by Lori Dwyer on December 13, 2010 · 19 comments

Ooh la la, dahlings!!

This blogging thing comes with some very cool gigs sometimes. Why, just yesterday last week a while back now, I went to do an internal promotional video for the awesome people from Kleenex Mums.

You may have seen my last promo video, all about living on Poo Poo Island...? Yes? If you loved it, you can watch even more of it here on YouTube. (As a side note, I adore YouTube. Where else can you find everything from a recording made of the last castrato singing Ava Maria in 1902 to..well… Lori on Poo Poo Island?) Quite sadly, you won’t get to see this last Kleenex Mums video I made. Altogether now- “Awww“. Sadness much? Sorry. It’s an internal promo thing. I know, I know, build you all up like that and then disappoint you. Whatever.

I am overjoyed to report that this video was slightly more glamorous in subject matter than Poo Poo Island. And compared to Poo Poo Island (otherwise known as my pee splattered laundry-slash-bathroom) a slightly much more glamorous location.

An underground studio, in the offices of those crazy awesome McCann people, in the heart of Kings Cross, just across from the infamous Coca Cola sign. (If it’s infamous, why do I need to link to it, you ask? I just like links. Whatever). Serious. With a proper camera, veeeery technical looking video editing computer stuff (imagine the vlogs I could make with that…) and- wait for it….- directors chairs for us to sit on. Really. I know.

I read my lines, in front of the camera, projected onto the big screen. I am warm, I am friendly, I am personable, dammit! I am wearing new clothes. And make up. Real, proper, skin coloured make up, not just a quick slap of eye-stuff. I feel like a total glamour. Except for one little thing….

Skanky, chipped, half eaten acrylic nails.

I, Lori, am a chronic nail biter. And have been since I was… well.. old enough to get my fingernails or toenails in my mouth. Even fake fingernails. As you can clearly see from the pictures, my fakies have gone from skanky…. muchly skanky.

I don’t even have a picture of them looking pretty to prove that they did, actually, look really nice for a whole six weeks before I bit them off. Really. I even went and sat for an hour to get the bleeping things infilled twice.

And then decided that hour was far too bigger chunk out of my one Daycare Day (otherwise known as Mummy’s Losing Her Sh*T and Needs a Mental Health Day) and I just couldn’t be arsed anymore.

Shame, shame, shame. Chipped fingernails. As I said back on Sunday, not even chipped fingernail polish. But actual chipped fingernails.

So. There you go. Lori. An almost famous, totally glamorous movie star type person. Not.

post signature

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

katie December 15, 2010 at 10:59 pm

You must have incredibly strong teeth to bite through those things!


Bronnie and family December 15, 2010 at 8:12 pm

I had a few weeks of free nails at a beauty clinic near my home. It was horrid. It took two girls about an hour and a half to rough up my nails and attach nice ones to them. Yes they looked great, and I couldn't stop looking at them … but even though they were free, I couldn't find the time every two weeks, and I didn't like the experience enough to keep going. Plus, it wrecked my original nails.
I'm just not a girly girl at all I guess. If fingernails are impossible, I just don't know how women who get pedicures do it.


Maxabella December 14, 2010 at 1:42 pm

At least you attempted the nail polish in the first place. I've given up. I've let myself go. x


Annieb25 December 14, 2010 at 10:58 am

Yep as Al Tait said, you are just keeping it real Lori. I too want to see the internal video. :)


suburp December 14, 2010 at 9:39 am

Wow it never occurred to me that people with fake nails would actually bite them too. of course.(well, as long as you don't have bits of glitter on your teeth..)
i personally don't bite finger nails. Chewing on dead, hard and horny stuff ? never.
women in my family are traditionally skin biters – to the blood in bad times – and i am keeping the tradition up!
i have to try see your videos when my internet loves me a bit more. :)


Lucy December 14, 2010 at 5:56 am

I can relate……

I bit my nails from the moment I stopped sucking my thumb. As soon as I gave up chewing my nails, the smoking started. I gave up the fags, and the nail biting resumed.

Oral fixation, much?


Wanderlust December 14, 2010 at 5:49 am

OMG, you crack me up. You get fake nails and then bite them off?? LOL. I can't remember the last time I got polish on my hands. Maybe I'll do that in March. And secret underground videos? Sounds intriguing!


DanniiBeauty December 13, 2010 at 10:42 pm

Oh no your poor nails. You definitely need a manicure fast! LOL


life in a pink fibro December 13, 2010 at 10:30 pm

You're just keepin' it real, Lori. Just the way we like it.


Fi December 13, 2010 at 10:23 pm

OMG that was YOU on the Poo Poo Island thingie!!
I watched that recently, but before I discovered your blog, and I seriously watched your sections and thought "Thank GOD it's not just me!!"


MultipleMum December 13, 2010 at 9:49 pm

So now I sort of know someone who is sort of famous. Feels good Lori :)


Glowless December 13, 2010 at 9:42 pm

Oooh did you wear the cardi again?


River December 13, 2010 at 9:41 pm

I've never understood nail-biting. I know it's an uncontrollable urge thingy, like thumb-sucking, but when I think of all the things my fingers do during the course of a day, why would I put them in my mouth? Yes, I do wash my hands after touching grubby things, but still….
Also, just a personal peeve, I don't like blue nail polish.


Danielle December 13, 2010 at 9:37 pm

shit i type so fast that my bloomin fingers missed some keys lol… sorry my bad:-P


Mummy’s Brain December 13, 2010 at 9:37 pm

You have always been famous to me :)


Danielle December 13, 2010 at 9:36 pm

Ditto on what MMBB said and NO! it doesnt soyund right at all :-p lol… who cares WAHHHHH!!!!!!!!
kepp all the funnys comming lori xxx


Eva Gallant December 14, 2010 at 3:05 am

I have no luck with nail polish; it seems to chip right away, and is way too much work.


Mrs Woog December 13, 2010 at 10:00 pm

I am the proud owner of 20 polished digits today thans to the kind folk at Manhattan Nails Crows Nest. Shame about the rest of me.

Well Done Lors – will we soon see you with Angelina at the Oscars? (ps v v brave but you are a natural on camera)


MMBB December 13, 2010 at 9:32 pm

Naww, I want to see the internal video! (omg that doesn't sound right)


Previous post:

Next post: