Mr Fix-It and the thing that buzzes.

by Lori Dwyer on November 16, 2010 · 38 comments

Mum, don’t read this one, OK? OK!

Buzz,

Hmm. Let’s say, by some stretch of the imagination, I really did go to Sexpo a few weeks ago. And, since we’re imagining things, let’s pretend I really did buy something that buzzes. And requires AA batteries.

If you follow my drift.

And, let’s imagine that this particular buzzing thing (that I may or may not have bought) was hardly a top-of-the-line pearlboy type,* but more of a cheap imitation that may or may not have come as part of a $30 bits-and-pieces showbag. Which may or may not have contained other ridiculously tacky items like a pecker whistle.

And let’s pretend that, being the cheap, buzzing kind of pearl boy that it may or may not have been, this imaginary vibrator had it’s motor burnt out within just five minutes of use.

*Ahem* cheap thrills, anyone?

Whatever. Now, just for fun, let’s imagine that the Man fancies himself a bit of a Mr Fix-It. And decides that this cheap, buzzing “I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Pearl Boy!” was perfectly repairable.

So, let’s imagine he pulled it apart, replaced a few wires and soldered a few bits.

And let’s say that Mr Fix-It’s fixing skills were firing on all cylinders, so to speak, and fix it he did.

But…. with all those things that may or may not have happened taken into consideration- especially the fact that the Man is hardly electrically educated, in fact, not at all electrically educated, let’s say I am now far too terrified to actually use the aforementioned imaginary vibrator, lest I get electrocuted. Not only would that be extremely painful, but very much embarrassing.

So. *Ahem*. *Cough* Given this completely, totally hypothetical situation, my RRSAHM’ers, what would you do, I ask? What would you do? Would you use a cheap imitation vibrator that you got in a $30 showbag, that your husband has pulled apart and rewired? Or, erm.. not?

Surely I can’t be the only one who thinks this just may be exceptionally dangerous.

* I had to Google “pearl boy vibrator” to get that link. Now that’s exceptionally dangerous. See how much I love you all? Be grateful, be very, very grateful.
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