Riding The Sympathy Train.

by Lori Dwyer on April 12, 2011 · 65 comments

Some days, I wonder how I became the bad guy in all of this.

Other days, I don’t wonder. I fucking know. It started with this post. And continued with this one.

That’s fact, as far I know- I’ve been told it to my face. I blogged, I wrote the truth. And then I told everyone who didn’t like it to fuck off.

So they did.

And this is the part where I whine- but I was just telling the truth.

Do I regret writing that post…? I ask myself that a lot. I’ve toyed with the idea of deleting it.. but I won’t. It’s my story, it’s my truth. It’s real, and it’s fucked.

Again, sometimes I wonder why that pissed people off so much. And, other times, I don’t need to wonder.

It’s pretty obvious. No one wants to read that stuff. No one wants to know what someone was like at what was possibly the worst time of their life.

But hatred… people turning away… that wasn’t what I expected, ever. It actually took me weeks to realise that was what happened. Naivety is a strong point of mine.

But.. seriously. I’ve lost the love of my life. I’ve lost the father to my children. i have to live with what he said to me, in the last minutes of his life, for the rest of mine.

Isn’t that enough? No matter what I did, while he was alive, what I’ve done, since he’s been dead, isn’t that enough punishment?

I know the people in Tony’s life have talked and discussed, how Tony’s only problem in life was with me.

I can’t believe everyone is convinced that that was enough to make him hang himself. As I keep saying, I know I’m no angel- but I no matter what I did, what I’ve done…. could I have really driven to do that?

The last remaining support I had from people’s in Tony’s life (relatives pretty much excluded here)disappeared when I made the mistake of telling him I’d pashed some random guy a few weeks after Tony died. Boo, hiss, Lori, you terrible slut.

And, of course… there’s the judgments on the sleeping pills, how much time I spend with my kids, even right down to how I treat my dog.

Fuck. Is it any wonder I’m losing my fucking mind here?

A dozen times, tony said to me “If anything ever happened to me, I’d like to think my mates would support you and the kids. No matter what. Even if we divorce, you’ll always be the mother of my kids, my best mate.”

Sometimes,I wonder what his so-called mates think he must be saying to himself now…

“Good work, boys, give that bitch of a wife of mine hell, she deserves it..”


After the pain I’ve already been through.. do you think he’d want anyone to be doing that to me?

One of the many things I was accused of by anonymous commenters who were, apparently, my husband’s good friends, and all seemed to know exactly what they would do if they were in my shoes, was ‘riding the sympathy train‘.

That one still baffles me.

A woman’s husband is dead. She had tiny children. Her husband’s friends have turned against her. And the only support she has is online.

What is it about that situation that doesn’t deserve sympathy?

What was I supposed to be doing, at that point? Putting up a public announcement on my blog saying “I am a total bitch who drive my husband to suicide. Please don’t feel sorry for me or be nice to me.”

Sometimes- all the time, in fact- I know what I should have done, if I wanted to keep Tony’s friends around me.

Shut up, sit down.. and behave, I guess. Sit at home, mourn, still wear my ring.. and don’t dare move on. Fix all the things that Tony said were wrong with me, to honour his memory.

Fuck that.

Surviving… literally resisting the urge to slip an orange nylon rope around my neck and jump from my back verandah… it takes all my energy.

Pleasing people, that’s just too much to ask.

post signature

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

{ 65 comments… read them below or add one }

Miss M April 16, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Lori, I read this post the other day, and its been playing on my mind, I didnt know what to say, and I still dont. But you are strong, and those fucks are weak, weak because they are putting their grief onto you.

You've taken the hardest blow that was dealt and its all on your shoulders, take the weight off from everyone else.


Brooke Farmer April 15, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Sympathy isn't something you take. It is given.

It is given to you because you are deserving. And whatever these self important pricks have to say is clearly not worth listening to.

I cannot imagine the pain you have been through. And I say that as someone who has been up close and personal with suicide before. But not my husband. Not in front of me.

I cannot imagine.

And no one knows what they would do in your situation. The mind is a funny thing. Every single time in my life that I have said, "what *I* would have done is…" I have eventually found myself in that situation and not reacted at all the way I thought I would.

