The Girl Child.

by Lori Dwyer on September 17, 2013 · 10 comments

Apparently, Louis CK says that if you haven’t stuck your middle finger up at the back of your child’s head, then you’re doing parenting totally wrong.

I can’t find a link on the ‘net to back that quote up. I like it anyway.


I am near ready to murder my daughter.

The Bump, one day off being a four year old ‘big girl’, is a screeching, wailing banshee; intent on irritating myself, her brother, and the Most Amazing Man to the point where we’re all ready to snap.

And, of course, I no longer have the back-up of my own mum to take her off my hands, to speak some sense into her, to nullify the temper tantrums.

The worst part about is, she’s so damn cute that a lot of the time you forget how disgusting she can be.

She’s been screaming at me for the last half an hour.


I’m planning on wrapping her birthday presents tonight, after she’s (finally) gone to sleep. Right now, the thought of doing anything for her is filling me with a hot, childish kind of impatience.

I remind myself  that I’ll feel differently, once she’s in the angelic grasp of sleep again. It’s difficult to feel any animosity towards her when you’re looking at her perfect nose, her long eyelashes, her cupid’s bow lips.

Until, of course, she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night.


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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Suzy Mac September 30, 2013 at 7:38 am

I love, love, LOVE that quote!
Having a girl-child of my own (5yrs old) I can say “I hear ya, loud and clear”. We’ve just been on Hayman Island for a family holiday but it was, for five nights, like Hayman-Hell. Someone suggested a tranquilizer dart gun… I was thinking Tazer..
But the almighty cuteness and kindness that flows out of her the rest of the time – all is forgotten – ’till the next screech-fest
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Shayna September 19, 2013 at 6:52 pm

Oh my god I laughed at your first sentence! Made my day! Mine turns 4 in November and my god she’s bloody hard work. Maybe they’ll get it out of their system now and will be perfect teenagers?!? Pffft. Wishful thinking!


Salz September 19, 2013 at 4:12 pm

We must have the same kid. My 4 year old is exactly the same. screams the house down about the smallest things. Ahhhhh
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Carol September 19, 2013 at 1:56 pm

Mary J has the right idea about having the Bump phone her Gran. My DD would call my mum (without my knowledge) just to tell her that I was being a bitch. I now phone my mum to tell her that DD is being a bitch lol. Skype’s pretty good as well, or facetime on your iPad – anything for a distraction. Yep, I’ve also flipped the bird – behind and in front :)


Mary J September 19, 2013 at 11:34 am

Screaming banshee you say? Sounds just like my gorgeous nearly 7 year old girl, who has been at it in a worse way the older she gets. Heaven help us! They are gorgeous though, especially when they’re asleep. Yes, I have flipped the bird behind both of my kids. Maybe phoning Grandma regularly just so The Bump can debrief could help? Though I’m sure you’re chatting regularly! I used to love phoning my Grandma on a daily basis as a kid, and who knows what it was I told her!


boodie September 19, 2013 at 3:48 am

Oh god yes, and poked my tongue out too, sometimes both at the same time. Yes it’s childish but boy when it comes down to you doing that or possibly snapping and starting to yell back, I’ll take the relief however it comes.
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Miss Pink September 18, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Children are such a mess of extreme emotions aren’t they? Both theirs and yours!
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mich September 18, 2013 at 11:52 am

don’t worry, you are not the only one with a tantrum throwing girl.
My youngest will be 6 in december, and she still throws epic tantrums and makes everyone want to rip her little tongue out.
her older sisters are grateful that neither has to share a bedroom with her right now.
At the moment I’m putting it down to being overtired and ready for the school holidays,( I’ve noticed that this seems to happen towards the end of each term.)
Maybe she’s finally reacting to the big move?


Whoa, Molly! September 18, 2013 at 8:20 am

AH! Hope you are okay, Lori, and that you get some relief from the Bump soon. Do you think her birthday will make it better (or worse)?

Hearing stories about how hideously awful I was as a small child has most likely been the thing that turned me off having kids, for fear of karmic retribution. :P
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Sarah K Reece September 17, 2013 at 10:17 pm

Ha, yes, and nothing winds that sense of frustration up faster than feeling responsible for someone driving other people up the wall too. Hope tomorrow is better!


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