Held Hostage In My Home By Two Small People.

by Lori Dwyer on July 5, 2010 · 20 comments


Welcome. Today is “Lori Has a Big Whinge Day”. I am about to have a big, sooky, crybaby whinge. If you don’t like that, too bad, suck it up princess I do apoligise and I promise we will resume regular programming tomorrow.

I have two children under three years old.

Big freaking deal. I know a lot of you are in the same boat.

So I hope you’ll sympathise.

Up until this point, we were doing A-OK. I define doing A-OK in this house by the satisfaction of a few variables.

a) Mummy has gotten out of her pajamas, and is wearing make up,

b) The house-cleaning Minimum Code of Conduct has been enforced,

c) The kidlets are both fed, slept up, clean, dry-bummed and medicated where necessary,


d) We have practiced the ritual of Leaving The House in some incarnation, whether it be a pilgrimage to the park, shops or PlayMaze.

Really, I don’t think that’s a lot to ask.

But it’s Requirement d) that is giving us some troubles at the moment. Mixed with a pinch of Requirement c) (variable two- slept up) and a large helping of Requirement a).

The Bump has reached the terrible stage of Older Baby-Hood.

You see, NewBorns and Little Babies are tops. They sleep anywhere, everywhere* and they don’t require much prep- just a nappy or two and some wipes, and the booby milk comes along for the ride.

Older Babies are not quite so compliant.

The Bump is definitively on solid foods. Which requires an intensive gutsing eating session, preferably with floor mat, high chair, bib, wipes, aprons and protective clothing for by-standers, every two to three hours. And she is becoming quite the Sleeping Beauty, with her two naps a day in her cot and nowhere else, thank you very much.

All of which is just fine. If I never, ever want to leave the house again.

By the time the Bump is up from her morning sleep, the Chop is ready for his midday nap. By the time the Chop wakes up, the Bump is ready for another sleep.

Add to that the perpetual feeding of the troops, and things are really complicated. Food and sleep are the holy grails of both Toddler-dom and Older Baby-Hood. Without these vital safeguards in place, the natives get restless. Things get ugly very quickly.

Most days I’m stuck between a rock and a cranky place. A need to get out into the real world and be as social as one can be with a huge pram, a Mary Poppins style nappy bag and a dawdling two year old; versus a need to not have two tired children screaming at me when I get home. A desire to change into my jeans and shirt that doesn’t have food smeared on it; balanced with an apathy that says it easier just to stay in my trackie pants.

This too shall pass, I know that. In five years time I’ll be aching for this time of my life, nostalgic for it as the happiest I’ve ever been.

But some days, the lack of social stimulation just about kills me.

Praise the Google God for the tools of Twitter, FaceBook and blogging, eh?

*Most newborn babies. Bar those with colic or refulx or who just like to scream for the fun of it.
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

lori July 7, 2010 at 1:51 pm

I'm a couple days late to the whine party, so you're probably all better now (I hope) but I do remember those days and it gets easier. :-)


In Real Life July 6, 2010 at 9:01 am

I remember those days too! *HUGS* to you!


Kristy July 6, 2010 at 6:15 am

You have captured perfectly some of the angst mothers feel everyday. Blog world is wonderful to get validation to the thoughts you have had yourself – just wish I had discovered it earlier when I beat myself up for being so freakin pissed that it was hard to get my son to go down for a nap (and then throw a mini tantrum on the inside when he woke up 30 minutes later). I find my blog to be the perfect place to complain. Get it out and let us enjoy! :)


Draft Queen July 5, 2010 at 11:45 pm

I remember those days! Now it's more like we can't leave because one or the other has found his/herself grounded.

But then come days like today: Day camp is open and I have a paid holiday from work. Glorious peace and quiet! I love my children but there's only so much bickering I can handle and my kids handed it over this past weekend!

The Bump will alter her sleep schedule shortly. And Chop will discover life after naps. (The horror!) You will leave the house again, Lori. I promise. My son was and still is a "grazer". Eats a little bit every other hour. At some point I just started making him take his meals on the go so we could leave the house. It just meant washing the stroller frequently.


