by Lori Dwyer on August 2, 2013 · 8 comments

So much for things being normal, or boring.

I try not to worry too much about the emotional mechanics of how things will work, or how different things will be, or my kids being forced (again) to cope with such big change in their lives. It’s fruitless… I can worry myself into a state of unhappy agitation, and I’ll still have no valid prediction of the future. Worrying over something rarely prepares you for its eventuality. Besides, they say we worry about 6 million things in our lifetime, and only eight of them actually occur.

I attempt not to think too much about the ominous concept of Blending A Family. That seems pointless, too. We’ll just be ourselves and do what we do, the way we have been doing, and we’ll work out the inevitable kinks and knots as they appear. I’m not sure there’s any other way to do this, really. There’s no instruction manual for this kind of thing. And if there is one, it’s probably written by someone who’s unjustifiably smug and unrealistic.

That’s what I tell myself, anyway. That’s the best of my intentions written down.

In reality, as of right now, I’m atrophied and sluggish with worry and fret and apathy. In reality, this is taking a mum who is completely accustomed to sporadic bouts of occasional freedom from parenthood, her two relatively needy children, and a man who had made the decision never to have children, and throwing them together in place that’s unfamiliar.

What could possibly go wrong?


It’s difficult not to be cynical when it’s my children whose hurt and confusion would run deepest, should something go wrong and everything fall apart.

I remind myself that we risk our children’s happiness all the time. As parents, we’re always making choices that determine the future of our kids. It’s a matter of surveying the available information, ensuring you have their best interests at heart. Then you make the decision as best you know how, and deal with the fallout if it happens.

I know that no matter where we live, I’ll do what I can to ensure my kids the best life I can give them. I know the man I’ve chosen for us to live with is a gentle, loving, caring person, and that he’ll treat my children with the respect they deserve, as the little people they are.

That’s the best I’ve got, for now. I think that’s all we need.

It’s time to make an active effort to ignore the butterflies eating away at my stomach lining, for the next few days at least. I need to stop worrying and start packing.

22 days to go.


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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Spagsy August 3, 2013 at 8:46 pm

Firstly you are not moving “so far away” so get that out of your head. You are just moving. And it’s completely normal to be scared and worried and all that- woman even if it were a million dollar lottery ticket you would worry. It’s what we do when things change.

I’m with Eden. It will be ok, even when it’s not it will be. I would have said it if she hasn’t have gotten it in first.

If this were someone else’s blog what would you be telling her??? To go for it!!!

Xxx rah rah


Toni August 3, 2013 at 7:01 pm

I am a total worrier too and really its just wasted energy. Just go with the flow and try not to over think everything.
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Suzy Mac August 2, 2013 at 11:02 pm

Lori, whatever happens you have to remember, you’ve been at the bottom of the pool, you know what it looks like, not only didnt you didnt, you swam back up. You will never hit that bottom again. I am going to quote someone who supported me here because it seems appropriate:

“I wish I had something better for you. But all I’ve really got is that, if the very worst happens- which it probably won’t- you will cope. You will. And so will your [kids]. You are stronger than you think. Life goes on and you find a new kind of normal.” sound familiar?

You are a good person & a great mother & this man in Melbourne is your brass ring. So he never wanted a family (neither did I- most  passionately almost into my 40′s) some of us non-breeders make the most devoted & natural parents – we just didnt find the right partner before. And this man obviously wants one now- so run with it, lovely. 
Take care – xo
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The Rugratbag August 2, 2013 at 11:08 pm

You didnt sink -actually
Sorry, but you know what I mean :0)
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Trisha August 2, 2013 at 9:41 pm


I have found that if you manage to not worry (which takes practice, especially in a world that teaches us to worry, and is even more difficult when one has an anxiety disorder) you can actually focus on solving the problems that do arise and have more energy for them.

The next 22 days will be a flurry of activity, but it will all work out in the end.

Go bravely, and with a quiet strength.


Drea B August 2, 2013 at 12:52 pm

I have a friend with 2 kids similar in age to your two who regularly moves countries, the kids speak 3 languages at least I think. The kids are happy, they’re loved, they have great parents and that’s really what matters.

A girl in my daughter’s class moved to Melbourne with her dad mid year, and was back a few months later. Turns out she *loved* Melbourne, thrived there. Her dad was the one that didn’t cope .

Just keep communications open and expectations under control. It’s going to be different, but that isn’t a bad thing. ou’ll have a whole new city to explore with them as the weather warms out, it should be fantastic :)


Whoa, Molly August 2, 2013 at 10:53 am

Worrying is the worst, and the very worst part of it is that there’s nothing that can soothe the ache of it, but time. And doing. Just do, you know? Go with it. Kids are so adaptable. Having things not work out and having to start again – yep, that would be bad. But what would be worse is not ever doing anything because you were afraid it wouldn’t work out.

Even IF the worst happens (unlikely), it’s not the be all and end all. My mum moved us interstate (almost anyway) when I was about 12. We were there for 6 months and it didn’t work out. We came back. It wasn’t the end of the world and I was fine.

In fact, that experience was one of the things that’s given me the attitude and freedom to not be scared to try new things. Because they will probably work out – and if they don’t? I got a bunch of experience and some cool new stories to tell.

I’m just convinced it’s going to be fine for you though. Melbourne is amazing. The dude is a great dude. You rule. Your kids are awesome. Once the hard part is over, you will actually be able to relax and start enjoying it and I can’t wait to hear all about it. :)
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edenland August 2, 2013 at 9:35 am

Sweetheart, you go. GO! With passion and worry and panic and love …. life is some messy bullshit. My family never turned out how I planned it too – hell, I never even PLANNED a family.

You love Melbourne. It lights you up. It will be ok. It will be ok ….. and sometimes when it’s not ok, it will be ok after that again. It’s good to be concerned – but you go and don’t look back. This is your turn, your time. Your kid’s will be loved no matter where they live.

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