by Lori Dwyer on September 19, 2011 · 17 comments

I used to believe in ghosts.

Tony and I used to go ghost hunting whenever we got the chance… either formally, or sneaking off on our own to check things out.

I’m not sure if I believe in ghosts anymore.

Because, surely, if someone believed in ghosts, went looking for them… died a horrible, traumatic death with unresolved issues…. Surely they’d come back, in some form? An entirely stupid thing to think about, I know. But think about I do.

I wish I still believed, the way I used to. I see shadows and flickers from the corner of my eye. It’s just tricks of the light.

I feel a presence around me, some days… it’s the brain’s psychological coping strategy. I wish life was like the movies, that there would be some kind of romantic, life affirming interlude from beyond the grave… but I know there won’t be.

If there are ghosts, I wish he would haunt me. Either because he hates me, or he misses me, either way is OK… I’d just like to see him again.

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Kelloggsville September 20, 2011 at 7:36 am

I believe in spirits but I also think the feeling you have right now are exactly the feelings 'psychics' exploit. take care.


Kristy September 20, 2011 at 2:28 am

I believe that the spirit world exists all around us. I think that people who have passed may sometimes try to communicate with us to let us know they're there. Sometimes though I think that this isn't always the case, depending on the person or situation. Does that sound strange? For example, I believe that they aren't there or around us ALL the time or even a lot of the time, just every once in a while there may be something that you notice. It may seem coincidental, but if it makes you wonder, it may be…Just a little hello. Possibly, when your psyche feels a little more ready, you may revisit some of your old beliefs about this. But, I can imagine that it would be a little raw or difficult still.


Tony September 19, 2011 at 9:37 pm

I believe in ghosts, but I believe "IF" they are still here, then it is a location based thing, not a person type thing, If some one is with you then they are more of an angel type figure.


Melissa September 19, 2011 at 8:42 pm

I feel similarly – I used to believe in ghosts, too. Now, I don't. It's just another thing that isn't fair. Someone who would really benefit from a ghostly visitor – never seems to get the visit.


Emma September 19, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Hi Lori,
I've also wondered if you'd considered visiting a psychic…


Shellye September 19, 2011 at 3:54 pm

And I commented on the wrong post. Lovely. Sorry about that. My internet has been wonky and when I scroll to something, the mini computer scrolls it back to where I scrolled it from in the first place. I feel like such an idiot.


Shellye September 19, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Lori, don't be so hard on yourself about not noticing the rope. I'm very observant and I wouldn't have thought much about it either. You had no idea that Tony was going to act out inexplicably and you didn't know what part the rope would eventually play. You're being too hard on yourself, which doesn't help you at all, but I'm often too hard on myself too, so I can't really lecture you about it. It's difficult not to be.

As for your shrink, I'm not sure buying the orange rope is a good idea. Even if you did, it's not going to make the memory of that day any easier to watch as it replays in your head. Time is the best healer of all pain. It may feel like you're never going get through this or you're never going to find a "normal" that works for you, but you will.

These things take time. If that's all you've got, embrace it the best way you know how.

As always, I'm praying for you. You're always on my mind.


Hear Mum Roar September 19, 2011 at 2:50 pm

I guess it depends on what you believe. I personally believe that ghosts can come to us in our dreams, they can be there all along, but we don't always see them.

I also believe in the 'channel' analogy. I think for ppl who believe it's rubbish generally won't see a ghost even if it's right there, and that's fine, they probably wouldn't want to see it anyway.

I think the more open someone is to seeing ghosts, the more likely you are to have the right 'channel' turned on (like a tv) to see it now and then.

I also think we can choose not to see it if we don't want to (I went through a stage where I stated out loud, 'I don't want to see this anymore for a while' and I didn't until I was ready).

Maybe your 'channel' hasn't been turned on because there has been so much trauma for you?

I would definitely say, just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean it won't. I think in a lot of cases, especially when it's still new, it can take a long time.


Melissa September 19, 2011 at 2:49 pm

I can imagine this would be hard for you, wishing for just one last conversation. A why? A how? A did you mean for this to happen?

My belief system and yours are different, I guess. I believe when a person is gone, they are gone, at peace, at rest.

It's hard sometimes, there's a part that would like to believe my mother is watching over me. But I don't, and that's me.

I hope you find peace, whatever conclusions you come to. I hope more, that this comment isn't upsetting to you.


deardarl September 19, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Ironic – I never used to believe in ghosts, but now I do.

Since Greg died, I feel him around all the time. I know he can hear me.


Lady Koukou September 19, 2011 at 12:11 pm

What questions would you ask if given the opportunity?


stinkb0mb September 19, 2011 at 12:05 pm

If a spirit has passed over in a traumatic way, as Tony did, or they were ill when passing, it isn't able to contact loved ones still here straight away. Bit like an ER for the spirit……they need time to heal too.



Kate quilts… September 19, 2011 at 11:54 am

This comment has been removed by the author.


Kate quilts… September 19, 2011 at 11:53 am

Hard on you to be seeking his physicaility, knowing it's fruitless. You have good memories, as well as the awful ones, and eventually you'll do better at drawing on the good ones. He's in your heart, right where you need him.


Sarah September 19, 2011 at 11:52 am

I totally have to talk to you on this very topic, I forgot when I saw you the other week.

PS: have you ever considered going to see a psychic?


Crystal September 19, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Just sending massive quantities of love your way, Lori. I hope you find the peace you need, and sooner rather than later. (((HUG)))


Mrs Woog September 19, 2011 at 11:39 am

What would you say to him?


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