Next Time.

by Lori Dwyer on April 28, 2011 · 36 comments

I think, the next time I fall in love, I simply won’t be so busy.

I’ll appreciate things more, take time to kiss and smile and laugh more. I’ll do what I did before- iron and cook and clean, but I’ll enjoy every second of it.

Because now I know what a big hole it leaves, having no one to take care of. Having no one to take care of you.

I think I just appreciate life more in general, now.

The longer I’m here, in Paradise, the more I wonder why I was so afraid of coming back here… this place is so beautiful.

So simple…

Simple pleasures, I’m finding, are the best things for a broken soul.

It’s the very simple things I miss.

Because I think, in a relationship, it’s the very simple things you take for granted, when you assume, as most people do, that you have all the time in the world.

Next time, there won’t be anything I take for granted. I’ll never be too busy writing, or folding washing, or doing a million other tiny, boring things, to cuddle or kiss or chat or have a coffee with someone- anyone- that I love ever again.

And the last thing I’d do again is let the sun go down on an argument…. what a silly thing to do, when I’ve avoided it all my life, and look at what it led to.

So many things I’ll do differently, next time…. if there is a next time.

Because now I know… just when you think you have all the time in the world…

You might not.

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{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }

Trik82 May 2, 2011 at 10:46 pm

To your next time Lori xox


Brooke Farmer May 2, 2011 at 12:33 pm

There will be a next time and you will be better equipped for it than anyone else because all of the things you said you'd do differently you did according to human nature the first time around.


Sarah April 30, 2011 at 9:22 am

Thank you xxx


Roxy Carmichael April 29, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Beautiful sentiments. Makes me appreciate what I have.


Bec April 29, 2011 at 5:34 pm

I've been following your blog since January and many things you have said have touched my heart. This post is beautiful. My husband of nine years walked out on me recently (my best friend, the man I've been with since I was 18), with no other explanation than that I didn't love him (??) and so he didn't love me?!? Without any efforts to work at problems I didn't know existed because he never told me.

We lived such a happy life together, but I suspect his childhood demons caught up with him as well as a recent near-death experience and I wonder had I been more "present" with him whether he wouldn't have left me without even trying.

I ache for you Lori, thank you for putting this out there xxxB


Donna April 29, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Wise words, as always. The world has much to learn from you x


Glowless @ Where’s My Glow April 29, 2011 at 2:10 pm



Jodie at Mummy Mayhem April 29, 2011 at 1:43 pm

You are too lovely and too passionate a person not to have a 'next time'.

I always catch up with your posts, Lori. Like Maxabella – I don't always comment, but I'm here. xxx


Scheherazade’s Den April 29, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Absolutely and transcendentally amazing this post is, I am continually impressed by how you are travelling with all of this,
how brutally honest and true to yourself,

and yet how in moments you can break through into a new place of positivity,

well done, your post just led me to write a love letter to my husband after a morning of feeling homicidal and pre-menstrual and just generally snapping at both my husband and son,
sometimes you gotta pull yourself up on these things and take stock!

thank you!


cjtato April 29, 2011 at 1:15 pm

We are silly sometimes us humans. We worry about "stuff" when we should just be happy knowing we have our loved ones around us. Knowing that we love and are loved. Very timely post, Lori. I think everybody needs a reminder. We get comfortable all too easily.

Sounds like Paradise is working for you. Hugs.


Two Squared April 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm

It's important to cherish the people we love and so easy to forget how. Thanks for this reminder.


nonoodle April 29, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Oh Lori, that is all so true! We never realise what we have until it is gone….
I hope there is a next time for you xo


Kymmie April 29, 2011 at 9:29 am

Oh, I LOVE this Lori. This is beautiful and yet so sad. I've been a stranger here. And I'm so sorry. But I have been catching up on your adventures via Instagram. But am hoping to do a little catch up on your blog today ;) xx


Watershedd April 29, 2011 at 8:50 am

Oh, Lori. If every night, we only knew how many hearts were bedding down on a day spent with the practicalities, rather than what matters most … on day lost to the small stuff rather than those we love … You are starting to find moments of peace, just every now a then. Still wishing you same from my GOFA and me. X


Toushka Lee April 29, 2011 at 8:01 am

so true. so beautiful. thank you.


