I’m Not Afraid of Poo.

by Lori Dwyer on June 11, 2010 · 24 comments

Heido ho, Mr Hanky!

OK, this post most definitely needs a disclaimer. As the title suggests, it’s about poo. It’s one for the mummies and/or mommies of little kids, who have had their sensitivity to poo, vomit, snot, or any other bodily functions stripped bare quite a while ago. 
Those of you with weak stomachs or anal dispositions (no pun intended)- you really, really don’t want to read this one.

Those of you who have me on Twitter may have seen I Tweeted about poo the other day. I apoligise for that. I really should know better. It’s just that I had a very, very traumatic morning. It involved a toddler, legs covered in poo, at 5am. And, worse than that, it was 9am, when we ventured upstairs to brush our teeth, that I discovered there was also poo on the floor and on the sheets.

This is a gratuitous Palin-Hate image for Kristin.

Three years ago an incident such as this would have most certainly triggered gagging, vomiting, barfing, hurling, and various forms of ralphing.. However, my firmly ingrained mummy-ness being what it is, I just said, “Oh damn. Poo. I will have to clean that up”.

And went about my business, cleaning s**t of the carpet.

I love being a mum.

Poo, in all it’s glorious textures and hues, no longer fazes me. Nor does vomit, as I discovered a few months ago when I landed a pool of it in my cleavage, courtesy of the Chop’s inflamed tonsils and burning temperature. Snot is not even on my radar. Nor is pee.

Mothering small children has given me an iron stomach and a vast repertoire of stain removal skills. Not to mention a sense of humour, included free of charge, no extra psychological trauma required.

I only wish I could say the same for the Man.

I’ve briefly mentioned before, the Man has a chronic case of the wretches. It doesn’t take much to make him gag. Full spectrum rainbow yawns are a semi-regular occurrence. And when I say “it doesn’t take much to make him gag”, I’m not using the much maligned writing techniques of over exaggeration or poetic license, either.

The teeniest waft of poo is enough to make the Man gag. Way back, in the Early Days of this child rearing experiment, the Man did attempt a few nappy changes, bless him. The Chop was permanently traumatised by his father leaning over him, gagging, then leaving the room in a frantic run and not quite making it to the bathroom before he emptied his stomach.

True story. I have the stain on the bedroom carpet to prove it.

Another memorable moment may just include the Man, lovingly holding our freshly birthed first born in his arms, tears of elation in his eyes, leaning over and tenderly…..

…..vomiting into the sink of the delivery room.

The removal of a placenta is not activity to be viewed by those with weak stomachs.

Just seconds before Barf Off. Counting down in three…. two… one…

Whatever. With two little kidlets in nappies, and one of those kidlets in super groovy modern cloth nappies, it’s a bloody good thing I’m around.

Mummies are made of strong stuff. It takes more than a little bit of poo to scare us.

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Cinda July 30, 2010 at 1:53 pm

LOL Us mums are a tough bunch. Hand over a pooy bubs to hubby and he's running out the door. My hubby has gone thru 3 kids and he still can't stand it but when he stinks out the toilet it's ok!


hpretty June 20, 2010 at 5:30 am

Here here, Lori.
And to add to that. i have had to overcome my weird phobias (bananas, apples, other people's leftover food) because, well, i've had to. What is the other option?



Marlene June 13, 2010 at 6:39 am

You wouldn't believe it…..my man was wretching the other day from emptying the little man's potty….he had only done a wee!!!!


Kimberly June 13, 2010 at 6:29 am

Aint that the truth!!! I need a good laugh today. Thanks Lori!!!


Natacha June 12, 2010 at 9:38 pm

Been there, done that, and now my son is grown up, I am doing it again… but now it is dog poop…


Lulu June 12, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Now that Noah is on some solids my husband gags everytime he has to change a poo diaper- I am waiting for the time he vomits ON THE KID.

I am fine with poo, pee, drool, spit up etc.

Adult vomit on the other hand well, I am a bit of a sympathetic spewer so keep it away from me!


JourneyBeyondSurvival June 12, 2010 at 11:54 am

HO ho ho yeah. I use my hand to cup vomit so it doesn't stain something. Heck. I poo my own pants. REally.


ez June 11, 2010 at 10:29 pm

Bwhahahahaha love it!! We both have pretty strong stomachs in our house!! Though I do hate DH's flatulence so much it makes me angry sometimes.


Tenille June 11, 2010 at 4:27 pm

Ah you make me laugh. My daughter is my husbands third child (my first), so he's a 'seasoned' professional when it comes to baby excretions. Before I had a child, I'd gag when a friends child would drool. Now, it's all just another liquid.


Pumpkin and Piglet June 11, 2010 at 4:25 pm

My husband is just the same but he is getting better! He's more than happy to change a nappy but if he has to do a poo one then he tends to do it without trying to look and breathing through his mouth. There's not a lot that turns my stomach apart from shaving foam! It scares me and makes me gag!