Kimberly July 5, 2010 at 10:43 pm

I am so glad that I have just ONE little monster to deal with right now. I can't even fathom dealing with any more!! As much as I love him to bits, he can really drive me crazy…no pun


Lucy July 5, 2010 at 10:13 pm

I am late to this, butu OMG I recall this stage – vile. Poor Charlie – I gave up his morning nap for him, in favour of a life……..


Jacque July 5, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Oh boy! I feel ya! My hubby gives me a hard time about being on the computer but I think I may have actually gotten through to him today how much I 'need' to interact with people over the age of 3 sometimes… and of course most of the people I 'know' are in my computer! lol :)
I gave you a blog award – come over and grab it when you get a moment! http://stanwoodplayschool.com/2010/07/uh-oh-i-got-my-first-blog-award-watch.html


Maxabella July 5, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Aye, praise indeed. I had 3 under 4 and I feel your pain. I always opted to get out of the house and just take the cranky-pants witching hour ('cos, let's face it, witching hour sux whatever you do.)


Justine July 5, 2010 at 1:58 pm

we missed you this morning!


Wanderlust July 5, 2010 at 12:57 pm

It's hard, hard, hard and you have every right to whinge. And I have to agree with Eva… don't miss it. Well, maybe a little. But not the best time in my life. Because I pretty much had no life. Mommy coma. It get's better, and hard in different ways, as I'm sure you know and expect. But it's all wonderful, even when it's not, because what would we do without them?


Being Me July 5, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Oh God. You mean I shouldn't be in my track pants now my child is about to turn 4??

I understannnnd!!! And sympathise. And I have only ever had one at a time to "deal" with. Frankly, a mother of two little people (under 3) is something I would not have been terribly good at, I just know it. So anyone who has done/is doing it, I take my hat off to.


Amy xxoo July 5, 2010 at 12:23 pm

I feel you on this one, only my situation has been a little opposite. I only have the one bubba, who is now 6 months old. However,since about 4 months til, oh, about two weeks ago, Flynn was extremely clingy and only fed on breastmilk, wanting to feed every 2 hrs.
So – he didnt want to go to anyone but me, and i couldnt leave him with anyone for any good length of time because he needed my boobies. I felt so isolated and like i was never going to be able to go anywhere, by myself, EVER AGAIN.


Jacki July 5, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Oh boy, do I feel your pain! I've got a two year old and a ten month old and you're so right – now that the youngest is on solids everything takes so much longer. Keep your eyes on the prize – hopefully they'll be great friends as they get older… and you can sleep while they play together!


Brenda July 5, 2010 at 10:45 am

Ugh! Poor baby. That is why I work on Saturdays. It's my escape!!


Dazee Dreamer July 5, 2010 at 9:12 am

I sympathise with you. All I can say is, this too shall pass. Someday. I know, you hate to hear that. This is where a good husband comes in handy. Hopefully you have that kind of husband.


Madmother July 5, 2010 at 12:00 pm

I am so glad both mine were pram sleepers! At 19 months apart I would have been in the same boat otherwise.
Oh, and as they get older it's: "I'm bored… Can we go home now?… I'm tired… This is boring…"


Mrs Woog July 5, 2010 at 11:41 am

Had 2 under 3 now have 2 under 7. It does get easier and yet presents a whole new chapter of challenges. Like smartassness and eye-rolling. Something to look forward to hey! Chin Up Darling. Keep writing and we will keep nodding and smiling.
Much Love
Mrs Woog


Holly Homemaker July 5, 2010 at 11:37 am

We have similar aged brats, oh I mean babies don't we? You know I'm totally feelin' you sister gal!

Except my Bump was one of the * babies and screamed and catnapped and has since dropped himself down to one sleep. It'd be awesomely blissful *if* my Toddlergirl hadn't of decided that she too would drop a sleep … Her only daysleep. Ugh.

Here's to things perking up abit for you xx


Eva Gallant July 5, 2010 at 10:19 am

Been there, done that. It wasn't fun. It does get better, and I disagree….I do not miss that time.


MMBB July 5, 2010 at 9:47 am

It's like looking into my own life. Except we don't do trips to the park, and I have 3 kids. My poor children, they never get to do anything lol


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