Internet Dating, v 2.0- Mr Bad Date

by Lori Dwyer on March 26, 2012 · 23 comments

As we know, because I am some kind of sadomasochist with a thing for uncomfortable social situations, I occasionally dabble in Internet dating.

It hasn’t been all bad. I’ve made some new friends, had some fun, and only had to provide one of them with a written declaration that I wouldn’t write about him on my blog. (Yes, really. In writing. I resisted the urge to tell him that only really interesting people end up here.)

But, you know, it’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Or somebody (me) makes their escape to the ladies room, calls a SOS-texts a mate to make an ‘emergency’ phone call in ten minutes time, and then Tweets about it.

All that within the first half hour. Online dating is a terrifying place, remember?

I normally make a point of speaking with potential dates on the phone before I meet them– at least that way you know if they’re capable of holding a conversation. I hate nothing more than sitting in an uncomfortable silence.

I neglected to make that phone call before this date. More fool me. By text message and email, this guy was so well spoken, and he seemed to fit all the criteria– a few years older than me, two kids the same ages as mine, understands the dynamic of the basic question-answer-response-question dynamic.

I won’t guide you through the whole thing. It was painful to live through as it is. I think I can sum it up in a few sentences…

Not two children, but three. One almost the same age as me.

Lots of tattoos. Which is fine by me, I love tats. But not those faded, patchy blue jail tattoos. Especially when one of them is your ex–wife’s name on your ring finger.

He stunk of bourbon from the moment he got there, and was utterly disgusted that the TinyTrainTown, where I live, doesn’t have a pub. The nearest one is seven whole kilometers away, and “How the f*ck are you supposed to walk back from there, love?”

I heart tools. Obviously.

Now, please, don’t get wrong… all that I could have taken with salt (and possibly tequila), and still had a good night. If only he hadn’t been one of those men I’ve discussed before, who just cannot hold a conversation. This bloke was happier to sit in silence, or mock the fellow patrons of the sleazy, dark bar he’d bought me to (“Oh, did you want dinner, love? I’ve already eaten. And the food here looks sh*t”) rather than actually try to find out anything at all about the person he was not-dining. One syllable answers. No questions, stories, opinions, and refused to take conversation-bait when it was offered….

Get me the f*ck out of here.

I’ve had a system working with a friend of mine for a while now. If she knows I’m on a date and I text her saying ‘SOS’, she waits ten minutes and then calls me, pretending to be the babysitter, and oh no, my little one’s sick, gotta go, see you later.

Anyone who’s brave enough to date-especially online- needs a safeguard like this one. Trust me. And a huge thank you to all my Tweeps who offered to bail me out and rescue me by shifty phone call– legends.

And, why, yes, before anyone points it out… I do feel like a total bitch. Or I did. Until Mr Bad Date rang me the next four nights in a row at somewhere between the hours of midnight and two am, and left me some lovely drunken voicemails… which I’ve kept on the odd chance I may need a restraining order at some point in the not too distant future.

I’m determined not to get too jaded. Or something. Hey, if nothing else… bad dates make for excellent blog fodder.

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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Dating Websites Ireland June 13, 2012 at 11:20 pm

sometimes dates after conversations can be very awful, I had one, he started to try to kiss me but I refused in words, went away but he followed me and clutched my hand very sharply with the words "I don`t like when girls run away from me". Stupid situation, I sent him on dick and went away. Save God.


Flirting for Dummies: What You Need to Know May 28, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Online dating can give you a chance to meet your love. But there can be some troubles on your way. Read more about online dating and find your soulmate.


Kirsty Ward April 8, 2012 at 9:19 am

Oh yes, I've been the 'Safety Buddy' for my friends before, scary place to be sometimes! Still, she's now found the 'man of her dreams', and living with him, so I guess it works sometimes!


Marlene April 7, 2012 at 10:24 am

"How the f*ck are you supposed to walk back from there, love?"

