For pity’s sake people, haven’t you ever seen a birthmark before?

by Lori Dwyer on February 21, 2010 · 14 comments

Hey y’all,

Now, in case you haven’t noticed from previous pics in previous posts, my darling little Bump has a birthmark. A hematoma, to be technical. And quite frankly, I get sick of people asking about it. Now, I’m not talking about kids- they are naturally curious, and, to quote Stephen King, honesty is a privilege of children that grown men must give up*.

I’m talking about the adults who choose not be grown up and tactful about it. The one’s who blurt out “What’s that thing on her head?”(See below). The ones who look at me sympathetically and say things like “There, there, dear. You can always have it removed.” (Yes, but what a pity, your face is a permanent fixture) The family members who tell me how much they hate it, because “That’s all you can see, when you look at her” (Really? you missed the big blue eyes?), and inquire as to whether we can Photoshop it out of family photos. (Ummm, no, for so many reasons. Least of all that I don’t know how to use effing Photoshop anyway).

In fact, I’m so sick of answering questions from idiots, I think I may just have some neat little A5 flyers printed. They will have this picture on one side

and the following text on the other.

Questions about my ‘love spot’?
Yes, it’s a birthmark.
No, it won’t get any bigger.
Yes, it will go away. By the time I turn two, apparently.
No, it doesn’t hurt.
No, it’s not cancer.
Yes, I’m sure.
No, doesn’t matter what your in-laws best friend’s god son’s birthmark turned out to be.
No, I’m pretty sure Mummy is planning not have it removed.
I’m pretty sure if I was your five month old, you’d feel the same.
*sigh*No, really, it doesn’t need to be removed.
Yes, I’m sure Mum will reconsider if it’s still there when I’m five.
No, really, it’s nice of you to offer, but if we wanted the name and number of a cosmetic surgeon I’m sure we would have asked.
OK, yep, whatever, I’ll just pop a local anesthetic in my own forehead and mum will cut it out with a butter knife.
I’m sure
that wouldn’t leave a scar.

Heaven forbid I had a child who was missing an arm, or a big toe, or something vital like that. Good grief,what would people have to say then?

is the Wiki link for those who want some real info on hematoma (Ha! Real info! Go Wiki!).

And thanks for listening, I do feel better now.

* From Stephen King’s “Apt Pupil”, a ‘novella’ in the book Different Seasons. Probably paraphrased.

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Insane Jane August 26, 2012 at 12:04 am

oops I meant stalking!


Insane Jane August 23, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Hey it's me again, I'm staking you today. Anyway, I just found this post too! I have a child with a hemangioma on her chin, it's about the size of a jellybean. I got the same questions you wrote of above … drove me INSANE. It's actually faded heaps since she was born (she's now nearly 4) and we call it her 'map'. Apparently other kids don't ever ask her anything about it but some adults have even tried to wipe it off her like it's jam or something!


mickandemh November 16, 2010 at 1:27 pm

Hey sweet,
I too suffer from random and all to frequent comments from tactless strangers,
My daughters affliction?… RED HAIR,
I have lost count of the times I have been stopped in the supermarket, parents room….. to have complete strangers look my little girl up and down and feel the need to tell me what an awful thing it is to have red hair, "well at least there is a little blonde in it" or "hopefully it will grow out by the time she starts school" or my personal favorite, " dont let her out in the sun with that hair… she will end up all awful and freckly" Well to them I say, "that Hair" belongs to my beautiful, smart, funny little princess, so get a big black dog up you, and worry about your own sun damage, pickeled is the new red hair… Ranga's rock!


lori February 26, 2010 at 3:28 am

She is just beautiful! And your funny-take-it-all-in-stride answers to those tactless questions made me laugh out loud!


Jen February 23, 2010 at 11:02 pm

Forget the flier, have half printed on the front, the rest on the back of a jumpsuit and whack it on her, or better yet, a jumpsuit that says I may have a hematoma but it's none of your business so don't bother commenting would prob be more effective ;). Gosh some people are rude and stupid! I'm sorry you have to deal with these stupid comments and questions. I barely noticed it btw :)


Christie February 23, 2010 at 8:19 am

Hi Lori, I can sympathise too, with my hubby having a birthmark which covers one side of his face. When people ask he says "it's a birthmark" and that's it. Nobody asks if he can have it removed…or other insensitive or thoughtless questions that you are encountering. Perhaps it is because they are talking to you and not the actual birthmark recipient…I dunno, maybe a sign on your gorgeous bubs that says "All birthmark questions will be answered by me." That should stop 'em! Good luck!


Lucy@DiminishingLucy February 22, 2010 at 8:39 pm

Lori, Olivia has fairly large Nevus Flammeus (Port Wine Stain) about the size of an egg on her neck. So I feel every bit of your vent and frustration. Your Bump looks like a grade A peach to me. Those blue eyes are mesmerising.


Sarah February 22, 2010 at 4:24 pm

Photoshop it out??? WTF??? Maybe you can just photoshop them out of the photos. Bump is adorable & to be honest I hardly see her birth mark when I look at her. I see her grin (very much like big brother's) and her beautiful eyes (which are happy smiley eyes like her mummy).

Z has a very large birthmark on his bum & top of his thigh & the comments I've gotten from certain family members is horrible so I feel your pain hunni.


gem88 February 22, 2010 at 12:53 pm

Well if ppl cant see past it and notice her gorgeous blue eyes and bubbley smile, then thats there problem. Little Missy is perfect the way she is birthmark and all.
"inquire as to whether we can Photoshop it out of family photos." to read this made me feel sick in the stomach!! it is wrong on so many levels, and they should be ashamed of them selfs!

i know i love little miss bump just the way she is….


Lucy February 22, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Goodness how frustrating!
Your little girl is adorable, and people should learn how to keep their nosy questions to themselves!

Love your take on the flyer, very clever.


alliecat February 22, 2010 at 8:01 am

People can be so tactless and thoughtless. She is your beautiful baby and there is 99.99% of her that is unaffected by this tiny mark. Why can't they focus on how cute she plainly is?!

Photoshopped out? God, that is the most heartless and rude thing I have heard of in a while. as you say, God forbid someone's child had a terrible disfigurement.

I agree, go for the flyer, at least it might stop them in their tracks and reconsider such thoughtless comments in the future!


DaughteroftheStars February 22, 2010 at 7:26 am

Also I left you an award at my blog!


DaughteroftheStars February 22, 2010 at 7:01 am

Unsolicited advice at it's worst. One would never ask such rude questions about an adult so why is it ok when in relation to a baby. How frustrating for you!


Kellyansapansa February 22, 2010 at 6:22 am

Aaagghh, how frustrating for you! I would definitely be pointing out to them just how rude their inane questions are. You must have the patience of a saint!


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