Mr Fix-It and the thing that buzzes.

by Lori Dwyer on November 16, 2010 · 38 comments

Mum, don’t read this one, OK? OK!


Hmm. Let’s say, by some stretch of the imagination, I really did go to Sexpo a few weeks ago. And, since we’re imagining things, let’s pretend I really did buy something that buzzes. And requires AA batteries.

If you follow my drift.

And, let’s imagine that this particular buzzing thing (that I may or may not have bought) was hardly a top-of-the-line pearlboy type,* but more of a cheap imitation that may or may not have come as part of a $30 bits-and-pieces showbag. Which may or may not have contained other ridiculously tacky items like a pecker whistle.

And let’s pretend that, being the cheap, buzzing kind of pearl boy that it may or may not have been, this imaginary vibrator had it’s motor burnt out within just five minutes of use.

*Ahem* cheap thrills, anyone?

Whatever. Now, just for fun, let’s imagine that the Man fancies himself a bit of a Mr Fix-It. And decides that this cheap, buzzing “I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Pearl Boy!” was perfectly repairable.

So, let’s imagine he pulled it apart, replaced a few wires and soldered a few bits.

And let’s say that Mr Fix-It’s fixing skills were firing on all cylinders, so to speak, and fix it he did.

But…. with all those things that may or may not have happened taken into consideration- especially the fact that the Man is hardly electrically educated, in fact, not at all electrically educated, let’s say I am now far too terrified to actually use the aforementioned imaginary vibrator, lest I get electrocuted. Not only would that be extremely painful, but very much embarrassing.

So. *Ahem*. *Cough* Given this completely, totally hypothetical situation, my RRSAHM’ers, what would you do, I ask? What would you do? Would you use a cheap imitation vibrator that you got in a $30 showbag, that your husband has pulled apart and rewired? Or, erm.. not?

Surely I can’t be the only one who thinks this just may be exceptionally dangerous.

* I had to Google “pearl boy vibrator”  to get that link. Now that’s exceptionally dangerous. See how much I love you all? Be grateful, be very, very grateful.
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{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }

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Zoe Paige July 8, 2011 at 11:25 pm

You are too hilarious. I couldn't imagine an imaginary electrocuted you know what.


EmmaK November 20, 2010 at 2:50 am

I am pretty sure I would fall into the NOT camp. Just thank him for his help and then secretly toss it in the recylcing bin (if it can be recycled!)


So Now What? November 19, 2010 at 10:16 pm

You are going to get shot off into the stratosphere when that thing short circuits. Careful Miss Lori. Teehee.


Nanny November 19, 2010 at 8:19 pm

Thanks for the giggle :)

I say chuck it and invest in a "Rabbit" I hear they are well worth their money ;)


Kebeni November 19, 2010 at 7:52 pm

i'm sorry but this post is so funny. I don't think you could be hurt using it, unless you use it unwisely of course.


Langdowns November 19, 2010 at 12:04 pm

LOL. Actually, not LOL. More of a giggle behind my hand as I cover my eyes (while peaking through fingers). Seriously? I am thinking Tim the Tool Man Taylor … and I'm thinking don't go near the thing now that it has been super-charged … or whatever it was that your husband may or may not have done to it …


Mummy’s Brain November 19, 2010 at 11:52 am

I was given the gift of a cherry scented vibrator once….. sadly, Hey smell my vibrator" never seems appropriate


That Granny November 19, 2010 at 11:24 am

Well, I thought that the cheap device u were describing was the 'whistle', thought to myself this girl is very deprived to consider that!!!

Is it actually rubber?? looks like a cheap meltable plastic type of substance to me. Waiting for the blog where you go to the Dr. to explain the cheap melted plastic type of substance burns…

Go on give it a go, can't wait to hear abut the result…..


misssy m November 19, 2010 at 8:20 pm

And ask yourself one thing "WWWD?" (What Would Winterpepper Do?)


misssy m November 19, 2010 at 8:19 pm

I am crossing my legs at the very idea of a unearthed sex toy…eeee!


x0xJ November 18, 2010 at 9:40 pm

If i had one of these imaginary "i can't believe it's not a pearlboy" vibe's, i would totally use it. A little electrocution surely could only add to the "buzz"??


kim at allconsuming November 17, 2010 at 11:46 pm

Do you think Melissa Jackson up there is now following you because of this post? I can't help wondering if she'd be so excited if this was the post about teaching your kids where to do wees and poos.

