Aloha,
What do you wear, on the worst day of your life, your husband’s funeral..?
White, blue and fuck you too. Just like my wedding. Except with a lot more of the ‘fuck you’.
If you been reading since the Before, you know… a photographer, I ain’t. But, hey, I do my best. This is my new favourite piece of jewelery. A huge thank you to Bec from Girls Gone Child, who sent it over to me.
Three peas in a pod. Me, and my kidlets.
Quite sadly, as we know, I cannot freaking stand the colour purple anymore. So, the Purple House is now a place of dreams and the occasional nightmare.
(I said to Tony, in the hospital- “I always told you that I felt like the last five years was a dream, and that I was afraid of waking up. This is waking up. This is the beginning of a nightmare. I’m not sure if I’m asleep, or awake anymore.“)
And we live in The GingerBread House instead.
My Chop, on the beautiful, sunshine-y day when we spread Tony’s ashes. My little man, who I will always be worried about, fret about. And I’m sure there’s more coming on that later.
And my Man (Father of The Year, hello? It’s a doll, people. A doll. No one panic.) Who I miss so much right now, it’s like missing a limb.
My mind, it tricks me into thinking he’s still here. I checked my blog stats today. And the first thing I thought was “Wow, what till I show Tony!”.
And, finally, some Thank Yous. From the very bottom of my heart, the place where gratitude rests and grows and lives and sings songs of hope to me.
Bloggers, Glow….
….Emma….
….and my beautiful Fairy Saerie.
You know what you have done. there are plenty more people to thank, but you three… you have a place in my heart, forever.
And a quick poll for you, my readers. I have posts, in my Drafts folder, from Before. Just normal posts,. about normal life. Do I publish them, or not..? I’m thinking Yes.
{ 72 comments… read them below or add one }
Entirely up to you
Publish them all.
do it! I feel stalkerish having not known you since before finding Jenny the blogess' link. Don't think that i, or i'm sure many others, are only here now to leech off the tragedy, your life is limitless, we are your friends and will support anything you choose to write in this space. It is yours.
That is a beautiful gingerbread house:)
The Gingerbread House – that sounds like a good place to live.
If you feel it's right to post, then post. I'll certainly read avidly.
Don't feel like you have to post about Tony, or anything. Just post what you want to post. As you feel it. We're always here. xx
Yes publish them, whenever you are ready to. And take it one day at a time. Hugs xo
This is just so real & raw & I am drawn to tears everytime I read. I am just so amazed at how you are so real & I am more than proud & humbled by you, even if I don't know you.
I have been through this with a couple of my dearest friends & there are no answers in the dark of the night. Love to those gorgeous children & to you.
Yeah post em.
Why not post them, we love your work xx
I would post them if thats what you want.
I also love the necklace. Simply gorgeous
Yes, you should post them. No matter what anyone says either way, if you want to, you should post them.
Your ginger-bread house is very pretty and warm.
I think post them, if you're in the mood. Love to read whatever you write.
Maybe you should let your kidlets decorate The Gingerbread House with icing and candy. Yum.
I think it's unanimous =)
I looove your pendant so pretty & the gingerbread house looks great & you've picked the perfect happy name for it too.
Love ya lots xxx
Publish.
Of course, I say this as someone with 20 NASTY drafts waiting to be published so you do as you please.
xoxo
I've never commented on your blog, but I have read for a little while – probably since late last year. Firstly, I just wanted you to know that there is yet another person out there that is thinking of you daily and wishing the pain away. Secondly, I am amazed at how the blogging community has just wrapped their arms around you – it is awesome and so heartwarming to see such love. It's restored my faith in human kind!
Thinking of you and your babies.
xx
Love the necklace and the gingerbread house. Would love you to post whatever your heart desires. You are lucky to have such wonderful friends who have done so much to help you and I am sure all your readers would agree wholeheartedly as to how wonderful they have been in helping us to help you too.
The three peas in the pod is very lovely and yes Lori, publish those posts if that feels like the right thing to you.
Mich x
Hi Lori, this is the second time I've tried to write this. Stupid me hadn't signed in the first time, so I lost my post.
Just wanted to say that my mother put a link to your blog on Facebook. In particular, the post about men and suicide. I got to work this morning at 7am, and started reading from the beginning of December onwards. It's now 9.20am and it's time to wipe my eyes, go downstairs for a smoke, and then do a bit more work before going back even further in your blog to read.
You are an absolutely amazing woman.
Are they good ones?! If so then yes, otherwise…. ;0)
PS I turned my screen on its side and now the photo is looking good but the beer is pouring out over the doll!
Yes! Absolutely …
I think yes, but really I think you should do whatever feels good to you. Or whatever feels less bad since I imagine not much feels really good right now. Hang in there.
If you're thinking yes, then yes. xo
I agree with everyone above. Post what you feel you would like to post.
xx
This is your blog. You get to post what you want, when you want, no matter what!
