Monthly Archives: May 2016
Burlesque and Some BodyLove. – RRSAHM
Burlesque and Some BodyLove.
This month’s RedBalloon mission was quite exciting but slightly intimidating. Four one hour burlesque classes in Sydney, taught by a real live burlesque performer who goes by the name of Satin Spitfire.
Satin is hot. Not to mention crass, funny, loud, sweet, accepting and inclusive, and about a million other kinds of awesome. The class was small, the dance moves relatively easy, and the music loud and sexy.
The idea of burlesque dancing is so appealing to the lush, heady side of creativity. It’s all sparkles and glitter, velvet and feather boas, champagne and sex, and something inherently feminine and powerful. It’s so commonly confused with stripping, but getting naked is not the point. It’s all about the tease.
While certainly not enough to turn me into any kind of sexy, sensual performer (a la Ms Spitfire); four one hour-long classes were just enough to get a taste of what burlesque is like; an introduction to the ins and outs of the theory, attitude and basic moves behind it. There is absolutely no experience necessary- the first class begins with the very basics of a ‘burlesque walk’ and choosing a stage name. Going with my theme, I am now officially (kinda) known as Lilly Bean (like jellybean, only…. not?).
Out of the class of five, only one of us had any prior exposure, having done pole dancing and been to quite a few live burlesque shows. She even had a kick-arse pair of stripper heels to wear. Along with comfy clothes and drinking water, ‘high heels and lippy’ are essential requirements for burlesque classes. I, of course, wore my favorite black and white heels. And when it came to Week Three- Tassle Twirling- I was delighted to discover Satin had a pair of black and white pasties for me to borrow.
Pasties, in case you’re wondering, are the things worn to completely cover your areola and nipples, to which your tassels are attached. You can either tape or glue them on. We played with a stack of props, including gloves and fans and feather boas. And there was no pressure to undress- the option to wear your pasties over bras or even a shirt was there. All but one of us stripped off anyway.
By popular request… a pastie photo. Ta-da!!
Just for the record- I suck at tassle twirling. The objective is to get your tassles to spin, just by shimmying your shoulders. Despite being assured that boob size and shape makes no difference, and everyone can twirl… I really don’t think my boobs are big enough. I did get some twirling happening, but only by putting my arms straight up in the air and jumping up and down. And I’m not sure that’s sexy.
Having put on a bit of weight recently, the timing for this one was perfect. I badly needed some self esteem boosting and body love, and this was perfect. All sizes and shapes are celebrated in burlesque. The vibe of the class was lovely- there was no judgement here; no bitchy poking and snarking about weight and lumps and bumps. The instructor was easily a size sixteen, and she was one of the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen. There was something confronting about feeling like a veritable stick figure, and not at all desirable. It was probably a good thing that I found myself looking sexier and slightly fuller-figured as the months worth of classes ran on, and appreciating what curves I do have.
As much as I hate to disappoint you all… I don’t think I’ll be making the transition to burlesque performing any time soon. I’d have to do a lot of work on twirling first. But I highly recommend burlesque classes. They’re a work out- you’ll leave sweating- but the moves are relatively easy. It’s the attitude that takes time to perfect.
And in terms of body love- this has been one of the most positive experiences I’ve ever had. I left every week loving my body, feeling sexy and womanly. And given those ten kilos I’ve quite comfortably put on, that’s been exactly what I needed.
***
As we’ve discussed, sometimes Mother’s Day just sucks. Do yourself a huge favour and invest in some burlesque body love, for you or someone else, this Mum’s Day. Red Balloon gift vouchers are available here.
Thanks to the team at Digital Parents Collective for inviting me to be a part of the RedBalloon Experience Program. Stay tuned- more awesomeness over the next few months. As always, all opinions are my own (because no one else would want them…?) however the experiences are complimentary.
And, just for jellbeans,
there’s a special offer for RRSAHM readers- Spend $79 or more on any RedBalloon experience, and receive $20 off.
To redeem: Visit www.redballoon.com.au and enter the promo code
REDBLOG14 at the checkout to receive your discount.
Terms and Conditions: Offer valid until 30/06/2014. Promotional Code can
only be used once
per person. All purchases are subject to Red Balloon T’s and C’s.
per person. All purchases are subject to Red Balloon T’s and C’s.
Terms and Conditions: Offer valid until 31/12/13. Promotional Code can
only be used once per person. All purchases are subject to Red Balloon T’s and C’s.
Previous post: Countdown To Borneo: 13 Days
Next post: Morbid.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: The House That Love Built.
Six Months In. – RRSAHM
Six Months In.
“Never regret thy fall,
O Icarus of the fearless flight
For the greatest tragedy of them all
Is never to feel the burning light”
Oscar Wilde
***
I look at this new life that we’re living. I assess what we have… what we’ve lost and what we’ve gained. There have been big shifts and little ones.
Earth shattering geographical changes- a new address, a new state. New words- kindergarten has become prep, scallops are potato cakes.
And then there’s the subtle things. The differences in behaviour that are almost impossible to notice if you’re not in the vortex of this little family of ours.
My children are closer to me, but not as close to each other. My son has blossomed and bloomed at his new school, his eyes opened to a far bigger world than what he once had. My daughter has become more flexible, more social. She is learning about change, the good and bad of it. The painful and the pleasant.
And I’m… older. More secure but somehow more scattered, much more of a mess. I feel loved and protected now. But that means dealing with a whole heap of stuff that just keeps coming. My mind vomits up all this crap, all this pain, all this stuff I never properly dealt with, and it just won’t stop. I no longer feel on edge all the time, taut and strung with my own emotions.
But relaxing hurts the muscles of my mind. Loving someone again leaves me all kinds of vulnerable and that’s difficult.
Sometimes everything hurts so much and I feel like a dick for giving up the little life we had in TinyTrainTown. I want to run screaming back to New South Wales and lose myself in a pain that might hurt less than healing does.
And then I look at what we’ve got. My kids will be the first to tell you they have a ‘new daddy’ and they love that. My son, especially. “Come with me,” he tells his friends, “I have to show you my dad!” He’s so proud of having one again. He’s so happy to be just like everyone else. It’s not something we’ve ever suggested to him- the whole idea of a ‘new daddy’ is something he’s come up with all by himself. And for his sake, I’m happy to let him run with that.
My kids love this city, and they both affectionately call it ‘ours’. Six months in and they no longer mourn for the life they had, even if sometimes I still do.
I’m still not sure if I’ve done the right thing, moving us all so far away. There’s not much I know for sure at all. But I do know my children are loved and happy. And that change is inevitable. And that the experiences we’ve had since moving here have taught all of us a lot. About each other, and about ourselves. Maybe there is no right or wrong here. Maybe there isn’t, when it comes to change and changing. Maybe what we’ve lost is worth what we’ve gained.
And, almost certainly, I’ll never know for sure. So we just keep aiming for happy. And managing any collateral damage as we go.
