My name is Lori, and I’m a Dirty Smoker.

by Lori Dwyer on September 29, 2010 · 42 comments

OK. *Deep breath*.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for days. Seriously. But every time I sit down at the computer to do it, the little man who lives in my head and is terribly addicted to that awful nicotine stuff whispers that, perhaps, there are other things that need doing that are far more important.


In fact, he’s trying to do it to me right now. Drag me away from the computer, put the thought of what I’m about to write out of my mind.

Excuse me while I go have a dirty, filthy cigarette. That should calm him down for a good 20 minutes or so.

Righto. *Cough* *hack* *splutter*. Annnnd….. I’m back.

My name is Lori, and I am a dirty smoker.

Have been for years now. Almost 16 years, if I care to think about, which I generally don’t. Depending on what’s going on, I smoke up to a pack a day. (I know, OK? I know).

Cool piccie stolen from this here Tumblr

I am horribly, wickedly addicted to these things.

I’ll give an example of just how addicted. Mark, the guy who is going to be my quit smoking guru, dared to call cigarettes a spade in his correspondence to me. That is, he said- cigarettes are dirty, disgusting and filthy. Undeniably true. But for one irrational moment there, I was offended on behalf of my cigarettes. Offended. On behalf on an inanimate object.

I’ll give that a moment to sink in. Shame, shame, shame.

Hey, it’s not my fault. Actually, it really is. But we’ll blame at least half of it on society, because that makes me feel better.

My dad- and most of his family- were smokers.

Smoking was cool. Not good for me, duh, I knew that. But so aloof and dangerous and sexy. Movie stars, they smoked.

From here.

As did all the Tortured, Pensive Artist Types I so admired, back when I was 13 years old.

And this one,  from here.

Besides all that, I was 13. Lung cancer was the furthest thing from my mind.

So I pinched my dad’s ciggies, and taught myself to smoke. Taught myself to like it. When I was 16, working, and living with responsible adults who were happy to buy me cigarettes, my habit got worse. Much worse. Up to the pack a day we’re at now.

The only time I’ve been able to effectively quit smoking was during pregnancy. That wasn’t a trial, much. Smoking made me feel sick to the stomach. As did anything else I was silly enough to put in my mouth (Mind out of gutter, people, I don’t put those kind of icky things in my mouth- that’s how we got ourselves into the pregnancy situation in the first place.) I did however, keep up with my one cigarette, my one blessed hit of nicotine a day. And I would think about that cigarette for the whole 23 hours and 55 minutes that I was not smoking it.

Again, I know. Can we spell pathetic?

Anyway. I’m at the point where I’m sick of it. Every cigarette feels like it’s choking me, yet I keep on sucking them down. It annoys me, paying $15- $15!!– for a packet of cigarettes. It stinks. Both the cigarettes, and paying that much money just to inhale crap.

And, as if all that isn’t enough, I have two very small children. I don’t want them to grow up, thinking smoking is normal, or cool. I don’t want them to be smokers.

And I don’t want to die. That’s the crux of it, I think. I don’t want to leave my babies without a mother, any earlier than is absolutely necessary.

So. All that considered, I. Am. Quitting. Smoking, And… cue the deep, scary music. Oh dear holy God what the f*ck am I doing?

Wish me luck. And wish the Man, and the kidlets, and the dog and the cat and any idiot or slow-walking person who happens to cross my way luck too. We’ll all need it.

Now, my mate Lucy is the one who officially talked me into this gave me a push in the right direction. She hooked me up with her ate Mark from ThinkSlim and ThinkQuit. And he, bless him, sent me his ThinkQuit pack. It’s pretty damn awesome. A book, DVD, a little mp4 player with all your stuff already programmed in. Muchly nifty.

And the coolest thing….? Well. Your little mp4 player comes in a little cardboard pack- that’s it there, in the picture, that is just like a packet of ciggies. I know, sounds odd, but, hear me out. Instead of taking your cigarettes, you take the box. Replacing a bad habit, with a good one. And it removes that problem of feeling like you are ‘missing something’, especially when you leave the house. Grab purse, phone, keys and little cardboard box.

