I Speak Geek. But Not Fluently

by Lori Dwyer on November 25, 2010 · 9 comments


As you may or may not have noticed by now, depending on how much attention you have been paying (and there will be a pop quiz on this later, so look lively), I speak geek. A little bit. I know pidgin HTML. I can navigate my way around a hard drive. When the Man does things like put his dinner plate on the edge of the keyboard, then has a tanty because the browser window keeps closing, I know how to fix that. (That really happened, by the way. Seriousness.)

And I sit, here in my geeky-like throned position, feeling extraordinarily smug, because I am kinda geeky and I know stuff. OK? OK.

And then something happens that makes me realise my smugness is totally undeserved and I am, in actual fact, an idiot. Like, say, I read this blog post, that I found somewhere random on Twitter. And realise that the MSE security software I’m running is…. hmmm… maybe not so totally awesome for someone who spends as much time online as I do. Just.. maybe.

Anyway. Then I decide it’s high time to upload the free Norton 360 Version 4.0 that a lovely PR women sent me and tell you lot all about it.

Ahh. Norton. You rock so hard. What is there to say? Upload was easy. Installation was easy. I’ve backed up my entire computer, and that was easy too. And now I feel all loved and comfortable and secure an protected. If Norton was a real person, he’d have big muscular arms that held you close and made the whole world disappear…


Sorry. Where was I? That’s right, Norton. The real one, not the one in my head. Norton even comes with free online back up storage for your PC. Yes, really. And a little web toolbar with a big green tick to let you know what sites are safe.

Blogger? Safe. Horny-gasbags.com? Not safe. (It’s an in-joke, OK? OK. Whatever).  

Norton 3690 Version 4.0 gets a massive five out of five jellybeans on the RRSAHM-ranking-stuff-scale.

Nom nom.

Moving on. As well as Norton Anti-virus stuff, they also have a free- yes, mums and dads, free– online service called OnlineFamily.Norton. It’s a web security service for those of you with (heaven help me) children old enough to surf the web. I know, that will be my children one day. Soon. In two years, the Chop starts school. So in exactly two years and three days he will know more about computers than I do.

OnlineFamily.Norton  is a downlaodable thingie that will let you see what your kids are doing online, montior their time online, and monitor what stuff they do online. Think of it as a blogger stat tracker for your kids. And we all know how much fun stat trackers are, yes? Yes, we do.

Online Family is easy to download and use, and the best bit is it’s not so much ‘spying’ on your kids, as teaching them to be safe. Kids and parents are encouraged to sit down and go through the ‘house rules’ together, and discuss what’s on and what’s not. Me likes.

As we know, some people online are unstable. Some of these unstable people are stupid but harmless, like our friend Joe. But some of them are both harmful and not so stupid, which is scary.

What are you waiting for..? Go, download!

Ahh… that’s what you were waiting for. The giveaway. OK then…. here you go. Win a copy of the smart, handsome, strong the awesome Norton 360 Version 4.0 that will cover 3 PC’s for one year, all to your very own. It’s for Windows XP or above and.. huzzah!.. this one is open to overseas jellybeans as well.

What to do, how to win? Watch this You Tube video. It’s very, very funny. It’s about Norton. It’s a finalist from the 2006 Tropfest short film festival. It’s totally worth your time. And leave a comment, telling me how cool is it. Or, leave a comment telling me what Norton would look like if he were a real live person.. Or, alternatively, leave a comment saying “Lori, you’re an idiot, give me the damn Norton.”. And that will count as an entry, too.

*Ahem* Just leave a comment, OK? Anything with some relevance will do. But please include a valid email address. Thankyouverymuch. Entries close Monday 29th November at 8pm, and I’ll email the winner and announce it here soon after.

Happy YouTube-ing! Hands off Norton, he’s all mine! Cheers to Norton-he’s here to help.


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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Wanderlust November 27, 2010 at 1:02 pm

I don't care if Norton looks like the guy with the clipboard in the video, I so need anti-virus software! I just had to have my netbook reblasted (again). Oh, and blogger… not so safe!

And yeah, some truly unstable people out there on the net. Ahem.


River November 25, 2010 at 10:00 pm

I think real life Norton would look like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, both being geeky nerds you see.
I've had Norton on my computer since I bought it and a free upgrade would be great, would save me having to buy it next time.
I haven't watched the youtube, those things take forever to load with dial-up. I'll take your word for the hilariousness of it.


Mummy’s Brain November 25, 2010 at 9:20 pm

I think Norton would look like Brad Pit as The Doctor in oceans 11


The Mummy Hat November 25, 2010 at 8:45 pm

Lori, you're an idiot, give me the damn Norton
Sorry, couldn't help myself!


Joni Llanora November 25, 2010 at 5:23 pm

I love the clip! Very creative. Wouldn't wish any virus near me or my laptop.


Mich November 25, 2010 at 12:46 pm

ok, Lori, you're a funny idiot. but seriously is there a way to crack the random selection thingy so that i win? my kaspersky is about to run out…. and i have stupid boxes that pop up all the time.


Kel November 25, 2010 at 11:43 am

I'm computer literate until something goes wrong…then I call the husband at work and he talks me through the solution. Yeah, my husband outsmarts the IT assistance we have onsite at work. The husband can also take these machines apart, put them back together and they work better than they did before he started playing with all those 'inner bits'.
And for the record – my almost 2 year old knows more about computers than I do. I've been out-witted by someone who tells anyone who'll listen that they've done a poo. Awesome.


Dannie November 25, 2010 at 7:51 am

cool as :-P but not sure why im not seeing this and i guess its only me as this has happened before as well :-/ :-( so i cant comment as i cant see the bloomin thing f5 dont work so next time maybe cheers


Toni November 25, 2010 at 10:53 am

PMSL @ "like our friend Joe" …..

I showed my man how to copy and paste just recently! I didn't know but for 9 YEARS he's been manually typing addresses into the address bar. True.


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