I wrote this before I left the TinyTrainTown, and haven’t published it until now.
Because now… I’m missing my mates. All of them. A lot.
***
“It’s a big bad world full of twist and turns, and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment.”
Californication
***
There are so many people I will desperately miss.
I know… it’s only a state away. Only an eight-hour drive. A one-hour flight. 800 odd kilometres. 500 or so miles.
But people have a way of slipping away from each other. Friendships have a way of stretching and threading into fragile strands of fairy floss.
I know, with a dread deep in my gut, that nothing will ever be the same again as it is right now. It’s not that things are fantastic… they’re not. I have tried my best, been optimistic and hopeful and I’m proud of that. I’ve made the most of what I’ve got at the TinyTrainHouse. It’s only looking back at it that I realise how much I’ve been struggling to be content. How much I’ve been faking it, hoping I’d make it. For the sake of my kids. For the sake of myself.
But in between the sadness, there are people. People who’ve loved me and held me. People who have made me laugh, caught me and held my hand and showed me that good things- really good things- are still very possible. And while I’m sure I will find my people in Melbourne- truth be told, I already know so many of them that I doubt I’ll be short for company- my heart is breaking to leave the people I love.
People like my mum. People like Princess Boofhead, and the Mother Of Princess Boofhead, who’ve been in our lives since a week before my son was born; who have been our best, most unconditional friends.
People like Kristabelle, who I’ve known since I was 15. She’s like a guardian angel- the two worst times of my life, she has been there for me, allowed me to sip from her strength.
People like Tinks and The Doc, who loved me broken and bruised, and made me feel worth something again. People like my Katie Kitten, who walked me through the dark numbness of the weeks After, and who I have let down and neglected to thank, over and over again. People like Faerie Saerie, for all the reasons I’ve listed a thousand times over. And The Bear and The Pixie, who just help, with no wish of thanks or favours returned.
People like Auntie Mickey, who has been my best mate for twelve long, awesome years; who took me in when my own home exploded.
And people like my Bunny. The best bloke I know. He’s the reason I love Melbourne as much as I do, because he introduced me to it with such enthusiasm. He has a heart bigger than everyone. He understands me.
I’m sitting in his lounge room as I write this, listening to him sing and play guitar. He amazes me, and he only taught himself to play six months ago. He doesn’t know I’m writing this- I’ll ping him once its published.
He will miss me, and I will miss him. He texted me not long ago, asking “Who will be my best friend when you go?”
I will be, Bunny.
It’s only an hours flight. An eight-hour drive. 800 or so kilometres. 500 odd miles.
I’ll never be far away.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Im still here and always will be ..best mates…only a hour flight or 8hr drive …I read your blog alot more now…im very proud of you and admire you for lots of your great qualitys …its so good to see n read you n kidlets r moving forward and I will always be a txt ..phone call ..flight or drive away …love you xo
Ah yes, friends…you have made me cry also. We take them for granted when we’re with them & miss them like crazy when we’re apart. They are only a phone call, a text message, a “skype” away. And, yes, it is so much more than their voices; it is the physicality of them – the hug, the hand held, the smell, the lips shared in a greeting….
Oh Lori this made me cry. Those friends are still there. Yes in a less physical sense, and yes from so elf them you will drift because of that, but it doesn’t mean the friendship is over. I know first hand how years apart and then pickig up where you left off can happen to effortlessly, like it was meant to be. And some friends? Some you just never drift from, they visit, you visit and you make the most of that time.
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Your friends will always be a phone call away. I can hug through a phone, you know!
x
Ill also thankyou, for making me cry at my desk. I tried to call your old home number yesterday.
Ummmmm?
Oh, oh. I moved away from my best friend (a guy I’ll call The Goth – that’s his blog nickname) a couple of years ago. Not eight hours away, but far enough when you’ve spent four years living with your best friend. It’s hard, so hard.
But they are still there. Just a button-press away. I hope you are doing okay missing your friends. Hope you start to make some local ones too.
x
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