Plan B

by Lori Dwyer on March 21, 2011 · 66 comments


OK. What I should be blogging about is the Aussie Bloggers Conference, which I attended this weekend. And believe me, there is a post coming, a good one with photos and crap.

Right now, though, there are other things I need to write about. If you wanna read about the ABC right this very second, there is a hugely growing list of posts here… I really better get my act together before it’s all been said already.

Whatever. For now, please know three things. One, I had seriously one of the most awesome weekends of my life, right up there with my wedding. Two, evidently, that makes me a massive geek. I am OK with that. And three- for someone who *ahem* doesn’t drink, I consumed an awful lot alcohol on Saturday night… (jam donut shot, anyone?)

Moving on.

Fingers crossed, we are moving this weekend. The Purple House, which isn’t purple anymore but still feels purple, is half packed. The bits and pieces, the detriment clutter that made up our lives, packed into crates and boxes and dismantled and it’s such a relief, it feels like I’ve been holding my breath.

I’m so ready to leave my Purple Life behind. It breaks my heart, it hurts like my nerves are on fire… but I’m ready. That colour, it will follow me… I feel stained with it. Bruised.

It’s time for Plan B. Tony and I, we never had a Plan B, a seachange in mind, somewhere to escape to… we were so happy with our little life, most of the time, we didn’t need one. We had plans, as you do… we were going to move house in a few years time, when our kids started school. Probably to another house in the same suburb. And maybe, just maybe, have another baby, another tiny curly newborn…

And one day in the far distant future, we would retire to a lighthouse, somewhere on the rocks by the ocean… and he’d grow bonsai and I’d knit ugly jumpers and drink lots of tea.

So easily pleased. That’s irritatingly devastating- I had everything I ever wanted, and I very rarely asked for any more.

I don’t want for much, right now, if I’m honest. I want for Tony, for his smell and his arms and hearing him laugh, sharing my frustrations with him over a child that will not sleep. (Walking through Kings Cross, Saturday night, the heat of nocturnal life, all dressed up in the pouring rain… the ache for my husband, for the physical presence of him, the size of him, was so real it bit at me, nipped at the straps of my heels…)

But other than that, the huge whole in my life that I just cannot fill…?

Plan B, for the moment, it’s very simple.

I have at least three months left in limbo, waiting for the financial knots to untie themselves.

seems the perfect place to be.

I want to spend the next three months somewhere quiet, surrounded by people who love me unconditionally, family that I grew up with. Give my kids a chance to run and play and laugh with their cousins, the way I did as a child- it brought me so much pleasure.

I want to walk with my kids, and That Bloody Dog, on the beach every afternoon, and bring them home for sandy bubble baths before we snuggle up in flannel pajamas in front of the TV.

I want to keep a small house clean and tidy, things in their place.

I want to face paint again… the coastal markets run in a different town every weekend, and business would be slow enough in winter to read books and watch the passing parade of people between paying customers.

I want to dress my children in clothes from the abundance of second hand shops in HomeTown, mixed with discount surf wear.

And I want to let my little hippy Bump dance in the rain without shoes on, out on the grass, the way she likes to do.

I want to cook muffins for my kids, and the guests I’m hoping will come from the suburbs on the weekend, to sleep in my spare room and drink coffee on my veranda.

I want to take my children for bike rides along the River.

I want to grow flowers, to put in a vase in my kitchen. It’s probably the wrong time of year for that, but we’ll try anyway.

And in Spring, perhaps we’ll know where we’re digging in, where we’re growing our roots… then we’ll have a veggie garden, and grow plump red tomatoes, warm and smooth and ripened by the sun.

Simple pleasures.

All that, it feels like a lot… but it really doesn’t seem too much to ask for, not now, not After…

How can I not be happy again, one day, when I am so easily pleased?

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{ 66 comments… read them below or add one }

kymog March 25, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Sounds so absolutely perfect, and wonderful. I hope each of these simple things, and so much more, comes to you and your children…and easily.