Leave a Comment
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
-
March 3, 2014 at 11:42 pm -
Hugs to you – I have so many drafts regarding indecision and blocks in my path – taking the path is not a thing to regret, because you are watching it evolve all around you, scary though it may be.
jeanie recently posted…Ten things – the whipper-snippers / adolescents comparison thing-ie
-
February 26, 2014 at 11:48 am -
Embrace what you have Lori, I think it sounds good
Sometimes I float about with what ifs.. should I…if only…is this the right place…I think we need to live more in the moment x x xlots of love Rebecca x -
February 26, 2014 at 11:06 am -
Keep moving forward, hun… no good comes from looking at the past xx
Kellie Anderson recently posted…Jared Leto: the secret is out -
February 26, 2014 at 2:39 am -
February 25, 2014 at 3:16 pm -
Every decision that you make is always based on the facts that are in front of you at that moment. Often we question ourselves later because hindsight is always 20-20.
As you stated change is inevitable and this is a change that felt right for you at that moment, so enjoy your new life and don’t stress the small stuff. -
February 25, 2014 at 2:32 pm -
Beautiful poem. I hear you. One of the things I like to do when I’m balancing current pain again remembered pain is to go back and read old journals (or blog posts) from that time. Without the distance or perspective, they’re often intense in a way I’d forgotten and bring some clarity to my comparisons.
Sarah K Reece recently posted…Riding the avalanche
Previous post: Wrinkles.
Next post: Where The Wild Things Are.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Crowning.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Jeans and Stuff.
You Men. And Suicide.
You Men. And Suicide.
What is it with you men?
I know, I know. We chicks don’t understand you, and you don’t understand us. That’s life. Hell, it’s more than life. That’s what makes the world go round.
But… this. What I’ve experienced, what I’ve lived through, over the last few weeks. No one should have to go through this.
We need to speak. Men, and women.
We need to talk about this. About suicide.
In Australia, it’s a huge problem- men and mental health, men and suicide. I’m going to assume that a lot of the rest of the world is the same. Men, especially older men, say, between thirty and fifty years old, taking their own lives.
And you men, you do it so… violently.
That’s the main difference, right there, between men and women, when it comes to attempting suicide. We both attempt suicide in equal proportions.
It’s just that you men are so much more violent than women. Men hang, shoot, gas. Women swallow, cut, drink.
Men, their options for suicide are so final. There are no second chances. There is no time for someone to find you, someone to save you.
You can’t pump the stomach of someone who’s shot themselves in the head.
So. And then. With all that considered, we have this other problem.
I know men, enough, I think, to be able to say that amongst them, amongst the men I know who are tradies, truck drivers and big, tough blokes; there is that constant litany that suicide is a ‘dog’s way out’. A coward’s option. That you just wouldn’t do that to the people you love.
But, if you did do it, make it look like an accident… where someone you know won’t find you.
Hold on- what the fuck?
I got a comment on my blog, from a very articulate man who’s name, I believe, was William. (Edit– Erm… not William, but Hamlet. Hey, it’s all Shakespeare to me. His blog is here. And it’s good. Have a read.) If you are reading, William, or whatever your name is, please leave me a link so I can include it.
William wrote a post, talking, honestly about men and suicide.
Someone he knew had done it, taken their own life. And William’s wife asked him “Do you understand, how he could that?”.
And William said “No, of course not.”
But what he meant was “Sure, every guy does.”
And that’s stuck with me. As I’ve talked, as I’ve processed, as I remember more.
Be honest with me here, guys, all you men- is there some kind of honour in it?
There’s an undertone, I think. That suicide is wrong, and a dickhead way to go.
But….
But.
Perhaps, if you feel you’re the problem, if removing yourself from the equation, you feel, will take a lot of the problem with you? If you know you’ll leave your family with money in the bank, to provide for them a little…?
And violently. Not like a hysterical women, popping pills and crying and asking people to find her, to help her.
But like a man.
Violently.
Quickly.
Taking your mess with you. And not messing things up, as you go.
Am I right? I think I am, just a little bit. Just a glimmer.
It chills me to the very core.
There is no honour in this. Read this, all you men. Read what I’ve written over the last few weeks.
It’s not a fix to the problem. It creates a whole fathom of new problems, that start with your death and tendril out into the rest of the lives of those left behind.
There’s no honour in that.
Talk to us.
Women, we’re so different from you. No better, no worse, just different. Perhaps we do get hysterical, sometimes.
But women, picking up the pieces, it’s what we do.
We stitch loose threads. We tidy things. We know what to do with things that don’t seem to have any other place where they fit.
We nurture. We talk. We listen.
We can be the balm to the hard pain of providing, of the pressure of taking care of a family.
It can’t be easy, to be a man sometimes. To have all that pressure. I know Tony felt it. The pressure to provide, to be perfect, to take care of his family.
What he didn’t seem to get, what I want the rest of you to know- we can take some of the pressure. That, as women, is almost what we are designed to do.
Like I said, we stitch up the threads of little things.
You men- that’s what other people, the women in your lives, are there for. Have them read this post, and they’ll testify that you you. That’s why people live in couples. It’s so, sometimes, there is someone to share the load with.
So, you men- share the load. Use the people around you to take some of your burden. I promise you, your wife will think no less of you if you tell her that you’ve had a hard day, or you’re worried about money, or you just feel a bit down.
That’s what wives are there for. Don’t hesitate to share the load. There might not be too much another person can do for you- make you a cup of coffee, talk to you for a bit, put their arms around you and tell you they love you.
But you’ll feel better for it.
Talk, all of you. You men. Go, talk, now, if you need to. To someone you love, someone you trust.
Don’t try and do this it all by yourself.
It’s not that you can’t. You could, if you wanted to. But you don’t have to.
And it’s easier not to.
There is no honour in this.
Speak.
Edit- “Too many women, commenting about men committing suicide“. Damn straight. Ain’t that the sad truth of it…?
Leave a Comment
{ 91 comments… read them below or add one }
-
August 29, 2012 at 6:17 pm -
Hello, Lori.
I have periodically passed by your jelly bean world for a couple of years. I wanted you to know that you saved a life today. I have taken steps to help someone else that I know needed aid urgently. You taught me to see the signs and to have the courage to act. The supports are now in place, action has been taken and I can now breathe again.
I thought I had made the hardest decision of my life almost 10 years ago. This was every bit as hard, but at least I was maintaining life. I have been to the same abyss once myself, when my spirit was exhausted beyond belief. And that is something you must comprehend – sometimes, it isn't about thinking others will be better off without you. It's about being spiritually exhausted, unable to carry your own sould any longer, having lost every ounce of hope. I somehow managed to back away, very gradually, from the abyss. I had a companion at the time. I'm not far from the abyss now again, but I feel a little solace in knowing that I acted and can at least a little sunshine beyond the clouds, something I did not see before because of the horror I saw unfolding before me.
I am wrecked, in every sense, on every level. But know you did good, Very, very good.
