for all that is good and right in society. Too many mums eff and blind all over the shop and think it's cool. It's not. I hope you will continue to campaign for morality and decency – and hope that no nipple Janet Jackson's or otherwise will ever see the light of day with your beady eye on the media.


Kylie October 14, 2010 at 11:01 pm

Pleased to meet you Mrs Winterbottom. Unfortunately both my mother and mother in law gave me lots of inappropriate advice such as pick up your baby if they are crying, feed them on demand and it is perfectly ok to return to work if that's what you want to do. Obviously when I have my own grandbabies, I will not be dispensing such silly advice to my daughter or daughter in law!


Aly October 14, 2010 at 7:32 pm

Pleased to meet you Mrs Winterbottom.

My most treasured piece of advice came from my mother, not my mother in law, who advised my sister and I that we needed to make sure we were dedicated wives and provided that 'magic' that only a wife can provide to our husbands no matter what. "Because my dear, once the 'magic' dies, the relationship dies…" Could have been good advice if it wasn't administered right after child birth (and she was referring to making sure the magic didn't cease even temporarily while our bodies recovered!
Mothers, got to love them!


Fiona October 14, 2010 at 6:00 pm



Sorry, back in my place.


Aussiemumbecc October 14, 2010 at 4:04 pm

Pleased to fkn meet u mrs wintersalt or watever it is lol My mum in law rocks btw


nellbe October 14, 2010 at 3:25 pm

Pleased to meet you, Mrs Winterpepper.

I have racked my brain to figure out what the best advice I received from my MIL but I cannot think of anything that I took notice of.


x0xJ October 14, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Pleased to meet you, Mrs Winterpepper.
I can't say i even got a word of helpfu adivce from my mother in law. Mother's in law! Psh, who's cruel idea of a joke are they?!
I've had helpful insights ranging from being told how "wrong" breastfeeding is, to hos "disgusting" cloth nappies are, but the piece of advice that took the cake for both my partner and i was in a discussion of how we were not pro-smacking, and that if we chose to smack it would be something that we as parents did in extreme cases. MIL professed that we obiviously had "no idea" about what being a parent took, and that she would smack our children reguardless of what we think. She even took it a step further by later having a "frank talk" with me about the logistics of smacking and how you "need to do it hard enough to leave a mark or you're not doing it right".
Sadly, we were crossed off of her Christmas card list some time ago for failure to follow orders.
Phew! Going through all that made me need a cocktail, and it is naptime….


Jacki October 14, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Dear Mrs Winterpepper,
One can only hope that you are destined to become a fixture on this blog.
As for advice from my mother in law….
I haven't received advice so much as I've received comments, directed towards my children ('you're not still using a DUMMY are you?' to a 6 month old and 'don't tell me you can't catch a ball yet?' to a one year old).
Please have sympathy for my predicament.
I love parenting books….


Lori @ RRSAHM October 14, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Glen, quite frankly, I am speechless. Really. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth??

Dannie, bless you, thank you, i was a school teacher before i retired. Actually, i was fired for telling one of the mothers what a snotty, revolting brat her child was, but I was close to retirement age. I think, given my popularity, I will most definitely be blogging again soon.

Mrs Winterpepper.


Sarah of ‘Catching the Magic’ October 14, 2010 at 11:53 am

Pleased to meet you Mrs Winterpepper and I totally agree with your review as I have a copy of that same book soiling my shelves in a most provocative manner! I read the chapter about 's.e.x.' (hard to say, let alone think about!) with horror. My 3rd baby was born 8 months ago and well 'libidio' what the hell?!! Let's just say I have a VERY understanding husband who makes good use of his time in the shower, ahem! No need to enter me in the draw, but darn you are a genius!!!


Kel October 14, 2010 at 11:13 am

Mrs Winterpepper, it's lovely to meet you but there is no need for you to get your neck high, Tena lined panties in a twist over this publication. Honestly, send me a copy and we can have a simultaneious, sacrificial burning* of the offending book. Yours truly, Kel.
*please note you may be the only one burning things while I'm on the couch with my book and chocolate.


In Real Life October 14, 2010 at 10:48 am

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Winterpepper!"

My considerate mother-in-law went out of her way to not give me any advice when my children were small; unfortunately, this was true even when I was looking for advice.

Lori – you are fabulously creative!


vegemitevix October 14, 2010 at 10:06 am

Brilliant! But Mrs Winterpepper I think you've been sucking a few too many chillis dearheart. Now now, surely women need to have s.e.x at least occasionally if only to keep the menfolk in line! If women didn't lie back and think of England what on earth would happen with all those men on the street?


toushka October 14, 2010 at 9:16 am

Mrs Winterpepper, it is so nice to finally meet you, I have heard oh so much about you and I think you would get along famously with my husband's mother. She was far too polite to mention anything to me upon meeting her first grandson but promptly relayed to her daughter how I foolishly did not put a singlet on my child. She lives in New Zealand and believes that every city suffers sub zero temperatures and thus I should be dressing my child in singlets under several layers in the Melbourne summer. You would LOVE her.


Being Me October 14, 2010 at 9:03 am

Bloody genius fantastic hilarious. If there were a prize from Finch Publishing on the best review of the blog tour, this would be it!


A dose of Dannie October 14, 2010 at 8:07 am

Good Morning to you
Mrs Winterpepper:-)
wow!it is an honour to meet you you do look like my school primary teacher (now thats a compliment)
Will you be blogging your self soom that would be interesting in itself!? :-P


Brenda October 14, 2010 at 7:38 am

That last pic is pure gold! And OMG! Mrs Winterpepper totally rock!


Glen October 14, 2010 at 7:36 am

Is it only me that finds Mrs Winterpepper a bit horny?


Amy xxoo October 14, 2010 at 7:34 am

My dearest Mrs Winterpepper,
I am so pleased to make your acquaintance. Lord knows I love Miss Lori's humour and wit, but its nice to finally get a sense of decorum around these parts ( *cough, splutter, choking on my own sarcasm * ).
My mother-in-law, much like you, is fabulous. In fact her only bit of advice to me that i can remember is to listen to other peoples advice, and then only use what you feel is relevant to you and your baby. The rest of the time she is too busy making me cups of tea and asking if want something more to eat. Lovely lady she is…
Yours sincerely,


Bronnie and family October 14, 2010 at 7:24 am

Pleased to meet you, Mrs Winterpepper. I can tell you I was shocked when I read your review. Those so-called authors sound completely irresponsible and quite possibly inadequate mothers due to their guzzling of alcohol and inability to dress their offspring in a proper way. About the only thing I may agree with is that at least they are not have, (and forgive the profanity), sex; because everyone knows mothers should be respectable citizens and behave like Ladies.
I can barely believe that a book such as this one has been published, so I would appreciate receiving a copy so that I may inspect it for myself. I might even review it myself (sniff).
An Extremely Good and Non-Sexual Mother. My House is always clean and tidy, and my children dressed like angels.


mrs woog October 14, 2010 at 7:17 am

oh my god I wish I lived inside your brain…… you are a genius


Eva Gallant October 14, 2010 at 10:08 am

I would like to examine this book for myself, but I don't know if that's possible, since I live in the USA.


misssy m October 14, 2010 at 9:10 am

Mrs Winterpepper,

Don't enter me into this competition as I would not have such filth in my house, but know this: I LOVE YOU!


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