Friday, June 25, 2010

On Twitter Like Crack.

'Sup Tweeples,

It's been just over two months since I started Tweeting. The siren song of the little blue bird sucked me right in.

And I'm... well... kind of glad. Just don't tell the Man, OK? I have led him to believe I actually think Twitter is the devil's work, but I'm Tweeting low to infiltrate the heretics and cyber evangelists.

Or something.

I had envisioned Twitter would be, like FaceBook, just another blog-pimping tool. And believe you me, sunshine, it is fabulous for blog pimping. But it is so much more than that.

It's addictive.

It's exhilarating.

It's Twitterific!


I know there are those of you among us who do not embrace the Twitter bird. Or have attempted to, but have not as yet given him a proper chance to prove his worth. I was the same. That's sad. He is misunderstood. And commonly associated with low brow celebrities and bad company, such as Ashton Kutcher and Kim Kardashian. The Twitter's Bird's tireless stance for charity, humor, social causes, vibrators, and YouTube clips goes unremarked.

The Twitter Bird loves the little people.

The most common In Real Life reaction I have got when I have mentioned that I am on Twitter like crack cocaine in the Cross is "So.. that's kind of like FaceBook, only just status updates... right?". (And insert dubious look that says 'Lori is a total loser' here).

Well, kinda. (About FaceBook, not being me a loser. That's true. I am a loser. And I'm OK with that).

Only totally not.

Twitter is FaceBook, supreme. And don't we know it, Tweeps? Yes, we do. There is a general sense of smug superiority when FaceBook is at least 15 minutes behind Twitter in terms of news breaking. And after the relative safety of Twitter, being on FaceBook makes you feel naked, exposed and vulnerable, like your in Westfields with no clothes on and everyone can steal all your images.

FaceBook is beige sludge of people's lives and kids and pets and problems. There are photo albums of mundane things, and a group for every small business that lives, breathes or has it's own domain name (including mine). FaceBook moves relatively slowly.

Twitter, in comparison, is more like a cyber LSD trip. Laced with links and news and funny stuff and good conversation and razor sharp wit and quotes you just wouldn't show your mum. (Unless, of course, she happens to be on Twitter too. Which could be uncomfortable).

And Twitter moves fast.

Like, real fast. For those of us who are used to FaceBook, it can be quite the rush.

News travels uber-quick on Twitter. No sooner has something happened- or someone thinks it may happen- and it's there, live in stream. And Tweeps are funny, with their fingers on the pulse and their balls in the air. So to speak.

#spill, anyone? Tell you what, I needed a cigarette and a cuddle after that ReTweet orgy.

You can waste all day on Twitter. Trust me. Check out this Tweep. And this one. And this one. And this one. Oh, and this one too. And then, of course, there's me.

I'll still be here in half hour or so when you get back.

Twitter spews information at you, ready for it or not. You can switch on your internal filter to separate the serious stuff from the funnies, depending on your mood. On my TweetDeck right now (you haven't got a TweetDeck...? You totally need one of those.) are links to the following-

 *A picture of IKEA 
*The view from space of the Northern Lights 
*Sarah Palin being stupid
*A cake that looks like a jar of Vegemite (umm... yeah.. I Tweeted that one.) 

And of course, a Tweet or two about the BP oil spill. The spill (different from the #spill) is a constant topic on Twitter. Which can only be a good thing, given the relatively small media real estate the issue occupies in Australia.

Tweeps discuss kids, food, wine, current events, social trends, ideas, thoughts and any other damn thing they please. And a deeper beauty of Twitter, compared to FaceBook- most of your Tweeps are relatively anonymous- not people you know In Real Life. (And again; unless, of course, you mum happens to be on there. Again, possibly uncomfortable). So you can bitch, whinge and say nasty things about your in-laws till your little hearts content. Or I can, anyway. Not that I would do that. Hi, Jan.

Whatever. Family members aside, if you offend someone, or they offend you, obviously your Tweetship is not to be. So you UnFollow them, or they UnFollow you, and everything is jellybeans. No one gets their virtual panties in a twist. There are millions of Tweeple out there. You're not going to get on with all of them.

So... if you're not on Twitter, what the hell are you doing with your time? It'll rock your world.

That Twitter bird, he's not as scary as you think. Multi-faceted, addictive, time-stealing, and either devoid of a social conscience or far too full of one (depending on who you talk to), why, he's all that and a bit more.