Thankyou, more than I can ever say, thankyou.
I wish I could stop crying.
Be well, Sweet Angel of Hope. (That should be your title -and I mean it.)
- December 7, 2011 at 10:48 am
-
Lori, Just read this. Its the first time in months I've had time to think. For me, I tried twice, it was because If I was gone everything was suddenly OK for everyone else. I thought it was going to be like pulling a bad tooth. No more headaches, no more pain for everyone else.
Ending it isn't about what makes sense, or what is "really" going to happen for those left behind. It is just about a fixation with our own place in the scheme of things.
I'm still here, and dont want to jump anymore, I convinced myself it was worth being here, for others, and for myself. - February 23, 2011 at 4:44 pm
-
Every once in awhile I stumble across a web site that isn't really my usual reading. But I enjoy trying to understand masculinity and why so many men are distraught nowadays. So understanding what women think of men and masculinity is intriguing. I am a young man that has been at the point of suicide and returned. I'm much better for the experience. I haven't read all the comments but I figured I would throw in a more firsthand masculine account. My experience has shown men commit suicide because they aren't mentally free. Men compromise on most of their decisions. We wanted to be fire-fighters, explorers, soldiers and superheroes, not a cubicle, not a cog in the machine. (Reference Fight club- Watch it without him and actually think about the psychology. If you can't understand it you'll never get him. Hell watch any of the movies guys like and think about them deeper. We do.) We wanted to be adventurous not wimps. Boys want to leave home to get control and danger. We need our moms when we're young to apply bandaids, but as we grow up those bandaids are signs of weakness. When we get married to you, you are not replacing our mother. (I know you think you're not acting like our mother. We are reckless, especially when we're young. accept it or not, we want to be wild.) Acting like our mother emasculates us and slowly makes us hate you, or feel like a miserable failure to you. Both lead to suicide if they last long enough. Most men don't want a women that will let them talk out their stress, that's what friends and beers are for. They want a women that thinks they are a man. If they never act like a man they have been broken in and the process of saving him is going to be difficult. I wanted to commit suicide because I acted like the perfect boyfriend and studied the chick flicks, did what I was supposed to. I was a great son. But My relationship angered my mother and my girlfriend. Neither were mature enough to see how stressful it was, and I wasn't mature enough to cope. Every time I tried to make some one happy, someone else was angry. It just wears on a man to be emasculated every day every time because of the choices he has made. Your man has compromised so many times, in his career, in arguments, he doesn't have a chance to be himself. Don't talk to him about his feelings, appreciate his masculinity and help him know hes a man. Suicide is a cowards way out. So a violent method with no chance failure means men won't be confronted. Suicide offers us a last chance at controlling the outcome of our situation. A decisive coward is better than an impotent man. By no means is my opinion representative of all men.
also if you want to understand men better especially as it pertains to suicides, watching masculine movies is really helpful (I bet you never thought Rambo had any depth. Rambo, Braveheart, Gladiator, Fight club, and anything he likes) Also websites like http://artofmanliness.com/ can be very insightful and a helpful start.
"A woman simply is, but a man must become. Masculinity is risky and elusive. It is confirmed only by other men. Manhood coerced into sensitivity is no manhood at all (Camille Paglia)."
- February 23, 2011 at 12:18 pm
-
It's very simple: boys are raised to pursue the ideal of manhood. The older they get, the more rules and expectations get added on to an already impossible idea. At the core of manhood, is the idea that it's worth dying for. So, when a man gets old enough for the impossibility of upholding the ideal to sink in, the despair can be overwhelming, and the only option offered is death. After all, death is preferable to betrayal of the ideal.
It is not honor or fear, it is dedication to an impossible ideal. Nothing more, nothing less.
- February 13, 2011 at 5:37 am
-
Lori,
I found your blog via Momma Chaos. I'm part of a lesbian couple, but I am the "wife", the mender of things. And I will make sure she knows.
And I'm sorry that you know, too
- February 12, 2011 at 1:31 pm
-
if men do what you SAY you want thme to do in htis blog .. then they will not be respected in society by both men and women.
sad fact .. but that is the way it is.
So all that I see is that again men aren't good enough, they don't suicide as well as women.
from a man, who does know.
- February 11, 2011 at 3:33 am
-
YES.
My father died at 64- not a suicide, but really, after decades of fatty food and no doctors and no exercise, wasn't it?
Yes, I understand how men can do it. I've thought of it. I think every man has, in the deep dark night of the soul where it is always 3:00 in the morning.
Why go on?
Why keep fighting?
I read a book months ago called the "Noonday Demon" where the author, a depressive, said that depressives commit suicide because they are TIRED. The act of getting up and moving through another day is just too much damn work to contemplate.
Men commit suicide because they don't feel they measure up. Because they're tired. Because they don't feel valued. Because the odds are stacked against them. Because they feel like there's no way out.
I have often thought about this, as a thought experiment: if I could somehow ensure my life insurance would pay out, would I do it?
Some days, the answer is unequivocally yes.
- February 10, 2011 at 9:39 pm
-
HERE HERE!! well said! I've wondered about my father commiting suicide, as a 50+ farmer in remote Australia, there's no bloody way i'd know before hand. One day he'd just dissapear like so many men do. Not a word of farewll or a hint of sadness.
What a world we live in, any one of these men could walk into a hospital and get treatment. Yet society is so harsh on men not having feelings, just muscles, that they feel that suicide is easier than facing the social pressures of walking into a hospital or calling the ambos! It makes me very angry and i'm so proud of you for speaking up! Well done Lori! - February 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm
-
I don't think its about honour – its about pain. When the pain gets so bad that you'll do anything to make it stop. And when you think that you're the cause of other people's pain and wanting to stop that.
The typical view often expressed that suicide is selfish also discourages people from seeking help. Who wants to be seen as being selfish? I never spoke to my wife about how I felt because of how she and her family has spoken about people who have killed themselves.
I had pretty firm plans to kill myself and hadn't told any of my family or friends about it. But I was lucky enough to have a very understanding GP who got me help as well as on medication that works.
- February 9, 2011 at 3:12 am
-
I'm a woman who has been having thoughts of suicide. I'm a postpartum depression fighter and with that comes extreme anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Thoughts that come into my head and set up living quarters without an end in sight. Last week I ended up at my psychiatrist's office in a weeping mess. I have a husband and three sons. What the fuck am I thinking? I wouldn't follow through, would I? And the answer is I'm not so sure. My thoughts often return to you and what you're going through. It fucking sucks what you're living with. What you are surviving as a result of Tony giving in to the thoughts. So I'm here. I'm here another day. And I have opened up to my husband about these thoughts because I can't fight them on my own.
- February 8, 2011 at 2:17 pm
-
Since reading your blog I have made time to really listen and encourage both my husband and son to let me into their thoughts. He had said so often that all is ok, yet when I really tought about it he was saying so much more.