Deb June 11, 2010 at 4:20 pm

No sympathy for Daddies, if we can do it, so can they. I'm another that can't handle vomit. The worst was when I had a cat with food intolerances who threw up meat under the table when I had morning sickness. You can imagine, but it had to be dealt with. I don't care if they run out 3 times in the process or wear a mask – get over it! New Mummies don't have a choice.


Adalita June 11, 2010 at 4:11 pm

Vomit I can't deal with – my partner got very drunk a year or two back and he put himself in a taxi home; he made it all the way home into our ensuite where he proceeded to vomit everywhere but the toilet. I had to get his mum to come over and help me clean it as I was retching over the fact he'd vomited on my PJs too. I thanked her so much and she replied the things we do for our kids. I hope that I will become immune to it when I have kids as now I cannot deal with any bodily substances.


Heather June 11, 2010 at 3:14 pm

You are too funny (so are these comments). I can handle the bodily fluids (even blood), but I gag while brushing my teeth. Who does that? I actually dry heave if I don't spit out the toothpaste soon enough. But, my kids are getting older (the youngest is 4) and that gag reflex has returned for stinky poo and vomit. I can clean it, but I squint my eyes to not see clearly and I pull my shirt up over my mouth and nose. The things we Moms do for our kids. (I mostly yell "run..run to the toilet. you better not puke on the carpet!" Works most of the time, luckily they rarely get throw up sick (I just thought of a gross story to share on my blog now).


In Real Life June 11, 2010 at 3:04 pm

Poo, pee, snot, boogies – I can handle! Vomit, not so much, my husband is on clean up duty for that one. I am also weak with blood – my daughter gets frequent nose bleeds, and it makes me gag, while trying to be supportive and loving.


Justine June 11, 2010 at 2:11 pm

such a tender image of the man with chop there – and rofl at what actually transpired :)
I haven't quite got the iron stomach. I gag at pooey nappies. but I consider myself a good mummy cos I get on with it anyway :)


Nerdycomputergirl June 11, 2010 at 2:06 pm

What I wanna know is why is it that the mummies have to learn to put up with it and the daddies don't. I didn't like it either before I became a mum (well no that I like it now) but someone's gotta clean it up. Why is it always us mums???!!!


Kimberley June 11, 2010 at 2:03 pm

My first baby had a major poo smearing hobby, so I am pretty immune to poo (although emotionally scarred for life). Vomit however…I'm with Katie, if I vomit once I'm like "Oh, gross, I just puked…bleuaarghhh" and so on and so forth…

Trick is, not to start!


Wanderlust June 11, 2010 at 1:48 pm

Hahahaha!! And THANK YOU for my gratuitous image! I love all things gratuitous, but especially that which involves Sarah Palin compromised by poo.

Because I'm so pleased I promise to stop blogging about inappropriate touching. Mwah!


Jodie at Mummy Mayhem June 11, 2010 at 1:36 pm

Ah, yes. I've written my own post about poo with a disclaimer at the top too. I understand.

But I'm with you. It doesn't faze me much either, except that I can't STAND the extra work cleaning up a poo creates, and I could well likely be found crying uncontrollably in the foetal position if the 3yo creates such a mess. No. I'm not a drama queen. Bah! Why would you think that?


Amy xxoo June 11, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Yep – i've only been a mumma for 5 months but i'm pretty much ok with all bodily functions now. Mick, on the other hand, not so much. Will only change a pooey number if i give him the death stare and MAKE him, and was looking after me when i had a tummy bug last week and almost sympathy vomited. Bless.


lori June 11, 2010 at 11:49 am

My hubby is the same way, only he wasn't the hubby that was around when the kids were in diapers, but I'm sure he would have been no good at all. He gags if we speak of bird feathers or dog throw up. Amazing what we mummies can handle. We are some strong bee-yatches!


Brenda June 11, 2010 at 10:32 am

Hats off to you, Mummy Lori.

My Gagging tendencies?! Probably round about the same vicinity as your Man.


Lisa June 11, 2010 at 9:07 am

Every parent has to deal with the day that their toddler learns to undo their own nappy, and investigate what they find within…

It ain't pretty.

You know that The Man is going to be really pissed with you for sharing details of his gag reflex? So I probably shouldn't tell about the time I found hubby doing nappy changes while wearing a face mask (from the workshop).


Katie June 11, 2010 at 9:01 am

I have to side with the man on this one.
Poo, pee, boogies, blood = I can deal with.
Vomit on the other hand. Ooh boy.
Even my own. Once I start, I cant stop, becuse my initial barfing grosses me out and causing a second barfing, which leads to a third..and so on in a disgusting vicious circle of puke.
Making myself stop is tricky.
Thankfully, my husband is ok with the vomit. YAY HUBBY.
And you, you are SUPER MOMMY. Go you!
(ps. sorry for the graphic nature of this comment.)


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