Bloody brilliant idea.

So that’s where we at, my faithful tribe of jellybean-ers. I will keep you posted. October 9th 16th looks like the date (the 9th is the eve of Bridezilla’s my best mates wedding. it seemed to be perilous, given the amount of fagging on that will be happening.) I plan to be a non-smoker by my birthday. Lucy and Mark both tell me it will all be very zen.

Here’s hoping.
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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

nellbe October 9, 2010 at 1:06 pm

Well done you and wishing you all the luck in the world!


marketingtomilk October 8, 2010 at 6:25 am

ok that should have read 10 years ago!!!


marketingtomilk October 8, 2010 at 6:24 am

I gave up o years ago, and it's the best thing i ever did. I was a d-i-r-t-y smoker. First thing in the morning. Last thing at night. But now that awful black shadow of guilt, shame, fear has gone. I tried so many times to give up, and in the end once i'd sorted out my head it was easy. ONce i recognised that seedy little voice telling me what i was missing, and how lucky everyone else was for still being able to smoke, i was able to laugh louder than he was sneering. And it was a walk in park.

good luck.



Melbourne Mumma October 5, 2010 at 2:02 pm

You can do it! I used to be a smoker and quit cold turkey. Smoked about 10/day..along with some other Something in me had decided enough was enough. I was through with it – it was definitely all mental. Had to make the decision up top first. Felt so much better and now am the worst reformed smoker ever :)


lori October 3, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Oh I'm so proud of you! You can do it. It sounds like you have a plan and a good support network, so it just comes down to darn will power. But you're strong. You'll do it. And you'll be better for it and so will your kids.


edenland October 2, 2010 at 8:26 pm

Wow wow WOW.

Mate ….. GOOD ON YOU.

You can do it, I swear to God – if I can give up cigarettes, anybody can do it. I have given up a LOT of things in my life …. *ahem* – but ciggies was a tough one to crack. But you can do it. You can.



suburp October 1, 2010 at 7:30 am

my husband and me will try about at the same time, I think. good luck to us.
and bless you for posting about it – it takes a bit of courage, both to mention the addiction in public and to announce to everybody too.


Lori October 1, 2010 at 5:12 am

BEST of luck to you! And Kudos for braving this and know it CAN be done…I too was a smoker for nearly 15 years. I was given some sage advice from someone who used this particular method to quit that they got from some kind of quitting program/guru.

They went to some type of program (after several attempts via patch, hypnosis, cold turkey, pills etc.) and it was the ONLY unfailed attempt at quitting that worked for them….so I decided to give it whirl and it WORKED

everytime you smoke put the cig but in a jar with lid
(Hence justifying how disgusting it really is. Visual reminder I guess)
The best step of all that really did the job for me was this:
When you smoke say for instance you smoke when you get in the car or after you eat…habitually… then instead FORCE yourself to smoke AFTER you get out of the car and BEFORE you eat basically do the opposite…given this could be tough with little ones given you probably have to sneak or hide it as much as possible.
But apparently what this does (scientifically)now this gets a bit deep…it changes your brains patterns that are imbedded one way to a "newer" style smoking habit and it makes it easier to quit…in a nut shell..forgive me for not explaining this like the expert.. it sounds a bit crazy BUT it worked for me. It may be worth a shot? I am sure there are more steps to this "method" of quitting, but these are the only two I used and had success.
I could try and get more info for you if you would like?


Zoey @ Good Goog September 30, 2010 at 9:24 pm

Good luck! Don't believe all that hype about how impossible it is to quit. Ambivalence is hard. Deciding to quit and doing it isn't that hard.

But here are the things that helped me the most:

Eating. A lot.

Fast forwarding all ads while watching TV and thus avoiding the anti-smoking campaigns that just make you want a cigarette.