I don't say that anymore.


Suzy April 14, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Oh fuck that.

I havent been around for months and have missed this whole episode unfolding, but seriously? People can go fuck themselves. I am so sorry that you do not have the support that you need. You have lived through hell, you are still in hell, and I wish there were people around you to hold you up, help you keep your head above water.

Sharing what happened took guts. Courage. And I understand why you felt like you had to do it. I am glad you did. I hope someone can read it and understand. If nothing else, understand how quick their life will be over. No second chances.

I lost two friends to suicide in 4 months. People's reactions to suicide can be downright bizarre.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Write on baby. Dont let the turkeys get you down.


Cate April 14, 2011 at 5:16 pm

What Mrs Woog said…



Leanne April 14, 2011 at 10:42 am

I don't think you were riding the sympathy train. You were communicating. The quality of our life is only ever as good as the quality of our communication. You were communicating and that in turn helped you get through and that in turn actually helped hundreds of people understand what it is like to be in your situation. You helped people Lori. You helped people with their own grief and their own decision making processes when it comes to the choices they make. You helped people. That is not a sympathy train. That is communication.
Well done to you.
And thank you.


Sarah April 14, 2011 at 9:28 am

I think you need to hop on that train and ride it – very very far away from those people with poisonous intentions. We'll all ride by your side Lori, all aboard…


Ðéví April 14, 2011 at 6:44 pm

I agree with the scapegoat theory. He's not here for them to vent their anger upon.

They forget that they are not the only people who are desperately angry to be abandoned by Tony, as well as grieving for him. It would be easier for them to be able to let you do some of their suffering. They should be making it easier for you. Or at least sharing.

You are doing so many positive things to get through this, I have been so impressed with your courage and determination to focus on what is right for your family, as I read your blog.


marketingtomilk April 14, 2011 at 4:27 am

I don't know if you know but i wrote a post about this inspired by your experiences.


Noone can say what they would do in any "extreme" situation – it's utter bollocks. They are speaking from a position of comfortable ignorance.



Squiggly Rainbow April 13, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Lori, you amaze me. I cannot fathom how these last few months have been for you. Raising children is difficult enough, let alone what you have been through. Obviously these moron's have no idea. Your children are blessed to have you, you are all safe in your cottage – keep on going. Sending lots of love to you and your babies xoxox


Sarah April 13, 2011 at 8:58 pm

You are awesome & I love you & everyone else can just go to hell. But I have to say Michael, you are spot on the money, awesome comment :)


frog ponds rock… April 13, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Oh Sweety. Love to you. xoxox


Veronica April 13, 2011 at 8:31 pm

I read that comment linked and it made me realise just how many people don't 'get' blogging and why we blog. You can bet that if something happened, I would be writing about it and asking for support and love. The internet has my friends in it, why the hell wouldn't you ask for support?

Breathe honey. Breathe. Living is hard, especially when things hurt so much.



River April 13, 2011 at 8:17 pm

You're not the bad guy, there's no way you're the bad guy.
Those friends of Tony's have no understanding of the way you feel. They never will, unless their spouses also inexplicably suicide.
You just keep on doing what you're doing, be the best you can be right now, things will eventually smooth out.
The others are right too. If Tony's mates were so close why did they not notice he was hurting and try to help him?


deardarl April 13, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Widowhood is punishment enough for anything.

This is in spite of the fact that neither you, nor I ever deserved this punishment.


Sam-O April 13, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Guilt is a terrible thing…

I have seen people react the way Tony's friends and family are. They need to blame the easiest target so they don't face what they have inside which is the guilt that they didn't do anything. The truth neither them nor your good self could have done anything. But you are by far the easiest target.

Tony just left you all and you are all coping, some better than others no doubt. Of course there's the shitty days but you are moving and working on getting through for yourself and your kids sakes. If they are not then they will be consumed by their guilt and I truly believe it will eat them up.

I know its much harder to do than to say, but, just keep moving and put them out of your mind. They can only hinder your little family's recovery(for want of a better word).

{{Hugs}} to you and the kids.