I'm leaving the rest well alone.


life in a pink fibro November 17, 2010 at 10:05 pm

I'd give in to the fact that I need me a top of the line, bells and pecker whistles vibrator that glows in the dark. Go on. You know you want to.


ruddygood November 17, 2010 at 9:49 pm

You do realise your hubby was just trying to impress you with his 'skillz' so you'd give him a run instead of the hypothetical device in question?

That said, you may as well give the critter a test run – at worst, you'll get a buzz out of it. ;)



Stylish Mummy November 17, 2010 at 9:14 pm

bahaha! Thanks for the laugh! I would be scared too!


Brenda November 17, 2010 at 9:06 pm

Does it light up? At all? Hehe.


Veronica November 17, 2010 at 6:18 pm

I would use it, after I tested it on my hand for a minute or so first.

And hey, if you get zapped, blog it.


Katy November 17, 2010 at 4:07 pm

Do it! Worse thing that happens is that you get another blog post out of it!


Kristin November 17, 2010 at 3:55 pm

HILARIOUS. I think I have found a new favorite blogger. just sayin.

FTR, I say go for the hypothetical toy. With only AA's it can't be THAT dangerous


suburp November 17, 2010 at 2:52 pm

although some rampant electricity could add some extra kink, i will go with Toni and say, save for a snow bunny or one of the very design (and efficient) models of fun factory.
not that i know much about it..
i saw the show bags at the brisbane sexpos 2 years ago. rubbish!


Jill/ draftqueen November 17, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Eh. It's batteries. Maybe the extra kick will be fun ;-)


Jacki November 17, 2010 at 2:07 pm

That's HILARIOUS! I'd fork out for a better model if I were you though. Sweet of hubby to try to fix it!


Kristy November 17, 2010 at 1:19 pm

I think that your husband now knows what to get you for Christmas. A really nice, top of the line thing-a-ma-jiger.


Jodie at Mummy Mayhem November 17, 2010 at 11:38 am

That is taking home handyman to a whole new level.


BuBbles November 17, 2010 at 11:23 am

Gold!!! I'm in the midst of a final packing panic and you've brought a bit of calm and laughter to my day.

Thank you muchly :)


PS. Let's just say, hypothetically speaking, that I'd be tempted to try it but would probably chicken out lol


Dorothy November 17, 2010 at 9:16 am

I would second the notion of splashing out and buying a "novelty item" from an online store that might or might not stock them… I heard that the …ahem… Butterfly is quite good….

Good luck and thanks for the giggle… ;-)


julie November 17, 2010 at 9:14 am

Get hubby to buy you a present of a nice expensive one. And some chocolate. Then he can be your hero.


Melissa Jackson November 17, 2010 at 7:35 am

I'm following you!

Would love a follow back :-)

Thank you!!


Wanderlust November 17, 2010 at 2:50 am

Live dangerously.


Glowless November 17, 2010 at 12:14 am

MMBB is right, rubber isn't a conductor, so you're safe, hypothetically speaking ;)


Glen November 17, 2010 at 12:13 am

well I'm no expert but if you only got 5 minutes into its first test drive, then you and it have some unfinished business to attend to. You don't want it telling its mates that you are a tease do you?

as I say… no expert


Mummy McTavish November 16, 2010 at 11:20 pm

My husband came to see what I was giggling about and his advice is "use your husband".

My more science oriented reply is… If it only runs on AA's then it's not going to give you more than a little buzz *ahem*. Did you ever stick a 9v on your tongue? I just had a look and a single AA is 1.2v. I'm assuming it takes no more than 4 so that's 4.8v… way less than the tingle from the 9v… but then again, we did see sparks when we put the 9v on my friends braces. My husbands advice looks better all the time. Y'know, except that this is all hypothetical, of course.

*all care taken, no responsibility accepted… Its been a long time since my brain was used for science.


Eva Gallant November 17, 2010 at 9:57 am

Once again, you crack me up! I was laughing so hard, my husband asked what was going on! I have to dry my eyes now.


The Rambler November 17, 2010 at 8:49 am

Fark. I'm laughing too much to actually say anything.


This Mid 30s Life November 17, 2010 at 7:00 am

That is hilarious, and a little worrying.

You're really not going to enjoy yourself when you're worried about imminent electrocution, so cut your losses and chuck it I say.

But keep the whistle.


Toni November 17, 2010 at 12:24 am

I would just pony up the extra dosh and get a Rabbit. Hypothetically speaking.

Also, I totally thought that whistle was a pink plastic strawberry for a minute.


MMBB November 16, 2010 at 10:30 pm

bahaha, maybe he has made it supercharged instead? You can't get electrocuted through rubber anyway, right?


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