Valentine’s Day and Vibrators (and Things That Start With F).

by Lori Dwyer on February 2, 2013 · 6 comments

There’s something thoroughly unsentimental and quite un–romantic about the realities of being in a long distance relationship.

There’s always the usual sense of wanting to devour one another, to eat each other whole until you’ve gorged yourself, filled yourself completely on the other person’s scent.

And then there’s the 776 aching, smug kilometers between you (give or take a few hundred metres or so. And not like I’m at all obsessive enough to actually look that up or anything). Some days that feels like nothing at all, connected by fast speed Internet and a dozen different ways to communicate. Other days it seems as though I can feel every millimeter of every centimeter of flat freeway that rolls out between us.

And we both end up kind of lonely, frustrated and dissatisfied. Because there’s only so much you can say over the phone when there aren’t really words for it… you need to kiss it into their skin to get your meaning across.

And, so I’ve been told; the harder you fall, the worse that longing gets.

I’m imagining all that tension and frustration will only be exasperated by the impending event that is Valentine’s Day. Because if there’s one day of the year that everyone (else) seems to be getting laid, then Valentine’s Day is the day.

Not that my Valentine’s Day isn’t going to be awesome. Due to having one very sore right breast, I’m booked in for a mammogram that day.

No one panic– precautionary measure only, no one has used the ’l’ word or anything of it’s equivalent (in fact, I watched the student doctor almost say it– “I’m just feeling for l– abnormalities”– before she stopped herself, obviously aware how much the word ’lump’ and ’breast’ in the same sentence understandably freaks women right out). And, yes, I am aware that mammograms are exceptionally unpleasant, especially if you are already ’exquisitely tender’ (who knew that was medical terminology?)

But right now, I’m choosing to take a bit of amusement from the situation. Because, at this stage… I can.

And with the The Most Amazing Man In The Universe a whole 776 km’s away… at least someone will be feeling my boobs on Valentine’s Day.


I news completely unrelated (kind of not really) to my sexual frustration, I have finally got a giveaway just for the US readers. And it’s awesome.

To ensure every one has an awesome time on Valentines Day- whether you be single or part of a couple- the awesome people from Adult Toy Store have given me one $25 voucher to go to one of my US readers.

Adult Toy Store

Check out all the awesomely naughty fun stuff you can buy here…

To win, fill in the form and tell me in 25 words or less-ish- what are you doing for Valentine’s Day? As mentioned, this one is for US readers only. Entries close midnight AEST on Friday February 8th, 2013. My decision is final and no bitching, whinging or correspondence entered into.

Non-US jellybeans, don’t’ be shy. Leave me a comment and let me know- what are your plans for Valentines Day? Or do you just plan to ignore the whole schemozzle….?

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Emma February 7, 2013 at 8:29 pm

Oohhhh Lori! Where’s the plug for PassionZone Adult Parties?!


Lori February 8, 2013 at 4:45 pm

Hehe Emma- where’s the prize pack to giveaway??! :p


Miss Pink February 4, 2013 at 3:27 pm

I am planning to ignore the whole fucking thing. Fuck Valentines Day and the ‘L’ word.


Alisha W. February 3, 2013 at 10:16 am

Pick me, Pick me! I want to win :) Sadly, my husband works over-night shift and he has to go to work Valentines day evening :( so no big plans for us…which is EXACTLY why I NEED to win this lol!!! (US reader here!)


Griff February 3, 2013 at 5:16 am

I’m feeling it too Lori. Almost flew from home (well, Cairns) to Brisbane for 24 hours today, just so I could breathe Her in. Flights next weekend don’t look promising either, so I may have to wait until March/April. On a more promising note, I *may* have a job in Brisbane…and on a similar Twilight Zone theme, R had a sore right breast a couple of weeks ago, but the pain disappeared. No ‘L’ thankfully. Hugs and Love Lori.


Amanda February 2, 2013 at 10:49 pm

Lori that’s too funny, I’ve been using that same line myself about Valentines day! Go back for mammograms on v day as its my 2 year anniversary of breast cancer. The surgeon in whose hands I put my breasts is such a sweetie. Just as well, he’s the only handling them right now


Previous post:

Next post: