In case anyone’s been wondering where I am…
I’m sick. Again. It’s an incurable virus I believe is known as the ‘common cold’.
You know that moment where you drag your sick, whinging self and your sick, whinging preschooler to the doctor only to hear the words “It’s a virus. Fluids, rest and paracetamol for you!” and your soul wilts a little bit and you wish to god something was infected just so you could get antibiotics and feel better….?
No…? Maybe that’s just me.
Anyway. My head hurts, my nose is so full of neon yellow snot that I woke up this morning with it caked all over my face (too much information…? You haven’t been here long… welcome to RRSAHM); and it’s a bloody good thing I decided to stop corporate whoring last week or I’d really be panicked. ( “I haven’t blogged in a week!” I sob to my mum. “Oh darling,” she replies, “no one cares.” I don’t like to think about how true that statement is. I am nowhere near as big a deal as I like to think I am). I dropped The Chop off at school on Monday and Tuesday sobbing, tears streaming down my face… every school has one crazy, socially-unacceptable mum. That’d be me.
To be completely honest, I’m sick like this more than I ever thought was possible. They- my mum, my shrink, the internet, all the authorities on the subject- assure me that this is common in people with PTSD, not to mention severe grief. Your immune system is impossibly low and you can’t fight off anything. That assurance doesn’t help. Because all my mind can think is that I am self-indulgent, weak, a whinger, and probably deserve this anyway. And I’m afraid to blog, for fear of comments like this one, which has stuck in my mind much deeper than I care to admit.
Whatever. I’m not sure what I’m blogging about here, really. I’m just sick and tired and afraid that everyone will stop reading my blog if I leave it silent for a week or so. I should know better. I don’t. I’m all kinds of f*cked up. I just want to feel a bit better, already- it’s been almost a week, for pity’s sake.
***
On that note- Happy F*cking Easter, everyone. Beware the bunny.
Boo.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Hope you are recuperating and being kind to yourself Lori…you might be small but when you are quiet your absence is felt. Get well soon xo
Kim Bayne recently posted…Goodbye Summer
Go to the chemist and ask for some Chemist Brand Allergy/Sinus tablets (or is it Hayfever/Sinus?)….. you want the blue ones. These have paracetamol and also something to dry up the snot. I always take these when I come down with something snotty coz I find that if I can dry up my sinuses and get rid of the matching headache, then I can let the “virus” run its course. I don’t know if you like taking medication given your interest in natural remedies, but trust me on this!
I hope you’re feeling better soon, we all love and support you xx
Hey I think I have the same crappy cold thing you have…After 5 days I am thinking ….seriously just let up on this f*u*ken body ache, runny nose, sore throat, cough that hurts.
Im feeling it too, hope you feel better soon.
Gosh that anonymous comment made me so CROSS! It’s the whole “Hey let’s be rude on the internet” thing isn’t it? Why do that?
I love your blog. Please keep writing (But of course only when you feel like it). We’ll all be here to read your posts no matter how long the gaps in between
Get well soon!
Rachel (blogging at rachiebee.blogspot.co.nz)
You aren’t alone – so many people care about you.
While I don’t know much about PTSD, amd I hope you don’t mind me giving you advice, but maybe you should see a nutritionist and get your diet on track to boost your immune system. Eat lots of fresh fruit and veggies and fish. Eating well really can help.
Best of luck. Hope you’re less snotty soon x
Lori,
I applaud you for only blogging when you have something to say. We all care – I was going to call/text but thought that you would think i was a stalker for real and a hypocrite…you know because I noticed that you hadn’t blogged and I didn’t want it to be a “oh Lori you haven’t blogged is everything alright??” because as previously said, I think you should only blog when you have something to say.
Sorry that you are sick. I find that I operate better when I am sick with something more serious and that colds knock me around like nobody’s business…(what does that mean anyway ‘like nobody’s business?’)
I fear this comment has raised more questions than answers… and I shall tap off..
XX rah rah…
If you blog for yourself as a way of working through your issues then why would you be ‘afraid’ that everyone will stop reading? It shouldn’t matter.
