by Lori Dwyer on September 19, 2013 · 2 comments

Softly, softly, softly. That’s how we do it here, every day, for now.

I watch my children adapt and warm to living with a new person in our lives. I watch with amazement as they take things in their stride, as they assess what goes on here and assimilate it into their tiny frames of what life is like.

As those of you who’ve done this before me know, introducing a new parental figure to the family mix is done with care and trepidation, and a definitive sense of not pushing things too far. 

Softly, softly.

Small invitations to intimacy are made. The Most Amazing Man offers the Chop a hug before bed, and he responds with his arms wide open. I see the hesitation more with my son than with my daughter. My Chop is hesitant to trust too much, to get too close. He remembers what it’s like to be left behind.

“I will leave you!” The Most Amazing Man says to me, taunting and joking, and I poke my tongue out in response.

Neither of us realised my son had heard that exchange, until his head pops up with shock and he asks “What? What did you say?”

“Joking, baby. We were joking, I promise. The Most Amazing Man is not going anywhere.”

Everything is done in tiny pieces, tiny increments of trust and discipline. Tiny offerings- a hug, a bedtime story, a family day out. All those ‘normal’ things you do with a dad, that my children have been missing for years.

Softly, softly. One tiny baby step at a time.


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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Marianna Annadanna September 20, 2013 at 12:42 am

I’m so glad you’re finding peace and happiness! Softly. Xo
Marianna Annadanna recently posted…Speaking up wins againMy Profile


boodie September 19, 2013 at 4:36 pm

Been there done that, my kids were older, and even now some 18 years later there is still distance, you couldn’t call the 4 of us a family, my partner actually understood and sympathised with my kids, he had been in the same position, his mum married again and then had two kids, he never felt like he belonged. And he realised that no matter how hard he tried he was never going to replace their father, so now I have two families, my partner and me, and my kids and me. Luckily there has never been any conflict between the two and I have never had to make a choice.
boodie recently posted…The more things change the more they stay the sameMy Profile


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