The House That Love Built.

by Lori Dwyer on June 12, 2011 · 15 comments

I’m selling my house, and there are kinks and knots and legalities and contracts. A lovely solicitor with a penchant for fine points, for dotting i’s and crossing t’s. A real estate agent who I actually trust, who sold us our house and phoned once a year, who remembered the names of my children when we spoke.

It was almost a comfort, to take my house to him, to sell. Because he knew, he had seen my perfect family. He’d seen it grow. I didn’t have to attest to him, that once this was a happy home, a happy place to be.

It had such a nice vibe, when I first set foot in there. I hope it’s still there. I hope the love we had, the happiness.. I hope that has permeated through the walls, through the plaster, seeped in through the tiny holes left from all the pictures we had hanging….

The garage, it felt so dark, cleaning it out. Being in there, speaking to Tony’s ghost, what was left of his shadow. That garage, made people tired, took their breath away.

Three women are moving into my house now. That makes me feel so much better. I hope they are peaceful and content there.

Taking phone calls from legal people, listening to big words I only just understand, making decisions for myself, for my children, for the money we have to support us, the money my husband left us to keep his children safe and warm and happy, to give them what they want.

It scares me. I feel like a small child, playing house, pretending to be a grown up. I put on a brave face, and pretend I’m not scared shitless, doing this all by myself.

I’m learning, but. If this is the final part of that wretched process of growing up, well then… I suppose, How To Sell A House 101 is important information to have.

It feels good, in a way… pulling a tooth that’s been loose for months now, letting it bleed. But it hurts, all the same, the way blood always does.

And the future, it’s so malleable. The freedom, it’s exhilarating and comforting and real and a dream, all at once.

I’ve made the right decisions, mostly, so far. Trusting myself, my instincts, what’s right…

I guess the comfort is, I can’t fall too far from here.

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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Donna June 13, 2011 at 1:54 pm

May it all go smoothly for you – and that future of yours and your little ones burn bright xx


MJ June 13, 2011 at 12:50 pm

You will rock it I have no doubt !!x


Annabellz June 13, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Wow… you are amazing!


Watercolor June 13, 2011 at 3:56 am

You are awesome. Hugs!!


Lynda Halliger-Otvos June 13, 2011 at 1:26 am

Yes, indeed,Lori, you are making very good decisions and being at the beach ranks high on the list of activities that keep you sane, therefor the house must go. You did the right thing.

I have faith in you-as do all the commenters and I bet the lurkers too, we’re here for you. Hugs for all three…


Hear Mum Roar June 12, 2011 at 10:03 pm

I hope it all works out well for you


Annettewith6 June 12, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Anything…everything is possible. You CAN do it.
I went out on my own with SIX kids the youngest 17mths…by choice,well sort of, admittedly, but still the practicalities were similar….
Big decisions all by myself…daunting but exhilarating at the same time…still I stumble at times and wish I had a sounding board and some support but hey the more we HAVE to do the more we CAN do….
Keep stepping out, one step at a time, one day at a time, one decision at a time. YOU CAN DO IT!!! The worst has happened and you are still surviving and beginning to thrive…slowly, slowly but we can all see it!!!
With you all the way.


beingbree June 12, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Onward and upward from here Lori xo


Claire June 12, 2011 at 6:44 pm

I'm hoping it all goes super smoothly for you and your littles. You deserve peace and happiness.



molly June 12, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Honey, you are rocking it!…Always, Always, trust yourself when it comes to your babies!


A Daft Scots Lass June 12, 2011 at 4:11 pm

you'll do great ♥


SawHole June 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Wishing you the best. If there is any bloody justice in this world, the whole thing will go smoothly.


Dorothy June 12, 2011 at 1:27 pm

That future – so liberating and frightening at the same time.


Amy xxoo June 12, 2011 at 1:15 pm

I hope it all goes smoothly for you Lori… and i hope the next inhabitants of your home can feel the love you once created there…


Crystal Cheverie June 12, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Hope it all goes smoothly. You definitely seem to have made the right decisions so far. Keep at it.



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