The Evolution of a Birthmark.

by Lori Dwyer on July 25, 2013 · 14 comments

Once upon a time, my daughter had a hematoma birthmark on her forehead.

The birthmark first appeared when the Bump was about three weeks old. It grew bigger and darker until she was about five months old. Being just above her eyebrow, and a deep raspberry colour, it became the source of much discussion among family, friends, and strangers. Every few days I found myself defending her, reiterating over and over that it wasn’t permanent. That it would disappear by the time the Bump went to school. That even if it didn’t, no one would notice or care. That I wasn’t going to have it removed.




It got to the point where I started telling people that the Bump’s birthmark was an in-utero scar from where I’d burnt myself with a hair straightener, right on my forehead, in the last few months of my pregnancy. That was a strange enough response to make most well-meaning but condescending people stop talking. 

I remember being so frustrated by it all. So alarmed at the world I was bringing children into, where a three month old baby’s physical appearance was already treated like a commodity. I wondered if the reactions and suggestions would have been different, had she been a boy.

It’s all kind of irrelevant now, anyway. At almost four years old, the Bump’s birthmark has faded to the point where I forget, often, that it used to be there at all. It’s still slightly raised. You can spot it if you’re really looking for it and you brush her wispy, messy hair of her face first. But the vivid colouring has faded almost completely, just like the specialist said it would. (But what would he know, really? Ha.)

I still don’t understand why it was such a big deal in the first place. My fairy girl is beautiful. With or without her birthmark. Just the way she is.


hemtomathree years old

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Jenn February 26, 2014 at 11:10 am

My two year old has a strawberry mark on her shoulder. It appeared when she was a couple of weeks old (I remember thinking it was a blood blister from the car-seat) and has grown in size in relation to her size. It’s hot and red and raised, yet we hardly notice it. Charlie calls it get strawberry (dawbeddy actually) and knows to be gentle with it but otherwise isn’t phased. Her cousin born a couple of months later had one on her head similar to Bump. By two hers is practically invisible, though her mum had to deal with loads of questions and pity from people too. Apparently they’re really common, I guess that by the time most of us are old enough to care about such physical differences, they’ve largely vanished.


Tash August 1, 2013 at 11:10 pm

She’s beautiful! My brother used to have a huge birthmark on his neck when he was a kid, which has also completely faded. My parents didn’t care at all (seriously, we’ve all got birthmarks of some description, why are people so fussed?), but my grandmother… Oh man. The amount of things she used to fling around Chris’s neck was astounding.

It’s good that your gorgeous girl has an awesome mother – I laughed out loud at the in-utero scar! Xx


Miss Pink July 27, 2013 at 9:23 pm

I love this. She is, she is just gorgeous and so what about the birthmark? Are freckles a deformity? What about those babies who are bald?
Thing is, even if she had it when she went to school, so what? Kids might tease her, yeah, but they’re going to find something to tease her over anyway. Let people ask questions I say.
You are such a wonderful mother. And I totally laughed that you were telling people it was from when you burnt yourself with a hair straightener when she was in utero. Lol.


Mrs BC July 26, 2013 at 2:20 pm

My son had a large raised hematoma birthmark on the back of his head, about the size of a small plum. He was such a gorgeous blonde, blue eyed thing, and people would be all “Oooohh, such a cutie!” until they saw the mark, then they would recoil in horror and gasp “What’s that???!” I was over this very quickly, so just took to replying ‘Oh, that? He is a matrix baby.’ and not elaborating. It confused people, and shut them up, so bonus.
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Kylie July 26, 2013 at 11:30 am

She is perfectly beautiful. I get so annoyed with strangers who comment on any aspect of a child’s appearance, behaviour, name, anything…It does my head in…


Vanessa July 26, 2013 at 11:22 am

My daughter is 4 months old and has a very large deep hemangioma. Looks like a huge gold ball sized bruise on her and to be honest I don’t like it and wish it wasn’t there.

Yes my baby girl is beautiful but I know it’s going to attract unwanted negative attention, remarks and questions.

A tiny mark on her forehead I can handle but something that takes up her entire back shoulder is not so easy to just ignore and I’m sure I’m not the only parent who feels this way.


KellieB July 26, 2013 at 11:10 am

Completely agree. Moni is 5 now but her birthmark appeared when she was one. My hubby thought I had pinched her because it appeared out of nowhere. Rude. She had it on her upper arm for about 3 years before it disappeared. I kind of miss it.


Dorothy @ Singular Insanity July 26, 2013 at 11:09 am

She sure is…
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Suzy Mac July 25, 2013 at 8:39 pm

Great Post! She-Who-Worships-Pink had a tiny one of those just below her hairline on her forehead. We were all sad to see it go, I told her it was a lipstick mark from the fairy who kissed her when she was sleeping.
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Rebecca Patrick-Howard July 25, 2013 at 4:26 pm

People say the damnedest things. When my oldest son was a baby he was kind of chunky. People would come up to him and coo “Ohh…he’s so fat! Isn’t he cute!” And I wondered why it was considered okay to say that to a baby yet would have been totally inappropriate if I had looked at the person saying and replied, “And aren’t we a little chubby ourselves?”

She is beautiful with or without the mark.


Lori Dwyer August 5, 2013 at 4:05 pm

Rebecca, that reply literally made me laugh out loud. What a beautiful response- don’t you wish you had the confidence to say the inappropriate things out loud? ;) xx
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Kylie July 25, 2013 at 3:52 pm

My son had a similar birth mark and like you I was amazed at how people felt the need to comment. Like the bump it was gone by the time he was 4. Apparently the sees makes no difference – the emphasis is obviously on having a picture perfect baby!


Hails July 25, 2013 at 2:46 pm

She is beautiful – like her mama!


Mummyj July 25, 2013 at 1:04 pm

Gorgeous either way. People often feel the need to make unnecessary comments, I have a beautiful 4 month old daughter who is nice and chubby and the comments we get. “She’s huge” , “what do you feed her?” Ummm…..a block of chocolate a day, what do you think! I also have a 6 year old daughter who can’t understand why people are making comment about her sisters weight at such a young age, she keeps saying “she is only a baby, she can’t exercise and she only drinks milk from you”. It’s a sad world where we just can’t appreciate simple beauty of a child.


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