Wanderlust April 13, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Small-minded, small-hearted — the worst of small-town thinking. Let go and move on. You are so much bigger than them. The loss is theirs, on so many levels. Let them stew in their own poison. Your job is to heal. I'm just sorry you have had to deal with this on top of everything else. x


Queensland Girl April 13, 2011 at 2:47 pm

As has been said many times before…FUCK THEM!!! You know the truth, do not let these people poison your life. You are trying to move on, loving your kids, doing the best you can. This is not your fault, none of it. You did not cause this, at all. I, and I'm sure I am not the only one, am in awe of your strength and courage.


Lisa Tait April 13, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Not that I want to excuse, the fuckers, but they are grieving too. You are probably a reminder of what they have lost.
Yes it is all about them – fuckers.


Toushka Lee April 13, 2011 at 2:42 pm

fuck them Lori. they need someone to blame, you're convenient. They are wrong. so wrong and completely fucked.


Kimberley April 13, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Dear Lori

I haven't commented since I wrote an "I'm so sorry this has happened" comment immediately after reading of Tony's death. I check your blog every day and read each post (even though they usually make me feel quite anxious but this is more an indication of my own personality and the power of your writing) because that is the only way I can support you. Everything I want to say has been said much more eloquently by others (especially Michael) but I didn't want to just read this post and log off. I always read through the comments and begin to construct one but I never know what to say so I just linger for a bit and then log off and think about what you wrote for a long time afterwards.

Unfortunately some people in society seem to like to categorise people (especially women) into neat little labels that are ridiculously simplistic, inaccurate and downright offensive. And of course, many people love a scapegoat. It makes my blood boil!

If only those people could muster a tiny bit of the bravery and thoughtfulness that you show despite the fact that you are experiencing extreme trauma and grief. I realise Tony's suicide was a result of mental illness but in more general terms Tony did have options and the one he chose was breathtakingly cruel to you and the kids.

You deserve compassion and support and it really is shameful that you are not getting that from everyone. I am pleased that you realise that this is their problem and that their behaviour is unfair.

I think of you often Lori and wish you peace and love.



CourtneyB April 13, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Sending hugs. <3 Courtney


whiterabbit April 13, 2011 at 10:44 am

wow. sounds like your husband's mates are as useful to him in death as they were in life.

i hope you can cut those useless shits out of your life. they don't deserve to be near your children or you. they don't deserve to call themselves your husband's friends either.

i'm an atheist so i don't pray, but i think of you often and wish you the best from the bottom of my heart.


Draft Queen April 13, 2011 at 10:08 am

Sweetie, Fuck them. I'm emailing a more verbose comment to you separately, but I wanted to publicly say FUCK OFF to the shit heads who think they are so much better than you.


Pandora April 13, 2011 at 8:12 am

As someone with more than one severe mental illness, I think that – horrible as it is to read, and obviously how much more horrible it is for you to live through – your candid discussions around Tony's death and the psychosis that precipitated it will save lives. It's certainly made me think long and hard about how unbearably traumatic it would be for my loved ones if I killed myself.

You lose rationality when you're severely depressed, or in the midst of a psychosis. This can be the result, and it's tragic, and usually avoidable. I have made a promise to myself that if I find myself there again, I will remember your post(s). I think I'll succeed, because what you have written is not easily forgettable.

People need to talk honestly about mental illness, and I applaud you for writing what you have – especially when you've been in such unbelievable turmoil. It'll never bring Tony back – fuck knows I wish it could – but it may save others.

And even if it doesn't, this is your fucking blog to write on as you see fit. I find it very sad that Tony's friends seem to think you're speaking ill of him somehow. You're not! The poor man was ill – as you've said a number of times, he was not himself at all before his death (and, going back through your archives, this should be obvious to readers) -and you're describing what happened during that awful period. On your blog. You need somewhere to 'get it all out', and if that is here, that's how it should be.

You're entitled after all you've been through, and that others could even consider condemning you for it says a lot more about them than it ever will about you.

Sorry, Lori, brevity is not my strong point. Just – keep writing what you're writing, for as long as you want to write it. And you deserve better from Tony's friends.

