Monloguing to y’all,
Now, before I begin, I really do not want to lose mahself anymore Followers. Therefore, please take note of the disclaimer….
This one is not for the squeamish. I mean it. It involves girly things including vagina’s and lubricant. Read on at your own risk.
And, just to set the scene, here is a lovely bit of early Nineties sexual health imagery for you, complete with gerbera. Hey, at least it’s not a tulip.
I don’t know if any of you are Sex and the City tragics like me (surely, one or two…?). But even if you’re not, you may recall one of the more memorable episodes, way back in Season One, where one of the girls has an unfortunate incident with a certain contraceptive and enlists the help of her friends to get her out of the somewhat awkward situation…
“But I just had my nails done!”
If anyone is brave enough, apparently the episode can be downloaded here. Or something. I couldn’t work my way through the migraine-inducing Flash to find it. Whatever.
You see, I remember watching this episode with my flatmate, having a giggle, then engaging in a succinct discussion about how, amusing as it was, it was a situation unlikely to occur in the other world known as Real Life.
As it turns out, we were wrong.
Here’s a lesson to you all. When using a new diaphragm, for the first time ever, for your own health and safety do make sure you put it in the right way up. Just to make sure it doesn’t get… erm… shall we say… lodged.
At least, I think that was the problem. I’m almost not game to try it again. But hormonal contraceptives turn me into a psychopath of the bunny-boiling variety. So my options are very much limited.
And here’s another piece of advice, for free. When you are on the phone telling the fore mentioned flat mate about the fore mentioned incident, and she asks “So, how did you get it out?” and you reply “Lots of lube“, do make sure that you are not in direct in earshot of the three 20-something year old guys that live next door to you.
And that’s another two for the Stupid Things Lori Does files. Tell you what, it’s been a Barry Crocker of a week.