It appears my cleaning fairy has run away. Bitch. I’m not sure how she got out- the cupboard under the stairs was firmly locked- but she left a note.
Ah well. Consider this my advertisement for a new one.
Position Vacant– Cleaning fairy. Light cooking, ironing and dog grooming also required.
Location– Purple House, leafy Sydney ‘burbs.
Duties– Vacuum, mop, dust, wash, iron, fold, wipe, sort, cook, chop, peel, change, air, scrub, polish and repair various household and personal items.
Hours– 10 hours a day, seven days a week. Overtime during times of illness or unrest expected.
Conditions– Room and board.
*Room- Cupboard under stairs, fitted with teeny tiny bed and bedding.
*Board- Three meals a day, including but not limited to fairy bread, fairy bread and chewable elf-strength Valium.
Hazard Disclosure– The Purple House appears to be run by some form of evil wizard who is hellbent on ensuring the housework here is a never-ending, self-rejuvenating chore. Residents of the Purple House include a cat, dog and two small children, all of whom may present a danger to the wellbeing of the fairy employed. Fairies with delicate dispositions are discouraged from applying for this position. (Mythical Creature Anti- Discrimination and Incrimination Act, 2001 Section 4:3).
Any fairies, elves or other small, cute make-believe creatures are welcome to submit an application. Please call 0405 RRSAHM for further information.
And if anyone sees the cleaning fairy that ran away, can you please let me know? There’s some cash missing from my purse.