Sending love and hugs to you and the two kids, for what it's worth.

Pan xxx


Mrs J April 13, 2011 at 7:48 am

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Surround yourself with the people who matter; who appreciate you for who you are and don't judge you for someone else's behaviour.

Tony's so-called mates are selfish, senseless pricks if they blame you for Tony's death. They feel a sense of guilt for not spotting the signs sooner and trying to help him and rather than owning that they are using you as the scapegoat.


Andrea April 13, 2011 at 7:15 am

Most people hide from the pain of reality. Raw emotion is hard to handle. It's easier for them to create their own more comfortable version, and sometimes to digest stuff – they need a 'bad guy'.

I think maybe some of those that have shown their ugly/uncompassionate side maybe just can't handle the fact that you didn't hide, you didn't behave how they wanted you to – you tackled it head on and the only way you knew how at the time.

Meanwhile, while the odd few are being retarded, the rest of us are applauding you for being so brave and open and honest, and goodness knows how many lessons people are learning from you (although of course that is a by product, not the main reason people are here). And I'm pretty sure that all those that care for you in blog world are glad you could turn to them for support, and by the same token, equally happy to give it.



{Crafty Girls} April 13, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Please excuse my poor excuse for comment writing, I just don't know how to express myself very well – so bare with me.
In my eyes, everything you write is beautiful and poetic (to me), even the 'bad stuff'. Anything you've written about Tony has not tarnished my thoughts or 'memories' of him, I still remember him the way you blogged about him >before< it all happened.

From what I've read, "those" people in Tony's life – his so called friends. If anyone was bad for Tony, it was them. Poisonous.
I just I hate to see these cunt*s taking up your precious head space. I know you're not looking for advice and I'm certainly not giving it – I'm merely 'placing' some quotes that have helped me in the past, stuck them up on my fridge and my computer. *smiles sheepishly*
Awesome quotes:

"I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." – Author unknown
>**< Hell yeah!

"Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head."- Ann Landers

>**< Oh yeah, my ex-husband lived rent free in my head, for a long time! Like I said, I'm not good at expressing myself, and this quoteis a poor choice for your situation, but it can apply in so many ways. We can just change the wording for you?

"Being hurt by some unforgiveable, shitty, things some penisless, cunt-faced, people did to you and your family is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head." – I'm certain you could word that better than I, but you get where I'm going with it.

"News Flash: I'm not perfect! :D Yay for me! I think it would suck royal arse being perfect!!!!" – by ME, Chryssie!

< **> Because I’m awesome and so are you, because we’re not perfect, and we’re cool with that!

"Anyone that would treat another human being like that, never deserved my friendship or especially my thoughts" – Author unknown, something along those lines anyway…

< **> Oh , so true! I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire, let alone think about what low-life shitty scumbag ‘human-beings’ they are (I use the term Human-beings loosely in regards to them).

Despite what 'they' say, I know Tony loved you, warts and all – And I believe he never intended it this way, but you know that already…

Thinking of you


Fox in the City April 13, 2011 at 5:41 am

Wow, Michael and Glowless, well said both of you. Lori ~hugs~ to you and your two babies. Jenn


Janet NZ April 13, 2011 at 4:36 am

The other people here have said it so well, particularly Michael… and The Glowess. It seems to me that Tony's 'friends' were as damn useless to him when he was alive, as they are to his family now. One day, I hope they have the Grace to feel ashamed of themselves. xxx


Watercolor April 13, 2011 at 4:17 am

Hugs. Those people don't deserve you. Sounds like they didn't deserve Tony. NO ONE knows what they would do in tragedy. NO ONE. You think you do. But when it happens to you, you find out you were soooo wrong. Their judgement of you is so awful it is breathtaking. I am so sorry. Know you are in the prayers of many who don't even know you yet want the best for you and your precious children. Hugs.