Winter March 25, 2011 at 1:10 am

Sounds like exactly where you are meant to be right now Lori, the perfect place to regroup and heal just a little bit. xoxo Winter


Claire Marie March 24, 2011 at 4:02 pm

This post gave me so much joy to read. I am praying for you and your plan b!


bigwords is… March 23, 2011 at 8:34 pm

so wonderful meeting you on the weekend. You made me giggle. wishing you all the best for Plan B xx


Sarah March 23, 2011 at 6:16 pm

What a gorgeous post Lori, full of warmth for your children, your future, for your self. I can totally imagine that life. Peaceful, simple, soulful. It sounds wonderful. xx


gryph07 March 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Plan B sounds marvellous! So glad that you are able to do it! :) Love from Canada.


Penny March 23, 2011 at 7:51 am

Your Plan B sounds like HEAVEN, I only wish I could do those things too. One day, when I have children, I hope to share such special things with them they way you will


Queensland Girl March 23, 2011 at 7:16 am

Sounds great to me. Take the time to heal and the answers will come. Good luck xxx


Melissa March 22, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Sounds ike a good plan. If anyone deserves a bit of happiness, it's you.


Tina Gray March 22, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Sounds perfect! xx


cassey March 22, 2011 at 9:53 pm



Squiggly Rainbow March 22, 2011 at 9:29 pm

The simple life is so good, I am sure you will find much joy and solitude in all that you wrote coming to fruition.


J from Ireland March 22, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Sounds wonderful. You deserve this and much more.


Dorothy March 22, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Can I come too?

It was lovely to finally meet and hug you. You are so tiny, seem so fragile, yet obviously so strong. And you have a group of wonderful friends around you to hold you when you fall, when you break. Take time to heal, to rest, to bask in the sun.


bannaua March 22, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Sorry you have to have a Plan B, but this one sounds like it might be a really gentle and nice fit.


mamabred March 22, 2011 at 9:22 pm

so beautiful xxx


Mel March 22, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Yep. Sounds perfect.


Be A Fun Mum March 22, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Beautiful plan Lori. xx


Danielle March 22, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Wonderful Plan B lori :-) xxxx


Through the looking glass March 22, 2011 at 1:34 pm

That sounds gorgeous. You go get it xxx


edenland March 22, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Completely crying here, at your beautiful words.

I motherfucking love you, Lori. Fiercely. I got your back, will be your bouncer any day.


Donna March 22, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I really wish you all the love and luck in the world with this move. I hope that its a tonic that help heal you in everyway.

BTW, I am SO GLAD I got to finally hug you and say hi in person to the beautiful & brave you xx


In Real Life March 22, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Beautiful! *HUGS* :)


THE Bird March 22, 2011 at 10:39 pm

Goosebumps…. (or as my baby girl used to say, 'Bumpygoose')


thatblogyoudo March 22, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Your plan B sounds pretty good to me. Good on you Lori. x o x o


Karyn March 22, 2011 at 11:00 am

Sounds perfect – a wonderful Plan B. Every kids' dream.


Miss Pink March 22, 2011 at 10:22 am

Simplicity. I love it. I'm a simple kind of person myself, i find it makes everything seem that much more easy. Less…cluttered.
Good luck with your move. I have a feeling it will be the right fit for you.


Toushka Lee March 22, 2011 at 9:56 am

it sounds idyllic. the simple life. I want to visit and get my face painted and drink coffee in your kitchen. I'm glad to have been a part of your great weekend too. I loved meeting you.


The Patch Craft March 22, 2011 at 9:34 am

I have been reading your blog for a while now. This is sounding so positive for you and the kids. Right now I could just go there myself.


Marianna Annadanna March 22, 2011 at 9:28 am

Sounds beautiful. And SO not too much to ask for.

I don't believe people need a lot of stuff to be happy, they just need the *right* stuff to be happy. You'll get there. Can't wait to hear about it.

Sending PEACE your way,

PS – I needed this uplift today. Makes me happy that you seem happy(ier) – and that you had fun last weekend. You're such an inspiration.


Caz (The Truth About Mummy) March 22, 2011 at 9:24 am

You are a born writer! Your words convey so much. Maybe you should add a little writing nook to your plans and start letting your words work some more magic. I think you are very talented. Such a beautiful post. I can see it all and I pray it comes to pass for you :O)


Corinne – Daze of My Life March 22, 2011 at 8:43 am

A beautiful plan. I could smell the sea and feel the sand in my toes as I read that.

I can't wait to read as the dreams become reality and see a photo of that vase filled with flowers you've grown. x


Kelloggsville March 22, 2011 at 8:34 am

Nice one


Adalita March 22, 2011 at 7:56 am

Oh sounds like Plan B is turning into a very well thought out plan. A plan for happiness and fun for your family!


