I’m in Perth, the far west coast of Australia.
I’m so relaxed, it took me by surprise. The second night I was here, I was standing in my friend’s bathroom, and for a moment I almost felt like I was going to faint. Like I was so light, I could just float away…
It took me a few seconds to realise that I was, quite simply, relaxed. And it’s been so long, so many endless days…. I’d forgotten what relaxed felt like.
I can feel my soul healing here. For someone with PTSD, there is no place more perfect than Perth. It’s so quiet here, even in the middle of the city. It’s so spacious. Houses aren’t squashed together, the streets are wide and clean and they feel fresh and unconstricting.
And the sky…. the first thing I noticed, stepping off the plane, was how endless the sky is here. Nothing but blue, and it goes for miles and miles, from one side of the horizon to the other, not interrupted by hills or the clutter of Sydney surburbia.
And the beach… the ocean. Cold and salty and energising. Laying back, floating so easily in the salt, eyes closed… like there is nothing else on earth but me, and the rushing, cosseting blanket of the Indian Ocean.
The other side of Australia. A whole different ocean, almost. A place I can swim, in the sea, and not have Tony’s ashes floating with me, clinging to me, abrasing me with guilt.
And a friend here, who knows me, who’s known me since I was six. Who doesn’t define me by my children, or Tony, or anything else that formed part of my Purple Life. Someone who knows the essence of me, because they’ve known me since I was so much less than, but so much more than, the boundaries of my adult life.
Someone who knows my soul, and makes me tea and toast, and took me to watch the sunset over the water. Someone who knows the essence of me, and loves me anyway, the way only the best of friends can do for you.
I met up with friends, my beautiful blogging friends, like Glow and The Fabulous Lady, and forum friends, who I’ve known for so long, and love so dearly… it was so lovely to put faces to blogs, to the stories of their life I already know about.
I’m being taken care of. I’m being weak and fragile and lost, the same way I have been for weeks. But the difference is I don’t have to pretend to be strong here. No one expects it of me, and there is no grinding life- bills and errands, things to make me anxious- to smack me in the face as soon as I wake up.
Thirty one hours until I have to fly home. I so wish I could stay.
I can feel myself, slowly, shakily, timidly, but quite percectably… I can feel myself healing here.
{ 67 comments… read them below or add one }
As all the others have said, I am happy to hear that you've been able to find a place where you can feel calm and relaxed.
Perhaps your friends could bottle up some of that Perth blue sky and ship it to you!
Wishing you many more calm days,
L. Avery Brown
http://whenasouthernwomanrambles.blogspot.com/
It was good to read this. I am glad you found a place to relax.
So wonderful. Peace, beauty, rest, friendship, a change of PLACE. So happy you had this. Keep it with you. I love what an earlier commenter said about it being a "balm" for the soul. Perfect… so soothing.
So glad you are in a happy place right now.
Enjoy
Chris
Oh, good! I'm glad you are in a beautiful place with friends. Take care.
Oh my goodness, what a brilliant post. I was in tears because I could feel your emotion and it was so incredibly positive. Thank God for good friends… can't you think of moving?
I love Perth. We lived there before. I wanted to move back there when we visited two years ago. Such a nice place, great for raising a family. Why not stay there?
Hope the healing continues back home and that you find even a little of the peace.
I'm so glas you're having this peaceful time out. It's just what you need now.
Hi Lori
I just wanted to say congratulations on flying.
I've read about how much you hated it and Perth isn't exactly close by..
You've taken such a big step at such a shit time..
Cheers
Katie xxxx
who_me_123@hotmail.com
I am so so happy that you have your friend, and Perth too — either one of them alone would have been wonderful — but together… that is a recipe for soothing.
Thinking of you.
Pam
Obviously just what you needed. Enjoy
So pleased to read this. I hope the healing process will continue and you will return home much stronger thanks to the kidness and love of you dear friend.
Stella x
Aaw, by now you've left. I would have loved to meet you.
If you're ever back this way, I'm keen if you are.
So pleased your trip was peaceful and healing.
I think about you often, and you have another friend here in Perth, should you want one
I'm glad you're healing. Not a comment on you at all but just where my thoughts are (and only because you have written about them so beautifully )with your gorgeous children and esp that wonderful little boy of yours.
I was at my happiest in Perth. I still consider it sacred and use my memories of it for 'my happy place' when I'm low and stressed. Perth is locked in my mind and even though I've been taken out of Perth, it can never be taken out of me
I am so happy to hear that this is helping you and allowing you to feel some of life's joys again. Have you thought about moving there, since it agrees with you so much?
Thank goodness. So glad to hear you have had some calm and time out. and some non-pressure nurturing.
You may have to leave it for a while – but it's always there for you to go back to…just hold it in the back of your mind, and return to it when you need it – mentally, or, (preferably) if you can, physically.
I moved to the beach for a year after My Mum died and I'm forever saying it…The sea healed my broken heart. I'm so glad you are feeling some peace Hun, Hugs x
Perth is like that, and I am so glad you're enjoying. Perth is a place where the endless space helps clear your mind!
Perth has that quality about it, no? And I'm with Lucy… It's not entirely impossible to move there. So relieved for you that you have been able to breathe out with no expectation even if only for a couple of days.
Oh Lori that sounds wonderful. Yay for you. I am glad the healing has begun …
awesome!! hugs!!
There are so few people in life with whom we feel that secure, able to be completely ourselves. I'm glad you are with such a person now
So glad you have somewhere safe and beautiful to heal your soul. Sending kind thoughts xo
The beach is so healing, as is simple peace. I can't think of much to say at the moment, but still here, willing you onwards Lori.
Lots of love sweet girl,
Sophie xxx
That is so good to hear. *HUGS* Wishing you all the best.
That is excellent. May that peace (at least some of it) follow you home.
So glad to hear you sound like you have som peace in your life. If this is the place you can find peace then maybe you should look for a way to stay there. Take your kids, find a place… I know, there's a lot I don't know about your situation, but I hear it in your voice and wish you could keep that peaceful feeling forever.
Oh Lori, yay! And yes, yes, I GET this! This is so right, so what you need. Drink it up. If you can do this again, do it. Do it as much as you can.
When I was diagnosed with PTSD I went to stay with my brother in the southwest for 2 weeks. I only meant to stay one but needed to stay 2. It was the same thing. I was loved, nurtured, allowed to sleep in, my kids were loved and looked after. I was with someone who knew me from infancy and loved me unconditionally. I had no bills or lawyers or school runs and I went on leave from work. It was sunny and warm instead of freezing and icy. I healed there. I hope to heal more in Australia.
You need this. You need as much of this as you can get. I hope you can find more and allow yourself to take it. I wish you could come to Kansas. I would take care of you here. xx
Welcome! I read this post with a big smile on my face for you. I am so glad you got on a plane and flew! And I breathed a sigh of relief for you that you have found a little bit of peace for a while. Good friends are fabulous aren't they?
No matter what ocean it is, the beach and the sound of the waves make you feel good. I am glad you got to go where it makes you feel wonderful.
Nothing like the beach to bring calm and peace. I've never been more relaxed than when I was lying on a rock beach in Nice, France.
Stay longer if you can, and maybe one day move there. Sometimes you and peace have to meet eachother in the middle.
sending LOVE and PEACE,
Marianna
PS – a dream of mine to go to Aussie. Long trip from Canada! Perth will be my first stop
I'm so glad you are enjoying this little break
hope you can carry some of the peace home with you. xxx
Like the others Lori I am thrilled to hear you have shed your burden for a small while. Not the soul-deep wound but the expectations and demands that life (and otehr people) put upon in Sydney.
I hope your experience of relaxtion reminds you it is possible once you return to 'real life'. May the universe bless deeply your beloved life-friend there in Perth.
CourtneyB – Raleigh is North Carolina! Lori, I adore Sydney but I can imagine that the busyness of it can be smothering when you are trying to find peace and quiet. Glad to hear you have found some in Perth.
Glad you are having a wonderful time here in Perth & are finding some peace.
Perth is a wonderful place isn't it? Glad you found some peace there, Lori. xx
If anyone deserves it, it's you.
Be warned, though. Healing is not unidirectional. You may fall back away from it again.
And that's OK, too.
good on you, Lori
That's good my love. That's good.xxx
Wouldn't live anywhere else, glad you love it as much as we do!
Especially happy that you found some peace here.
Move there. Places that bring you peace are not to be underestimated. xxx
Enjoy xx
I'm glad you have found a peaceful place that has helped you heal a bit. It must be a wonderful uplifting feeling to escape for a while.
I'm glad you've found somewhere to relax and heal a bit. Lots of love.
So glad to hear you're starting to feel yourself heal! And so glad you have the chance to feel so loved by your old friend. There's nothing quite like them x
It was lovely to meet you, and give you a big hug! Make sure you come and visit us again soon x
How wonderful it is to read this and hear there is a balm being applied to your searing soul xx
Thank Gawd for good friends ( not that i have many )….and good luck for the rest of your stay Lori…
so glad that you are getting the relaxation and care that you so deserve love ya sunshine xxx
Sounds lovely and just what you need xx
I'm so glad you have found a little haven of peace. I grew up in Perth, I live in the desert now but it is an essential part of who I am. I'm honoured to share a little of it with you.
sounds like just what you need xox
It was wonderful to be able to finally give you a hug, Lori. I had such a fantastic time at dinner. I'm glad you are healing here and have some lovely Don Burke median strip stories to take home with you
x
Maybe, just maybe Perth is where you are supposed to be? Heal well xx
Oh your in my world! Perth is simpler, do enjoy seafood on the beach at sunset. Walk on the river. Wander in the heat. It's good for the soul xxx
I wish you could stay, too.
Heal well and enjoy.
we've LOVED, LOVED, loved having you here. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Wonderful
I have not been to Perth but I can imagine all that sky my dad went there and he said it had the biggest sky he had ever seen.I am glad you found a little peace who knows what may follow.
I love Perth, The nomadic Gypsie in my heart wishes i could live there a little while… and Darwin… and Adelaide… and Paris… Raleigh, South carolina… Orange NSW… an Echuca… Ahhhhhh one day!
I've been reading this, smiling. Peace and love to you. xxx
to read this was bliss…I ask the universe to let you bring some of that sense of ease home with you..
Why can't you stay? Even for a few more days. So happy you are soldiering on & conquering! Look what you can do! You can FLY!
Lots of love-xxx Autumn
Good to know there's a place you can escape to. Much love. Gx