The Laws of Attraction

by Lori Dwyer on September 7, 2012 · 10 comments

I’ve lived my life in shadow, 
Never the sun on my face…
It didn’t seem so sad, though,
I figured that was my place.
‘Under Your Spell‘, Once More With Feeling (That’s ‘Buffy The Musical’ To You)

I blogged not long ago, slightly distraught with a sense of human hopelessness, about how I no longer believed in karma, in some sort of celestial intervention that insured that just because people were ‘good’, their life would be pleasant and agreeable things would happen to them.

As I always do, I read every comment left for me. If I’m honest, some made me angry, but, as is the status quo, most made me smile. One in particular I read at that time and didn’t think much further about until it popped into my mind as a full colour picture a few days later.

An anonymous comment said this

Either you can play the victim, or you can acknowledge that yes, this happened, but it also happened to Tony and all the other people who knew him and who know you.

There IS such a thing as the Law of Attraction. As above, so below… as within, so without. What you think about, you bring about. So while the pain and the memories are there, try to focus on what you loved most about Tony, and you will attract more loving people and experiences into your life.

I’ve had alot of horrible shit happen to me too but I have to pick up the pieces somehow and keep living and learning.

 There’s probably a whole blog post in how much the first paragraph pissed me off. And as for the last paragraph… I freaking hate being patronised. And I’ve found the only thing that playing the “who’s got the biggest pile of crap” game leads to is everyone’s towers falling down and we all end up covered in shit.

The middle bit… and moved on. I filed it under ‘Good Begets Good, Think Happy Thoughts’ and dismissed it with a mental ‘But I already do that…’ and moved on.

And then, as happens on a continually increasing frequent basis, I had some kind of epiphany. And realized all over again that I am not, in fact, as smart as I happen to think I am.

Chatting via SMS to a guy I’d met in the treacherous waters of online dating, I happened to ask how many kids he had. I definitely wasn’t prepared for the answer I got back. Which was ‘seven’. And this guy was only 34 years old.

There are always deal breakers when you’re dating. And when you’re dating online, there has to be– how else do you sift through the myriad of possible men who may be nothing like what they say they are? It’s easy enough to call game over when you find out things like the person in question doesn’t like children, they use hardcore drugs, they’re only after sex or currently serving time in a penititary.

And once upon a my-mid-twenties, seven kids to two different women would have been well and truly enough to make me stay away.

But really, when it comes right down to it… is cutting off any further communication with someone just because they’ve got (way) more kids than you any different to backing away from a woman because her husband killed himself?

Not really. And the laws of attraction state, you get back what you put out into the Universe.

If that’s the truth– and really, who’s to say its not?– then, should I continue the way I am, I’ll find myself meeting people exactly like me. People who are too afraid of someone’s circumstances to even take the chance to get them to know them.

I’ll confess that I’m not particularly disappointed when communication with this guy fizzled out within the next couple of days. It turned out that we just had nothing much to say to each other. But at the very less I let it get to that point organically, naturally. Without cutting it off just because there was some fact of this person’s life that was scary and unfamiliar.

And that has to be a good thing. Because if I’m continually raving and hurting that my husband’s actions speak more to others than the person I am inside, while dismisses others on the facts of their past rather then who they are in the present, it’s only logical that I’m going to attract people who will do just that. Everyone’s got a past, no one is perfect… if I want people to stop expecting me to be, I have to accept the same from them.

With that in place, a core truth that’s taken me so long to learn, it doesn’t even feel surprising when the next person who comes along is almost farcically ‘imperfect’, if we’re going to count odds and ends and candlewax and things that don’t really matter.

And I know, that probably makes no sense to you at all.

But know for now that I’m smiling. It’s spring and my heaven scent garden is beginning to bloom…. and for now I’m smiling.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

griefhappens September 10, 2012 at 7:14 am

I wish I had all day to read your blog. I lost my father to suicide sixteen years ago, and I have many other family members suffering from mental illness and the stigma that inevitably comes with it. Sending you as much love, light, and good energy as I can muster. Your courage, vulnerability, and strength are an inspiration, and I look forward to reading more of your story.


