What Do You Call A Post Like This?

by Lori Dwyer on February 8, 2011 · 72 comments


What do you wear, on the worst day of your life, your husband’s funeral..?

White, blue and fuck you too. Just like my wedding. Except with a lot more of the ‘fuck you’.

Bizarrely, every time I upload this photo anywhere, it’s sideways. On my PC, and on Picnik, it’s the right way up. Upload it to FaceBook, Blogger or Twitter and it’s sideways. Weird.

If you been reading since the Before, you know… a photographer, I ain’t. But, hey, I do my best. This is my new favourite piece of jewelery. A huge thank you to Bec from Girls Gone Child, who sent it over to me.

Three peas in a pod. Me, and my kidlets.

Quite sadly, as we know, I cannot freaking stand the colour purple anymore. So, the Purple House is now a place of dreams and the occasional nightmare.

(I said to Tony, in the hospital- “I always told you that I felt like the last five years was a dream, and that I was afraid of waking up. This is waking up. This is the beginning of a nightmare. I’m not sure if I’m asleep, or awake anymore.“)

And we live in The GingerBread House instead.

My Chop, on the beautiful, sunshine-y day when we spread Tony’s ashes. My little man, who I will always be worried about, fret about. And I’m sure there’s more coming on that later.

And my Man (Father of The Year, hello? It’s a doll, people. A doll. No one panic.) Who I miss so much right now, it’s like missing a limb.

My mind, it tricks me into thinking he’s still here. I checked my blog stats today. And the first thing I thought was “Wow, what till I show Tony!”.

And, finally, some Thank Yous. From the very bottom of my heart, the place where gratitude rests and grows and lives and sings songs of hope to me.

Bloggers, Glow….



….and my beautiful Fairy Saerie.

You know what you have done. there are plenty more people to thank, but you three… you have a place in my heart, forever.

And a quick poll for you, my readers. I have posts, in my Drafts folder, from Before. Just normal posts,. about normal life. Do I publish them, or not..? I’m thinking Yes.

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{ 72 comments… read them below or add one }

JallieDaddy February 16, 2011 at 7:31 am

Entirely up to you


Michael February 11, 2011 at 3:35 am

Publish them all.


Helena February 10, 2011 at 9:27 pm

do it! I feel stalkerish having not known you since before finding Jenny the blogess' link. Don't think that i, or i'm sure many others, are only here now to leech off the tragedy, your life is limitless, we are your friends and will support anything you choose to write in this space. It is yours.


Hear Mum Roar February 9, 2011 at 11:57 pm

That is a beautiful gingerbread house:)


Barbara February 9, 2011 at 10:56 pm

The Gingerbread House – that sounds like a good place to live.

If you feel it's right to post, then post. I'll certainly read avidly.


Kymmie February 9, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Don't feel like you have to post about Tony, or anything. Just post what you want to post. As you feel it. We're always here. xx


MaidInAustralia February 9, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Yes publish them, whenever you are ready to. And take it one day at a time. Hugs xo


Anonymous February 9, 2011 at 5:26 pm

This is just so real & raw & I am drawn to tears everytime I read. I am just so amazed at how you are so real & I am more than proud & humbled by you, even if I don't know you.
I have been through this with a couple of my dearest friends & there are no answers in the dark of the night. Love to those gorgeous children & to you.
Yeah post em.


Donna February 9, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Why not post them, we love your work xx


Rebecca February 9, 2011 at 2:44 pm

I would post them if thats what you want.

I also love the necklace. Simply gorgeous


jadine February 9, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Yes, you should post them. No matter what anyone says either way, if you want to, you should post them.

Your ginger-bread house is very pretty and warm.


Marianna Annadanna February 9, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I think post them, if you're in the mood. Love to read whatever you write.

Maybe you should let your kidlets decorate The Gingerbread House with icing and candy. Yum. :)


Sarah February 9, 2011 at 11:06 am

I think it's unanimous =)

I looove your pendant so pretty & the gingerbread house looks great & you've picked the perfect happy name for it too.

Love ya lots xxx


Draft Queen February 9, 2011 at 10:45 am


Of course, I say this as someone with 20 NASTY drafts waiting to be published so you do as you please.



