Things I just do not get….

by Lori Dwyer on July 2, 2010 · 17 comments

… about the new movie in the Twilight saga- Eclipse (which I sneaked out to see, along with my mate Jangles, on Thursday night. No midnight premiere this time, ladies and jellyfish).

  • Why do the vampires smash into silvery bits like they’re Terminator, or they’ve been dipped in liquid nitrogen? What’s with that? I don’t recall any liquid nitrogen Schwarzenegger vampires in my edition of Eclipse. Not the special movie edition, obviously (insert Lori rolling her eyes here).
  • Why are vampires suddenly flammable? In the first movie, a bonfire was required to burn up the bad guy vampires In this one The Sparkly One just flicked his Zippo lighter (that all good vampires carry) onto the dead-liquid-nitrogen-head vampire and she spontaneously combusted.
  • Has the vampire playing Victoria been replaced with a similar redheaded vampire? Or has she just had a nose job or lost weight or something?
  • Why is Robert Patterson not so hot anymore?
  • Why is the other guy getting hotter?
  • Why are Kristin Stewart’s features too small for her head?
  • And finally (and this bugged me ever since I read the book)- Werewolf Guy forgives Sad Moody Girl for the fact that she will inevitably be vampire-ised. Then Werewolf Guy discovers Sad Moody Girl is marrying The Sparkly One, and gets all cranky again. If she’s going to be a vampire anyway, what does it matter?? Really, Stephanie Meyer. Just, really.

I dunno, movie-goers. Breaking Dawn had better be damn good, or the Twilight franchise has officially jumped-shark with this one. A kinda sad 2 out of 5 jellybeans on the RRSAHM ranking-stuff-scale.

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

lori July 7, 2010 at 2:05 pm

I was fascinated with the imagination of the story and the fact that although I usually don't care for anything vampire-ish, I liked the story. Haven't seen Eclipse yet but probably will – might wait to rent it though. And I think Jacob's hotter then Edward.


Katie July 4, 2010 at 6:35 am

Here's my question.
Why in HELL didn't they cast RPattz as a werewolf??
His natural body hair is so naturally wolf-like.
Dude. Wax.


Anita July 4, 2010 at 12:40 am

I've not watched the movies or read the books either (slight untruth, I did TRY to watch the first movie and gave up after about half an hour.)

What I want to know is; why does every vampire movie/book/series recently have to get all confused with other mythology? Because there's just not enough interesting about Vampire mythology is there, I mean, Anne Rice hasn't made a living off it or anything…

(PS: From clips I've seen on tv I think the whiny one is hotter than both sparkly and furry!)


Our Park Life July 4, 2010 at 12:27 am

The Twilight thing confuses me…I have never read the books but recently watched the first movie because it happened to be on foxtel…then we went out and bought the next one on DVD and I have to admit that I am looking forward to seeing the next one…I recognise its crapness and do not fancy either Ed or the Werewolf but am at the same time lured to it…? HMM, very strange


Being Me July 3, 2010 at 11:22 am

I just don't get it either. I'm with Eva and Wanderlust here (except, whoops, I did see the first movie to wonder if I was just being a fuddy-duddy wanting to miss out on all the obsessive fuss…. nup, saw the movie, then I REALLY didn't get the hype!)


A-M July 3, 2010 at 10:06 am

Just found you. Oh I needed a good laugh! Love your attitude and your outlook on life. A-M xx


Kristy July 3, 2010 at 8:56 am

The books are better than the movies is what I think.


Ali July 3, 2010 at 8:09 am

I am a movie/book cheat. I havent read the books but got my sister who is a twihard to explain in detail what happend through all the books. The next one will be good. Lots of unecpected twists. I havent seen Exlipse yet but will once my sister has seen the movie and then she will see it again with me. I will need her there to explain to me what is going on and the detail that is issing from the book when appropriate. Yes I am one of those annoying people that people love to hate that ask what is happening in the middle of a movie! Totally agree with Edward not looking hot! Massive Jacob fan from his ridiculous good looks as you saw from my blog yesterday! x


Wanderlust July 3, 2010 at 6:49 am

Sorry, haven't read the books or seen the movies. Would rather stab myself in the eyes.


The Jaded Vixen July 3, 2010 at 3:51 pm

Lori…I agree on many levels. The new director effed up majorly! Jacob has better acting ability than Ms Frozen whiney face and Mr Broody put together. Argh please.

As for the vampire smash fest and the link to the little undead leftover (Bree Tanner from her new novella) ick.

The only saving grace is Evil Dakota Fanning as Jane. They must Twi harder for Breaking Dawn.

P.S. Victoria was replaced by a drone :( Old Victoria was an evil bitchy badass…this one is kind of whiney!


ezymay July 3, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Yes they did change the red head! Haven't seen this one yet Kirsten stewart does my head in. I swing both ways when it comes to the sparkly one and the werewolf :)


Badger July 3, 2010 at 4:05 am

Excuse me (I don't want to be picky but) I rather think it is a teensie bit futile to look for consistency and logic – and indeed rationality in any form – in a movie about vampires.


newtaste July 3, 2010 at 3:31 am

I read that Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon and that there are Mormon influences in the books.

Mormon influence, imagery run deep through ‘Twilight' series;=pgall

Mormon Vampires in the Garden of Eden


JourneyBeyondSurvival July 3, 2010 at 12:04 am

As a Mormon, I don't think newtaste knows what they're talking about. It's just a cotton candy story. That doesn't work on so many levels of Mormon theology. Or on broader Catholicism/Protestant levels. Just sayin.

I hate the movies. I like the books, but I've read them once and probly won't again. Don't kill me any twihards. I do go to the movies with my friends because it's fun to get up in the middle of the night and do something out of the ordinary. But the tweens hate me. Cause I guffaw at things like 'spider monkey' etc. I'm shutting up now before the whole female population of the earth hates me.


Lori @ RRSAHM July 2, 2010 at 11:47 pm

Now there's an interesting comparative that I guarantee will keep me awake tonight. True.


newtaste July 2, 2010 at 11:10 pm

You do know that the Twilight story is a Mormon take on the Garden of Eden. Yes it is!


Eva Gallant July 3, 2010 at 1:38 am

Not a fan of the series, and never thought Robert was hot….thought he was ugly and still do.


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