The Department of Fairy Trading.

by Lori Dwyer on December 2, 2010 · 18 comments

in Uncategorized

Tinkle tinkle,

I mentioned a while back (approximately two to three weeks ago) that I had registered my existence as a ‘fey‘ with the Supernatural Registration Authority (SRA). It’s a free service that allows you to register your good self; be you vampire, witch, totally cool Justin Beiber fan, werewolf, troll, MySpace user or any other form of mythical creature.

Anyboo. Because I have the word ‘Sucker’ written across my forehead in bright red Posca pen, I paid $5 to have a an official registration certificate mailed to me. The Man was fairy very muchly less than impressed, but let’s ignore that and carry on. I felt like even more of a sucker when I realised you could get a certificate online and just print the freaking thing out for free. I had the good sense not to tell the Man about that discovery.

Which was most fortunate, because when the the official certificate showed up in the mail it was completely slightly different to the online one. Crisis of Wife Guilt averted. Kinda.

 Click to make it bigger…

Whatever. I now have a completely useless, totally awesome piece of paper that states that I am, in fact, fey. Just like my mother always said I was. The oh-so-witty Glen demanded photographic evidence that I am, in fact, a fairy. I don’t need a photo, Glen, I have a certificate. Ahhh, Glen. You underestimate me.

*Tinkle* *poof* *Puff of smoke* ….and here is Lori, all fairy-fied. Or Lily Petal, as was my fairy alias when I was doing kid’s parties*.

I have, in my time, been everything from a clown to a fairy to a witch to a mermaid to a pirate to Cinderella- no, wait, she’s copyright- Princess Ella and a Bratz doll Disco Diva. And, no, I don’t have photos of most of those, thanks very much for asking. This was all waaaaaay back in the day when digital cameras were still fairy very expensive and confusing. Tracking down the fairy photo took grueling hours a good twenty minutes of searching* through these things called ‘photo albums’ where people actually keep printed out copies of the photos they’ve taken. And there is no button that says “Share” or “Upload”. Trust me. I spent ages looking for it. Really. Not. Or something.

So.. erm.. there you go. I’m losing the plot. I’m a fairy.

*Doing children’s parties, is, by the way, completely outlawed by the SRA anyway, according to the fine print on my certificate. Now they tell me. It also clearly states here that I am over 150 years old. Looking damn good for my age.

 Clickety cliak again, nanna-eyes. Who’s 154 years old  here, you or me?

**Whilst searching through piles of those old fashioned, slightly stinky things called ‘photo albums’ looking for this photo, the Man had the balls to tell me that I’m becoming awfully narcissistic, posting photos of myself on my blog all the time. This is undeniably, shamelessly true.
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Brenda December 3, 2010 at 7:46 pm

Oh my! How cute are you with your fairy costume?!


River December 3, 2010 at 6:47 pm

Well, I just think it's unfair that using glamours is prohibited.


Glowless December 3, 2010 at 9:13 am

Can't wait for the ritual bonfire pics – I checked, it's permitted. x


Maxabella December 2, 2010 at 9:00 pm

Now that's one to frame and hang on the wall right next to the certificate they give you when you've completed the Triple P parenting programme… x


Jean December 2, 2010 at 8:09 pm

hahahaha XXX


Miss A. December 2, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Hey! You're an official fairy now and cute pic too!

Sookie is half fairy so you could very well find hot vampires popping up now that you have come out and made it official – I'm talking about Eric too not Bill ;)


CourtneyB December 2, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Nawwww what a cutie pie fairy you were too.


Jacki December 2, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Lori, you crack me up! That photo is so cute!


edenland December 2, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Cool! I love what your hubby said about being narcissistic by posting photos of yourself – on your own blog. Who else will you post pics of, hah!

I bet you are the coolest kids entertainer around. XOX


Missy Boo December 2, 2010 at 1:13 pm

My 5 year old wants to be a Fairy Party fairy when she's a grown up. I'll let her know she can be a real life fairy just like you ;)


naoise.x. December 2, 2010 at 12:35 pm

i wanna be a fairy. My grandmother used to tell me i was all the time. =]


Klove December 2, 2010 at 9:52 am

Watchout for Vampires!


Joni Llanora December 2, 2010 at 7:40 am

Wow, what a cool certificate to get! I'm gonna get one to show Anya that I am indeed a witch and can turn naughty kids into frogs.


Eva Gallant December 2, 2010 at 7:34 am

So glad you are a fairy….I'm more the witch type!


Fiona December 2, 2010 at 7:28 am

Good to narcissistic when you look so good :)


Lucy December 2, 2010 at 6:59 am

Adorable – Lexie wants to employ you for her next bash….


Jennifer Kay December 2, 2010 at 6:54 am

So…you are a real life fairy, super awesome! And tell the man that it's your blog so back off – I think the picture is SO cute!


Glen December 2, 2010 at 6:49 am

madder than a box of frogs


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