Not talking about it too much. Talking about it just made me want a cigarette.

Leaving post it notes around with my reason for quitting on them so I couldn't conveniently forget when it suited me.

Keeping an image in mind that scared the living daylights out of me. Like when my toddler started to mimic smoking *shudder*. That was a real low point.

Give yourself permission to be an ass.


Louisa September 30, 2010 at 8:53 pm

Masses of luck- you can do it!


alliecat September 30, 2010 at 8:11 pm

Good for you. You want to do it and you have a plan and a team on your side, sounds like it's all systems go, good luck!


River September 30, 2010 at 8:04 pm

I do so hope you manage to quit. I'm being a little selfish here, because I'm one of the people who are affected by ciggie smoke. Not the smoke that wafts across the room or wherever, but the stale smoke that clings to skin, hair, clothing. One breath of that and I'm reaching for my inhaler. Even worse is the smell that stays on your breath, in your mouth.
I don't want to sound mean or bitchy, but if you've just had a ciggie, don't stand close to me when you're talking. Ugh! It's getting worse as I get older too. You'll notice the difference yourself after giving up, you'll sit in your favourite armchair, maybe near a window, and you'll notice the smell that's become firmly entrenched in the fabrics of your furnishings. Especially your pillow. Sorry, I'll stop now. Oh, one more thing. Get a special moneybox and put in it every $15 that you would usually buy the smokes with. When it's full, buy yourself a well deserved gift.


Tenille September 30, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Congratulations for making the decision to quit; it's one of the best decisions you'll ever make. Maybe you could include a picture of your family in you new little cardboard box? You're quitting so you can be around for them, it might help to remind yourself of that when you feel your resolve slipping.


Megan September 30, 2010 at 3:58 pm

In a complete coincidence, I have today blogged a big rant about how much I hate smoking! But, you know, as long as you don't blow smoke in my face or my daughter's face or leave your butts in my garden, we're cool. ;)

Wishing you all the best with quitting – you CAN do it!


Jeanette October 1, 2010 at 12:07 am

Lori, I never had to deal with this addiction. I may have to post about my addiction someday…. food! Some things we can't do without. Best of luck, you know you have a WHOLE LOT of support here on the blog!


Jacki September 30, 2010 at 1:52 pm

Good on you Lori! It will be a challenge but you're doing it for the right reasons! And keep us posted how you go with the Quit program – I'm trying to get my husband to quit and we'll try anything!


Kymmie September 30, 2010 at 11:53 am

I want to tell you BRAVO! Your body and babies will thank you. And mostly, you will thank yourself. It's hard to put your admission 'out there' and hopefully it helps you to be accountable! Thinking of you as you take this hideous journey. Quitting is hard. xx


Draft Queen September 30, 2010 at 11:49 am

Good Luck!

When my mom quit smoking she called it the "NicoDemon". And I did when I quit as well.


Good Golly Miss Holly! September 30, 2010 at 9:21 pm

You're fabulous and you can do this!


toushka September 30, 2010 at 10:56 am

awesome! I quit a couple of years ago. August 15th 2007 actually. best thing I ever did. still miss it just a weeeee bit sometimes.
I love the mp4 cardboard pack thingo. you're right it's not just the nicotine that is habit, it's all the little rituals that go with it too.
I had to hold pens and "flick" them for a while to get rid of that habit. silliness.


Jo-anne (Blossy) September 30, 2010 at 10:46 am

Good luck Lori. I know you can do it!


In Real Life September 30, 2010 at 9:50 am

Good luck! Awesome! You can do it!


x0xJ September 30, 2010 at 9:48 am

I'm an anti-smoker here. Both my parents smoke, and my partner the smell makes me nauseous. No judgement, just love for you and the fact you've admitted it's a problem and are wanting to change things. That really is a big step in itself!


