Join the CIRKUS

by Lori Dwyer on December 12, 2011 · 42 comments

I love IKEA.

An IKEA catalogue is the equivalent of pornography for house mums such as myself. Add in a self confessed tendency for being ever so slightly.. well… I’d like to say ‘organised’, but others may say ‘anal’; and we have match made in flat packed Heaven.

I perform a yearly pilgrimage to the mecca that is IKEA. Tony hated it. He tried to take shortcuts through the store. Any good IKEAphile knows that is just not allowed. One must trek the entire IKEA store, lest you miss out on some awesome bargain, like a bag of bread clips or a bamboo fruit bowl. One must also take a paper measuring tape and pocket it at some point during the journey. Novices may also pocket the pygmy IKEA pencils, but you get over that once you become a more seasoned, serious pilgrim.

Back when I worked as a clown I spent a lot of time working in the IKEA kids department. I adore the kids department. From the little egg chairs that you can close yourself in to the massive range of wooden and soft toys, educational and cute.

This Christmas, IKEA is donating 1 pound (I don’t know where the pound sign is on my keyboard, I’m not even sure I have one. But that works out to roughly $1.40 Straylan.) from every soft toy purchased between November 1 and December 24 to UNICEF and Save The Children. It may not sound like a lot, but it adds up quicker, and makes for a much happier 2012 for a lot of people. And God knows I’m all for a much happier 2012.

To say Merry Christmas to RRSAHM readers, IKEA has given me a pack of their new CIRKUS toys to give away. Quite fitting, really. We gots a set of building blocks (that’s me on the left), a LEKA (Swedish for ‘bunny in hat’, obviously), a KLAPPAR (I’m not really sure what that’s Swedish for), and my personal favorite…

…. a puppet studio. Stuff the kids, I will have hours of fun with this.

OK, jellybeans. The last time I asked this question on my blog, no one bleeping answered. Here’s hoping we have better luck this time. To win an IKEA CIRKUS pack, valued at $37.96, answer me this…

If you were in the circus (or CIRKUS, as the case may be), what would you be? If you want to be the ringmaster, get your own circus. That’s my job.
You have until midnight AEST on Friday 16 December to answer, here, by leaving a comment. The answer that amuses or confuses me the most wins. Sorry overseas jellybeans, but this one is Australian entrants only. My judgement is final and no discussion or narkiness will be entered into. Winner will be contacted by email (please leave a valid email address with your comment), and announced on the blog, Twitter and FaceBook. To disclaim and disclose, I haven’t been paid for this post- it’s for charity, people- but I was sent a pack of the IKEA CIRKUS toys for the kidlets.

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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

Jeff May 6, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Nice post which Any good IKEAphile knows that is just not allowed. One must trek the entire IKEA store, lest you miss out on some awesome bargain, like a bag of bread clips or a bamboo fruit bowl. Thanks a lot for posting this article.


becca December 17, 2011 at 3:10 am

I can't enter being in Canada, but I' AM a clown so, I'd say the bearded lady in the side show. good luck friends! (I'm off to see the Ikea web site to see if there are available in Canada!!!!)


Miss Mandy December 14, 2011 at 9:30 pm

what would I be? I'd be the hoola hoop lady, imagine what other tricks I could get up to if I could swing my hips like that. Oh Ok, maybe you shouldn't think about that one.


Mary December 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm

I would be the amazing hula hooping woman, spinning so many hoops at the one time!! Not a talent I actually have but one I covet after going to the circus with my little ones this year!!


Leimay December 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm

I think i'd be an Elephant, slow, methodical and yet captivating!


Rydell December 14, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I absolutely love the circus. My Granddad always took me (and the rest of my family) and made us all love it. It's definitely in my blood, with my great-grandfather running away to join the circus to be an acrobat. :)

For myself, I always wanted to be a trapeze artist. But then I did that and I couldn't hold onto the bar. Then I wanted to be one of the trick riders, but horses are too tall for me. Then I wanted to be a juggler, but I have no hand-eye co-ordination.

So these days, if I was in a circus with exotic animals I would either be a lion tamer or I'd work with the elephants. If not, I would probably be a hula-hooper, and do 50 hula-hoops at once. :-)


Minh December 14, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I would be the person that stood next to the tiny pool from whence the divers dived from high…in case they missed the water I would make sure that I caught them or broke their fall..that way a talentless person like me would receive all the applause and accolade of the audiencen and thus proving a normal person of no seemingly obvious importance can in fact become the superhero and hence the star of the show! :-)


E December 13, 2011 at 11:57 am

I totally tried to comment yesterday but for whatever reason it's not worked.

I'd totally be the mouse that teaches dumbo to fly..

Or maybe the clown that has to jump from the burning house into the water tank.. or get splatted repeatedly with cream pies…

Yep most of my circus ideas are from cartoons! Though I have enjoyed Cirque de solieu a few times! They're amazign!


