Saturday, October 1, 2011

Internet Dating 101

As promised.... you are now all following my internet dating adventures. The excitement this has generated is heart warming.... and terrifying. Here's hoping you won't all be terribly disappointed.


 I feel like a bitch.

 I scroll through profiles, pictures, men who become ranked on a sliding scale of possibility. I discover I'm incredibly shallow- the first decision I make is based on a person's profile picture. It's all about appearance, how they come look. Then I cull according to age, job prospects, and existence- or lack of- grammar and punctuation in their personal descriptions.

It starts to feel very much like business. I am at an advantage here, I know how to sell myself in the arena of social media... this is almost the same thing.

As I pick and choose, cull and dismantle, it occurs that other people are doing the same thing to me. Discovering someone has no interest in you stings and is a knock to the self esteem.

The Lori I look like in the land of Internet dating.
I have to remind myself... this is, essentially, a game, and it never pays to get emotionally involved in games. I try to keep a sense of humour, a distance, a wall between myself and what's happening here, the way I do on my blog, the way I do online.

The emotional stuff comes later. For now, it's just choosing people like flavours, like lollies.


It is an odd place to be, the online dating world. The dating world in general. Who would have thought I'd be doing this again, when I was actually so relieved to be married, to not have to go through all that all over again.

There are so many men on this dating site who post pictures of themselves in wigs and fancy dress... if anyone can shed light on this phenomena for me I'd appreciate it, because I just do not understand it.

Ditto to the guys who post pictures of themselves with other girls. I don't care if she's your best mate, or a stripper, or your best mate who looks like a stripper.... it's not helping your cause.

Other things that may not be helping your cause...? "I have a big plasma TV in my house". Seriously...? Wow. Just what I've always been looking for.

I've also been looking for someone is unemployed. No, not really. If you are unemployed, that's fine, but please come up with a more creative way of putting it than that. Or not. Adding a message to your profile that says "I'm not subscribed to this site- add me on FaceBook" just compounds that loser-thing you've got going on.

If you can afford $40 to subscribe to a dating website, how on earth are you going to take me out to dinner? When will you ever get around to buying me flowers....?

And the last one for now... I assure you there is plenty more to come.... there is actually some nice guy out there who has, on his dating profile, that he is looking for a nice woman to help him take care of his mother.

Take care of his mother.

Best of luck with that.


It's not as bad as it sounds. I've even run into a few normal, decent looking men on there.... and I may have a date or two lined up. I'll keep you posted.

Oh, and to my anonymous commenter.... email me. I dare you.

post signature


Miss Pink said...

Please tell me you contacted the hottie with the piercing from last night?
If you sack him I want rudie pictures.
Sharing is caring.

Jess@Diary of a SAHM said...

Oh the one who needs help looking after his mum is a keeper! Is he also unemployed, and posing with a stripper, cause that would be the Trifecta!

In all seriousness though, be careful. A (very naive) friend of mine got taken for a ride by a scammer on one of these sights. Just dont date any 'American Businessman' who travel a lot, and have some kind of tragic past and no access to their bank account. I know you're smarter than that, but honestly, I thought my friend was too!

Good luck! Can't wait to hear more. :)

Lifeasmummymax said...

Oh im interested to hear more about this person miss Pink is talking about lol Good luck & have fun :)

Bambi Kay said...

Hi LOri!

Yes, was also thinking about that anonymous commentator!:):) All the best!
Love and God blessto all three of you.

Zoey @ Good Googs said...

I hope you have bucketloads of fun, or at the very least are excessively diverted.

Nicole said...


That is all.

Kimmie said...

Anon commenter I dare you to email her also :P ha!

Glen said...

Hello Lourey,

I am reading your profile while on the toilet, because otherwise the wardens would find out about the mobile I have smuggled in.

I think you look exactly like the kind of girl I usually go for, which is good, although that's what got me in here in the first place. You have to laugh though don't you.

Still, when i get out I'd very much like to meet up and show you my amusing collection of toes. Do you have a big enough garden for me to hide in so that I can watch you?

Any way, must go - it's Dominoes night.

Love and respect

Tony 'the toe man' Smitter said...

I helped a friend with internet dating and usually got rid of people before she'd even had a look - she got the list I had culled down - Grammar and spelling was #1 on the reasons to cull list.
How can someone have an intelligent conversation if they don't have the basics?
Good luck, I look forward to reading about it with you =]

Toni said...

You go, girl. You know we'll all be behind you. The odds are you'll meet a lot of Mr No-Ways, but at least you have the guts to try.
And we all have our fingers crossed that you'll meet Someone.

Jayne said...

My ex went the online dating route. He culled a lot based on their grammatical ability too. He went out with a couple of women who wanted to have babies with him after the first date, one with a psycho stalking ex and one who both of us have become very good friends with :))

He's now happy with someone he met through a mutual friend on facebook.