Annicles April 13, 2011 at 4:08 am

They were hardly good mates if Tony couldn't turn to even one of them when he was feeling so bad. I hope they feel guilty for not helping him when he needed them. You should not. You are the one who bore the brunt of his psychosis and was trying to work it out. Not them. Fuck them.


tigerlily20 April 13, 2011 at 2:51 am


I have supported you from the beginning and I support you now, but as a fellow SOS (survivor of suicide), I have to say this:

I think you will find, as you progress through your grieving process, that there are going to be some things you will want to keep private. If you don't choose to, there will be people who judge you. And you have to learn to be ok with one or the other – putting it all out there and saying, "fuck you" to those who judge, OR understanding the reality of having to keep some things private in order to not be judged.

Now before everyone jumps on my ass, is this ideal? No. Is it reality? Yes. I'm not talking about anything to do with Tony. His death and his issues. I'm talking about your actions and feelings and what you choose to disclose, and to whom. You do have a choice – speak every bit of your truth and to hell with those who don't understand your decisions and abandon you…or know that you will receive judgment and be ok with it.

I have walked in your shoes. I AM walking in your shoes. If not exactly yours, a pair from the very same line.

This will come easier in time – unfortunately, the early days is when we do a bunch of crazy things that probably don't bear sharing with those who aren't going to understand, no matter what you do.



taniaramsey April 13, 2011 at 2:05 am

Mental illness is no joke, nor can it be blamed on another person. You did not put the rope around your husband’s neck. He was a very sick man who must have felt like he could not turn to those so called “mates” and share his deepest darkest feelings. Let’s hope they feel guilty for not seeing that Tony needed help and just maybe they are taking that guilt out on you. Otherwise they are just assholes and like Glowless said “fuck ‘em!”

You are surviving even if it's only one moment at a time. At some point you will look at a photo of Tony and smile. It will surprise you. But only time eases grief. Lots and lots of time. So cliche but so true.

Hugs from America.


flask April 13, 2011 at 2:00 am

you know what? a lot of people came in here for the sensationalist moments just after. and mostly those people will fall away, and good riddance.

i came in because someone asked for prayers and to tell you the whole truth a lot of THOSE people will fall away as they go to pray for other things.

and people who cared for tony will fall into two categories: people who don't mind at all you telling your truth, and people who will want to cover up anything that isn't shiny and noble in memories of him.

the thing about telling YOUR truth, though, is that yours is the only one you can tell.

and tony forfeited his right to speak when he died.

hard things happen when people are grieving. people do what they can and sometimes that means going on a meaningless night of fun to make the horror stop for a few hours and sometimes that means blaming someone, anyone for the Horrible Thing.

i'm going to ask you not to take it personal when some people go through their grieving by blaming you; i've seen it happen too often to think that it's unique or even unusual.

just keep on keeping on the best you can. take pleasure where you find it, the precious little you can. you have a life and kids and you're no good to anyone if you have to worry about what other people think.

you go on living. you go on writing.

i'll keep reading.

and i'll continue to pray.


Miss Tiffany G April 13, 2011 at 1:59 am

I so badly want to hug you. And get drunk with you. And be there for you. You, more than anyone, deserve it. Do what helps YOU and don't worry about anyone else!


Ashley April 13, 2011 at 1:32 am


I'm nobody- Just someone who followed along after one of my followers asked for prayers for what you were going through.

But I *am* someone who lives with a spouse who, in the past, has had violent, almost psychotic, reactions when their mental illness has been horribly out of control. I have been the one standing there, face stinging, unable to process that Oh my God, my "Man who would never hurt a fly" has hauled off and hit me. I too have been blamed for it all…

And I shared these posts with my other half, and we saw ourselves, and we got more help. Hopefully, our learning is one of the good things that can come out of your tragedy. But it's still your tragedy.

And as for Tony's "Mates"- Fuck 'em.


juststopspeaking April 13, 2011 at 1:28 am

Michael, Woogs and Glowless have got it going on….

Please stop thinking you have to justify your actions to ANYONE other than yourself.



Karen April 13, 2011 at 12:55 am

Oh, and they are displacing their frustration, blame and anger onto you, thereby using you as a scapegoat.

Scapegoats, incidentally, are some of the strongest people out there. They are used in that manner precisely because of their innate strength to withstand the brutality of people's projected feelings… :)


Karen April 13, 2011 at 12:49 am

People love to love an underdog.

