Let’s Hear It For The Boy.

by Lori Dwyer on September 20, 2013 · 12 comments

I can be such a selfish bitch sometimes. (And don’t we already know it…?)

Three weeks we’ve been in The New House in Melbourne. The focus has been entirely on the kidlets. Obviously, that’s not the selfish part- that’s the way it should be done. I get them settled, sorted, organised, into a new routine that’s better for all of us.

But once my children are settled, I slip into ‘me, me, me’ mode. Again, not surprising- humans are inherently self-involved creatures, with only our primal biology ensuring we sacrifice ourselves so completely to our children’s needs. Beyond that, self preservation is instinctual and difficult to see past.

This is what I tell myself, at least. Biological narcissism seems preferable over selfish tunnel-vision. The truth of the matter is that I’ve largely ignored the emotional state of The Most Amazing Man, while wallowing in my own pit of worry.

This has been- still is, actually- just as difficult for him as it has been for any of us. His hip, unencumbered single life in Melbourne has suddenly been hampered by this instant family he’s found himself with. Time to himself has become almost non-existent. Lazy weekend sleep-ins and Sunday brunches have been replaced by Saturday morning cartoons and overly-energetic children. A disposable income has been replaced by Centrelink forms. It’s a shock to the shadows of life. He expected it to be different, of course. But he’s really had no way to prepare himself for the reality of it.

And being the gentle, unassuming person he is, he’s doing such a remarkable job of being everything to all of us that I sometimes, selfishly, forget how much we have turned his life upside down.

He is just here, a constant, calming presence. He washes clothes and dishes. He cooks meals and picks up the slack of the house. He plays with my children, answers a hundred questions a day from them. And does it all in good humour, with patience and understanding. He never raises his voice. He takes it all in his stride.

Sometimes I even forget to say thank you. I forget to tell him that I am okay, that I feel supported here. That I appreciate everything he does.

So, a round of applause, if you will. Credit where credit is due.

The Most Amazing In The Universe just continues to be… well… amazing.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Madmother November 8, 2013 at 4:40 pm

Love, love, LOVE this!
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Lori Dwyer November 9, 2013 at 4:03 pm

Thanks MM :) He’s pretty damn cool ;) x


Vanessa September 21, 2013 at 12:02 pm

I can only imagine what an adjustment it is to go from no kids to kids :)
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Miss Pink September 21, 2013 at 7:58 am

The Most Amazing Man really does sound amazing. I hope he realises how rare it is to find someone who will love another’s kids like they’re their own and with patience and good humor too! I hear thousands of women’s hearts swooning right now.


Mel G September 20, 2013 at 11:55 pm

I’m so happy for you all, I was gonna suggest you clone him! I can feel how cherished you are just from your descriptions. My mum found her own TMAM when we were 3 little girls of 2, 4, & 6. Like your man, hers had never married or had children of his own and he slotted into our lives without question. 30-odd years and 4 grandchildren later….. :-)


pearl September 20, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Hooray Lori! Your most amazing man sounds truly special! As you so sorrowfully learned from the past… the partner you live your daily life with and choose to commit to will be the one you share in creating the narrative you live in. Sounds like you have chosen wisely….this one is kind, patient and sensitive to the needs of you and your children in the present situation.

I don’t think you’ve been the least bit selfish in the last few weeks by prioritising the emotional needs of the kids….having them settled and secure is absolutely necessary to make the environment positive for you and most amazing man to get on with consolidating upon those foundations…

soooo happy for you


Spagsy September 20, 2013 at 10:10 am

We are all pleased for y’all.
and ofcourse you are living in the best place.

Best wishes and rah rah
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Marianne September 20, 2013 at 9:55 am

And Kristina, You are so correct.
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Marianne September 20, 2013 at 9:53 am

And, Hon’, I am sure he feels blessed to have you and yours there.


Kristina September 20, 2013 at 9:53 am

You posted, a while ago (one of the first about him, maybe?)… about trying to warn him off you, or maybe trying to explain that he needed to fix you. You wrote of a two-line conversation:

“I am broken.”
“No, you’re not.”

And when I read that, I thought… here is what everyone should want. Women (myself included) so often want someone who can fix them, take care of them, pick up their pieces… those things are fine, lovely even. But to have someone who sees strength through pain, who makes you (and your kids) a part of his life because HIS life will be better for it? That’s stunning and rare.

So yes, applause, applause, for the The Most Amazing Man.


Whoa, Molly! September 20, 2013 at 8:25 am

Oh dude, he sounds like such a winner. That patience, it’s so rare. Patience and good humour are so important.
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Marianne September 20, 2013 at 8:22 am

Yay for the most amazing man! Amazing men are hard to come by.


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