Stacey December 13, 2011 at 8:53 am

I was in the circus! My high school had a circus which performed at school fete's, primary schools and every sausage sizzle known to man!

I was a clown called Muddles, who could juggle and ride a unicycle. My Nan made my costume – which was half red, half blue & white checks and VERY COOL!

Although I was a clown I really wanted to be the tight rope walker. No balance for that though!


Eccentricess December 13, 2011 at 6:42 am

*giggles* I am in the Circus!

Albeit a (wonderful) community circus that doesn't travel. ;)
So…My Magic Circus moments are up on the Lyra (a metal hoop that hangs high in the air), performing graceful poses (I'm working on the dangerous ones.. ;-p) as it spins slowly.
My favourite part of the Lyra though, is when our coach takes the nice safety mat away and we do swinging practice, hanging on to the lower curve of the lyra, giving ourselves a great run up and then swinging back and forth through the air!
Miss Pink, you would love the silks! That is my daughter's favourite and they are so much fun! Look for a community/women's circus near you, they are popping up everywhere!


Anonymous December 13, 2011 at 5:31 am

I would be a tight rope walker. It looks scary and thrilling and fun all at the same time. Or a lion trainer, for the same reasons! Just call me ROY. (I mean Lisa)


jadine December 13, 2011 at 2:41 am

I live in Texas, but I'm going to answer anyway. I would be the one on the motorcycle in the big spherical cage thing, going around and around and upside-down and making a lot of noise (not sure if your circus has that particular component). The problem is that I don't know how to ride a motorcycle and I don't like noise. So I guess I'd be a lion.


Melis December 13, 2011 at 12:46 am

I'd like to be a clown. We went to the circus last weekend and the clowns made my miss 5 laugh so hard she cried. I'd love to make her laugh like that. What a wonderful thing to have as a memory for a little'n


That Granny December 12, 2011 at 10:33 pm

If there was a like button I would have liked 'lydia la la's shit shoveller'. I think I would be the cook, animal feeder and chief bottlewasher as this is and has been my main duties for many many years… loads of experience… and with lydia to shovel the shit how could I go wrong….. I knew some smartarse would pick up on the November bit….


Mrs S December 12, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Id like to be the magician's assistant, it would rock being able to be cut in half or made to disappear!


kerry santillo December 12, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Being a midget, is a dream
sick and tired of the tall scene.
I would juggle my balls,
do lots of sommersaults and falls.
I would chase the clowns
go on the trapeze, up and down.
Tickle the audience with my finesse,
maybe hide under someones dress!!
A circus midget Oh what fun!
The Big Tops favourite son. :)


newtaste December 12, 2011 at 9:23 pm

The old joke contest, uh?

"You have until midnight AEST on Friday 16 November to answer, here, by leaving a comment."

It's not 1 April you know!!


Stylish Mummy December 12, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Definitely an acrobat on the swings… so much fun! If I get to NZ, I want to go on the worlds biggest swing…weee!


Teegs December 12, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I would be a clown as I love nothing more in life than making people laugh. I occasionally (ok all the time) do stupid things so it would be a breeze.


Amy xxoo December 12, 2011 at 8:48 pm

There is no way in the known universe because you know that scare the absoulte be-jesus out of me!
That being said, i thing i'd be some kind of acrobat – like on a silk or a ring trapeze a'la Cirque Du Soleil – best.circus.ever!


Anonymous December 12, 2011 at 5:39 pm

I think I'd be one of the motorbike riders in that enclosed metal cage. They are precision riders, but living on the edge. They rely on each other as a team, but they each their own thing to do.

I love the circus – it's such a fun thing to watch


Julia C December 12, 2011 at 3:49 pm

A fondness for dress- ups and secretly-wanting-to-be-the-centre-of-attention tendencies make me perfect for the circus. Best of all is the clown.

Frequently funny
Always amusing
Definitely dramatic

I want to be.

Plus nobody needs to recognize you when your out of your costume but there isn't anywhere to hide in a leotard you tightrope-trapeze types!


Mishaps and Mayhem of a Gluten Free Life December 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Great prize giveaway Lori! I'd be the clown! Being a teacher n being rather silly at times I love to see that I have made a child smile! Lots of people including u n me haven't had the easiest of times (mine more physical tho, not on the same scale!), I want to make children n adults alike laugh if only for a minute or second n forget about their problems no matter how big or small!


Something Gorgeous December 12, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I've just eaten a packet of Tarzan jubes so if that doesn't help me be a trapeze artist who swings like Tarzan….then I'll be the fat Lady of the Circus!


Miss Pink December 12, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I have always been in awe of the silk trapeeze artists.
Could you see me doing it?

All that twirling looks like a lot of fun, and so graceful and beautiful.

Besides Mr Black would probably like it if I were that flexible?


Miss Pink December 12, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I have always been in awe of the silk trapeeze artists.
Could you see me doing it?

All that twirling looks like a lot of fun, and so graceful and beautiful.

Besides Mr Black would probably like it if I were that flexible?


