Respect my Authoritile.

Hoodly do,

Is it just me, or does anyone else have a problem with figures of authority that look like twelve year old boys?

For those of you who didn't automatically get a visual when they read that (how could you not?) I'm kinda talking about police officers. That weigh about as much as I do. And look about 15 years younger than I am.

They seem to crop up every now and then. Innocuously. In positions that don't really require a lot of authority to work well in. As in, say, directing traffic outside the Sydney Football Stadium in the aftermath of a big event.

A panda with a neon baton could do the equivalent job (and wouldn't that be cute?). No one is going to challenge the police here. Or God forbid, run them down. Where would the petty thugs escape to, when the traffic around Centennial Park will be backed up till midnight, and the police on bikes could not only catch them, but probably lap them a few times?

Ah, coppers on bikes. It's almost too easy. We'll come back to that in a moment.

I think the main issue with un-authoritative policemen is the various state's of Australia's Police Force's regulations on beards and shaving and facial hair. Yes, really. Stick with me here for a moment.

You see, from what I know (don't quote me, my integrity seems to have gone a-walkabout today and I haven't researched this), police men* in Australia are only allowed to have two types of facial hair.

Either

a) the King Henry beard. Surprisingly, not a lot of coppers have these. I think that has something to do with the fact that it makes them look a wee bit Amish. And Amish people just ain't tough.

or

b) the neatly trimmed goatee. Which is increasingly popular. And only running a good 10 years behind the current fashion trends. So, slightly more current than option a).

And.. well.. it's difficult to look tough without stubble. The twelve year old coppers prove that. They would be much more intimidating with a bit of stubble, and maybe a few visible tattoos. The pension day nannas at the local shops may not be impressed, but I think that's OK. Unless your local area happens to have a gang of vandalizing, shop lifting nannas. In which case, the stubble would still be quite useful. Rather than submitting nicely to the prepubescent copper and his hand cuffs, the nanna's may just get attitude and fight back. Bags on wheel a-swinging.

Or something.

While we're on the subject of totally un-intimidating figures of authority, allow me to draw your attention back to the police on bikes. Useful, certainly, for perusing vehicles stuck in traffic and kids on razor scooters.

But the police peoples on bikes wear Lycra. And they ride pushbikes.

I think that's all we need to say about that.

Really. Clean shaven, respectable looking law enforcement personal in bike shorts. What is this country coming to?**

*The regulations for facial hair on women in Australia remains 'clean shaven'. Totally discriminatory.
** This post written with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek. OK? OK.