Secrets, Part Two- Annoying Is Still Annoying.

by Lori Dwyer on July 11, 2011 · 11 comments

From the deep, dark secrets of early widowhood, Part Two.

Married women- and men, surely- it’s no secret that there are things about your partner that annoy the crap out of you. That’s life.

With Tony, well… we’ve discussed Tin Lizzie before. A hulking shell of a ute, who, between her and her plentiful accessories, took up my entire garage.

I don’t know why everyone was so surprised when, after Tony died, the first thing I wanted to do was get of the bloody ute, clean out our garage to get rid of all his crap- he was such a hoarder, never threw anything away (and that rope was laying there, that orange rope, for months, in amongst all that stuff, so sinister… why didn’t I see that?). It was almost as if I was supposed to keep all that stuff, to mull over it. Some kind of shrine.
Why, when all it was, was something I’d never liked, which now caused me pain to look at, to think about…? I didn’t want it to become a weight. I needed to do it, while I was still in shock…. because I knew it would hurt too much, become a useless attachment, if I let it sit.

It annoyed me when he was alive. That didn’t change, once he died.

Some things- the way he’d leave his clothes laying around (if I think about that, I can smell the scent of him on work shirts, laying on our bedroom floor)… things that annoyed before, the absence of them breaks my heart now.

But other things.. like his ute… well. As I said, I didn’t really like it when he was alive. Him being dead made it no different.

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Hear Mum Roar July 13, 2011 at 8:52 pm

I think it's great to get rid of the stuff you don't like. That way you can hang onto the good stuff if that's what you want to do:)


Lynda Halliger-Otvos July 12, 2011 at 5:21 am

May I add my voice to those already here ?~! I am soooo in favor of eliminating stuff from our lives and filling lives with people and art and emotions and love and discovery and patience and exploration and food. Do what you think is best at whatever time you need to. Stuff the people who don’t care for your decisions.


MamaRobinJ July 12, 2011 at 2:33 am

I totally understand that. My husband has so much stuff in our garage and I always wonder what I'd do with it if he died.

Your attachment to some of the stuff is totally to be expected. As is your desire to get rid of the ute ;)


Kymmie July 11, 2011 at 10:25 pm

I live with a hoarder, and I would do exactly the same thing…

Did you get rid of a whole bunch of stuff when you moved? It must have been cleansing/painful in a whole bunch of different ways…



Diminishing Lucy July 11, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Holding on to all that shit is not worth the emotion. Let it all go. You still have the essence of him. xx


Claire July 11, 2011 at 8:31 pm

"A person is not their possessions"

Dang, Glowless – what a way to hit the nail on the head.

Thinking of you, Lori.



Jess Newman July 11, 2011 at 8:10 pm

No one should tell you how to feel or what to do. And glowless is right, it was a smart move. If my husband died i think the first thing I would do is sell his boat because otherwise I might never do it.


kayren July 11, 2011 at 8:04 pm

somehow, this post made me sad. im not sure if its supposed to be sad but i did feel sad..);
i do hope you are coping well..(;


Glowless @ Where’s My Glow July 11, 2011 at 7:50 pm

I think getting rid of all the crap while you were still in shock was such a smart move.
A person is not their possessions, he isn't in them.


Miss Pink July 11, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Some things would be easier to get rid of. OF course! Why would you keep things you never liked if they aren't there to use them/stop you from burning the shit out of them.
If Mr Black died i'd get rid of this ugly beanie he has. He wears it all the time and I fucking hate the thing. It's ugly. It makes him look ugly. It has one of those cap things on it and they're just…awful.
Would you dance around a fire with me when I chuck it in?


Crystal Cheverie July 11, 2011 at 9:51 pm

My jaw is on the floor. Seriously, of all the things to give you a hard time about, not keeping his ute??? I think the title of your post says it all – "annoying is still annoying." You aren't going to suddenly fall in love with Tin Lizzie just because Tony is gone. Anyways, I'm glad you did get it all taken care of.


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