Hey, at least he doesn't drink and drive!! HAHAHAHA


Vicky March 30, 2012 at 8:18 am

Just keep swimming. I'm 12months on from meeting my man. On line. But that was 12 months after I started. I learnt a a lot about myself from the whole experience, and meeting my man was a bonus. I was deleting my account, cause I was no longer feeling the need to do it. Was feeling confident, self assured and happy. But wasn't leaving them with my money! So I spent the last stamp, deleted the account…. And well the rest is history. Im about to hop on a plane tomorrow and travel to nz, his home town. Meeting him was the bonus in the whole adventure. And it was an adventure. X


Then Widow Poison March 28, 2012 at 2:47 am



Best picture ever!!!

P.S. hope the heart emoji came through


Kymmie March 27, 2012 at 10:13 pm

OMG. It just goes to show that there are some serious LOSERS out there. We just have to keep looking for someone that is a winner.

And the only way to find is to keep looking.

But GREAT blog fodder!



Jane March 27, 2012 at 8:23 am

Love the photo! Oh for sake I want you to catch a break :)

Reply March 27, 2012 at 4:11 am

What a catch!


Melissa March 26, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Youch! sounds like a real winner! can't believe you let that one slip away :)


Shelley March 26, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Sounds on a par with a date i had once who turned up wearing black moccasins. Apparently he had to wear them because he had gout. It was very awkward..


Miss Pink March 26, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Were they naughty voicemails? Please tell me they were! Drunken naughty voicemails (or texts) are the bessssttttt.

I love that you have a safeguard. Everyone needs a friend who will give you a dodgy call so you can leave your crappy date.


Sharon @ Funken Wagnel March 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

It's great to know that he's already planning his first piss up at the nearest pub near your place so he can crash with you. This shows he is keen and committed to a future with you.

The voicemails are sweet, shows he's thinking of you.

If you play your cards right,you could have a prison tattoo on the finger next to his ex wife's one. So chin up!



My Mummy Daze March 26, 2012 at 5:22 pm

So! Sounds like you guys really hit it off ;-)


connieemeraldeyes March 26, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Why don't you talk on webcams. You can go to stickam and have them go there and see them in person. See if they can hold a conversation before meeting them in person.


Catherine March 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Definitely a SOS call situation!


Sophie March 26, 2012 at 10:34 am

Lol. I don't think you are a bitch.. but I can't help thinking that perhaps he was a bit of a dolt.. perhaps he had a drink or two to calm the nerves and then was so flustered he couldn't talk to you properly. I feel a bit sorry for him. Not sorry enough to want you to see him again, but sorry enough to think "you poor, silly bastard. You screwed that up."

Lol, better luck next time.


Anonymous March 26, 2012 at 10:25 am

Oh by god Lori – how you keep your sense of humour is beyond me!!

I reckon you should give the speed dating thing a go maybe? At least you could see the frogs from the princes and only subject yourself to the frogs for a few minutes lol


trash March 26, 2012 at 10:14 am

Gotta love good blogfodder opportunity.


Madam Bipolar March 26, 2012 at 10:12 am

That should read: You are not being a bitch.


Madam Bipolar March 26, 2012 at 10:11 am

Are you bringing him to the conference?
I had a few of those types. I had one SOS call but the guy was on to me because when I bumped into him the next time he was all aggro. He was like your mate and both times stank of alcohol. Noice.
You are not being a bit – there are just some freakazoids out there.


Catherine March 26, 2012 at 8:45 am

I remember this well. I once called my sister from the car park to say that my potential date had just turned up in a ute plastered with playboy bunny stickers. I was not going in without the assurance of a phone call five minutes later.
I did however meet my husband on an internet dating site. It does happen. Rarely. And there were ALOT of Mr Bad Dates before hand.
Glad you see the funny side!


Mrs Woog March 26, 2012 at 11:26 am

What is wrong Lori? He sounds fantastic and really really smart x


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