Through your honesty and courage you've opened my eyes to so much more and I hope now I can be a more supportive partner. - February 8, 2011 at 12:14 pm
-
Hello Lovely,
Been wanting to tell you about my BIL who went the same way Tony did the week before Christmas.
Alongside you, my husband is grieving. Reluctantly, but grieving. He is talking and I am listening. All the while working and looking after his family. I am proud of him and let him know at every opportunity.
I would like to add that as the ones living with family who have mental illness, or those suddenly left behind, we need to speak out. We need to constantly communicate and advocate for their souls, hearts and minds.
I know this is your mission. You are inspiring me and others with each minute, each hurdle you overcome and every word you share.
Your courage is without boundaries. Keep your souls light shining, black, blue, yellow or red. It all comes from love.
xxxx
P.S I have to sign as anon but it's Kelly Wilson (anklebites)
- February 8, 2011 at 10:38 am
-
Thank you for talking! For speaking IT outloud. When I was 8 my Mom (strong and ahead of her time) cut her wrists, a cry for help? A Female method of getting desperately wanted attention? … When I was 30 my favorite uncle (he was magical, did he know that?) used a shotgun as his exit wound. I am 55 and still think about these excruciating days, what could I have done or said or been to Save them? I understand needing to stop the pain, but suicide? We think about it at our darkest hour but if we talk about it, its our darkest "Hour", time will let us let it go. Suicide passes the pain on to those that love us most, where it finds a dark place to live as a deed that cannot be undone, leaving us the questions that can never be answered. Selfish act? All love to you Lori! Be well! Time is on My (our) Side as the Stones once told us!
- February 8, 2011 at 10:18 am
-
My daughter came to visit this weekend and I watched as she read your blog. A piece of her heart went out to you as she wrote her message and we talked a bit between sentences. I told her one thing I learned from a time when I was in a very sad place and was desperately trying to get to the other end of it – to see it behind me. I noticed that the people who I saw every day, those who were the closest to me when it started, hurt for me soooo very much that they had to sometimes break away from me for awhile. I felt very much like a pariah in my social circle, at work and, it seemed, every where I went. People could see the angst in my expressions, the pain through the windows of my own eyes and they could not bear to be face to face with me. I thought I eventually understood it – I believe it was that I represented everything they did not want to happen to them or their own children – that I represented some of the awfulness of what could be done to a woman and her child. I held that belief, whether real or imagined by me, because I had to forgive them when I did come out to the other side of it all. I thought I had great insight to them and their thoughts at the time. I came out arrogantly thinking I could live through anything to come my way for the rest of my life. I was invinceable, except to one thing that I knew I couldn't get through and thank goodness I've never had to experience that. But now there are two things I know I am not invinceable to.
When I look back as I near my 60th birthday, I know that I would not have chosen the experiences I've had but that I am who I am because of and in spite of them and I'm good with who I am today.
I have no advice to offer you today – no healing words of wisdom from a stranger. I too have joined the long list of those who hold up hope for you until you can hold it up for yourself and your once again. Hope Floats
- February 8, 2011 at 9:55 am
-
So, you helped another person today Lori: my husband NEVER reads the posts I send him, because he's so damn busy working two jobs to support me & the babies. You know, he read this one. I've been talking to him about you & damn me, he read this one.
He swears that suicide is never an option for him & I believe that he believes that. But the amount of stress he – we – are under is the highest it's ever been. I worry because he says he's not stressed. This us a man working a full time job that often runs late, running his own web design business with 60+ clients, who has a 2.5th old & a 6mnth old, married to a woman on anti-depressants with an eating disorder, all living in a 500sqft flat with a sofa bed in the office as a bedroom. And he's not stressed. Yeah, right – bollocks.
But he read this one. And now, once a week, every week, he has promised that we will sit down (at the same time! Together! Alone! Miracle) & He Will Talk.
I've commented on each post to offer support, but this time, I must sat thank you. Thank you from me, from my babies, from the hundreds and thousands of people you are helping Right Now, more powerfully than I knew was possible. Thank you.
Always, love. Sophie xxx
- February 8, 2011 at 6:21 am
-
You know, I was almost suicidal once. I hated everything. Was alone. (I'm single and was then.) I was standing at the top of a bridge over the train yard and a train was coming full speed and I realized I knew the instant to step off and fall in front of the train and it would all be over. And just as quickly I knew I did not want to die but I could no longer live the way I was. And I went home and made my resume and started making changes. That moment has stuck with me like no other and returns to me when I have those sad deep moments. It startled me, that moment. That the thought of dying could be so crystal clear and so near. And I'm grateful it was followed so closely by the next thought. In light of your post, I wonder is that a girl thing, or just a me thing? I don't know.
- February 8, 2011 at 6:16 am
-
Hugs. I posted this link to my twitter and facebook. I know two friends whos sons have killed themselves over the past few years. Crushing.
Hugs to you for your courage. Prayers for your healing.
- February 8, 2011 at 6:12 am
-
My oldest son has felt suicidal. I want him to read your blog. I want him to see the real things that happen.
Do you think that would help him?
I just don't know
- February 8, 2011 at 4:15 am
-
So much truth in this post Lori. Thanks for spelling it out like this. If it just saves one man, it will have been worth it.
- February 8, 2011 at 2:59 am
-
Thank you so much. I will use your post to get my husband talking. Sorry is not enough but I think about you and your family daily. Praying for comfort, strenth, peace, and the support you need.
- February 8, 2011 at 2:51 am
-
Lori I thought you might get something, I don't know, out of tonights Australian Story, if you didn't see it. http://www.abc.net.au/austory/
- February 8, 2011 at 2:23 am
-
That is such a difficult question to answer. I don't think it is possible to answer it unless you are in that position needing to make that choice. From a point of view in a cosy world there is no sense to it at all – no possible reason why I'd consider it.
I do know that we men cannot help but to take on all the responsibility for our families and for whatever the situation is – no matter how stupid that may seem. I can use me as an example…
I'm married to a woman far more educated than I am, who works just as hard as I do and who earns much the same too. She is capable and willing. However I still feel absolutely responsible for the house and our finances, and just general status. Why? I do not know – but I do. I feel the stress of these aspects of life and absorb them for the family. I would feel daft 'talking' about these stresses.Logically I can see how stupid that is.
not everything is logical.
- February 8, 2011 at 1:10 am
-
I think 'Will' got it spot on: it's a sense of failure that is a big motivator for feelings of suicide in men. When it appears that one's wife shares that opinion – which I often have of myself – one is left feeling hopeless & that everything is pointless.
I've also then gone through a similar process to that described by the anonymous male commenter, & I carry on.
But I've stayed rational; obviously that's not always the case.
I also think that partly to blame is the roles that societies are still forcing on men, & women, that creates extra pressure. The man is still expected to be the breadwinner, the rock, the leader. And yet men are now also expected to 'show their feminine side': to be nurturing & caring & empathetic. And if we fail – or are seen to fail, or even feel that we've failed – in either of those we can come in for criticism. That's a lot of pressure.
