We seem to have so much… stuff.
It’s been almost two years since we first moved into the TinyTrainHouse. Which means, really, it’s been two years since we had a big clean-stuff-out session. And in that time, our material possessions have multiplied; as though someone added water or fed them after midnight or did something equally irresponsible.
Practical, beautiful, functional, necessary. I’m out of practice at culling things. But we have a long way to move, and the less we take with us, the better.
The main problem is that it’s no longer just my stuff. My children are now old enough that their possessions seem to truly belong to them now. The grown far more attached to material things than they were two years ago- I think that’s just a sad consequence of growing up.
Making the decision of what comes with us and what gets left behind- recycled, re-use, redistributed, or just plain thrown out- no longer feels as though it’s entirely up to me.
It would be good, indeed, to break my children’s (hearts) belligerent hold on possessions, on owning things. To teach them that all this stuff is just that… stuff. That it’s not worth being so attached to.
At the same time, I don’t want to force them to give up anything. I know my weakness- I think it’s every mother’s weakness, really, and compounded when you’ve watched your kids lose more than what any child should have to.
I don’t like to see pain in my children’s eyes. Even if that pain is connected to something that’s not worth anything much.
I’d never make them give up any possessions they truly adore. It’s just junk, really, that we’re cleaning out. But you have so little that you’re in control of, as a kid. Wanting to control what you do have is probably quite normal. And they’re about to be picked up and unceremoniously dumped out of their comfort zone anyway…
I don’t know. If anyone has any advice for getting little kids to part with ‘stuff’ that’s just stuff… please feel free to share.
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I recently read a blog post where someone was proudly talking of doing a “toy cull” when the kids were at their dads, and another applying a “if you haven’t played with it for six weeks it is getting tossed” rule. It’s a common approach, but I find it a bit hardcore-although it depends on the age of the kids.
My neighbour, conversely, encourages her son to pick toys he has grown out of and give them away (often to my son
and they are usually beautiful wooden toys bonus for us!!) or to the opshop,
I think there is something to be said for having good quality toys that can last for years, were children are taught to look after them, or alternatively learn the value of giving away (as apposed to throwing away).. In a throw away age, I think it’s good that you are teaching your kids to consider what they really want to keep- surely it also teaches them to value their belongings and maybe learn to look after them. .
My daughter’s small, so I haven’t really run into this yet, but what my parents did was take things we weren’t playing with and put them out of sight somewhere (closet shelf in a box or the like) and wait a while to see if we missed it. If we did, Mom would say “Oh, I cleaned that let me get it.” and leave the room to go get it. If it wasn’t missed then after a few months she’s purge, give it to Goodwill or something.
When we were older we had rules, for every new toy that came into the house, a similar size/value/whatever toy had to be donated. She let us choose what to get rid of. The only exception to this was books. We’re all bibliophiles, and had LOTS of books, and were constantly buying or building more bookshelves. While we did occasionally pass on books, that was a rarer thing.
I’m totally going to have to start doing the ‘one in, one out’ thing. For sanity’s sake, if nothing else…
Lori Dwyer recently posted…Star.
The really, really insignificant stuff (Happy Meal toys, for instance)? Do it while they’re not looking. Honestly, they will never miss it.
Marianne recently posted…Cultured…that’s us!
Ugh’…. I just threw out half a bag of Macca’s toys. They are the bane of my existence!!
Lori Dwyer recently posted…Star.
We did the move to Sydney from Melbourne three years ago with a 3yo, 6yo & 8yo, I had them help pack one box of very important belongings which was the first to be unpacked in their new room. They helped fill a garbage bag between them of things to go to the op shop (they all liked the idea of other kids finding their old treasures like to find things at the ops shop). Without them I packed what I thought was important, threw out junk, donated things they had out grown that were not sentimental, I also packed up some toys to go to my Mum’s for them to play with when we visit.
My hot tip is I also packed up a couple of boxes of boarder line items, things I thought they might one day ask for. I stashed them at my Mums place for her to look through and send us should the kids ask for something specifically. My eldest asked for a hand made cat toy, mum bought it with her when she visited, nothing else was ever mentioned and after a year the boxes went to the op shop. I have offered this advice to a friend who is renovating and I currently have two big boxes of soft toys of her daughters under my house 5 months and counting and her girls haven’t asked for anything so looks like they too will be heading to the op shop.
Good luck, I know it’s daunting. For the record my kids loved the adventure and are now very flexible and open to new experiences. We did move back to Melbourne last year, just because Melbourne is so much better than Sydney. Enjoy.:-)
I LOVE this idea! We’ve had a few moves, and the most traumatic was when we were evicted (ex wouldn’t pay anything, I had very little income) and had to live with my parents. We couldn’t fit a 6 room house into 2 bedrooms at their house, so 90% of our stuff went into storage, and we couldn’t access a lot of that. 3 years later, when we moved into our little purple house, no one wanted 50% of that stuff. I’ve since been able to clear out many more things from our basement.