You are not one.

Neither am I. And that, for some reason, riles people and brings out the worst in them.

Patience….they will realize the error of their ways even if it won't happen overnight. They may never admit that to you, but they will to themselves if they have a conscience.



Cassondra April 13, 2011 at 12:45 am

I don't think you're riding the sympathy train (though you deserve all the sympathy we can offer), you're telling your truth. And I'm glad you have, and are, telling your truth. Not only will it help you to grieve to get it out, but it will help others who hear it. It helps us to think, to work on our lives, to talk to our family. Still praying for healing for you, and for enlightenment for those idiot guys.


Crystal Cheverie April 13, 2011 at 10:18 am

Well, not much I can add to what's already been said. I'm only sorry that a truly horrific situation was made even worse by the cruelty of those people. Good for you for not letting it stop you from blogging and just being your raw, honest, no-bullshit self.



searching April 12, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Girl….you are spot on with this blog entry. You certainly have it figured right.

Never doubt yourself. You are a smart women with your head on straight despite what has happened. Never let "them" hurt you!!

Hugs, Judi


Dazee Dreamer April 12, 2011 at 11:51 pm

I really truly want to take Tony's so-called-friends and beat the living shit out of them. STupid fuckers. Can't wait for the big ole karma bus to come around and pick them all up and show them whose boss.

You are doing what you need to do. You are doing it well. You are still only months away from the trauma. They make me sick to my stomach.

Just know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.


kateypie35 April 12, 2011 at 11:43 pm

I never know what to say – I am useless. I wish I could give you a big squishy tight hug.


rageagainsttheblackdog April 12, 2011 at 11:27 pm

I third what Glowless said…


Maree April 12, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Lori I first started reading your blog after a friend of mine asked me for prayers for you, your kids and Tony. Sweetheart what you have been through no one should have to go through. I admire your up front style and if people cant deal with that it is their problem.

Girl you need to do what is best for Lori and your kids….nobody else. If people cant deal with what you write then as you would say "FU*K THEM.

As adults we all have the power to make choices. Tony made his. You choose to tell it how it is.

The so called mates weren't there for all your moments good and bad, your ups and downs so how dare they pass judgement!!!

There will always be good days and bad days but PLEASE keep blogging….your speaking out may just one day be the catalyst for someone else to seek help….


Ames April 13, 2011 at 8:56 am

How do these people sleep at night?

I'm with Mrs Woog, Glowless and Good Golly Miss Holly.

You deserve WAY better than them.


Kelloggsville April 12, 2011 at 9:52 pm

I think you are entitled to ride the sympathy train for the rest of your life if you choose to do so. Tony had the option to leave. He could have gone to stay with his mates. He could have done many things but he chose to do what he did. Anyone in marriage knows that there are things that happen and that are said that could push anyone to the edge but mostly and thankfully they pass by and the loving life continues. People on the outside of the marriage walls don't see the loving part, they aren't in that cuddle, they don't really know how that relationship was for you two. Nobody but you does but always remember you hadn't locked the doors, he could have walked away. Xxx


Mama Mogantosh April 12, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Lori, I'm with Mrs Woog above. You've kept on trucking so far. You're still here. Fuck them. You don't need them to approve of you. x


Glen April 12, 2011 at 9:46 pm

What Glowless said…


Michael April 12, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Jesus Christ.

If anyone on Earth deserves to drive the sympathy train, it is you.

As the great Howard Stern once said, everyone is hard to live with. As the great Chris Rock once said, even the most beautiful woman in the world has someone who is sick and tired of dealing with them.

It is impossible to imagine you were Tony's "only problem". Being a man of long standing, I know we tend to use complaining about the wife as a cop out- a laugh line, an easy symbol. It's not true. It's shorthand for "I'm miserable, and I'm too male to actually dig into it and find out why, so I'll just complain about my marriage."

Suicides leave us because they can't take it anymore. Because the quiet and the peace is preferable to the noise and chaos of continuing on.

Did you have issues? Of course you did. So do I, and so does every other married person reading this. You're not really married until you've contemplated homicide.

