Sunday, June 20, 2010

Respect my Authoritile.

Hoodly do,

Is it just me, or does anyone else have a problem with figures of authority that look like twelve year old boys?

For those of you who didn't automatically get a visual when they read that (how could you not?) I'm kinda talking about police officers. That weigh about as much as I do. And look about 15 years younger than I am.

They seem to crop up every now and then. Innocuously. In positions that don't really require a lot of authority to work well in. As in, say, directing traffic outside the Sydney Football Stadium in the aftermath of a big event.

A panda with a neon baton could do the equivalent job (and wouldn't that be cute?). No one is going to challenge the police here. Or God forbid, run them down. Where would the petty thugs escape to, when the traffic around Centennial Park will be backed up till midnight, and the police on bikes could not only catch them, but probably lap them a few times?

Ah, coppers on bikes. It's almost too easy. We'll come back to that in a moment.

I think the main issue with un-authoritative policemen is the various state's of Australia's Police Force's regulations on beards and shaving and facial hair. Yes, really. Stick with me here for a moment.

You see, from what I know (don't quote me, my integrity seems to have gone a-walkabout today and I haven't researched this), police men* in Australia are only allowed to have two types of facial hair.


a) the King Henry beard. Surprisingly, not a lot of coppers have these. I think that has something to do with the fact that it makes them look a wee bit Amish. And Amish people just ain't tough.


b) the neatly trimmed goatee. Which is increasingly popular. And only running a good 10 years behind the current fashion trends. So, slightly more current than option a).

And.. well.. it's difficult to look tough without stubble. The twelve year old coppers prove that. They would be much more intimidating with a bit of stubble, and maybe a few visible tattoos. The pension day nannas at the local shops may not be impressed, but I think that's OK. Unless your local area happens to have a gang of vandalizing, shop lifting nannas. In which case, the stubble would still be quite useful. Rather than submitting nicely to the prepubescent copper and his hand cuffs, the nanna's may just get attitude and fight back. Bags on wheel a-swinging.

Or something.

While we're on the subject of totally un-intimidating figures of authority, allow me to draw your attention back to the police on bikes. Useful, certainly, for perusing vehicles stuck in traffic and kids on razor scooters.

But the police peoples on bikes wear Lycra. And they ride pushbikes.

I think that's all we need to say about that.

Really. Clean shaven, respectable looking law enforcement personal in bike shorts. What is this country coming to?**

*The regulations for facial hair on women in Australia remains 'clean shaven'. Totally discriminatory.
** This post written with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek. OK? OK.

post signature


Dazee Dreamer said...

loved this post!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I know of a policewoman that is so tiny that they struggled to get all of her equipment on her belt at the same time. Can you imagine her going up against a mob of angry people??

My brother is a policeman as well & to me he doesn't look authoritative, he's pretty skinny, clean shaven & looks like he is 16 even though he's 28. He apparently is very tough when he's at work.

lori said...

hey - tiny policeman are policemen too! Ooooo, but little panda bears directing traffic would be cute!

Katie said...

The American version of this might be the extremely obese and elderly mall security guard. I NEVER understood this.

Also, the first time in my life as a driver that I ever got a traffic ticket (when I was 30!) Was a $165 fine for "failing to stop".
From a bike cop. He pulled me over from a BIKE!!!
I still have nightmares about it.

So Now What? said...

Wouldn't that be cute. I can imagine them throwing the batons, hant to hand and entertaining the waiting commuters.

My brother is a policeman and always grows a bear (or best impression of) in his holidays.

Respect my authoratah!!!!

Kimberly said...

Respect mah authorataeeeee! Bwhahaha!!!

Kristy said...

Love it! Love the South Park throw back!

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...


My husband grew a goatee when we travelled through France back in 1997. He thought, when we got to Marseille (which has a questionable reputation), it would make him look tougher. Well...I'm not sure "tough" would be the right word. Perhaps he should have worked on the clothes a bit.

Post a Comment

While I read every comment left on every post and love (almost) every one of them I rarely get around to replying to them directly... if you'd like a reply, drop me an email through the Wanna Contact Me page and I'll get back to you asap.

Anonymous comments are back on- remember, they're a privilege, not a right.

To Follow is human, to comment divine.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...