P.S.
That necklace is the cat's meow.
The GingerBread House is absolutely adorable.
I would love to read the old posts, too.
XOXOXOXO
of course post what you want. it's your blog after all, and we are just guests here.
we offered prayers for you and your family in church sunday.
Your blog Lori, you choose, but I think you should.
I love the peas in a pod necklace how gorgeous is that?!
You do what you feel is right.
Love your peas in a pod.
Yes- post them
Publish, write, I will be here….xox
The new color is AWESOME, I love it! And I say….publish.
Post everything, the Befores and Afters!
I admire your attitude!
You make my laugh and cry at the same time
Yes. It's your place, you can post whatever you like. xox
<3
What wonderful wonderful friends you have looking after you.
Do what you think is best at the time with your drafts. You know we will all still be reading.
I am digging the new colour too. Gingerbread. Yum!
Yes if it doesn't hurt too much. x
I've followed your blog for awhile now Lori, and while I've been a stalker in the back ground not normally comment, but I feel when and if you are ready, we would all love to read your drafts.
xx
Beautiful 3 peas in a pod pendant, very spesh!
The front of the house matches the back new colour nicely.
Post away as you wish, we all love reading it, as long as it's Lori's.
You looked amazingly beautiful at the funeral, I remember thinking 'how does she do it'. And as for the tongue out in the photo, typical.
Luv KT
The Gingerbread House. Lovely.
And, yes, thoose three amazing bloggers have done so much.
Also, yes, post from Before as you feel led. Love to you xo
If you think "yes", then go with it! You've just got to go where your heart, gut or head take you – we'll all be here, willing you on with love.
Gingerbread houses rock my socks! And also – i say publish. It might be nice for you to come here and find a bit of laughter, and normality, and happy craziness again…
I vote yes too.
I like the sound of the Gingerbread House
It looks great!
Hi Lori,
I love your pendant…..
And you should post anything you feel like. Like you said, it's your blog, your life and you have to do what's right for you!
I'm thinking of you and your little ones!
Love, Wendy
I would say yes, go for it
Hugs x
YES! Why the hell not? Listen to your gut, hon.
Pendant is very precious – and I'm thinkin' the house looks gorgeous!
xxx
pus is plus, collies is collies. Stupid auto correct
Yes, post them, they need to be read lol. I love your new house collies, very clean and healing. Pus the photo of your man, he was gorgeous! Keep writing , and I loved your pic, I love your attitude,you rock!
YES YES YES!
Um YES PLEASE!! I love your posts. All of them. Obviously I wish the subject matter wasn't your situation.. but I love getting to know you through this blog. You are real and cool and funny even in sadness.
Post baby, post!
And I LOVE the gingerbread house, now you and your jellybeans can create a new fairy tale where you all live happily ever after
Hugs
x
Publish,
I love you tart features.
xxx
Yes! Publish! Tony would have wanted you to publish them.xxx
Lori,
Just know that even though I may not post it, that I am always around and thnking about you guys.
P.S. the house color looks very gingerbready!
A yes from me, if you want to.
Love the pendant, love the gingerbread house too.
xxx
Beautiful pendant. And of course, yes. xxxx
yes. post.
Love the pendant, love the photography and would love to see the 'before' posts.
Another vote for posting the ones form before, if that's what right for you.
I love your gingerbread house btw.
Yes to before posts, yes to after posts, yes to the grocery list as long as it's written by you and you're feeling it.
Lori, absolutely post those posts from Before.
They're like, a time capsule from yourself, to remind you how life once was ….. and one day, your heart will be ok again. It will – I really mean it. I promise.
You are beautiful. xox
I vote yes. I want to read everything you have to say…
Yes, publish them.
The Gingerbread house is so cute.
And I'm sorry, but that photo of Tony is brilliant!
Awesome woman, awesome kids, awesome house. And publish anything and everything that you want
Yes, you should post them. I like your Gingerbread House – it's kind of cheery actually.
I've not commented before, I don't think but just wanted to join the chorus of those sending you their best and wanting to support you in this small way. I think "yes" but only if you want to.
Yes, post them if they make you feel better.
of course. publish.
mmm gingerbread…
I love that, The Gingerbread House. Beautiful.
And I also love the peas in a pod pendant.
And I also love you, chicky *hug*
There was no mention of all purple house in my childhood fairy tales but there was a gingerbread house.
Post them, it might be a nice distraction for a few hours to go back to what ¨normality¨ was before it happened and it will definitely help you appreciate life xx
I'm thinking yes too.
I saw that Cabbage Patch doll flashing herself inappropriately when getting into a car.! I now know why! I love that photo, it's genius.!
In answer to your poll: that's a YES.! from me, too
I'm thinkin yes, too.
And I LOVE that dollie looks so eager for a brew.