It seems to me that societies need to sort out what's expected of men. We either revert to being the 1950s style head of the house with a compliant stay-at-home wifey, or we acknowledge that actually men & women are equal & that our roles can be interchangable: wives can be the main breadwinner (as mine is) & men can also be caring. At the moment it seems to me that societies want to have their cake & eat it, to have it both ways with regard to men. When a man is expected to be at once Alpha Male & Mother's Little Helper it's no wonder we often don't know who or where we are, our heads get in a spin & we get stressed & pissed off. I often feel like I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
It just doesn't work, the burden of expectation is too great, it creates too much pressure.
Brilliant that you're bringing this issue out into the open: keep it going.
I like to think that your Tony would be proud x
- February 8, 2011 at 12:58 am
-
Hi Lori
I have been here, reading , listening, but not commenting. Feel that I have nothing to say that will comfort you the way I wish I could.
But today I want to say that I think you are doing something great here.
Your writing is so open and honest, so real.
Thank you.
Michelle
- February 8, 2011 at 12:37 am
-
Most men who are experiencing desperate feelings that lead to suicide are not well enough to ask for help – I'm not sure how we can expect that of them. Most feel that they are essentially alone and as far as people understanding, that is basically true. When you are a trapped animal and there is no escape and you have the capability to end the suffering, you do. I'm not sure how method is important unless it is merely a cry for help and not a suicide, but I think that may be more rare than we think. I just see all of this feedback from well people expecting sick people to act like well people and I think that may be too high of an expectation.
- February 8, 2011 at 12:25 am
-
my god you are amazing lori.
my husband suffers from quite severe depression that is just getting under control thanks to new medication.
it has been a long hard road. i don't feel like i have the right to discuss his personal issues with my friends so it is lonely too.
keep writing lori. we need you to. you are going to help people. you have already helped me, and although he doesn't realise, my husband too.
sending you strength
xoxoxoxox - February 8, 2011 at 12:00 am
-
Amazing post, I will be getting my husband to read this.
- February 7, 2011 at 11:47 pm
-
My husband drove to a secluded area, took lots of pills and alcohol, was found 3 weeks later. He never gave us a chance to get there in time to help him
- February 7, 2011 at 11:32 pm
-
You are so right. There is absolutely no honour and once a plan is in action it can be very hard to stop it because you need to be aware of the little warning signs.
We need to get rid of the stigma a man does not talk about their feelings………that is only for girls.
We need to get the message out there and this is a fantastic post for it that EVERYONE NEEDS TO TALK AND HONESTLY
Also on the other hand the message also needs to include EVERYONE NEEDS TO LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER AND NOT THINK ABOUT A MILLION THINGS ONE MIGHT HAVE TO DO. TAKE THE TIME TO LISTEN AND YOU MAY BE AMAZED ON WHAT YOU LEARN.
- February 7, 2011 at 10:54 pm
-
How on earth are you able to look past your own grief and write so elequently in order to help a larger community? You are an amazing person. Wow.
Take care of yourself.
xo - February 7, 2011 at 10:40 pm
-
You are amazing, what a great post….
- February 7, 2011 at 10:18 pm
-
Spendig you a big hug!
You've have lots of inner strength, Lori!
And you write brillantly!
I, too, think that you should publish a book. - February 7, 2011 at 10:06 pm
-
Too many women commenting about men committing suicide.
I have a terrible fear of heights and have twice had circumstances which led to me being in high places looking down. I've never really talked to anyone, anytime it gets that serious all I feel is alone and futile, not honourable or manly. I CAN'T talk to anyone, that's probably part of what leads me there in the first place.
My train of thought starts out around "maybe they would be better off without me". Generally I remind myself that I don't believe in anything after this, the thought of not being is one that stops me dead in my tracks. I realize that things will get better, technically I'm already past the worst part, next is just resolving everything. Finally I decide that I am strong enough to get through it, and it's gonna take a lot more than whatever has happened to prove otherwise. Then I go home, and nobody ever knows I've been in high places looking down.
- February 7, 2011 at 10:05 pm
-
Amazing Post Lori! Am lost for words so have shared on FB – hope that is ok. Believe like others that this should be read far and wide.
Wx - February 7, 2011 at 9:53 pm
-
Lori – Maggie who was on Australian Story tonight knows of you, is reading your blog and is there for you. I had her on my show today.
@carolduncan
- February 7, 2011 at 8:54 pm
-
Awesome post. I can't get my husband to read things when I link to them so I am PMing him bits.
You're so amazing.
Love to you Lori xo - February 7, 2011 at 8:46 pm
-
Coincidentally, I have just watched Australian Story on the ABC of a fella who accidentally killed himself after a mind snap and how his wife struggled in the aftermath.
I don't know if it would help you to watch it. Just wanted to let you know, in case you do want to see it. - February 7, 2011 at 8:41 pm
-
Incredible words, Lori.
When you've had some time for you, I think you should give some of your blog entries to Beyond Blue – so people can see the reality of suicide. You are so resilient and articulate. - February 7, 2011 at 8:24 pm
-
Incrediable post….keep them coming, people need to hear this stuff!
- February 7, 2011 at 8:15 pm
-
Dear Lori, Your story has touched me so deeply. I am a funeral director and every day am involved in the aftermath of suicide. Both through my staff's eyes (who collect the deceased person from the place of death) to the families who are struggling through there why's, hows and what ifs. Its true, men do it much more violently than women, but it all leaves so many unanswered questions. I'd love to help you in your effort to educate people. I honestly believe that those who commit suicide really don't appreciate the finality of it. If only we could educate the masses and find a way to catch them before it gets that hard. Good luck with educating people, if you need help anyway please don't hesitate to contact me. Good luck in learning to live with a loss, that you should never have had to suffer x Lib
- February 7, 2011 at 7:48 pm
-
phew. hell yeah.
You amaze me.god, if I could only get my guy to read this. he is of the bottling variety. this is so important.
Previous post: Shooting Stars.
Next post: What Do You Call A Post Like This?
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Not Easy Being Green
Dogs are better than chocolate-The Pedigree Adoption Drive. – RRSAHM
Dogs are better than chocolate-The Pedigree Adoption Drive.
Why hello there,
The Aussies amongst us may just have heard about the Pedigree Adoption Drive that’s going on at the moment. The lovely ladies from Nuffnang are helping them out. And here is my little contribution. A list of reason why dogs are, in fact, better than chocolate.
“Really? Surely, Lori, you are just pulling our leads (so to speak)? How can anything be better than chocolate?”
I know, I know, it sounds insane.But trust me with this one. Let’s take a closer look.
My own beautiful better-than-chocolate puppy, Scarlette.
Dogs don’t make you fat.
In fact, walking them actually keeps the weight off! Imagine!
Dogs don’t give you holes in your teeth.
Although they may just put holes in your shoes.
