The One Where Karma Bites Me

by Lori Dwyer on October 30, 2010 · 20 comments


I have been known to yell at my husband.

Bad ass, I know. And not entirely the Man’s fault.

Although a large portion of it is his car’s responsibility.

I’ve talked before about my Man’s other woman, Tin Lizzie. An ’84 Holden tonner that currently has no wheels, no engines, no seats… not much of anything, really.

But oh, how he loves her. And he has a tendency to disappear into his shed to stroke and rub her just on the 5pm hour of Absolute Feralness; when the kids, dog and cat are all hungry, the adult dinner is overflowing on the stove, and the washing needs to be bought in before it becomes irreversibly damp (Have I mentioned before that my clothes line is so damp and totally crap that it actually grows mold? No? Remind me to post about that soon.)

Hence the yelling.

Whatever. Karma definitely came back and bit me for all that cranky-pantsing the other day.

It’s 5:12pm. One child is screaming for something undetermined, the other is screaming for PlaySchool. I’ve been attempting to peel the same potato for the last twenty minutes.

Baby on my hip, potato dirt wiped on my trackies, boogers (probably not my own) on my shirt. I traipse out to our back shed, which opens onto the lane way behind our house. From the doorway, I spot the Man at the open roller door. With a beer in his hand.

“MAN!! Any chance you could come give me a hand when you’re finished, huh? Or is that too bleeping difficult?”

“Uh, yeah, darl, I’m just finishing up out here”

*This is where Lori rolls her eyes* “Oh, it really looks like you’re working hard.”

“Ahem. Just having a beer with the new neighbor”.

Ahhh. The new neighbor. Who somewhat sheepishly- but not quite sheepishly enough- steps into view.

Why, hello there. I mutter an excuse about needing to go inside and peel potatoes. Look for a big hole to crawl into. Or a natural disaster to distract everyone.

I will never be nasty to my husband again*.

*And I kept that promise for at least the next 36 12 3 hours.

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

marketingtomilk November 3, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Oh you're quite right. We can behave atrociously to our husbands in our own home, but if anyone else sees that less than perfect us….


Melbourne Mumma November 2, 2010 at 8:36 pm

Aw, I'm sure the new neighbour will understand! I'm a hubby-yeller-atter too, if I need to be (which is probably more often than I'd like), if it's any consolation!


Tenille November 1, 2010 at 12:43 pm

They always have a bloody excuse don't they?


ForeverRhonda November 1, 2010 at 7:22 am

It's like men have a sonar built in to detect when their presence and help would be needed and then they duck out.


Glen November 1, 2010 at 6:19 am

3 hours? that long? What kind of a wife are you if you can leave it that long ?


Claire November 1, 2010 at 12:16 am

Oh bless you sweetheart!



Jacki October 31, 2010 at 3:33 pm

Oh no! Maybe next time your Man goes to have a beer with said neighbour, he'll be advised to go home and check if anything needs to be done first…. It could work in your favour!


Wanderlust October 31, 2010 at 12:01 pm

Heh, might not be bad to have a neighbor that fears you just a little. :)


Michelle Twin Mum October 31, 2010 at 9:22 am

Lol, how to make an entrance! Mich x


toushka October 31, 2010 at 8:00 am

hahahaha! I'm too passive aggressive to yell at the man but I'm sure if I ever did I would have your luck and impress the neighbour too.
I think if my man continually disappeared at 5pm to play with a heap of crap he called a car I might start yelling though….


Amy xxoo October 31, 2010 at 7:26 am

Umm….awkward much ? Still, at least the new neighbour knows the Man will NOT be available for beers at around 5pm ever again…


Aussiemumbecc October 31, 2010 at 7:25 am

my hubby is doin up a hq premier and often does exactly the same thing…we are getting new neighbours on the 8th of nov so I'll have to make sure I dont do the same thing :)


Draft Queen October 31, 2010 at 2:15 am

I think that's always the impression I end up leaving the first time.


x0xJ October 30, 2010 at 10:45 pm

Lol. Was this neighbour a man? I would have laughed and said "hahaha Oh you wouldn't understand this…but i'm sure you've received this same talking to on a regualar occasion"

What is it with men and disappearing when everything turns batshit insane?


Kymmie October 30, 2010 at 10:16 pm

Gorgeous. Not to mention just a little bit funny. But I'm not laughing. Really. Truly. Okay. Just a little bit.


Lucy October 30, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Oh babe. You are still in the right though. xx


MotorbikesLady October 30, 2010 at 9:19 pm

Hey the good thing is the neighbours not what your really like.

No need to put on airs so means you can tell your hubby off relaxed in the neighbours presence.

(((( Hugs ))))


Eva Gallant October 30, 2010 at 11:57 pm

Ah well; eventually your new neighbor will grow to love you like we do.

Reply October 30, 2010 at 10:59 pm

I wish mine would disappear out to the shed. He disappears to the golf course. Though I'm sure if I tried hard enough he could bloody well hear me there..


Voluptacon October 30, 2010 at 10:50 pm

Must have been a yell at hubby day today.
Mine was playing Houdini whenever I needed anything done today as well. GRRR!!!!!!

Welcome to the neighbourhood! Where's my frikkin beer?!


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