I’m attending Nuffnang Blogopolis in Melbourne at the end of this month.
I leave in a week. I hate flying– though I did it once, not long ago- I’m making a roadtrip of it with a a friend we’ll call Bunny, and being met in Melbourne by my bestie Emma.
I cannot wait. It’s that itching, annoying anticipation, where you wish you could fast forward time, or just sleep through the next few days.
In the Before, I rememeber thinking I couldn’t- wouldn’t want to- go away on holiday and leave my children for that long, I just woulsdn’t enjoy it.
Things are different now.
I am so exhausted, so weighed down and frazzled… I need a break.
Some time to be Lori, instead of Mum. In the Before, Mum was all I wanted to be, the majority of the time.
But being Mum wasn’t so painful, Before.
So, I’m going to run away, again…but I know the deal this time. You can never run far enough.
I am so looking forward to having a lightness of the soul for a few days. To have to answer to no one but myself, organise no one but myself.
Eat what I like, stay up as late as I late, sleep in as late as I like.
It’s almost like being a teenager all over agin- finding identity, pushing boundaries. taking risks.
Searching for new experiences to prove to yourself you are alive, and part of the revolving planet.
I watched Fight Club last night. It’s always been one of my favourite movies.
Even more so now. I kind of understand more, I think.
The volume on everything else being turned down, once something happens that alters your perspective so dramatically. Seeing the trivialities and unimportance of everyone’s day to day life.
The freedom that comes with no longer being afraid to die.
Anarchy, the sweetness of it.
None of this shit is important.
You know that, right?
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Babe, have you thought of it as taking some well deserved time out instead of thinking of it as running away? You deserve this, not for any other reason than that you have earnt this. Have a fabulous time and drink for me, yes? x
life-
42?
If you drove to melb, you could drop in for coffee, but I reckon you will have hands full and really really busy there! have fun
Oh I can totally relate to this post, and I am not laboring under the enormous difficulties that you are.
It is SO good to run away for a bit. I come back a much better mama for my time away. I wish (as I am sure you do) that I could do it more often, and that I didn't feel any guilt when I did it
Enjoy!!!!
You're actually so awesome, that I subconsciously find myself wondering what beer you like so I can stock up, even though you probably aren't dropping by Perth any time soon.
*SIGH*
Here's to you girl… *raises glass*
Slainte!
PS – Fight Club speaks to my soul.
I have to watch Fight Club every year or so… for my soul.
HIS NAME IS ROBERT PAULSON.
oh yay you ARE coming. hurrah. oh I love fight club. so much.
I hope you have a great time away just for you. You deserve it. I cant wait to hear all about it too
xo
Enjoy I so wanted to go but health wouldn't allow maybe next yr hey have fun having me time it's important
Enjoy your time away! I can totally understand that you need a break, and I'm glad you've got it. Just have some fun!
Hope you enjoy 'Lori-time', sounds like lots of friends are waiting for you! xx
I Cant wait to run away with you….. Going on our Melbourne adventure gives me a bit of a chubby.
Can Not Wait xxx
Oh my Lordy. Lori I need to watch Fight Club again.
I get this post so much. In a really warped way, Daves cancer set me free from Life. I see it all differently now. It is so exhilarating. And exhausting.
My teenager will say hi to your teenager at Blogopolis. xxoo
I can relate to so much of what you describe in this beautiful post…the itch of looking forward to something (counting sleeps etc & wishing for the ff button)…feeling frazzled and desperately wanting to escape mummyland for a while…and that awful disconnected feeling of watching & listening to others go on about trivial meaningless shit while you're submerged in another (painful) sea.
I have no idea what its like though to walk in your shoes. I read your blog and am inspired by the way you are coping with the hand you've been dealt. You are an amazing chick Lori. Sending you lots of love and hope you have a completely fantastic escape to Melbourne that refreshes you in the way you need.
Yup – I know that…. it's the remembering that this shit is unimportant that is the problem
Have a great time XXX
But if it is ALL weather, what is the sky? I reckon when I know that one, things will start to make sense. Enjoy your time to be you x
Oh yeh, I know it.
I wrote a paper at uni on The Meaning of Life for 2nd year Philosophy. I still hold true what I wrote then. It is all meaningless. Nothing matters.
I was very depressed after I wrote it. Deep existential angsty depression. Now I find it almost liberating. The small irritating whatever that you could be stressing over: meaningless. Move on.
I hope the week speeds up and you get to live out the weekend as Lori in style. As you deserve.