Ebonie’s Mummy September 30, 2010 at 9:27 am

Good luck Lori!
My mum smoked since she was 15 and she is 43 now and after a hospital admission gave up with the help of patches.
She was a pack-a-day too.


Thea September 30, 2010 at 9:19 am

GOOD LUCK!!!!!! xxx


skinner675 September 30, 2010 at 7:01 pm

Oh good luck to you. I managed it years ago but would really one on the odd occasion. I don't have one just in case it's lovely!!


Amy xxoo September 30, 2010 at 8:54 am

My fingers are crossed for you Lori.
I'm not going to harp on abut how foul and gross cigarettes are ( but they are. totally ).I'm just going to say good on you for making an effort towards positive change. Your lungs are going to thank you for it :)


lacochran’s evil twin September 30, 2010 at 6:27 am

You can totally do this. It won't be easy but you can totally, totally do this.

And, putting it in your mouth got you pregnant? I think you're doing it wrong.

Reply September 30, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Loved this post, good luck!


Toni September 30, 2010 at 10:49 am


Good luck, Lori, you awesome quitter!

I quit (like Mommy Lisa) cold turkey, 25 years ago. Never ever regretted it.
Now if only my hubs would quit too….


Katie September 30, 2010 at 12:13 am

Awesome Awesome Awesome for you (and your family) Lori!
You go and kick smokings' ass!
We know you can do it!

*blush* I'm back over there. ———-> Thanks.
Please pardon my douchebaggery. I was having a day when I wrote that comment.


Mommy Lisa September 30, 2010 at 12:13 am

You have to just do it. I did it. I feel so much better – I did it for TWENTY years and I quit. Cold Turkey and done.

Email me if you need a lift in your day or are feeling poorly. It will be GREAT!


Teacher Mommy September 29, 2010 at 11:02 pm

You are AWESOME.

I hate cigarettes and the damn second-hand smoke, but having friends who smoke and who have tried to quit many times, I know how hard it is to do so. So I'm very proud of you.

I also am not sitting here being all judgy judgmental and judge-like, because you at least recognize how bad it is. The people who drive me nuts are the ones who deny it or just don't give a damn about their kids or other people who are around it. So you rock anyhow.

We'll be cheering you on!!!


Mr woog September 29, 2010 at 10:41 pm

Ummmmm 9th?? Can I push it back? Getting nervous…


Evonne September 29, 2010 at 10:36 pm

$15?!? That's insane. The price alone would be enough to make me quit!

I'm in your dirty, filthy club, too. I'm working on quitting, but it's hard. Good luck!


Melissa@Suger Coat It September 29, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Go you! I quit over 18 months ago now.

And feel better for it, yeah. Stare enviously at smokers after a few too many drinks… Definitely.

Go you!


Dannie September 29, 2010 at 10:29 pm

YAY! I have quit so often and i also use to smoke a pack a day:-)
So now its been nearly 6 mths and yes i have had only 1 thats it and after 3 puffs i puked LOL… it felt awfull my head was spinning and i fainted so from a quitter to you if i did it well so can you lori xxx


So Now What? September 29, 2010 at 10:23 pm

Good luck! My husband got a terrible fright when we started going out years ago. Ended up in the hospital with heart palps (to be fair, there was some other plant substance in the mix as well) but it was enough for him to quit.

So I guess sometimes you have to get a fright to make it happen. Think of all that extra cash you'll have.

Go for it. x


jo September 29, 2010 at 10:21 pm

"keep on swimming. Keep on swimming"

so proud of you already


carly September 29, 2010 at 10:21 pm

mum my smoked. i remember trying it at fifteen and hating it. coughed my lungs up. and never did it since.

my mum has quit now for over a year and the step dad has recently just quit too.



Lucy September 29, 2010 at 10:16 pm


It will be zen! It will be bliss! You will be free!

(And you know that comes from the heart of an ex-filthy-dirty smoker.)


Eva Gallant September 30, 2010 at 12:43 am

Good Luck! Hope you are successful. I know it is difficult.


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