Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Internet Dating 104- The Other Kind of First Date

Not all first dates are awful

There's another type of first date, entirely. One that lets nervous butterflies die and wither in favor of a million excited firefly dancing in your abdomen.

Dates where the other person feels like someone who already know. Where you can joke with them, tease them... where they listen to you.

Where you crave them, to see them again, to learn more.

The type of date where you wake up the next day with their kisses still on your lips, and your attention to everyday life fades and wanes as you live the events of the nights before, singular moments, over and over again, those fireflies lighting up every time.

When you see them the very next day, because you can barely breath without filling yourself with their presence again.


It's warmth of skin, and smell... the smoothness of it. The confidence that almost borders on arrogance, why do I always find that so attractive?

Dammit. I thought, from the way he came across, that this guy was a bit of a tosser who was full of himself.... I came here tonight for a flirt, a tease, a laugh... then to walk away without sleeping with him, the way I figured a lot of women couldn't help but do so.

I wasn't expecting to like him.


This is stupid, and dangerous.

This is the easiest way to get myself hurt.

This man has been in my head for days now, swimming around, distracting me...

He's gorgeous.

That's the problem.

This man is far too good for me.

And I get the impression he's more than used to this.

I kick myself, because I should be too old for this. Far to old to be so stupid.


"Promise me you won't be 'that' girl."

I know immediatley the girl Bunny is talking about. The one who gets desperate. Who phones repeatedly. Who stalks the other persons dating profile, who adds them as a friend on FaceBook.

And who continues this behavior, pathetically, sadly, with the best of intentions but the most humiliating of results.
 It's difficult. My fingers flit over text messages that I delete before sending.

I won't be 'that' girl. I spent far too many years being her when I was younger.

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Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

That girl was then and now is where you are, Lori. Good to hear you say that you wish not to be her again. Thinking of you from the coast of the North Pacific.

Shelley said...

My only word of advice is let him chase you! My 2 longterm relationships (still in one now & hav e a child together) both of the guys chased me. I used to be that girl too a longtime ago. No guy is too good for you!

Maxabella said...

Don't be that girl! Just be open and honest and hopeful. x

Miss Pink said...

Bunny is wise, and a good friend to be there for you in that way.
I am totally "that girl" or at least I feel it all the time. But that is a post for my blog I think.
Lori, please hear me when I say you are a million times worth it, and this guy couldn't possibly be "too good" for you because you are something pretty damn special yourself.
Here's to hoping he texts you soon!

Sarah Mac said...

He's not too good for you Lori, he's too bad for you. Be careful.

Canadian In Glasgow said...

Don't be 'that girl' who believes she isn't good enough...or better...than ANY man. Just because he looks nice on the outside...that doesn't make him better. Or even more attractive. Some of the ugliest people take the nicest photos.


Don't fucking forget it.

marketingtomilk said...

Perhaps you are right to go with your head at the moment. Throwing caution to the wind requires stability to fall back on if it doesn't go right. Go have some fun, but not playing games.


Amy xxoo said...

No man is " too good " for you Lori - in fact, i think you'll be hardpressed to find a man who is truely worthy of the strong, brave, intelligent and incredible woman and mother that you are!
However - maybe you need to turn on that mama bear instinct and guard your heart a little harder from this one?
Hoping everything works out mate...

Melissa said...

Be strong Lori! No chasing :) Enjoy the butterflies and the daydreams,though. It warms my heart to hear that you're having some fun :)

Melissa said...

You're not 'that' girl. You're not any girl. You're just you. Older. Wiser. One who's already known real love, so will know what's flirtation and fun (and totally fine) and what's more.

Be any girl you want, Lori. As long as she's real and she's you.

Angela (Solo Mum) said...

Lori, I wanna know if you're interested in me buying you a positive psychology product that reckons it will really improve life in 15 days. I have been researching products to join the realms of monetised bloggers. I've bought varying things via clickbank etc that apply to my life (parenting products etc) but there is this one product I am so keen to get but can't justify it because it looks too good to pay for, simply to 'review'.. Its about getting over a broken heart and the promo stuff suggests it pertains to a standard breakup so it might be annoying. On the other hand, its all positive psychology and looks quality. It costs a hundred bucks (I will pay) and if you wanna review it for your own webbie all good. if you could review it for me too, I would be a happy lady. [email protected] if your keen <3

Angela (Solo Mum) said...

***and obviously, it would be wicked and a huge wish come true for me, if it really helped you <3

Eccentricess said...

Oh, pretty boys. So dangerous.

I avoid pretty boys, or at least take them with the cautionary note that because they are so pretty, they haven't had to work so hard on their social skills, their empathy towards others, their understanding of those who don't get things easily. Because it is human nature to be nicer to the pretty people. Cos they are symmetrical = strong DNA with a good chance of offspring survival.

So, be careful. Enjoy his company, but remember, unless something big has happened in his life, he has probably not had to delve to deeply into his inner strength, to develop compassion.

Good luck, though! And you are good enough for anyone!

Jane said...

my thoughts too.
A great guy will recognize your value and will make sure you know it. And usually because he has those same qualities born from experience...
So put down the phone.
Attractive , charming men are usually very well practised. They dont develop too many other skills ,and the truth is, the more often you do something the easier it gets- re wooing women and moving on...
My cautionary tale- after some prolonged flirting, and then exchanging numbers- my number didnt get used...not even for a flirty txt. So instead of taking the lead and finding ANY reason to txt ( cause now I had his number) I just didnt. Theres a first time for anything at 44..hey.
So 4 days later, I went "you know, I am worth a txt!!" and put it and him out of my mind. This man is used to flirting, and I am just another target....
3 weeks later I get an invitation to dinner with well over a weeks notice....I mean a proper dinner date at a fancy restaurant, designed to impress.
And the reason he took his time was to get his life in order , to make space in case this works out....
He has also mentioned how refreshing it was that I had the self-worth not to chase him, (and to go on another date with someone else), because HE hadnt made contact.
The point is: he didnt forget how great I am.

Dumb, but i read 'hes just not that into you" last night and you know the advise is spot on. It just took me finding a decent guy to compare all the other naff heads too.

Dont chase a naffhead.

Much love, Jane

Kimmie said...

I like this saying...

If he misses you, he'll call.
If he wants you, he'll say it.
If he cares, he'll show it.
And if not, he can't be worth your time because you're obviously not worth his.

MummyK said...

But isn't it nice to feel that flutter again?

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