Where To Go From Here.

by Lori Dwyer on May 10, 2011 · 31 comments

When I was a kid, it felt like I owned this town.

From sun up to sun down, aided by my bicycle, with a helmet my mother insisted I wear, but spent most of it’s time hanging over the handle bars, I’d ride and think and daydream.

I knew every tree, every beach, every bank, every wharf. Walking around here now, sometimes it feel like I still do.

My mind is so comforted here, against the backdrop of scenery I’ve known so well, rivers and beaches and tress that formed apart of me. I wonder if somehow it’s simply easier for my brain this way- it doesn’t have to think so much, process so much.

I quite literally know this town like the back of my hand.

The colour here- I have never seen another place like it. The blue of the water, every few seconds as you drive along. The black and brown and deep green of the scrub, with sandhills peeking through. And I can feel it, sand in my shoes, low lying branches catching my legs. The smell of sand and soil and eucalyptus and sunshine.

I remember when I moved away from here, aged thirteen by a month or so- I cried. I missed this place with every heartbeat. The smell, the cold of the place we relocated to…. beautiful in it’s own way, but nothing like my seaside home.

I remember driving with my mum one day, and we came over the rose of a large hill… my whole life until that point, the view over the rise of a hill like that was always the ocean. And that was what I expected to see.

The reality of land, and more land, no water for a good hour or so… it nearly broke my heart.

And now… well, the move here was supposed to be temporary. Three months, six at months.

But I’m seriously starting to wonder.

The thought of moving back to the city, back to the suburbs, comes with a massive knot of anxiety that sits between my diaphragm and my stomach and makes breathing uncomfortable. And I’m starting to wonder what on earth I would want to move back there for, when I can stay here, in Paradise…?

And the more I think about, the more logical it seems. I think part of me- the part that causes with that knot of anxiety, of fear and loneliness and trepidation- is still thinking that somehow,I can slide back into a pale imitation of what my suburban life used to be.

The rest of me knows that just isn’t true. So.. what do I do? Move back to the ‘burbs, which makes me anxious to even consider? Relocate, and start to build a new normal, all over again in six months time?

Or grow roots here, in Paradise, where we walk on the beach every day, and life is simple and slow and relaxed…?

Doesn’t the answer seem obvious…?
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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }

Jane Blogs May 11, 2011 at 11:58 am

You're so lucky to have the choice to do that at the moment Lori.

I grew up with the beach at the end of my street, and didn't really miss until years later when we went on holidays to the seaside and I realised how much I miss the ocean.

I hate how restricted life is in western Sydney.
There's nothing like gazing at the ocean and just thinking.

We don't have a choice to move just yet though, as this is where the work is for my husband's industry.

Maybe he'll have a mid-life crisis and we can escape back to the seaside for good. :)

Stay where you feel right.
Life's too short to be missing something, if you can change it.


Rachel May 11, 2011 at 10:29 am

Reading this post I thought back to your last few days and weeks in the 'burbs. That sense of fear, of being haunted, and even hunted. The sense of being unsafe. The nights you couldn't sleep. The late night tweets from the garage. The places in the once-Purple house you couldn't go, or even look at. The people around you who seemed so sour, judging, hurtful. Disturbia.
And reading your posts now the effects of Paradise on your soul are brilliantly clear. What I read is that you feel safe, calm, cleansed. You feel a certain sense of peace, even when you are hurting. In Paradise, life is simple, and beautiful, in spite of everything. Why would you go anywhere?Don't look back. This is your new journey. If there is somewhere you need to go, the road will open up before you. Love always thepixiechick xoxoxo


iMags May 10, 2011 at 7:35 pm


You don't need to grow roots in paradise, but it is clear you are not yet ready to leave it. Don't push yourself. 6 months, 6 years.. does it really matter how long it will take for you to be ready? The answer does "seem" obvious, but that you cannot commit to it means it isn't.

So stay in paradise as long as you need to. You are on no ones schedule. The burbs aren't going anywhere.


nonoodle May 10, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Oh lovely, Paradise where else would you want to be! xo


Hear Mum Roar May 10, 2011 at 7:18 pm

So glad it's so obvious to you:)


Maxabella May 10, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Stay. x


Cate May 10, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Home is where the heart is – and the heart is in paradise :-)



Denwise aka Denyse Whelan May 10, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Home is where you and the children are most content…and now, through my readings here ..that is where you have landed…you followed your heart back to Paradise to heal through familiar and family.. So go with those gifts until.. No until.. You will do and decide what & when & where…. Xxxxx


alliecat May 10, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Sounds obvious to me. Why decide now? Can it wait til it's no longer an obvious decision but a natural progression? Is there anything really pulling you back to suburbia? The simple life sounds just lovely. And the kids will just want to be wherever you are.


cjtato May 10, 2011 at 12:54 pm

I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a simple life. I made a decision to move my kids to a little school up the mountain from us not only for it's great curriculum but because it is a mini paradise. Everything slows down a little there. They have a lovely balance up on the mountain. I'd move there in a heartbeat if I could convince hubby to move too. Luckily I'm just a 15 minute drive away each day. :D


Marianna Annadanna May 10, 2011 at 11:51 am


I know that knot – the one that cripples your beathing and pains your chest.