Having each kid pack one box of toys to be unpacked right away, plus a backpack of “to play with through the move” worked really well when we did a big move (Texas to Connecticut). Giving them power over something helped a lot. They liked being able to decide keep/toss/donate, and they were a little younger than your two at the time. Good luck!
That is a *brilliant* idea, thank you so much!!
Lori Dwyer recently posted…Star.
Go with what she said, perfect
We talk a lot at home about how there are children in the world who don’t have any toys or clothing. My kids seem to respond to this and understand that we don’t need lots of toys and things, that clearing out is important so we can make space for new stuff.
I think that it is such a personal thing to each family that you have to talk to your children in the way that you feel is best. That they will respond to. For some children giving them a limit on toys they can bring, or culling behind their back before they are able to set eyes on those toys that they haven’t touched in a long time? Maybe a mix of all of the above?
I am sure you will make it work.
Miss Pink recently posted…The Drift.
Lori, this is just getting freakish. every time you post lately, it’s like you’ve been peeking into my life.
Over the school holidays we (Myself and She-Who-Worships-Pink) have been on a Clean-out-a-cupboard-a-day blitz. She has surrendered only two lime green dinosaur shaped cushions (she never really liked) and a baby rattle for the upcoming school jumble sale. She will not let me touch the drawers that hold 20 Barbie dolls each. But I have to admit to smuggling out a few ugly pretenders and dropping them at Vinnie’s so she be none the wiser. I’m with you, I cannot force, coerce or even strongly influence her decision to cull her toys and I will feel guilty for a long time about those 3 cheap nasty copy barbie dolls which hopefully have new homes.
Suzy Mac recently posted…I’m a Turnupstuffer
Oh Suzy, that sounds so much like my daughter. She’s just overly attached to *everything*!!
Lori Dwyer recently posted…Star.
Maybe consider having a garage sale? We had a ton of old toys and books that the kids had grown out of, but didn’t want to part with, so we had a garage sale, and divided the money up afterwards. They loved making some spare cash, and totally enjoyed ‘playing shop’ for the day and seeing their stuff go to a new home.
Lisa@Circle of Toast recently posted…Wordless Wednesday – What We Got Up To This Week
Hey Lisa, I’m thinking fo doing a ‘free garage sale’ to be honest- this area’s so small, more people might turn up for freebies
x
Lori Dwyer recently posted…Star.
Would your kids be happy to take their things to a shelter or dycare and see the kids they can help? There’s always the secret tossing. Good luck!
Andrea G. recently posted…My chat with a psychic…
We moved a lot when I was a kid, and I remember my parents always letting me help decide what to get rid of and what to take, as far as I was capable at whatever age. I remember doing things like taking all of my “baby” toys and giving them to kids we knew who were younger than I was, giving toys I had to certain friends who liked them better than I did (my parents framed this as a way people would remember me also), and donating things I was tired of (like puzzles and certain kinds of board games, things kids get bored of after a few times) to a local daycare (with the added “think of how much other children will love these things” speech from my parents. So, basically, my advice would be to ask them, and make it clear that there are options for disposal that don’t just involve throwing their toys (or other junk) away
Thanks Kathy. It feels better to ask them… makes me feel less guilty, I think? x
Lori Dwyer recently posted…Star.
Welcome to melbourne I am in the Beautiful Dandeong Ranges.
I got my son to have a clean out and told him there was other children that need some of his toys as they didnt have any, and we could buy him something for his age now.
Thanks Carol- I can’t wait to visit the Dandenongs!
Lori Dwyer recently posted…Star.
Well, when my girls wouldn’t clean their room, I would pick up their toys and put them in garbage bags in the garage. And they never once asked for them back. Which goes to show they had way too much stuff. So, my point is, out of sight, out of mind. I like Cynthia’s idea. Don’t get rid of it yet, just put it out of sight. And if they don’t ask for it, then you know they won’t miss it.
For some reason, I’m not getting your feed anymore. I tried to add you to feedly and it says feed not found. I’ll try again though. I’ve been reading whenever I can and am so happy you’re happy.
Lori recently posted…Camping Stories of Fishing and Fire and Broken Toilets. Oh My.
Oh! Thanks Lori- I will look into the feed thingy!
Lori Dwyer recently posted…Star.
Clean up significantly when they are not around. Cull the toys and put the junk in a box in the garage or on the porch – out of sight. Let them know that everything is just moved around not thrown out. If they ask for anything specific, go and get it to reassure them that you are not lying. Even if you bring a bunch of stuff back in – the kids will be happy and you will get rid of tons of stuff.
It helps to distill the meaningful from the “just stuff”.
I used to let my son know how much his old stuff that he doesn’t use anymore would mean to someone else. At that point he typically was willing to let most things go.
My son’s totally into that idea. My daughter… not so much
Lori Dwyer recently posted…Star.