Thirteen Days and Counting.

by Lori Dwyer on December 11, 2012 · 12 comments

In case you missed it yesterday on Twitter, I have some very, very bad news.

George the kitten, may he rest in peace, was found squashed and mangled roadside not far from the TonyTrainHouse, in the same place Scarlette the Staffie bickered with a car, and lost. The ‘other’ cat, Mr Dim Sum, is understandably distressed.

I happened to find that out (thanks to my neighbor for letting me know, rather than discover the poor little grey bundle myself) on the morning of the Chop’s fifth birthday. My long standing record of honesty can get f*cked– unless he asks, this can wait a day or two. In fact, unless he asks, I just may not broach the subject at all.

Because, really, the child is just five years old.

I’m so pissed off I could scream. I’m so disgusted with the universe in general, I can’t even write about it. (You… owe… us. God or whoever is up there, you owe my children, big time. Really. And if you don’t pay up I may just come after you to exact my revenge).

Poor George. He didn’t even make it six months old.

One thing, I’m sure of– no more cats. No cats, no dogs, nothing that can possibly escape and get skittled in the dark by someone not paying attention to the big red and white 60 speed signs they passed half a kilometer ago.

A ferret, maybe. Or a mouse or a rat or a guinea pig or a rabbit. Or a bird or a lizard or a couple of goddamn goldfish.

I can’t imagine having all this awesome backyard and no animal friends to share it with. But, considering what became of Ethel and Lucy the chickens

Maybe my safe house is just not as safe as I thought.


Christmas and New Years and big school and the mourning season and the beginning of Year Zero Minus Three are rushing up way to quickly, rolling in like thigh–high waves I’ve turned my back on for a split second too long, waiting to knock my legs from underneath me with a tinsel–decked ferocity.

I have another wooden logic puzzle– otherwise known as a flat–packed dollhouse– stored away in a cupboard, that I need to assemble for the Bumpy thing sometime soon. The Chop– over indulged child, a birthday and Christmas within a fortnight of one another– is set on TrashGang dudes (which the Bump has taken to unapologetically gnawing the heads off) and the inescapable SkyLanders. (I can audibly hear hundreds of mothers of young boys nodding, right now). SkyLanders are the Christmas present for boys in 2012. And, proving I’m maybe not as old and uncool as I think I am, I actually totally get why. Not only does the Chop use them on the PS3, he actually plays real, imagination–type games with the figures. Who woulda thunk. 

Which, somehow, brings me to my least favorite kid’s toy of 2012… Lego. Godforsaken unholy tiny misplacable foot–stabbing chunks of plastic that take hours to construct and mere seconds for the Bump to destroy. Consider this fair warning– if you buy my son Lego for Christmas, we quite possibly will not be friends again. Ever. You know who you are, SuperMummy Courtney B.

I happened to be chatting to another mum with kids the same age as mine last week, both of us lamenting how we now understood the phrase time poor’ in a way that just wasn’t possible before we had kids. It’s the constantness of it, we agreed– at the end of every day, your To Do list is actually longer than it what it was the day before. And the festive season only serves to exasperate that. It’s around mid–December that the adreneline really kicks in and you find yourself fighting frenzied panic attacks that stem from a multitude of unwrapped, unbought and as yet unplanned objects, events and activities.

Thirteen days and counting, lady bugs and jellybeans. I think most parents will get it when I say– just keep hanging on by the skin of your very fingernails, eyes shut tight. Do all the things… but probably only when they reach the status of ’desperate’. And I promise, it will be over soon.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Eccles December 17, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Well, fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck!!!! Bugger and damn it to hell!! Poor little George; he was such a sweet little cutie. Nope, no need to tell Chop & Bump about George. They've had enough as have you.
Chop's had his 5th birthday?? Well then ♫♪♫♪♫ to Chop ♫♪♫♪♫…HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHOP!!!
Worm farm (compost heap). You can breed them & feed them, & little kids don't mind holding them. And they do good deeds in the garden. And they all look the same. Maybe some bird feeders in the back garden and you could teach the kidlets how to hand feed?? I don't know, I'm trying to think of something that won't get squished or run away. Something that you won't/can't become emotionally attached to.
Christmas … Bah Humbug!!!
Hugs to you all. I've loved reading about your big road trip with Chop the budding photographer… he's so cool!!! lol ((xx))


Kasi D December 13, 2012 at 10:47 am



I suggest a ferret. Mine are amazing, and so much fun for small children. Get one at a pet store, it'll be fixed and de-scented; and if you can get one that is still only a few months old, get two. I got one and he got fat and seemingly depressed. Ever since we brought home the second one, I have never seen a happier animal. So playful!