Embrace the peace of Paradise.



Squiggly Rainbow May 10, 2011 at 10:42 am

Paradise seems like Paradise – walks on the beach – a simple life. Definitely, embrace it. xo


Miss Pink May 10, 2011 at 8:51 am

It does. It seems far too obvious.
I often feel we complex life far more than we need to. Or that others influences complex it. Really what it comes down to is you do what you need to to survive firstly, because if we don't do that we die. Secondly you do what makes you happiest.
Stay in paradise. No point in coming back to a wasteland. *hugs*


Suzi May 10, 2011 at 8:13 am

Im with them – Paradise. Ive only just moved to my own 1 pub town paradise, and I know deep down I will never leave. If it feels right, it probably is.


Wendy May 10, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Give yourself and your children a gift. Grow some roots in a comforting place.

You all deserve it.


Kelloggsville May 10, 2011 at 7:43 am

Sometimes 'smalltown hometown' is the best place and sometimes it is restricting and you need to fly but do you need a plan right now? If all is good then stay, when the wings need to fly then fly. There is a time (and place) for every purpose.


Deb May 10, 2011 at 7:18 am

sounds like a no brainer to me.


Wanderlust May 10, 2011 at 7:07 am

Who says you have to figure it all out today. Just let your life unfold as you continue to heal. Right now, this is where you need to be. x


Toots May 10, 2011 at 6:58 am

If it feels right…it's right. Instincts often has the word 'survival' before it for a reason darling: the heart knows.

Love Sophie xxx


Janet NZ May 10, 2011 at 4:52 am

Yup – it's obvious. :-) Paradise is where it's at XXX


Glen May 10, 2011 at 3:07 am

to quote someone (probably wrongly)

Home – is where your heart is


Karen May 10, 2011 at 2:48 am

There's no rush is there? No rush to move on?

There may come a time when you feel ready for some other lifestyle….sure…but that doesn't seem to be 'that time' if I'm reading you correctly.

I think we're so programmed to think ahead, make goals…think: what's next? So much so that we forget to live in the present and enjoy each minute of what is happening now.

You'll know if you listen to that voice inside. Sounds like you already do…. :D


Melissa May 10, 2011 at 2:17 am

I think the answer is obvious. There is no reason that you "have" to live in the suburbs – or that you "have" to live anywhere. If your able to heal where you are – then stay there, wherever it is.


theKatieKitten May 10, 2011 at 1:53 am

This is the exact sms i sent you last night…

I can't sleep and its 4:30. I have a quote for you though:

"Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head. You'll find what you need to furnish it – memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey." ~Tad Williams
I wonder in my own narcsictic little way if I subliminally popped these balancing dilemmas into your mental processings?
Aaaaand then, I think that would mean I would have like super crazy amazing mind-mend telepathy that can travel early morning AM time and subvertivley control and influence you thoughts, decision, action and motivations…….soooooo I took a Zanax and had a lie down


Melissa May 10, 2011 at 1:21 am

I can't imagine a single reason to leave Paradise, where life is gentler for you and the children.

You're building a new life, a new 'normal'. What better place to do this than right where you are?


Steph(anie) May 10, 2011 at 12:50 am

I know that I vote for paradise :)


Fox in the City May 10, 2011 at 12:48 am

The answer is right there, in Paradise!


Alison@Mama Wants This May 10, 2011 at 12:46 am

You call it Paradise. I think the choice is obvious.


OurGangof7 May 10, 2011 at 8:58 am

Follow your heart. Paradise is just that….Paradise. While you are happy and contented (as you can be at least) stay put. If it turns out that you stay there for years then do that. While it is feeling right and simple and easy why move? If you and the kids are contented there, why uproot yourselves again. Your little patch of Paradise sounds wonderful and somewhere that I myself would just love to live and love to raise my family.


Mary May 10, 2011 at 7:26 am

What others have said – Paradise seems so right for now..and somewhere else might be right for later…


Madmother May 10, 2011 at 6:30 am

Seriously – you choose where is best for you. It does not have to be forever, but it needs to be right for now.


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