It doesn’t matter if you buy the cheap brand or the expensive one.
With a dog, the satisfaction is still the same.
Too cute piccie from here
You don’t have to worry about whether your puppy is Free Trade.
Especially if you get him through the Pedigree site.
Dogs are more effective than chocolate for PMS.
Because they are a hot water bottle, best friend, box of tissues and sounding board all in one. And they don’t argue back (Or tell you to get up off the lounge, stop this crying and get on with things. If they could talk, they might say that. But they can’t. So we’re all good.).
Dogs don’t melt in the car on hot days.
Ummm.. kinda. Not as quickly as the chocolate, anyway.
Angry puppy saying “Not funny, Lori” stolen from here.
I think I’ve settled my case. Chocolate is one of the bestest substances know to man and woman- especially to woman- and we still managed to find at least five quite valid reasons why puppies kick choccie’s butt.
So, go on, click the link. If you can’t adopt a puppy, donate some moula to help feed and care for the dogs waiting for new families. Just remember- a puppy is for life, not just for promotions. OK? OK.
Leave a Comment
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
-
December 20, 2013 at 6:46 pm -
Best Affiliate Program, convert like crazy! Earn more money , 3 Referal Levels , Sponsor 2 Earn on 14 peoples! http://goo.gl/F3A1M3
-
June 11, 2010 at 3:42 pm -
Those little doggies do enrich your life. Who else can you get unconditional love from?
- June 10, 2010 at 12:02 pm
-
What's better than a doggy-hug to get you up and bouncing in the day?
Oh yes a doggy-bouncing when it sees you for the first time in the day!
I love our 'furry children' almost as much as the kids and they bring Lots and Lots of joy.
Thanks for this post,Felicity
- June 10, 2010 at 10:55 am
-
Haha Katt I meant the brand of *dog*, not the brand of dog food!!
- June 10, 2010 at 6:39 am
-
This is a cute post! It's not true about the brands though… the cheap brands can kill your doggy with using meat from pound animals, bad byproducts and other terrible things
I learned the hard way! But they will still love you the same!I love the doggy in the piccie!
- June 10, 2010 at 2:46 am
-
Your puppy is so sweet!
Our dog May is adopted, and several friends have adopted dogs as well – they are the best! It makes me cry to walk past a pet store and see those poor, poor puppies in the display windows – they've never walked on grass or even been outside…how sad is that?
- June 10, 2010 at 12:11 am
-
Well, you've convinced me. I'm going to moved to Australia *just* so I can take part in the Pedigree Adoption Drive. There, it's decided. (Packing chocolate…)
- June 9, 2010 at 9:06 pm
-
We don't have a dog. But if we're gonna get one, I want that psycho looking puppy. Hehe.
- June 9, 2010 at 3:49 pm
-
My dog Sledge is adopted from RSPCA, all my partner's extended family have adopted dogs. They are the best natured dogs ever! They are all pining to come inside and cuddle as I have 4 dogs at my house as my in-laws are concreting. Dogs are spoilt enough to be just like people.
- June 9, 2010 at 3:29 pm
-
We have the same type of places in the UK and they work well. We also have several 'Sponsor a Dog' schemes where you donate a certain amount each month to contribute towards their care/food etc whilst they are in a shelter. In fact, donations to animal charities seem to be higher than some of the human ones!
- June 9, 2010 at 2:25 pm
-
Jodie, I agree totally. Pet shops and puppy mills need to have all demand removed. There is a scum bag here in Adelaide who runs a disgusting puppy mill and continues to dodge the authorities despite TT and ACA & the RSPCA getting to him: it makes my blood boil.
If anyone wants a dog, ADOPT.
- June 9, 2010 at 2:00 pm
-
How cute!
We adopted our dog about 18 mths ago. He'd been in the shelter from the age of 4mths thru to 18mths old. Poor thing. I guess he wasn't "cute" enough for everyone. And you know what? He has turned out to be the best dog ever. So good with the kids. Obedient. Protective. All of that – and without a scrap of training!
I want to discourage people from buying their pets from pet shops. Those poor animals are bred from mistreated animals – who are just breeding machines. The more animals are bought from pet shops, the more the industry churns them out. Supply and demand. No demand, supply goes down and these so called "breeders" go out of business.
Ok – getting of my soap box now…
- June 9, 2010 at 3:06 pm
-
Ok so he is not a dog – he is a cat, but the best thing we have ever done it to adopt him from a shelter.
Previous post: The First Love.
Next post: Aw, for me? You shouldn’t have…
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Give me CommentLuv. It’s What *Totally* Awesome People Do.
My Very First Ever Blog Post – RRSAHM
My Very First Ever Blog Post
Heido ho,
Anyone fancy a meme…? The muchly gorgeous Fairy Sarie at Just Me has asked us to republish our very first ever blog post. Just to see how we started, and how far we’ve come…
So here’s my first ever blog entry. It’s actually not from that long ago- the 4th December 2009. I had started myself a blog on the Belly Belly forums. Just because there were things I wanted to write about that didn’t really need ‘discussing’ on a forum as such, but I wanted to get out.
It was about a month and eight blog posts before the fore mentioned Fairy Sarie sent me a PM telling me that I needed a ‘real blog’. Thankyou very much Sarah. No, really. This blogging thing is uber-cool.
So, enjoy, bloggeroonies- typos, forum acronyms and all. Short and sweet and all about me.
Getting Bloggy With It.
Hi all,
OK, so here ’tis- my first ever blog entry. Tbh, I should be in bed like dh and the kids but I’ve been menaing to start blogging for ages so I’ve chosen to seize the moment and just get one started. Maybe I’ll actually write in it if i start one. But maybe not. Don’t blame me if I only do one entry… blame my terrible tendency toward procrastination.
So, what do i write about? just anything, huh? My name is Lori, I’m 28, have two kids under two (for another week or so, at least) and very little time for any kind of life. In my life before kids, I had an awesome job working as a kid’s entertainer, first doing parties, then at the kid’s hospital, and before that I did three quarters of a social work degree. I suffered from terrible PND, bordering on pyschosis, after my ds was born, and am on medication for it again now after dd‘s birth- but it’s working and i feel pretty good. I’m doing better at this ‘two under two’ thing than I thought I would be- it’s not as difficult as i thought it would be.
I prefer summer to winter, dogs to cats, Vegemite to peanut butter, Billy Connelly over Jerry Seinfeild, tea over coffee and cake over chocolate. I’m a bookworm, perfectionist, clean freak.
So that’s me. Thanks for reading (if anyone has). I’m off to bed. If I’m feeling really motivated, I’ll do some more blogging soon.
So, who wants to play…? I’m tagging
Kristin @ Wanderlust
The MadMother
Jen @ Jemikaan.
You’re it, ladies. Happy meme-ing!
Leave a Comment
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
- August 3, 2010 at 4:41 am
-
I wish I had discovered blogging when I was in the midst of the post partum! It would have helped to know that so many are in the same boat as me and it is OK. Loved reading your first one, thanks!
