Internet dating v2.2- The Very Disturbing Trend.

by Lori Dwyer on August 9, 2012 · 13 comments

Dating in your early twenties is a completely different thing to dating in your early thirties.

Either that or dating in 2012 is totally different to dating in 2006

Or, quite possibly, both. And add to the mix the fact I’m coming into this dating game from an entirely different place to most people. And that the Internet is kind of weird to begin with.

Whatever. We already know that Internet dating is a very strange place. A few moths back, tired of having my vulnerabilities trampled upon, my heart broken and my belief in any kind of romance sadly disillusioned, I shifted my focus from the romantic–looking–for–my–soul–mate–to–go–walking–along–the–beach–with kind of websites to the more quissentially tacky ‘dating’ sites, complete with annoying flash ads, half naked couples on the home page and a veritable plethora of strange, lonely people all ‘Not Looking For A Relationship’ scanning the message boards and Online Now columns to find innocents like me to startle.

The communications that turn up in my inbox have shifted along with my change in sites. While they once consisted of a mix of normal type human male messages (’Hi how are you?’) and missives so strange, creepy or badly spelt they were laughable; they now entail a mix of normal male type messages (’Hi how are you?’) to offers and suggestions that either make me blush so fiercely I can’t check my email in public or actually require me having to Google terms to find out what they mean. (‘Bukkake‘. Don’t do it, you will regret it.)

I’m certainly not a prude and I really thought I was pretty damn knowledgable when it came to sex and that more adult side of life. Evidently I was very wrong. I’m fairly sure that some of the acts being suggested here aren’t even legal in many parts of the world. The total lack of desire I feel toward reading 50 Shades of Grey stems mainly from the idea that, compared to my inbox, it might just be boring.

I look like Mary freaking Poppins. Far too sweet to be tied up. Or handcuffed.

I’m not sure why, but it didn’t strike me as surprising that most of the men responsible for sending these kinds of communiqués are affluent, hard working, well groomed professionals. I’m actually not sure what they’d do if this pierced, tattooed hippy chick who doesn’t drink champagne turned up on their doorstep… and my self esteem is definitely not in the place to be knocked around by trying to find out.

In addition to the Eastern Suburbs office workers who are into kinky sex, there’s another more disturbing trend I’m noticing in the online dating world. I’m not sure if it’s actually as prevalent as it seems or if it’s just the fact that I seem to be inherently attractive to that alpha–male type…

But the number of police officers who have a real thing for bondage is positively scary. To be honest, it seems to extend further than just coppers. It also includes security guards, army personnel and, in one particularly unsettling encounter, a seemingly geeky statistician… who just happened to work for an international ammunition company and had some kind of fantasy involving a petite woman in a dog collar. (And let’s not forget the potentially psychopathic abattoir foreman).

And in case you’re wondering– which I know you are– the generalized stereotype I’m referring to here are into doing the dominating, not being dominated.

I’m sure if I wasn’t so exhausted I could come up with some correlation between men and penii and guns and domination, and probably throw some phallic insecurity in there as well. I’m also sure that if this fact was more publicly known, there would be far fewer arrests– who wants to be locked in the back of a paddy van with someone who gets off on tying people up and whipping them?

Again, whatever. Given my aversion to rope, it’s probably not going to be my thing. But I can reassure you that the NSW judicial system is in respectable, ethical hands.

Out of all those coppers, not one has offered to use his handcuffs on me.


I’m sure he’s going to entirely love being tacked onto the end of this particular post. Heh.

Some of you will remember my mate Bear, who let me ride pillion for this year’s NSW Black Dog Ride.

This time around the Bear is doing the National Black Dog Ride– it’s a bigger, longer trip, all the way to Australia’s Red Centre- the Northern Territory. (While I seethe with vivid green jealousy and cursing my lack of available childcare…)

The sponsorship page for the Bear’s National Black Dog Ride is here. Any support you can throw his way is very much appreciated.

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Oldie August 10, 2012 at 8:56 am

Hiya Lori,

Been a while since I read your pages. Good to see you still standing strong.

Not sure about the constant need for a partner.. although it seems everyone is onto that bandwagon these days. Must be a good money spinner for those businesses.

Stay strong. When you stop looking for another half you will find your full self.. then another full person can enter your world.


Marianne August 10, 2012 at 4:15 am

Wow…I gotta say, Lori, I don't know why you even bother having Anonymous comments on…it apparently triggers the "asshole" in some.


Anonymous August 9, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Don't forget, you once had someone paying you a bit of attention, albeit from a necessary distance, before he retreated to his Anon E Mousehole.


Sharon @ Funken Wagnel August 9, 2012 at 9:17 pm

You know, I had heard of bukkake before. I was wracking my brain, hmmm, bukkake, bukkake, what was that again? Was that the vomitting into each other's mouth fetish? Was sure it was, but googled anyway. Nope! I remember now. Yuck.

Have you tried eharmony, Lori? I've heard people recommend that one?


Melissa August 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

God that's creepy! Where are all the normal men??


Rachel August 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm

The Bear is possibly less disturbed by you tacking him on the end of this post than I am o_O but thanks for sharing his sponsorship page.
xxxx Pix


Drea B August 9, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I haven't read 50 shades, but there's a very funny blogger recapping the series.


Lori @ RRSAHM August 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Ahhhh, anon. If only you knew.


Anonymous August 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Not that you have a judgemental attitude to go along with your complete lack of knowledge of BDSM. Oh no, not at all. Can you feel the sarcasm? I do hope so.

I have no issue with your not being kinky, to each their own, but just because it's not your thing doesn't make these people creepy or irresponsible or disturbed. That's your own internal prejudice, and this post is exceptionally narrow minded. Go and do some research before applying such labels to anyone who doesn't want to fuck the same way you do.


Miss Pink August 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Why can't I help myself when people say "Don't google this" I just HAVE to.
50 Shades of Grey was a huge eye opener to me. I live a very tame life.


phonakins August 9, 2012 at 12:21 pm

ok cupid. still recommend it :)


Mrs Woog August 9, 2012 at 10:21 am

I adore your dating posts. So thoughtful and eloquent xx

Reply August 9, 2012 at 8:46 am

"The total lack of desire I feel toward reading 50 Shades of Grey stems mainly from the idea that, compared to my inbox, it might just be boring."


Don't do it, Lori, not only would it be awful, uninformed about the real politics & practises of the BDSM scene and full of ridiculous cliché's, it's also hideously (and I mean hideously) written. I can't bring myself to read it because the few excerpts I have read from it are enough to make me despair.


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