It’s easier to tell yourself that things were better, in the past. Or will be better, in the future, when some indeterminate quality is met.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Life is always better in hindsight. Or foresight. Or if you’re looking from the outside, in.
I can look back, now, at life as it was in the TinyTrainTown, and I can tell myself that things were easier, then. Because I had my family and friends there. Because I wasn’t so stressed about the complexities of life, the things I just can’t seem to do.
If I let it, my mind will repeat those sentiments, over and over. Despite the fact that I know none of them to be true.
But it’s easier, if I do that. Because if I make it a location thing, a circumstantial thing… then I don’t have to do anything to fix it.
The Most Amazing Man reminded me a few days ago that happy is not just a switch you turn on. There’s more to it than that. I have all the tools to do this, to deal with my own head. To skew things so I look at them differently.
And I beat myself up because right now I just… can’t. And I don’t know why.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Don’t forget there are normal ups and downs from moving too – some are unexpectedly a long time after you’d think you ‘should’ feel them!
Vanessa recently posted…Eat Drink Blog 2013
OMG, Lori! There IS a happy switch. Why did I not think of it before? You are in Melbourne & so is the only medical professional I know of who can flip the switch- God know’s I tried to find someone here in Sydney.
I will email you Dr Wood’s details right after school run with a more coherant explaination. And no, it doesnt involve drugs,& no, I’m not on commission- just am ex-patient of his
Hang in there xo
Suzy Mac recently posted…Show and Tell: Use Peas or Sticks
I think that’s one of the things I find really useful about writing a blog or journal, when I’m rewriting my past in my head there’s a record there that sets me straight.
Sarah K Reece recently posted…Pride March design
I suffer from the ‘greener’ kind of mentality. Other people’s lives look shinier, their clothes look better, their jobs sound more awesome… I also get hounded by attacks of rose-tinted nostalgia, and don’t even talk to me about pulling geographicals – though I never go far, I feel like I can change the problems in my life if I can just change where I’m at, physically.
After everything that’s been all madcap and crazy with me lately, I feel like I need to just appreciate what’s going on now. I’ve got it pretty good. And while the storms in my head (let’s not mention the explosions in my body) make that hard to see sometimes, part of me always knows it. Like I could be happy if I just tried, or relaxed, or stopped thinking about everyone else, or how things used to be…
So if you manage it, wanna share?
Whoa, Molly! recently posted…The best laid plans…
And, in a way, I have just the opposite situation.
I’m in such a good time and space, of abundance. Work, kids, relationship, self esteem, health, finances, geography. All just seem to be going so well for me right now. All my ducks are flying in formation, right now.
It wasn’t always this way, there have been challenges, and I’ve had to work hard at it, to stay the course. But I did, and now, here are the dividends.
But all the time I see things around me, that make me scared. Scared, of losing a part of it. Or all of it.
The car accident victim, who lost her baby and so much more. The school friend, who had an affair, and so lost his marriage and family. The ex who left behind young kids, when she succumbed to breast cancer. It’s all so easily gone. Such a thin thread, holds our lives in place, or snaps, and wrecks them!
I tell myself that if I maintain an awareness, a gratitude, a humility, about what I have, then my situation may be safeguarded. The Gods will pay back good attitudes with continued good fortune. But, in fact, all the time I’m scared.
What if something bad happens?