But scary? No way.

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livinglifeasme said...

Oh Lori that was such a great post. All so true. I am relatively new to Twitter (April) and have found it an invaluable source of absolutely everything. I no longer Ask Jeeves or Google - I as the blue bird of Twitter. x

livinglifeasme said...

Oh Lori that was such a great post. All so true. I am relatively new to Twitter (April) and have found it an invaluable source of absolutely everything. I no longer Ask Jeeves or Google - I ask the blue bird of Twitter. x

Amy xxoo said...

Aww man - i've been trying to resist the call of the Twitter bird, but that ramble right there may have just convinced me....maybe.

Lucy said...

I am not there yet. I get you, particularly ofter Wednesday night, but I am not there yet....

MMBB said...

I'm on twitter, but I rarely use it. If my phone actually worked properly I'd be doin it on there. I need a new phone. I need to get a crackberry

Brenda said...

You are totally and insanely addicted to it. That's for sure. Hehe.

And hey, did you know on Tweetdeck you can actually translate the tweet into other languages. Am not kidding.

ForeverRhonda said...

Excellent post. I love really can waste ALL day on it. Which is fabulous.

Wanderlust said...

I'm not to the addiction stage yet. I use, pretty much daily, but I could stop anytime. Seriously. It's, like, just recreational.

Holly Homemaker said...

Aww I wish I shared your love for Twitter. I don't understand it, and I don't know what to say on there. Waaahhhh!

Maxabella said...

So funny, because today I mentioned in my post that Twitter wasn't a dabble thing, it's an all or nothing kinda thing. And I just think that personally I haven't got the headspace. But love your post!!

Sarah said...

Hahahahaha I love that you love Twitter now :)

PS: Aaron posted this yesterday in reference to me & another friend, I think you should've been included :P

Library girl said...

So ... you realise that, like, you've become the equivalent of my dealer through this post?? (Thanks for Jesus and Shitmydadsays btw - that was GREAT crack!)
I tried it last year, didn't really do it but then I don't think I was committed (too into the softer stuff, like FB). But now I NEED something that's gonna give me a buzz. Bring it!

Tracy said...

Hah! I resisted the siren song of Twitter until earlier this year. I was lured down the dark alley towards the cute little blue birdie by a dear friend....who promptly disappeared, and left me there, surrounded by strangers.

Many of those strangers have become friends/confidantes/cheer squad/sparring partners. With them, I laugh, love, share, rant, banter.

Ripples across the Twittersphere that signal a local or global event are intoxicating and exhilarating.

Those who do not Tweet don't get it, but remember my former POV and smile indulgently.

I must send that friend a Thank You letter...or should that be a Thank You tweet - I don't have her current street address, but I know where to find her! ;)

Cameron said...

I am totally addicted to Twitter now, too! I'm now following your blog & your Twitter! Found you through Flogyoblog Friday!

Hope you'll check out my blog & my twitter!

Katie said...

Let's try this again.
Somedays I am on twitter ALL day- Ignoring all of my other motherly duties. I sometimes dream about twitter at night. I hate to go to sleep because I am afraid to miss something.
Also, if the truth be known, the BEST time to be on twitter is at night (here in the US) because thats when all my Aussie friends are on. You guys KILL me.


Other days I hate twitter so much that I would like to kick that little bird right in his feathery blue nads.
I guess I am just a part time junkie.

Seraphim said...

Brilliant post! I totally agree. I'm not sure why I haven't 'met' you before now but I am now following you on twitter at last.

lori said...

Hmmm, still pondering the twitter thing. Good sell of it though! I'm just not quick witted enough to come up with funny things like, all day long. It's why I don't do well in chat rooms either. I would be a twitter lurker.

scribblingmum said...

I'm with you. Thought it was for crazy people before I started and now find myself checking it out before 1st coffee of the day. Plus, my mother in law isn't on it. That's the big plus for me. She's my 'friend' on FB. I mean, really what's that about but it's not like I could ignore it could I? I like that I'm cool enough for Twitter but she's not.

Kakka said...

Sorry - never will Twitter draw me in. I will be Twitter less. There will be no tweeting. Because I agree it is addictive and I just don't have the time. But I am really happy you are enjoying it so much. I will come and save you with an intervention if it all gets too much - LOL. xxx

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