In case anyone’s been wondering where I am…
I’m sick. Again. It’s an incurable virus I believe is known as the ‘common cold’.
You know that moment where you drag your sick, whinging self and your sick, whinging preschooler to the doctor only to hear the words “It’s a virus. Fluids, rest and paracetamol for you!” and your soul wilts a little bit and you wish to god something was infected just so you could get antibiotics and feel better….?
No…? Maybe that’s just me.
Anyway. My head hurts, my nose is so full of neon yellow snot that I woke up this morning with it caked all over my face (too much information…? You haven’t been here long… welcome to RRSAHM); and it’s a bloody good thing I decided to stop corporate whoring last week or I’d really be panicked. ( “I haven’t blogged in a week!” I sob to my mum. “Oh darling,” she replies, “no one cares.” I don’t like to think about how true that statement is. I am nowhere near as big a deal as I like to think I am). I dropped The Chop off at school on Monday and Tuesday sobbing, tears streaming down my face… every school has one crazy, socially-unacceptable mum. That’d be me.
To be completely honest, I’m sick like this more than I ever thought was possible. They- my mum, my shrink, the internet, all the authorities on the subject- assure me that this is common in people with PTSD, not to mention severe grief. Your immune system is impossibly low and you can’t fight off anything. That assurance doesn’t help. Because all my mind can think is that I am self-indulgent, weak, a whinger, and probably deserve this anyway. And I’m afraid to blog, for fear of comments like this one, which has stuck in my mind much deeper than I care to admit.
Whatever. I’m not sure what I’m blogging about here, really. I’m just sick and tired and afraid that everyone will stop reading my blog if I leave it silent for a week or so. I should know better. I don’t. I’m all kinds of f*cked up. I just want to feel a bit better, already- it’s been almost a week, for pity’s sake.
On that note- Happy F*cking Easter, everyone. Beware the bunny.