- May 3, 2010 at 12:18 pm
-
That was so cool to read!
And I learnt things about you that I didn't know. - May 2, 2010 at 10:16 am
-
And I'm so glad you started
- May 1, 2010 at 11:14 pm
-
Award for you over at mine…..
- May 1, 2010 at 3:20 pm
-
Hello there my friend. Am pleased to meet you.; )
I had mild PND with my 4th child and it sucks…donkey balls. The end.
- May 1, 2010 at 2:25 pm
-
Such a nice introduction! Your posts are super!
- May 1, 2010 at 1:49 pm
-
God love you. My first blog post re weight loss was on BB……might have to go dig it up JIC I get tagged!
- May 1, 2010 at 1:07 pm
-
Funny from the beginning alright.
- May 1, 2010 at 11:16 am
-
Too funny! You know I posted my earlier tonight (our tonight, your yesterday). Was tagged by two others! This meme is highly contagious. Glad you found something to help with the PND. I had mild, but I think that comes with the sleep deprivation and hormonal shifts (and, uh, massive life change).
- May 1, 2010 at 10:58 am
-
Hehe, already tagged by E. and Wanderlust, and now you. Done.
PS like the fact I am The Madmother, lol.
Previous post: 27 Signs You Are Totally, Completely, Mercilessly Addicted To Blog.
Next post: Mummies don’t get sick. Like hell.
Forget iJealous. Here's Some Andr-Envy – RRSAHM
Forget iJealous. Here’s Some Andr-Envy
I’ve gone full swing from being one of the iJealous, just two years ago, to now being one of the iKindaWishIWasOnAndroid.
I think, six weeks after the release of the iPhone 5, it’s safe to say that the iTrend is disappearing as rapidly as that last fifty percent of iBattery life you were using to find your way home. The long way. Using Apple Maps. (OK. Two paragraphs in, and enough of the iJokes already. iPromise)
My fellow children of the Eighties– do you happen to remember the slow tumbling decline of the Apple Mac? Once upon a 1994, people hotly debated the subject– Mac, or PC? It was actually known to tear families asunder. But by about 2002, the debate was pretty much over. And the PC people had won.
This all feels a little bit like history, repeating. Forward thinking company introduces the technology to the masses, as base and user–friendly as you can make it (often to chorus of cat calls from the editorial pages, or, in this day and cyber-age, the Tumblrs). Said company then lulls about in it’s technological awesomeness while their competitor develops the original technology much further and puts all that mind–blowingly cool software into a much more durable, usable and accessorised firmware system. And at the same time, they take a lot of your market share.
At the beginning of 2011 (just After the sky fell in) I was at the height of the iCovet (*ahem*…sorry). Along with most of the country– in fact, most of the world. The iPhone 4 had just been released. It was brilliant. You didn’t go and ‘buy a new phone’– you bought an iPhone. If there were other brands on the market with comparable features, I had no idea what they were. Nor did I, or most other people, care.
And then along came Siri. The iPhone 4S was really just an iPhone 4 that made a big deal of it’s substandard voice recognition software. Siri was– and currently is, if you check the tiny fine print at the bottom of the page– in Beta format at the time of its release. For those of you who aren’t massive geeks, Beta basically means it was a program in developmental stages, still being added to and debugged, often using the data input from first generation users to improve its own functionality. There’s nothing wrong with releasing Beta software– the Google God does it all the time. But most companies don’t charge people hundreds of dollars for the privilege of testing buggy software. Nor do they spend millions on advertising something as ‘artificially intelligent’ when it has the same voice recog capabilities as the chunky Nokia Brick110* (*may not be actual handset model) I owned when I was at uni.
In light of the Siri (”Where can I dispose of a body/ get an abortion/ track my wife’s every move, Siri?”) fiasco, that all consuming iWant seemed to begin to wane. The problem was, initially, that there was nothing much else to convert to. If you didn’t like your iPhone… well. You just whined about it, really.
But times are, as they say, a’changing.
I happened to be at a product launch a day or two before the much–hyped release of the iPhone 5 in September. I made the same comment I’m making in this post, identifying that iBacklash that’s currently trailing just below the surface of the social stratosphere. “Apple need to do something really awesome with this one. Or it’s all over.”
A table of tech–geeks stared at me in shock, and I began to feel as though I’d just blasphemed or drowned a litter of kittens or used the ‘q’ word or something.
“We’re iPeople here, we love-”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong” I say, really not wanting to be wrong on this one, “so am I! I’ve got my iPhone, my iPad, my Apple TV box…”
“They’ll do something special with the 5,” smiles the Head Geek, “it’ll have some feature to blow us all away, always does!”
Three days later, and Steve Jobs is rolling cartwheels in his grave. The iPhone5 sported a longer screen for an extra row of apps. The front and back screens are now shatter proof. (Finally. After five freaking years.)
And as far as the actual hardware of the phone goes… that’s about the extent of the innovation, really. The release of the iOS6 software– available for download to all iPhone users with a model 3GS or later– became a laughing stock that shows no immediate signs of rectifying itself. I can tell you from frustrating, make-me-run-later-than-I-usually-do experience that Apple Maps kinda sucks. It managed to completely disregard the existence of Sydney’s X City Tunnel, and took me into the CBD via 1998. I’m not sure if that’s actually been fixed yet, because damned if I’m trying it again.
Among other massive iOS6 f*ck ups was the removal of the embedded YouTube app. YouTube, five years behind on app development arena because they’ve just never had to do it, is still temperamental and just too much damn effort for most of the casual, un–geekified iPeople I know.
The launch of the iPhone 5 and iOS6 indisputably marked the death knell for Apple smartphones. It completed what Siri woefully began. Apple consumers begin to feel like they were being played. That mid–nineties Mac vs PC switch had happened all over again- the technology released for the geeks just did not keep up with them. Treat smart people like idiots, and eventually– eventually– the herd will turn.
The basic premise of an iPhone is, essentially, that the handset purchased is just the latest hardware, and the software with which to run it is constantly updated and downloadable by the user. While the software– apart from the whole iOS6 thing– is generally pretty cool, and the App Store is kind of like a digital $2 shop where everything suddenly looks useful just because it’s so damn cheap; the Apple handset just does not compete with the Android models that are now available.
The iPhone can’t compete with tougher, more durable competitor’s models. Especially when they feature an infinitely improved battery life coupled with larger touch screens that can actually be used to augment the battery while they solar change themselves through ambient, indoor light. Not to mention cameras up to eight megapixels whose functions such as timers and filters are embedded, not additionally downloaded as apps; with little-to-no load time– most iPhone users know the frustration of waiting for your (almost at storage capacity) phone to open it’s annoying little camera shutter window, while the image of a lifetime slips away and becomes ordinary again.