With the recurring illness. Do you store your toothbrush with your childrens’ tooth brushes? When illness goes through our house we store our toothbrushes in our bedrooms and throw them out once the illness has passed.
This is the type of comment I find hard to write — to try to tell you that it does matter, that I do care — when reality is that it probably doesn’t matter that I care. And, rereading it, that statement may only make sense to me…..
I checked RRSAHM repeatedly over the past several days, and was always vaguely uncomfortable when there was still no update… disappointed, mildly worried, a lot bummed that there was nothing available to aid to my procrastination (actually, that part’s inaccurate. I read some archives). So, “no one cares” is not true. For clarity’s sake, this absolutely does NOT mean you should force yourself to write when you’re too ill, too busy, etc!
As for your commenter… people who try to force their reality onto others, or try to force themselves into someone else’s reality, are the worst kinds of contemptible. She clearly does not “get you” (seriously, how could she?!) and to lash out, anonymously no less, with such hateful words and unfounded accusations… at first I was hatefully angry, and then the anger crumpled and melted into resentful pity. She posted an anonymous comment to strike at you, on your platform, with words that are neither constructive nor well-thought-out. She doesn’t have the intelligence to express herself effectively, the compassion to know she’s wrong in the first place, or the common sense to know that in the end it doesn’t matter, anyway. And that seems like a sad, angry way to live.
I think I’m a first time commenter, but I could be wrong. That anonymous comment made me so cranky I had to say something. Is ‘anonymous’ really saying that if she did have family/friends nearby to support her that she wouldn’t accept it? I find that hard to believe. Good on you for recognising when you need a break so you can keep going. Hope the snot clears up soon.
Teegan
I have a love-hate relationship with Anne myself… refer to quote from Highway “Sir Edmund Hillary of arseholes…”
I think that Lori has had it shit for so long that when people support her for no reason other than to support her it can be a little bit daunting – like she is asking ‘whats the catch?’ I get that… keep on commenting… and one disclaimer about Lori “Lori is taller than her blog depicts”
spagsy recently posted…Little Angels
Oh hun. I had noticed things had been quiet here. I thought you were just busy and a little worn out from DPCON. I am sorry to hear you’re sick and not feeling great.
And don’t take that comment too hard. I know it’s hard not to, but everyone has their own struggles and successes. You deal with your shit your way, and you let anon deal with their shit theirs. Fuck, I’d love to meet a perfect person who didn’t run away from difficult shit now and then.
I have to admit, I did search through my emails last night to make sure I hadn’t missed a post. Only because I care. Do not put pressure on yourself to write, I ran away from my blog for months, my first post back attracted 7 new followers! Im sure people have better things to do than unsubscribe from a blog that hasn’t posted quite as often as usual. Thinking of you, and your snot. Take care of yourself xx
Hey Lori, I had a visit to the gp myself with two kids just this morning, and BEGGED her to just write the prescription anyway, despite her assuring me it was only viral. There are plenty of us out here! I love your writing and am blessed by your honesty. None of us everts ever really able to ‘take it easy’ I know, but don’t be weighed down by the ‘obligation’ to write! We will still all be here! Xxx
Hails recently posted…This Christmastide
You know… my immune system has been low the last few years and I’ve had the same thoughts and self-doubt.. Thank you for always helping me not feel so alone.
She makes me feel not so alone in other ways too Drew. See Lori…you are way important. X
I was totally wondering where you were. I missed you! Yes, I am weird!
Anyway, I hope the snot thing clears up soon. We’ve all been there…
Woah Molly! recently posted…Big Faker
Hope you feel better. As for that anonymous comment, all I can say is yes, you chose to have those children…with your husband. Who could have imagined that he would die in a very tragic manner? I wouldn’t just run away for a couple of days, I would have run away and not come back. Your strength is inspiring. You are entitled to have some time to yourself.
Hey. Feel better soon mumma. Why do people who leave arsehole comments always call themselves anonymous? Not even got the creativity for a fake name ffs? I think of you often. You’re doing good. Believe it. Sambucol and Berroca. Trust me. Xx