Tony couldn't take it. I don't know what was going on in his head. I won't blame him for it. He made a decision in a moment that had tragic, horrific consequences. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't even really his fault. His brain had a disease, and it killed him.

I don't understand how blaming you makes any sense or helps anyone on Earth at all.


Carol April 12, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Humans suck.
If you ARE riding the sympathy train, I'd say you paid quite a bit for your ticket. More than ANY of those a$$holes would care to pay.
I mean, really? So if you wallowed in your grief, stayed at home and mourned, then wouldn't THAT be a pity party? Getting on about your life, as YOU feel you need to? It doesn't mean you aren't still aching inside. Hell, don't any of them get it? Really?
Never be ashamed of telling your story. It's YOUR truth. Even the Ugly.


cassey April 12, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Grrr those people are just…I have no words for how horrible they are.



Rachel April 12, 2011 at 9:00 pm

I assume you're talking about the kind of "mates" who break into their mate's widows garage and steal from her? Those kind of mates? Because in my mind people like that are lower than the dogshit on your shoe and deserve to be wiped with extreme prejudice. And that is putting it kindly. Lori if sanctimonious horseshit was gold and the self-righteous criticism of arseholes was silver you would be able to buy yourself a castle in the south of France and live like a Queen for the rest of your life by now. Anyone whose contribution to your life is so relentlessly negative does not deserve one more second of your time, a single breath, a single firing of a single synapse. Delete them from Facebook, block them from your phone, walk away and don't leave a forwarding address. Except maybe your lawyer's.


E April 12, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Your not the bad guy. They obviously are not your friends and never were.


Hear Mum Roar April 12, 2011 at 8:57 pm

I'm just glad you're not believing their bullshit so much anymore ((HUG))

I watched those comments in astonishment. All I could think at the time was, as you've said today, 'how would Tony feel about all his so-called mates bullying his wife?'


Suz April 12, 2011 at 8:53 pm

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
And what Glowless said too, "Fuck 'em" xx


Brenda April 12, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Massive squishy hugs here, Lori.xxx


Melissa April 12, 2011 at 8:49 pm

when tragedy strikes – people want someone to blame. Intelligent people (or even stupid people getting some grief counselling) realize there IS no one to blame – that sometimes tragedy is a horrible accident, the result of mistakes and miscalculations. It royally sucks that you are on the receiving end of the blame.
When these people (read: horrible bastards) come to their senses it will be up to you to decide whether you can forgive them and let them back into your life. They'll realize their mistakes have cost them a relationship with the kids – and that's just tragedy on top of tragedy.
Hang in there – you don't deserve any of this, but for some unknown reason you're being asked to bear it. You can do it.


Karla April 12, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Gee Lori, how dare you not act like everyone else wants you to! Pfft.

There are no rules in grief. If they don't like it, they don't have to read it! And who are they to say where you can and can't get support and love?

Always thinking of you x


Glowless @ Where’s My Glow April 12, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Fuck 'em xxx


Madmother April 13, 2011 at 6:32 am

People love to judge, it makes their small little lives and small little minds seem better in comparison.
They like to grab onto some tiny morsel of information and whip it into a banquet of bullshit.

I could say ignore them, but it is hard to do. It compounds the devastation of what has happened and is one more betrayal to deal with.

I am so sorry these small people have hurt you with their small-mindedness. I am so glad you did not heed them and still let us do the little we can.



Good Golly Miss Holly! April 12, 2011 at 9:17 pm

These people are fucked.


They want you, tell you to get yourself together and move on (for your children's sake, not yours of course) but when you do, you are the worst person in the world and disrespecting Tony's memory.

What. the. fuck.

You don't need to be surrounded by people like that. They sound toxic.


thatblogyoudo April 12, 2011 at 9:10 pm

I hope this gets through, blogger is blocking my comments, (maybe i have a bug, gawd no) anyways, I think you know already just how fucked up these people are. your away now, time to shake off those fools. big hugs. love Court x o


Mrs Woog April 12, 2011 at 8:59 pm

I mean no disrespect, but those people sound like assholes. Xx


Previous post:

Next post: