Keep in mind, while reading this post, that I have no medical training whatsoever. OK? OK.
They tell me- ‘they’ being my shrink and Google- that the brain has neural pathways.
I knew that already, obviously. I guess what I didn’t know was that the more you use them- the more you think the same thing, over and over- the ‘deeper’, I guess, they get.
Like tracks in the forest. The more they are used, the more defined they are.
And that’s a total bitch of a thing, when someone very close to you dies.
You see, your mind is so used to thinking the same thing. So, for example, your phone rings, and your brain automatically shoots itself down the particular forest track that tells you it’s probably your husband.
Or, you think, “I need someone who can drive a trailer.” And your brain careens off down the pathway of your husband.
or, you see some mark down men’s clothes, and your stupid brain, it automatically starts looking for your husband’s size.
And the problem with all these things is, your husband has been dead for three months.
And it hurts, every fucking time.
Goshdarn fucked up neural pathways.