Has anyone seen my Cleaning Fairy?

by Lori Dwyer on July 12, 2010 · 15 comments


It appears my cleaning fairy has run away. Bitch. I’m not sure how she got out- the cupboard under the stairs was firmly locked- but she left a note.

 Click to enlarge if it gets y’all squinty-like. It’s tiny because she’s a fairy, remember?


Ah well. Consider this my advertisement for a new one.

Position Vacant– Cleaning fairy. Light cooking, ironing and dog grooming also required.

Location– Purple House, leafy Sydney ‘burbs.

Duties– Vacuum, mop, dust, wash, iron, fold, wipe, sort, cook, chop, peel, change, air, scrub, polish and repair various household and personal items.

Hours– 10 hours a day, seven days a week. Overtime during times of illness or unrest expected.

Conditions– Room and board.
    *Room- Cupboard under stairs, fitted with teeny tiny bed and bedding.
    *Board- Three meals a day, including but not limited to fairy bread, fairy bread and chewable elf-strength Valium.

Hazard Disclosure– The Purple House appears to be run by some form of evil wizard who is hellbent on ensuring the housework here is a never-ending, self-rejuvenating chore. Residents of the Purple House include a cat, dog and two small children, all of whom may present a danger to the wellbeing of the fairy employed. Fairies with delicate dispositions are discouraged from applying for this position. (Mythical Creature Anti- Discrimination and Incrimination Act, 2001 Section 4:3).

Any fairies, elves or other small, cute make-believe creatures are welcome to submit an application.  Please call 0405 RRSAHM for further information.

And if anyone sees the cleaning fairy that ran away, can you please let me know? There’s some cash missing from my purse.
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Thea July 14, 2010 at 4:13 pm

I LOVE it!! So funny.
I don't know where your fairy went but I do know one thing, it sure as hell isn't at my place. ;)


Wanderlust July 14, 2010 at 3:44 am

Oops. I think she met her last on my windshield. I was in a hurry. *sorry*


In Real Life July 13, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Perhaps if you are in touch with the Cleaning Fairy Union (CFU) you can let them know that I am considering applicants as well.


Draft Queen July 13, 2010 at 10:58 am

Hey! I want a cleaning fairy!


lori July 13, 2010 at 10:18 am

How do you come up with this stuff? The cat threw her a party? Too funny!


Amy xxoo July 13, 2010 at 9:04 am

If you find your old one, could you send her my way? I need to do a major clean up before my mothers group comes to my house on Thursday!


ForeverRhonda July 13, 2010 at 7:56 am

I think you're cleaning fairy has convinced my cleaning fairy to run away with her!


Lucy July 13, 2010 at 6:06 am

That note from your ex fairy is hilarious…….xx


Spencer Park July 13, 2010 at 5:30 am

Any takers?


Cinda July 13, 2010 at 3:21 am

Don't we all need a cleaning fairy!


Eva Gallant July 13, 2010 at 12:45 pm

I soooo what a cleaning fairy!


Emily ♥ July 13, 2010 at 8:45 am

Oh, I'm hearing you!
I looked around my house today, and saw all the things that need doing! Including wiping over the shelves, clean smudges off the windows, t.v, Oh heck, EVERYTHING needs wiping over!
My shower is a disgrace & I have a pile of washing that would make you quiver with fear!
If you find a cleaning fairy..see if she has any friends!


alliecat July 12, 2010 at 10:20 pm

Your fairy is a princess, only working 10 hour days. Mine cleared out years ago when I worked her for 14 hours a day plus ironing. Haven't seen the bottom of the basket since…. She had it good, hope she comes back for you!


Shell July 12, 2010 at 10:08 pm

Hilarious! I think a cleaning fairy would walk into my house and immediately turn around and fly her little butt away.


Amy July 12, 2010 at 9:31 pm

Send the unsuccessful applicants my way, will you?


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