Vicky March 22, 2011 at 7:55 am

Imagine it and it will come. You are doing exactly what you need to be doing – soothing your soul. Hugs.


Amy xxoo March 22, 2011 at 7:42 am

It sounds like a pretty awesome little life to me Lori – so dig in!


Lucy March 22, 2011 at 7:28 am

♫♫ You probably think I'm mad, but it feels good to me, 'cos from now on I'll live as close as I can to the sea …♫♫



connieemeraldeyes March 22, 2011 at 7:00 am

Plan B sounds wonderful. I love the beach.


Jade March 22, 2011 at 6:52 am

Lori, that sounds like an amazing plan to me. x


Leanne March 22, 2011 at 5:55 am

That sounds like a lovely Plan B Lori.


JourneyBeyondSurvival March 22, 2011 at 5:19 am

Sounds lovely, healing and healthy!



Pamela Gold March 22, 2011 at 4:04 am

You've expressed yourself in such a loving way here. You're ready to move forward and that's noble. This plan sounds divine and I'm sure happiness will follow. I'm sure of it.


becca March 22, 2011 at 3:06 am

sounds lovely. Can I join you? >.


Steph(anie) March 22, 2011 at 2:18 am



Mama Jules March 22, 2011 at 2:02 am

That sounds like a great plan!


rageagainsttheblackdog March 22, 2011 at 1:59 am

It sounds wonderful Lori and you can do it.


Watercolor March 22, 2011 at 1:30 am

Sounds like a good plan. Hugs!!


Hear Mum Roar March 22, 2011 at 12:52 am

You will be happy, I just know it:) And I'm so pleased you're seeing a beautiful life ahead, filled with things that matter


Doodah March 22, 2011 at 12:52 am



Ms Styling You March 22, 2011 at 12:27 am

A beautiful planx


Tone-in-Oz March 22, 2011 at 12:20 am

go for it and enjoy it, my plan b was nuttin, but we're gettin somewhere now, one kid started uni, so I must be okay


Another Kiran In NYC March 21, 2011 at 11:56 pm

You made me happy too… with your words and plans.


Misfits Vintage March 21, 2011 at 11:48 pm

That sounds glorious and perfect. xxx


Kakka March 21, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Sounds like a Plan to me, B or not, it is taking control, one step at a time. Much love Lori xxx


robyn March 21, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Lori, I know it might not feel like it, but you are doing so well! I hope Plan B works out for you :)


Taryn March 21, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Awesome x


Emily {Mum’s the Word} March 22, 2011 at 10:15 am

*It even.


Emily {Mum’s the Word} March 22, 2011 at 10:14 am

Definitely not too much to ask for! IIt all sounds wonderful!! :)


fifi_labelle1 March 21, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Hey beautiful brave lady. You will never ever forget loss that is so deep and raw, but it does get easier, and the memories of the good soon take over anything that was ever bad…it's just the way that it all goes….xxxx I have been torn from reading about your pain and loss, but I am warmed by how you are picking yourself up. I wish you and your little cherubs rays of sunshine and warm happiness to fill your lives…xxx


jules March 21, 2011 at 11:07 pm

That sounds like the perfect plan B to me


kim at allconsuming March 21, 2011 at 10:58 pm

No words. Just smiling. Onward.


Mary March 22, 2011 at 7:57 am

Oh Lori – your instincts are so true and strong – may there be kilos of sunripened warm red tomatoes in your future!



Good Golly Miss Holly! March 22, 2011 at 7:37 am

Sounds absolutely divine. It is really is the simple pleasures that make life fab x


Ðéví March 22, 2011 at 6:54 am

You've described a lovely group of future happy moments. Lovely to read and so happy you can go somewhere that is familiar and comfortable.


Kim H March 22, 2011 at 6:50 am

That sounds like a lovely, lovely plan, Lori. And, I just wanted to add, incase you've not thought about it, perhaps you could write a book about all of this. You'd need only to compile your blog posts together and there would be a book already for people to buy and really, really want to read and conenct with. The country is a nice place to do a spot of book writing;)

May your move bring much peace and tranquility and healing time x


Ames March 21, 2011 at 11:27 pm



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