Not A Fairy Tale.

by Lori Dwyer on September 2, 2013 · 21 comments

The trolls are back… I think this is what I get from the universe, perhaps, for whinging.

Fair call. It’s my blog, I’ll whinge if I want to. But comments are always open, and you can say what you like. In all honesty, we’ve had most of these discussions before (won’t somebody please think of the children???), and going over it again would just be boring.

But I will say this.

Pretending would be easy. I could write myself a fairy tale here, and no one would ever know the difference.

But it would be lying, and that wouldn’t be fair.

Cynthia left me a comment on my last post that said “It must be hard to hit publish when you know that there are some out there just waiting to pull your words apart”, and that pretty much sums it up.

But I’d rather tell the truth here, than bullsh*t to you all, to keep everyone happy.

This is real life, not Disney. And the first week or so, that period of settling in… that’s been difficult. I don’t think I ever expected it to be easy.

The good news is… things are getting better. We’ve had an entirely lovely weekend. And the sun is shining in Melbourne. It’s spring and the city is just gorgeous.

‘Happy’ is not a click-your-fingers-and-it-happens kinda thing.

I reserve the right to take my time getting to it, if I need to.


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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Jenny September 7, 2013 at 1:47 am

It’s just moving, people do it all the time. It’s not like Lori moved to Melbourne and left her kids on their own in TinyTrainTown. I don’t understand how people can possibly find it so upsetting that a family decides to move somewhere. The world would be an entirly different place if no-one had every moved anywhere. Let it go. Moving doesn’t damage children. Being negative and mean and narrow-minded is however damaging, mostly to your own soul but also to the people you subject to your judgements. Be a bit more generous and understanding and I am sure you will feel your own horizons expand. The thing with people who leave nasty comments on how it (life) should be done is that they never come across as intersting, inspiring or even kind people, so why would anyone want to take their advice and become more like them?


K September 4, 2013 at 4:21 pm

I’m another who drops in from time to time.

I enjoy reading your blog, but – and I’ll probably be attacked for saying this – the trolls are annoying…but so are some of the responses to the trolls. I think it’s fantastic you have so many people supporting you and most rise above the negativity and support you without feeding the trolls, but it’s a shame when some of them stoop to the level of the trolls with personal insults (I think one was called ‘obese’?). I sometimes feel like I’m at the train station at Sunshine lol.

The quality of your writing is very good and it’s a shame when the comments section turns into a war of words because I feel as though the energy of your original post is often lost.

But it’s your blog and you can moderate (or not) the comments however you want to! ;-)


Marianne September 3, 2013 at 11:25 pm

Taking care of yourself and your happiness for the long term, bigger picture is the best thing you can do for your children, ultimately. A stable, settled household with a mother who’s in a stable, loving relationship will be a much better environment for them to be raised in. Sorry you had to deal with all of the negative comments.
But look at it this way…at least you HAVE trolls, haha! I’m still relatively new to blogging and am just thrilled any time I get any comments. :)
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Ruby September 3, 2013 at 8:48 pm

My kids came first before anyone else after my husband died. I was a widow at 21 left with a two year old and new born twins. I connected with an amazing man who lived in NZ he sacrificed his career in NZ to be closer to me, I slowly introduced my kids to him and we eventually got married and are proud parents if 6 amazing kids. My eldest three thank me always for putting them first when I did. As for my comment that Lori should be happy, well I felt at the time she was just whinging. Sorry again if my comments offended.


Lori Dwyer September 3, 2013 at 8:54 pm

Well Ruby, thanks for sharing your expertise. Evidently, you did it best, so let’s just leave it at that, shall we? Your circumstances may have been similar to mine at one point in your life. That still doesn’t give you the right to judge anyone else, their actions, or what you consider to be ‘putting your children first’.
Lori Dwyer recently posted…Not A Fairy Tale.My Profile


Ruby September 4, 2013 at 7:59 am

Lol Lori I said I was sorry and I am happy to admit that I was wrong! I am no expert but I did what me, myself and I thought was tight for my kids. Don’t be defensive please. At the end of the day you do what is best for you. As long as your beautiful kids are happy that’s all that matters. I will be a reader of your blog until you stop writing. I will also comment. I begrudge nothing. X


Marie September 5, 2013 at 12:50 pm

Good for you for apologising Ruby, it takes a big person to admit they were wrong. As you say, you did what was best for you and Lori will too. It’s fantastic your man was willing to move, maybe Lori’s wasn’t able to. Did she make the right decision? Maybe, maybe not. Time will tell. If it was a mistake, there’s nothing stopping her moving back. For now she’s made the choice to give this relationship a chance in Melbourne, let’s support her in that!


Emily September 3, 2013 at 2:28 pm

Trolls indeed!

How great was the weekend weather?! And the weekdays are rocking too. x
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Sheri Bomb September 3, 2013 at 12:04 pm

I hate to say this, but unfortunately I think there are people out there who have been reading this blog to watch someone elses trauma unfold. It sounds hideous because it is but there are some people who love nothing more than to grab the popcorn and see some real drama unfolding before their eyes. Now that you have your life more in control and are finding happiness Lori, I think these people then want to create drama for you. Sad but probably true. I’m glad that you share the way you do and I think that people could quite easily express their opinions without being so hurtful. I for one am glad that you are finding strength and happiness.
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Marie September 5, 2013 at 12:51 pm

I did not think of it that way, but I think Sheri is 100% spot on! There are readers here who, sadly, came to see the train wreck. Now the train is back on track – they don’t like it.


Courtney Bee September 3, 2013 at 11:57 am

Keep your head held high! Some people are a little weird to get on here and shit you out. Popping my head in to see that your doing ok. Enjoy the sunshine, Kiss Bump And Chop for me, and know that people far away are sending you their positive thoughts and best wishes x o x o


Elise September 3, 2013 at 9:11 am

You go, girl! The truth is much better. After a trauma or after any big life change, no matter how wonderful that change is (I’m thinking here of big moves like yours and also new relationships, the birth of children etc), so many people think that the road to happiness is some one-directional thing. a = b. Maybe it is that simple for some people, but I know it isn’t for me or for many others I talk to. It can be 2 steps forward, 3 back, and then a leap of 5 forward, and 1 back. You’ll get there in the end but it doesn’t mean it is going to be smooth sailing all the time. I think a lot of people believe they should be instantaneously happy and that can leave people feeling isolated and like something’s wrong with them. More people need to be as brave as you and speak the truth so that others don’t feel so alone in their feelings.

My thoughts are with you, Chop, and Bump during this transition. You’ll all get there :)

By the way…haters gonna hate. It’s science :-p


Karen Loethen September 2, 2013 at 10:49 pm

I definitely prefer the truth.
There is courage in that.
Karen Loethen recently posted…Hope FloatsMy Profile


Karen Loethen September 3, 2013 at 3:53 pm

I didn’t mean to post that link! LOL
Karen Loethen recently posted…Hope FloatsMy Profile


Kirsty Forbes September 2, 2013 at 10:00 pm

My question is, if people think you’re a whinger or whatever, then why fucking read your blog? Go else where? Keep scrolling? If you don’t have anything positive to comment, then don’t comment? Un like the page and move on? Simple no? Geeze… and I mean fuck, who wouldn’t be “whinging” moving to a different state, with two kids a relatively new boyfriend etc etc etc… fark… I moved 20 minutes pregnant with a 2 year old and was a right whinging sod I tell ya! seriously… trolls.. go do something constructive and stop embarrassing yourselves… Lori, as always my love…. big hugs. you’re doing great :) glad this week is being better for you


Trisha September 2, 2013 at 7:37 pm


This is a brilliant post. Thanks for speaking your truth.
Trisha recently posted…Living with Depression: Some of my coping tipsMy Profile


Drea B September 2, 2013 at 3:08 pm

I appreciate the honesty you have in your writing, and I realise that even though you’re honest, it is just a window into things, it isn’t the sum of all the things you’re going through. I don’t understand how anyone can really judge someone else’s life choices when they can’t possibly know all the ins and outs and ups and downs.

I’ve been in the situation of where I *should* be happy but wasn’t, and to be told that isn’t a valid way to feel isn’t remotely useful.


sarahkreece September 2, 2013 at 2:08 pm

It is such a comfortable place to be in where we get to assess other people’s lives and decide how they should be feeling, thinking, and behaving, as well as a big dollop of ‘move on already’ the ignorant constantly apply to those of us who’ve been knocked over by life. Some people just can’t resist. Some days the internet lets people hug you from afar, some days it lets them fish slap you in the face. I wish the fish slapping didn’t happen, I hope the hugs make up for it a bit. xx
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Whoa, Molly September 2, 2013 at 1:21 pm

The thing I can never get is why people keep reading when they don’t like what they see. If it troubles them so, why keep clicking over here. There are millions of other blogs where people pretend they have the perfect life, are the perfect parents, live the perfect dream. Go over there. This blog hasn’t ever really pretended to be that.

I just like knowing you. Reading about you. It doesn’t have to be anything.
Whoa, Molly recently posted…Outsourcing My Problems To the Internet: Should I move?My Profile


Rachel September 2, 2013 at 6:40 pm

Hi Molly. Hi Lori.
Molly, as usual, I couldn’t agree more. Who thinks “Hey I’ll just read this blog this person’s written and then totally trash it.” Who thinks that?!?
Why bother? Why don’t they just stop reading?
People are so judgmental. How come people aren’t just nice? And encouraging? And supportive?
Lori, I’m glad (I snorted with delight) that you told Jean to shove it up her arse. I hope she doesn’t show up around here again. Oh, and I don’t worry about your kids at all. AT ALL.
Off now Molly to give you my opinion on whether or not you should shift house :-)


Whoa, Molly! September 3, 2013 at 9:32 am

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