I met my husband blogging. Been married for two years, together for four!

Good luck, Lori - looking forward to your tales.

Anonymous said...

A few people have already said what I am thinking (and I will even be brave enough to say I think like the 'over 50' that I am).
Loneliness is horrible. Grief is devastating and a caring for a young family on your own is - well a nightmare!
But please, please be very careful about putting your 'needs' ahead of the kids at this very delicate time.
I understand (sort of) about your situation and why you want to move on, but a new relationship has to be very, very carefully monitored and casual ones even more so.
As much as it must feel unfair, lonely, overwhelming and every other word you want to use, your children must not be asked to 'share' you with another person. Yet.
Also, it is very likely that your children's affection maybe manipulated as the way to your heart. Listen to them all the way.
In my (sadly, too long experience) there are very few men that can fully accept another man's children as benevolently as we would like.
Be careful, very careful. Internet or otherwise.
Mrs. C

Sharon @ Hear Mum Roar said...

I'm guessing these blokes have a picture of them with a girl as 'proof' that it's possible for them to be with a girl?

All the best with it, if nothing else, you're having a few good laughs about it along the way, and that doesn't suck, right?

tinsenpup said...

His mother? Wow. I think this is going to be quite an adventure. I'm looking forward to following along. And if I can venture some (probably unnecessary) advice to a stranger? Ignore the naysayers. You're living your life and clearly doing a pretty great job. You're the only person qualified to know what's best for you and your family.

Shelley said...

I tried internet dating once and while i didn't meet the man of my dreams it was mostly positive and a lot of fun. I met a guy who wore moccasins on a date (first & last!). Apparently he had gout. He was a nice guy but i wasnt keen on his choice of footwear. Then there was the guy who talked about his ex wife the entire time. Another one looked really hot in his photo but when we met he had a really high pitched voice which didnt do it for me. But it was fun. Anyway enough about me! Have fun & be careful.

Denwise aka Denyse Whelan said...

Hi Lori,
Thanks for the info about Internet Dating 101.
Hey, you gotta have a try anyway, right?

And I missed the section of your post where you asked for people to TELL you what to do........must be "between the lines"

Children want & need a happy mumma.
You are the only one who can keep that happening. Yet nowhere is it written that you cannot "have a life" yourself.

Lovely to have a catch up .... Take care, hon! Know you are sensible already... Love D xxx

Amy xxoo said...

I'm with you all the way on this one Lori - as i said on your other post, i like to consider myself an internet dating success story, so i'm always interested to see how other people go.

Also - i think the majority of us here know you arent looking to throw yourself ( and your children ) headlong into a new, serious, deep and meaningful relationship just yet. You're smarter than that, without the naysayers having to point it out... so you get out there, do some flirting, alleviate the lonliness and get your groove back on!

Lisa said...

Sounds like quite an adventure! At best... you might just stumble across someone special, and at worst you'll have a laugh (and so will we). It's a win win!
Enjoy x

Squiggly Rainbow said...

Wow! Have fun - definitely some funny sounding profiles! Not that you need my opinion, but in response to the Anon. comment about your kidlets, I believe they will be just peachy when you find the right man for this second chapter of your love life.... My dear friend was widowed and with two kidlets, he found his now fiance and it was meant to be... the stars and God and a man will align!xx

MummyK said...

I met hubby online, been together 10 yrs now so I'm all for it ;)

Jo said...

I met my husband online. I think you have just as much chance of meeting someone there as you do anywhere else, and you can do a lot of the looking from home.

Good luck!

Madam Bipolar said...

Met Mr SawHole online in 2005. So good luck. You will have a ball.

Vicky said...

The best thing I got out of my experiences other then the gorgeous man I am now with is... is my SELF CONFIDENCE. I didn't know who I was anymore, or what I wanted, or who. It was I left online dating, and loathe to give them $10 for nothing, I literally played "russian roulette" flicked an email off with my details, and deleted my account.

Good luck, have fun, find yourself. And while your at it, have a look for that book Fearless Loving: 8 simple truths that will change the way you date, mate, and relate by Rhonda Britten. It is well worth the read.


Birdie said...

I am new here. I met my fiancé on Plenty of Fish. First we talked on the phone, for 5 hours. Then we met for coffee and went for a walk. Then I met him again and fell in love and knew I was going to marry him. If I told the real truth I would say I feel in love over the coffee but that would just be to unbelievable. We have been together almost 4 1/5 years and just bought a house. :-)

Melissa said...

Way to go Lori :)
I met my hubs online - so I'm all for giving it a try.
Sorry about the annoying anonymous commenter "Mrs C" who's comment insulted me, and I'm not even you. I know you'd never put anything or anyone above your kids. Including your own happiness. Keep us posted :)

Donna said...

Love this online dating expose!