Kelloggsville April 29, 2011 at 7:57 am

They are words I needed to hear today, things have been rather fraught at home. I would say the same applies to your children too, take the time to love, play and cuddle now because all of a sudden that time is gone too. I really appreciate your words today, thank you xxx


Karen April 29, 2011 at 4:28 am

I'm just smiling from ear to ear at the fact you are able to entertain the mere thought of a next time, a new love!!! xo


Fox in the City April 29, 2011 at 4:25 am

Beautiful. Powerful. Hopeful. Something for all of us to keep in mind.
Jenn xx


Wanderlust April 29, 2011 at 3:14 am

Oh, so beautiful. You. Your words. Next time we'll all get it right. xo


Titanium April 29, 2011 at 2:40 am

Lori, this absolutely beautiful. And spot-on. I'm living my 'next time' right now, and I couldn't have possibly said it better than you have, right here.

Sending healing thoughts in your direction, always.


Darker Side of Pink April 29, 2011 at 1:52 am

This was such a beautiful post. Your words are definitely something everyone should listen to. We take the time we have for granted. Its the simple things that make us happy, love in the simple moments. I am going to try and follow suit with this in my life. *Sending love your way *hugs**


Heather April 29, 2011 at 1:40 am

{{Hugs}} I'm sure your next time will be amazing and wonderful.


In Real Life April 29, 2011 at 12:06 am

Lori, this is so beautifully written! *HUGS*


Cassondra April 29, 2011 at 12:00 am

You sound good, like you're healing. I'm so glad to hear it.


Hear Mum Roar April 28, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Thanks for your wise words, today:) They are so true. Just promise me you'll be kind to yourself, and not beat yourself up about things which are impossible to change:) It's great to learn how we'd do things differently, as long as we don't use that learning to flog ourselves and blame ourselves for things that are simply out of our control.


beingbree April 28, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Lori – you sound lighter some how. Like the cloud is shifting, maybe after the rain, the cloud is not quite as black.
Your words are not only eloquent and touching but reach everyone – regardless of race creed or colour.
It is not only our soul mates this relates to but our children and anyone else we love.
Thank you Lori


MrsKellB April 28, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Just lovely x


Melissa April 28, 2011 at 9:49 pm

the sense of clarity that follows a tragedy can be so life altering – if you let it. You'll find love again – or more likely it will find you :)
thanks for the reminder.


Kellie April 28, 2011 at 9:40 pm

You've made me want to re-evaluate my own relationship. Too often I have so many other things to be doing, when I should just be sitting there with his hand in mine. Im going to take this leaf out of your book and make some more time.

I sit here and read this with tears in my eyes, and though we've never met I am so so so proud of you and how far you've come.
I hope that you do fall in love again one day, and I hope it is wonderful and beautiful and everything you deserve.


Tara @ Mum-ments April 28, 2011 at 9:33 pm

oh hunni that was simply beautiful! i think everyone should read this and follow suit!

im no doctor and i certainly have no idea about you just what i read but reading this it makes me think my love you may be on the way to turning a corner, i really hope so you deserve it
big loves gorgeous girl


Maxabella April 28, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Thank you, Lori. I'm lucky enough to be right in the middle of my 'next time' and with insightful, generous bloggy friends to remind me of that, I can't go wrong.

I haven't commented much lately, but I am here following your journey every step of the way. You just let me know if you need more comment love and I'll deliver. x


ruddygood April 28, 2011 at 9:00 pm

I just read this aloud to my love.

Now, I'm going to send you some cyber-hugs, and go and hug my man for real, dropping a kiss on the forehead of my sleeping boy in passing.

You *will* get your 'next time'. x


Diminishing Lucy April 28, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Them's healing words my lovely…xx


Miss Pink April 28, 2011 at 8:49 pm

You will get your next time. I promise you. Even if i have to move the heavens and Earth. You deserve your next time.


Breanne April 29, 2011 at 1:16 am

Such a great reminder for everyone. I saw a play once (probably a famous one, but I have no idea what it was called) and a woman who died was given a chance to go back and watch one day from her life. She wanted to pick a really special day for her…a wedding, birthday, etc, but was warned to pick the most mundane day she could think of because the most special days will hurt the most. I remember clearly that the day she chose to watch was one where she didn't take time for others, didn't say the extra "I love you" or "I appreciate you" and watching that unfold was heartbreaking. I think your post really speaks to that. Every single day my husband calls while I'm working, blogging, emailing, etc and I ask him to wait while I finish those unnecessary tasks. How many times has he come up to give me a kiss, and I can barely take my eyes off of the computer screen. I get it. Thank you for reminding us all.
I hope today is a good day for you.


Crystal Cheverie April 28, 2011 at 10:23 pm

You are SO right, Lori. Too often we take the ones we love and life's simple pleasures for granted because we're convinced that there will always be tomorrow.

Count me in with those who believe that you will get your 'next time'! :-)


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