Anonymous February 9, 2011 at 10:33 am

I've never commented on your blog, but I have read for a little while – probably since late last year. Firstly, I just wanted you to know that there is yet another person out there that is thinking of you daily and wishing the pain away. Secondly, I am amazed at how the blogging community has just wrapped their arms around you – it is awesome and so heartwarming to see such love. It's restored my faith in human kind!
Thinking of you and your babies.


Nerdycomputergirl February 9, 2011 at 9:54 am

Love the necklace and the gingerbread house. Would love you to post whatever your heart desires. You are lucky to have such wonderful friends who have done so much to help you and I am sure all your readers would agree wholeheartedly as to how wonderful they have been in helping us to help you too.


Michelle Twin Mum February 9, 2011 at 9:21 am

The three peas in the pod is very lovely and yes Lori, publish those posts if that feels like the right thing to you.

Mich x


peet75 February 9, 2011 at 9:18 am

Hi Lori, this is the second time I've tried to write this. Stupid me hadn't signed in the first time, so I lost my post.

Just wanted to say that my mother put a link to your blog on Facebook. In particular, the post about men and suicide. I got to work this morning at 7am, and started reading from the beginning of December onwards. It's now 9.20am and it's time to wipe my eyes, go downstairs for a smoke, and then do a bit more work before going back even further in your blog to read.

You are an absolutely amazing woman.


Kelloggsville February 9, 2011 at 9:14 am

Are they good ones?! If so then yes, otherwise…. ;0)

PS I turned my screen on its side and now the photo is looking good but the beer is pouring out over the doll!


Langdowns February 9, 2011 at 6:29 am

Yes! Absolutely …


Melissa February 9, 2011 at 5:16 am

I think yes, but really I think you should do whatever feels good to you. Or whatever feels less bad since I imagine not much feels really good right now. Hang in there.


Wanderlust February 9, 2011 at 4:01 am

If you're thinking yes, then yes. xo


Katie February 9, 2011 at 3:58 am

I agree with everyone above. Post what you feel you would like to post.


Cassondra February 9, 2011 at 2:56 am

This is your blog. You get to post what you want, when you want, no matter what!


Anonymous February 9, 2011 at 2:32 am

That necklace is the cat's meow. :)


Anonymous February 9, 2011 at 2:31 am

The GingerBread House is absolutely adorable.

I would love to read the old posts, too.



flask February 9, 2011 at 12:29 am

of course post what you want. it's your blog after all, and we are just guests here.

we offered prayers for you and your family in church sunday.


Michelle February 9, 2011 at 12:27 am

Your blog Lori, you choose, but I think you should.

I love the peas in a pod necklace how gorgeous is that?!


A Daft Scots Lass February 9, 2011 at 12:20 am

You do what you feel is right.

Love your peas in a pod.


L February 9, 2011 at 12:07 am

Yes- post them


Farmers Wifey February 8, 2011 at 10:39 pm

Publish, write, I will be here….xox


Jennifer Kay February 8, 2011 at 10:34 pm

The new color is AWESOME, I love it! And I say….publish.


MomAgain@40 February 8, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Post everything, the Befores and Afters!
I admire your attitude!
You make my laugh and cry at the same time ;-)


Tenille @ Help!Mum February 8, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Yes. It's your place, you can post whatever you like. xox


x0xJ February 8, 2011 at 9:43 pm

What wonderful wonderful friends you have looking after you.
Do what you think is best at the time with your drafts. You know we will all still be reading.
I am digging the new colour too. Gingerbread. Yum!


Maxabella February 8, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Yes if it doesn't hurt too much. x


Sarie February 8, 2011 at 9:09 pm

I've followed your blog for awhile now Lori, and while I've been a stalker in the back ground not normally comment, but I feel when and if you are ready, we would all love to read your drafts.


WittyUsername February 8, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Beautiful 3 peas in a pod pendant, very spesh!
The front of the house matches the back new colour nicely.
Post away as you wish, we all love reading it, as long as it's Lori's.
You looked amazingly beautiful at the funeral, I remember thinking 'how does she do it'. And as for the tongue out in the photo, typical.
Luv KT


Becky February 8, 2011 at 8:59 pm

The Gingerbread House. Lovely.
And, yes, thoose three amazing bloggers have done so much.
Also, yes, post from Before as you feel led. Love to you xo


Lavender Hearts February 8, 2011 at 8:47 pm

If you think "yes", then go with it! You've just got to go where your heart, gut or head take you – we'll all be here, willing you on with love.