Anonymous December 12, 2012 at 11:14 pm

I know I already commented on the whole George fiasco, but I just want to say again – you and your kidlets are in my heart. (((HUG)))

Happy 5th to the Chop, and I hope you guys still manage to have a really nice Christmas. I'm wishing for you, praying for you, hoping for you. You all deserve some major, MAJOR happiness and light.

– Crystal


Susan, Mum to Molly December 12, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I'm so sorry the universe has f@cked you guys over again.

So wrong.

So not fair.

Did you notice you call it Tony Train House in para 2…?

Appeals to me somehow…

He is still very much with you three.

Huge hugs – I shall be thinking of you often over the next six weeks…

Hope you make it through without any other new heartbreaks to add to your already unfair load.

Susan xx

PS: Happy 5th Birthday Chop!


Miss Pink December 12, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Oh fuck Lori. That is just bullshit. Really? How the fuck does this keep happening? Just get some goldfish. Providing the kids don't find them dead, you can easily replace them for little expense. Maybe dig a little pond for them out the back?

Your description of your TDL is EXACTLY what I've been saying for a few months now. I thought moving at the start of November would be cool, a month to settle in and then start the Christmas thing. I don't understand why it's taken me this long when usually a week is plenty but I just can't seem to settle. I still don't feel like this is home. It's so nuts.

Skylanders are good like that. My kids even pretend to be certain skylanders when they're playing outside. I will admit I have brought my kids lego for Christmas. We have a tub for it, and they're pretty good about it, but they are a bit older. It's mostly for Bluey, but sometimes Greenie helps and he is old enough that he understands not to destroy it.


Cassandra King December 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Ah shit. People drive like crazy out in TTT and surrounds. :(
I totally agree with the time poor issue. I'm currently planning a 5th birthday party for this Saturday at my house. Currently thinking a play centre party might have been a better idea!


Sharon @ Funken Wagnel December 12, 2012 at 11:33 am

Oh for fuck's sakes! I'm angry at the universe on your behalf re: your cat. Come on, give the woman a break here.

My three are all obsessed with skylanders as well. They're awesome, but oh god, if only I didn't have to hear about them so much!


MrsKellB December 12, 2012 at 10:17 am

Oh Lori that's such sad news. When I saw your FB status I immediately thought of Eden's story when their dog died around the same time as her step dad and had a lovely story about how animals go to watch over the humans (or something like that I have a terrible memory so would have to read the story again). I like to think that this is true. Great big squishees and happy belated birthday to chop x


Wanderlust December 12, 2012 at 9:33 am

I'm so, so sorry about your kitty. That is so sad. x


riversnake December 12, 2012 at 5:41 am

I'm a firm believer in God and yet I find as I read of your loss of yet another loved one in your family I find myself screaming, WTF!?!? It is NOT fair at all for your young ones to have so much exposure to death, for you to have to explain it to them YET AGAIN. My heart aches for you and your family. And for poor George.

As someone who owned just about every pet in existance as a child I would highly recommend rats. They are social animals that handle the unintentional torture that small children heap upon animals quite well. If you decide to purchase more than one, make sure to purchase them all of the same gender lest they multiply exponentially over a relatively short period of time.

Cheers, and great strength to you during this tough time of year for your family.

~ Jill


Claire December 12, 2012 at 12:36 am

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. Poor you & the kids & George. Thinking of you all.


evilgeniusmum December 11, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Can't think of much else to say except "That fucking sucks". Worthy of screaming, and so much more. However, lizards are good. Go for Dragons. Sure, they aren't fluffy and cute, but they have a certain cool factor for boys (and some girls). Sinister had his first dragon at 4yo. Still going strong. Buzz me if you want more details.


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