No one deserves a slice of happiness more, hope it brings some distraction and delight your way!

Anonymous said...

As a 36yr old, I totally get the weirdness of the profiles you have pointed out & yes were I in your position I think I would be thinking the same thing. However, there is a place for these people - yes, the dude wanting someone to help look after his mother included. We have a friend in his 70's who just lost his wife of close to 50yrs from cancer which they fought together for approx 5yrs or so. He has just joined one of these sites, putting it straight out there that he wants live-in company & someone to look after him ie feed him well & keep things clean & tidy. There are tonnes of women who think "that sounds cool"
& he has women contacting him everyday. He's not rich, he lives in outback QLD (commonly referred to as the sticks)and I don't rate him as a catch, but somebody does and that's the main thing! There's someone there for you too Lori & you'll only find them by making yourself available so CONGRATS! & there's someone there to look after old mate's Mum too, I'm sure..LOL. Angela

Kalena said...

I internet dated very on and off for about 6 months until I met the guy I wound up marrying. It is a very strange world and it always felt like combination shopping and borderline serial cheating since you may wind up 'screening' and 'chatting up' more than one person at a time. I met some very nice guys, some real creeps most of whom showed their true colors in chat before we ever got to the meeting point. 9/10 of the guys I actually met up with in person were very, very nice. Before I met my husband I was chatting for several months with an extremely kind man who happened to live across the country from me and that was just too far so there are lovely chats to be had.
I hope that you have fun with it and have lots of good experiences!

Hushing up now! :-)

Crystal said...

I know exactly what you mean. For me, a big turn-off is the way that some guys seem to think it's OK to write their profiles entirely in text speak. Really? Seriously? What winners.

Best of luck, though, and have lots of fun! :-)

Rhonda said...

I met my husband online in a chat room. It's as good a place as any, plus you can kind of "interview" them before you meet them and it's awkward in person.

Good luck!

Alicia said...

Can I add another positive story? I was a single mum for three years before I tried internet dating.

I have to admit I did judge based on appearance and what was said in the profile but then again so are the men who use these sites.

In february I was emailed by a guy who didn't fit the "desired partner traits" I had on my profile but I thought what the heck and emailed him back. We went on a date (in a public place of course) and have been together ever since.

I never thought I would say this about anyone but I think he's my soul mate.

Shellye said...

Internet dating...they advertise it a lot here in the states, people saying they've met their soul mates and blah blah blah. I can't say I've ever internet dated, but if what the advertisements say about it is true, why doesn't everyone resort to it?

My husband and I have a friend from church who is single and lonely. He's a perfectly nice man, quite the comedian, looks a bit like Tom Hanks, but for some reason, he's still single. He's tried internet dating. (He is horrible at spelling, so maybe that's why, and I totally agree with you about spelling and grammar.) But he's a perfectly nice guy, so I don't understand why he can't find anyone.

Things I have deduced about internet dating:
1. I really don't believe a person should look for their soul mate on the internet.

2. The person is never who they say they are.

3. It is all about business. (In India, men submit applications to be husbands, no joke, and the parents make their daughters look through those applications and try to persuade her on which husband to choose.)

More often than not, and I've witnessed this for myself, the couple have built this fantasy life on the internet and when they meet in person, they don't look anything like their picture, they're not well to do, but unemployed, or worse.

My friend, Sunshine, thought she met her soul mate online. His name was David. They met, got married, and she found out the hard way that he was not who he said he was. After enduring two years of physical abuse, they divorced. He stalked her, pined for her, was harassing her, it was horrible and ended badly. He finally found someone else and my friend is finally able to move on with her life, free of him.

I think that when you're ready, you should get out and talk to men, rather than online. Like you said, you list your interests online, and people who do not share your interests will just pass you by. They won't know what a wonderful person you are, how truly beautiful, friendly, funny, creative, or what a good mother you are. They will never know that you have overcome so much, that you're a survivor, and passionate, and amazing, all because an internet website said you liked something different from him. And it's the same with you. You may be passing up a man who possesses all of the qualities you listed because he doesn't look good on paper or the computer.

My husband was not my type. He was cute, but so far away from my type that he didn't have a snowball's chance in Hell. but once I got to know him, I realized I found so much more than my limited standards, and while we have our issues, I am truly blessed.

Just consider all of your options and decide what's best for you right now. I know you will eventually find what you're looking for.

FeFeLaPew said...

Hi Lori... Fe here been following ur story via a link from some random... just have to say have a ball with the on line meet/greet... I just celebrated 9yrs together married 6 yrs (both on the 1st of Oct) with my hubby whom I meet in a chatroom...enjoy urself, go out there with the mind set of fun... it will come when u least expect it.. I had been seperated from my 1st for 2 yrs not looking for anything... that is a story for another time... keep safe take care of u and urs...

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