MummyK December 12, 2011 at 1:20 pm

I wanna be the one that does the knife throwing on someone on a spinning wheel, because I like danger, or maybe deal with dangerous animals, or maybe do a unicycle on a tight rope. I'm conflicted.


kogvos December 12, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Shoot me out of a cannon any day. Into a bunch of clowns with squeaky red noses so it makes lots of noise. Add some braying donkeys for extra mayhem. Maybe an elephant. And a monkey in a red hat.


Jen December 12, 2011 at 11:58 am

I'd love to be an acrobat – with all the grace and courage I lack in my regular life :)


Megs December 12, 2011 at 11:49 am

I'd be the chick in a tutu riding a beautiful white horse and doing tricks, they always seemed to have such fun doing that in Enid Blyton books, and really, who can argue with a tutu???


Tania December 12, 2011 at 11:32 am

I'd be the bearded lady (thanks to my PCOS) in the sideshow alley – people would come and marvel at my hairy face and I wouldn't feel so out of place


MrsKellB December 12, 2011 at 11:25 am

Ok so I don't like heights, fast things, lions and horses scare me soooo I'm thinking the magicians assistant in a lovely sparkling dress.


mellie0105 December 12, 2011 at 11:18 am

I would be a lion tamer, between husband, kids & dog I am already qualified to tame just about anything, it would probably seem easy to be doing just one job!


Anonymous December 12, 2011 at 11:17 am

If I was in a circus (just wait I have 3 kids I live in a circus) I would be in the trapeze because it rhymes with Louise.

We love Ikea here because it rhymes with Maria and Sofia.

Thanks for the competition.


Louise taylormadecakes


Deb December 12, 2011 at 11:01 am

Technically I don't live in Australia, but my eldest and my sister currently residing in Sydney, so I'm going to cheekily enter because we have no IKEA in New Zealand and that is tragic!!

I would be the white rabbit just popping out here and there!!!


Lydia La La December 12, 2011 at 10:20 am

I am so with you on loving Ikea. I live 1000 kilometres from the nearest one and it grieves me!
I would be the Shit Shoveller. I would never be out of work and if the circus had to close due to apathy or animal cruelty, I would go to Parliament house in Canberra where there is plenty of shit to shovel.
May your Guardian Angels be there for you and the children over Christmas and 2012. xo


Mrs BC December 12, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Fortune Teller. In my own Gypsy/Carny van. I would be taking no shit from the midgets.
Stuff the big tent, side show ally is where the real action is.


Cassie December 12, 2011 at 10:03 am

I would be the tight-rope walker. I have always loved to balance. When we lived in Queensland, I used to walk along the fence on the balcony 5 m off the ground (when my parents weren't watching). When we lived in Defence housing, I used to walk along the pipe on the top of our fence. Loved it!


Lirion December 12, 2011 at 8:52 am

I assume you mean Friday 16 December?

Anyway, if I could be in the circus I'd want to be one of the trick pony rider. Acrobatics and horseriding, bliss! Wonder if I could somehow manage a trapeze act in there somehow as well? Hmm, perhaps not the _pony_ on the trapeze though!


enlightned-one December 12, 2011 at 8:38 am

Under the Big Top

The jugglers wearing budgie smugglers/ on goes the show, but what people don't know/ Is that there in for a night, of tricks and fun/ There abs will hurt….. by the time that there done/ What a night, under the Big Top/ Kids get candy, and so-da pop/ First show, off we go/ It’s the midgets, little legs wont grow/ Watch them run, as they try to perform/ I swear I saw these guys, on some midget porn / Next comes the Ball of Death/ These guys must be high, riding on Meth/ Then the clowns….. silly as they are/ Driving around…… in a three wheeled car/ The Strong man….. is called to the stage/ Bending everything….. in a surly rage/ Then the climax….. of the night/ lights dim…. as they were way to bright/ The Dreamer is here….. and he steps ready to perform/ What a miracle…… that such a man was born/ His raps are so profound, and nothing but mystic/ You'd be bummed if u went out for candy and missed it/ His words ring trueness to everyone’s ears/ He can't hear himself…. over the cheers/ That’s it…. another show over for the week/ That’s good….. cause I can hardly speak. The Dreamer

So obviously in this I am the rapper…….. But conventional circuses don't often have a rapper, so I guess my second pick of who I would be in the Circus is the Jugglers wearing Budgie Smugglers!!! : )


Pinkie December 12, 2011 at 12:31 pm

(Tania kind of beat me to it).

I'd be the bearded lady with a python around my neck have a little man with a goatee wearing tails as a side-kick. We read palms, tea leaves, minds and cards. My husband would be the strongman who chops wood. My kids would be working on an act with the elephants and tigers. and begging for a dancing bear from Santa.

Happy Christmas Lori! Cheers, Clare


Shelley December 12, 2011 at 10:02 am

I love IKEA! Id want to be one of those people that does dangerous things on a swing (if i was in a circus). My brains not working yet – have just woken up!


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