When I was growing up, there was no greater schoolyard sin than that of ‘loving yourself’.
It was used as a taunt. “Errr! You love yourself sooo much!!”.
I think it messed with my head a bit– weren’t you supposed to love yourself, wasn’t that the point? the alternative was to hate yourself. To my ten-year-old self it was a confusing concept.
If I didn’t like myself at all, maybe the bullies would like me. And, really, what right did I have to like myself, if everyone else viewed me as a piece of sh*t?
***
Self esteem is a warped and relative concept. I struggle with it, still, even now, at thirty two years old. How do you love yourself, completely, when even liking yourself is a challenge?
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There was this whole tickets on yourself thing. I didn’t get teased for loving myself too much. I think the bullies knew how much i hated myself.
But I think I get what you’re saying.
I don’t think you have to love yourself, or even like every part of yourself. Acceptance of who you are is worth more. I don’t like that I cry so much at stuff. But now I accept it’s part of who I am.
I think the kids in the playground are still all around us. I mainly think now that they can go do one.
What is with Aussie kids and the tendency to pre-amble insults with that obligatory ‘Errrrrr’?
The standby taunt for me in high school, where I was immensely unpopular, just devolved down to a simple: “Errrrr, Molly!”
What does that even mean?
I’ve had a hard time liking myself the whole way through, but I think I’m getting there. I now swing between the polarities of thinking I’m the worst person on Earth, to wondering if maybe I’m the most awesome person in the Universe. It’s tricky to live with but I’ll take it.
Whoa, Molly! recently posted…Big Things and Little Things
It really is all relative…and I think it’s ok to have days where you don’t like yourself! How else do we learn?
Vanessa recently posted…Catch Your Dreams
Childhood can really screw with your perception of yourself for a long time huh? There are still things i am extremely aware of and critical about with myself because they were things I was teased about as a child, even though most aren’t even relevant to who I am anymore. It’s insane.
Miss Pink recently posted…What does Magique, Million and SuperLiner all have in common?
I was bullied as a kid too and you are right, it stays with you. Therapy has helped. I find it pops up when I am depressed because negativity towards everything (including myself) comes out, along with guilt. It is a yuck symptom.
Michelle Holland recently posted…Mental Health Update