B September 8, 2012 at 11:32 pm

I am a huge believer in the Law of Attraction and I can see where the anon commenter was coming from. He/she is right although I don't think anything was meant to come across as patronising. Many people believe that before we come to earth in human form we make an agreement on the things our souls wish to experience from birth til death, even the time and way we die.

I have manifested alot of good and alot of bad with the LOA because I attracted it into my life, whether I wanted it or not. Whatever I focused on the most, the universe aligned for me. Back in January my marriage was falling apart, I was on the edge of being homeless, my husband had kicked me out because he was severely depressed and I had lost my job, I live overseas and have no family so I was scared shitless. Then I began meditating, visualising and focusing on what I wanted – a better job, a nice house to rent & my loving husband back.

Within days my his attitude had changed towards me, I was offered a job days after that. My marriage is now back on track, my husband is much more attentive and caring, his health is improving and he is now much happier in a new job as well.

"What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." W Clement Stone

I use meditation, visualising, EFT and vision boards to keep me focused on what I want to attract into my life. So far it seems to be working!


Deb September 8, 2012 at 5:19 pm

My mum always says, "there is always someone with more problems than you." It's how you deal with it is the difference I guess, and no one knows that until you're living it.


Wanderlust September 8, 2012 at 2:00 am

P.S. No one has ever found my blog by googling mushroom tunnels. Slightly jealous…


Wanderlust September 8, 2012 at 1:59 am

Here's something to further confuse the discussion. I gave up a while back on internet dating and recently decided to let go of worrying at all about men and just focus on my kids and all the things that are right in front of me. I just lost interest in dating. But wouldn't you know it, suddenly men are coming out of the woodwork. Complete strangers finding me on social media and hitting on me (usually in ways that creeps me out a bit). I'm still not interested in dating, but I thought that was an interesting switch. So there you have it. Chew on that. Not sure what to make of it. x


Melissa September 7, 2012 at 9:22 pm

You never fail to impress me, Lori. It takes quite a backbone to get past the irritating and patronizing parts of a comment and pull out the nugget of wisdom that speaks to you. Wish I could do that. I would have been firmly stuck in irritation and dismissed the comment entirely.


Anonymous September 7, 2012 at 10:49 am

Hey Lori, read this opinion piece from a man about online dating and it made me curious about your thoughts on it as it is a subject you've touched on before…

If you remember me, Jess.


Tracy 🙂 September 7, 2012 at 9:43 am

Hi Lori
I stumbled upon your blog yesterday while googling the mushroom tunnels after a conversation at King George on Sunday. I was telling my friend today about your blog (again because of mushroom tunnels) and we then spoke about the laws of attraction. How funny that when I logged on to send her a link to your blog today you are discussing the same topic. I guess thats part of what the law of attraction is all about?!?


Debyl1 September 7, 2012 at 8:49 am

I love this post Lori.
Not only because Im so happy you are smiling but because you also reminded me of my own need to remember the laws of attraction.
Thankyou.I believe your words will help so many.xx


Eccles September 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Ha ha ha – perfection eh. I've been told too many times to count that there is no such "thing" as perfection. What I consider to be perfect, is not perfect to someone else. Therefore, I now conclude, & have taught my kids for the last 24+ years, that "perfection" is about being the best that one can. If I get pleasure out of that, then I will accept that as perfection. If someone gets pleasure or happiness from my happiness, then I can accept that as perfection. One man's trash & all that.
I think I'm off topic again – but, as you may know by now (you did say you read everything written to you, so I'm going to believe that you've read my whitterings), my mind tends to wander. I'm still learning the art of the simple "yes/no" answer. Maybe by the time I'm …, I'll have got it. As for expecting anything, let alone perfection, from others – no. As for attraction… like minded seeks like minded. Karma – if not in this lifetime, maybe in the next.


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