by Lori Dwyer on October 19, 2012 · 20 comments

I fly into Melbourne on Thursday night for the ProBlogger event, which runs Friday and Saturday. Saturday night. I leave Etihad stadium after a full day of brain stretching to catch my eight pm flight home from Sydney.

I never check my laptop in when I fly– who does that, trusts their prized possession with baggage handlers who are likely to play tarmac soccer with it….? But I’ve been lugging the combined thirty kilogram weight of three bags around for two hours now and I am so damn tired.

I’m picked up from Sydney airport at ten pm. I sleep for nine hours, wake still exhausted to the bone. I collect my children from my mum’s house and meet up with friends for a day out. After running around, driving another two hours in between stops and starts… it’s seven o’clock and the gloaming is beginning by the time we finally get home.

My house if full of people– my cousin, The Doc, my mate Kristabelle. I never mind the company but tonight there is just too many of them and I need a break… the noise of constantly interacting with other restless souls for four days straight has become an almost unbearable din.

I open my laptop, trying not to think too hard about the forty emails I have to answer and two articles due tomorrow. I turn around to put something in the dishwasher, turn back…

“Oh no…” It’s a whisper that feels like a whimper. “Oh no, no…”

The screen is shattered, a huge crack running diagonally across the entire seventeen inches of screen. My stomachs drops and flips and I feel so stupid- if it were physically possible, I’d kick myself in the face.  Who is stupid enough to check in their laptop?? Especially on a discount carrier that essentially use streamlined buses with wings for their aircraft and have you walk across a virtual frozen tundra of tarmac to board?

I look around my house, at four loads of unfolded washing and no less than eight bags of clothes, mine and the kidlets, that need to unpacked following our four days away from the TinyTrainHouse, lest we have no clean underwear. I think of washing that should be done and lunches that need to be packed and writing I’d really like to do and so many emails to be answered and a million other things….

And I start to cry. I can’t help it. Obese inflated tears roll down my cheeks and I sob noisily, gutturally, so fed up with the way things are always so damn difficult and so tired of being tired all the time.

My mate Kristabelle… she’s all kinds of awesome. I connect my laptop to an old TV and finish what must desperately be done tonight while she cleans the worst of the mess in my house. She sits with me, on the edge of my bed, as I cry pitifully, a slick layer of shiny tears across my cheeks, my eyes swollen and sore.

“I miss him” I sob to her, I miss so much, and I just want him back.”

“I know” she says, all there is to say, “I know…”

She stays with me until I have cried myself to sleep, and then she returns at half past seven the next morning. Gets my kids up and dresses, wakes me as she’s leaving to walk them to daycare for the day.

And I catch up, enjoy the day that goes too quickly. At the end of it, there’s still so much to do, the never ending list of things I’m not quite on top of.

But it feels manageable again, as though I can handle it… Just.

Maybe it’s just having someone in my corner. Some people are real and unafraid and so generous of spirit it makes me want to weep.

People like that are rare. A friend like Kristabelle…. I’m very lucky to have her.


I begin to wonder if breaking a computer screen is akin to breaking a mirror.

 Kim from MM, With Some Grace and I at the #PBEvent. Why do I somehow feel as though I jinxed myself…?

In the days that follow I get locked out of my email account and lock myself out of my house (again). I discover first hand the catastrophic difference the carbon tax is going to make to the average household and almost faint when I open my electricity bill. I fight with a good friend, yell at my kids. I discover my travel insurance doesn’t cover those people dense enough to not carry valuable goods on the plane with them. Insomnia kicks my arse and I find myself awake, clenching my teeth and wired with anxiety until four or five AM.

It’s been a bad week.

The next one has to be better.

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Kate Sanders October 22, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Ugh! Don't you just hate it? I have days like that too. Although it's really awesome how you feel like you can conquer anything after a meltdown.


amy October 20, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Same here. Shitty week – one thing after another. My dad had 2 moles taken off his back, got told they were cancerous. Fought with my brother all week. Parked my car in its usual spot on the street outside my house… and when I went to go out in the morning, i saw that someone had hit my car overnight, denting the side panel and putting a huge crack in the windscreen rendering it not roadworthy… And then to top it all off, they drove off without leaving a note! A hit and run!!! Next week must be better. Fingers crossed!


Anonymous October 20, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Can we start a donation fund to buy Lori a new laptop ?


Tree October 20, 2012 at 8:11 pm

I'd like to buy you a replacement if you need one. Your blog has saved me more than once.


Bronnie Marquardt October 20, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Oh crap. There's always a straw to break the back, you know. I get it, I do. Big hugs to you babe. Hope you are feeling a little better by now. xx


Anonymous October 20, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Opportunity for Toshiba to be perfect and lovely!! Hint hint!


robomum October 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I agree with Jess as it happened to me recently. Expensive, both financially and also emotionally. Hang in there Lori. X


Kimberley M October 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Aww love, I'm sorry you're having such a shitty week. If it's any consolation, meeting you and Grace was probably my favourite things about Problogger. You haven't jinxed yourself – but you have every right to feel shithouse. Kx


Anonymous October 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm

{{{{{{HUGS LORI}}}}}}}



Jess@Diary of a SAHM October 20, 2012 at 10:15 am

Oh man Lori, that's awful! I think all the bloggers all over the world would be deco to see that happen to their laptop.
Hope things get better for you soon. Xxx


Madmother October 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Oh sweetie, I hope it will too. xx


Sharon @ Funken Wagnel October 19, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Please check your emails, Lori, I might have a spare.


Miss Pink October 19, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I think you have more gorgeous friends than you know. I just wish I were in a position to help more. It's a goal I'm working on. Then I will annoy you ;)
Just remember it's ok to have those moments. You've been dealt a shitty hand. I'd throw some tantrums myself.


rah October 19, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Next week is going to be HEAPS better. Pinky swear xo


Caroline October 19, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Fark, what a week Lori. May this one be better x


Donna October 19, 2012 at 4:40 pm

That is a tough week for sure! I hope some kindly computer sponsor happens across this and sends a lovely new laptop your way – you deserve it x


Caitlyn Nicholas October 19, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Hugs sweetie :(


Grace October 19, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Oh, love! Whatta shitty week! Big hugs!
And no, no, no – broken computer screen doesn't isn't akin to breaking a mirror. Shit just always happens in a pile.
It doesn't surprise me though you've got people looking out for you, Lori. You're very much loved. Take care of you xxx

Reply October 19, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I'm so sorry you had such a shitty week, but I'm glad you had someone there to help take some of the weight off. It's funny how being upset over something lame like that happening brings EVERYTHING to the surface.

When it's shitty, the shittiness tends to cascade and build like an awful, humongous shit avalanche, doesn't it? I'm crossing my fingers that things look brighter when you wake up tomorrow.

(The electricity thing? Not just the carbon tax but also a 17 per cent price hike by the power companies that came into effect in July…oh, don't get me started on the price of power these days!)


Sidetracked October 19, 2012 at 1:21 pm

It's always worth looking for You Tube videos that show how to replace the LCD display in your model of laptop. If after watching that, you feel that you could do it yourself, have a look on ebay for the required parts. It would cost you a lot less than paying someone else to do it. The only thing is that doing yourself will void your warranty if you are still within a warranty period. Good luck!


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