Amy xxoo February 8, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Gingerbread houses rock my socks! And also – i say publish. It might be nice for you to come here and find a bit of laughter, and normality, and happy craziness again…


Glowless @ Where’s My Glow February 8, 2011 at 8:29 pm

I vote yes too.

I like the sound of the Gingerbread House :) It looks great!


Wendy B. February 8, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Hi Lori,

I love your pendant…..

And you should post anything you feel like. Like you said, it's your blog, your life and you have to do what's right for you!

I'm thinking of you and your little ones!

Love, Wendy


Apfel February 8, 2011 at 7:19 pm

I would say yes, go for it :) Hugs x


Jodie at Mummy Mayhem February 8, 2011 at 7:16 pm

YES! Why the hell not? Listen to your gut, hon.

Pendant is very precious – and I'm thinkin' the house looks gorgeous!



Anonymous February 8, 2011 at 7:11 pm

pus is plus, collies is collies. Stupid auto correct


Anonymous February 8, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Yes, post them, they need to be read lol. I love your new house collies, very clean and healing. Pus the photo of your man, he was gorgeous! Keep writing , and I loved your pic, I love your attitude,you rock!


Tai Tai February 8, 2011 at 6:10 pm



Anonymous February 8, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Um YES PLEASE!! I love your posts. All of them. Obviously I wish the subject matter wasn't your situation.. but I love getting to know you through this blog. You are real and cool and funny even in sadness.


Aly @ The Mummy Hat February 8, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Post baby, post!

And I LOVE the gingerbread house, now you and your jellybeans can create a new fairy tale where you all live happily ever after




whatsinemmasbrain February 8, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I love you tart features.


Brenda February 8, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Yes! Publish! Tony would have wanted you to publish them.xxx


Lynne February 8, 2011 at 4:32 pm


Just know that even though I may not post it, that I am always around and thnking about you guys.

P.S. the house color looks very gingerbready!


Naomi @ Under the Yardarm February 8, 2011 at 4:21 pm

A yes from me, if you want to.

Love the pendant, love the gingerbread house too.


Being Me February 8, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Beautiful pendant. And of course, yes. xxxx


5dc0d72a-333e-11e0-8dd5-000bcdcb471e February 8, 2011 at 3:46 pm

yes. post.


Aussiemumbecc February 8, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Love the pendant, love the photography and would love to see the 'before' posts.


DylMah February 8, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Another vote for posting the ones form before, if that's what right for you.

I love your gingerbread house btw.


LucidLotus February 8, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Yes to before posts, yes to after posts, yes to the grocery list as long as it's written by you and you're feeling it.


edenland February 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Lori, absolutely post those posts from Before.

They're like, a time capsule from yourself, to remind you how life once was ….. and one day, your heart will be ok again. It will – I really mean it. I promise.

You are beautiful. xox


SheLikesToTravel February 8, 2011 at 3:22 pm

I vote yes. I want to read everything you have to say…


Jacki February 8, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Yes, publish them.

The Gingerbread house is so cute.

And I'm sorry, but that photo of Tony is brilliant!


Kel February 8, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Awesome woman, awesome kids, awesome house. And publish anything and everything that you want :)


lori February 8, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Yes, you should post them. I like your Gingerbread House – it's kind of cheery actually.


Louisa February 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I've not commented before, I don't think but just wanted to join the chorus of those sending you their best and wanting to support you in this small way. I think "yes" but only if you want to.


Anonymous February 8, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Yes, post them if they make you feel better.


Toushka Lee February 8, 2011 at 3:04 pm

of course. publish.
mmm gingerbread…


The Fat Lady February 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

I love that, The Gingerbread House. Beautiful.

And I also love the peas in a pod pendant.

And I also love you, chicky *hug*


Mia Dickinson February 8, 2011 at 10:43 pm

There was no mention of all purple house in my childhood fairy tales but there was a gingerbread house.

Post them, it might be a nice distraction for a few hours to go back to what ¨normality¨ was before it happened and it will definitely help you appreciate life xx


Madmother February 8, 2011 at 4:20 pm

I'm thinking yes too.


Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures February 8, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I saw that Cabbage Patch doll flashing herself inappropriately when getting into a car.! I now know why! I love that photo, it's genius.!

In answer to your poll: that's a YES.! from me, too :D


Toni February 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

I'm thinkin yes, too.

And I LOVE that dollie looks so eager for a brew.


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