I happened to be walking down a leafy, slightly littered suburban street a few weeks ago, not too long after the iPhone5′s release. Ambling two or three metres ahead was a woman of about my age. Both of us had earbuds in, headphones to block the incessant reality of the world and allow us to move to the beat of our own drums. Both sets of e
arbuds trailed long thin cords to our right hands, where we both held out music libraries within our smart phones.
She had an Android model. I, of course, had my iPhone.
And I felt ashamed (while noting my own First World arrogance). I wanted to put the bloody thing in my pocket so I could pretend that I had an Android, too. (Not that it’s possible to hide it well, what with my quintessential Apple dental floss cords giving me away.)
I tell my mate Bunny about it afterwards. “Shhhhh!!” he says to me suddenly (tripper). “Did you hear that…? That sound? That was the end. The death knell. It just reverberated from here, all over the world. Everyone on the planet just realized iPhones aren’t all that cool anymore.”
And we lament. It feels something like the end of an era.
Forget iJealousy. Henceforth, the condition shall be known as Andr–envy.
I think, six weeks after the release of the iPhone 5, it’s safe to say that the iTrend is disappearing as rapidly as that last fifty percent of iBattery life you were using to find your way home. The long way. Using Apple Maps. (OK. Two paragraphs in, and enough of the iJokes already. iPromise)
My fellow children of the Eighties– do you happen to remember the slow tumbling decline of the Apple Mac? Once upon a 1994, people hotly debated the subject– Mac, or PC? It was actually known to tear families asunder. But by about 2002, the debate was pretty much over. And the PC people had won.
This all feels a little bit like history, repeating. Forward thinking company introduces the technology to the masses, as base and user–friendly as you can make it (often to chorus of cat calls from the editorial pages, or, in this day and cyber-age, the Tumblrs). Said company then lulls about in it’s technological awesomeness while their competitor develops the original technology much further and puts all that mind–blowingly cool software into a much more durable, usable and accessorised firmware system. And at the same time, they take a lot of your market share.
At the beginning of 2011 (just After the sky fell in) I was at the height of the iCovet (*ahem*…sorry). Along with most of the country– in fact, most of the world. The iPhone 4 had just been released. It was brilliant. You didn’t go and ‘buy a new phone’– you bought an iPhone. If there were other brands on the market with comparable features, I had no idea what they were. Nor did I, or most other people, care.
And then along came Siri. The iPhone 4S was really just an iPhone 4 that made a big deal of it’s substandard voice recognition software. Siri was– and currently is, if you check the tiny fine print at the bottom of the page– in Beta format at the time of its release. For those of you who aren’t massive geeks, Beta basically means it was a program in developmental stages, still being added to and debugged, often using the data input from first generation users to improve its own functionality. There’s nothing wrong with releasing Beta software– the Google God does it all the time. But most companies don’t charge people hundreds of dollars for the privilege of testing buggy software. Nor do they spend millions on advertising something as ‘artificially intelligent’ when it has the same voice recog capabilities as the chunky Nokia Brick110* (*may not be actual handset model) I owned when I was at uni.
In light of the Siri (”Where can I dispose of a body/ get an abortion/ track my wife’s every move, Siri?”) fiasco, that all consuming iWant seemed to begin to wane. The problem was, initially, that there was nothing much else to convert to. If you didn’t like your iPhone… well. You just whined about it, really.
But times are, as they say, a’changing.
I happened to be at a product launch a day or two before the much–hyped release of the iPhone 5 in September. I made the same comment I’m making in this post, identifying that iBacklash that’s currently trailing just below the surface of the social stratosphere. “Apple need to do something really awesome with this one. Or it’s all over.”
A table of tech–geeks stared at me in shock, and I began to feel as though I’d just blasphemed or drowned a litter of kittens or used the ‘q’ word or something.
“We’re iPeople here, we love-”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong” I say, really not wanting to be wrong on this one, “so am I! I’ve got my iPhone, my iPad, my Apple TV box…”
“They’ll do something special with the 5,” smiles the Head Geek, “it’ll have some feature to blow us all away, always does!”
Three days later, and Steve Jobs is rolling cartwheels in his grave. The iPhone5 sported a longer screen for an extra row of apps. The front and back screens are now shatter proof. (Finally. After five freaking years.)
And as far as the actual hardware of the phone goes… that’s about the extent of the innovation, really. The release of the iOS6 software– available for download to all iPhone users with a model 3GS or later– became a laughing stock that shows no immediate signs of rectifying itself. I can tell you from frustrating, make-me-run-later-than-I-usually-do experience that Apple Maps kinda sucks. It managed to completely disregard the existence of Sydney’s X City Tunnel, and took me into the CBD via 1998. I’m not sure if that’s actually been fixed yet, because damned if I’m trying it again.
Among other massive iOS6 f*ck ups was the removal of the embedded YouTube app. YouTube, five years behind on app development arena because they’ve just never had to do it, is still temperamental and just too much damn effort for most of the casual, un–geekified iPeople I know.
The launch of the iPhone 5 and iOS6 indisputably marked the death knell for Apple smartphones. It completed what Siri woefully began. Apple consumers begin to feel like they were being played. That mid–nineties Mac vs PC switch had happened all over again- the technology released for the geeks just did not keep up with them. Treat smart people like idiots, and eventually– eventually– the herd will turn.
The basic premise of an iPhone is, essentially, that the handset purchased is just the latest hardware, and the software with which to run it is constantly updated and downloadable by the user. While the software– apart from the whole iOS6 thing– is generally pretty cool, and the App Store is kind of like a digital $2 shop where everything suddenly looks useful just because it’s so damn cheap; the Apple handset just does not compete with the Android models that are now available.
The iPhone can’t compete with tougher, more durable competitor’s models. Especially when they feature an infinitely improved battery life coupled with larger touch screens that can actually be used to augment the battery while they solar change themselves through ambient, indoor light. Not to mention cameras up to eight megapixels whose functions such as timers and filters are embedded, not additionally downloaded as apps; with little-to-no load time– most iPhone users know the frustration of waiting for your (almost at storage capacity) phone to open it’s annoying little camera shutter window, while the image of a lifetime slips away and becomes ordinary again.
I happened to be walking down a leafy, slightly littered suburban street a few weeks ago, not too long after the iPhone5′s release. Ambling two or three metres ahead was a woman of about my age. Both of us had earbuds in, headphones to block the incessant reality of the world and allow us to move to the beat of our own drums. Both sets of e
arbuds trailed long thin cords to our right hands, where we both held out music libraries within our smart phones.
She had an Android model. I, of course, had my iPhone.
And I felt ashamed (while noting my own First World arrogance). I wanted to put the bloody thing in my pocket so I could pretend that I had an Android, too. (Not that it’s possible to hide it well, what with my quintessential Apple dental floss cords giving me away.)
I tell my mate Bunny about it afterwards. “Shhhhh!!” he says to me suddenly (tripper). “Did you hear that…? That sound? That was the end. The death knell. It just reverberated from here, all over the world. Everyone on the planet just realized iPhones aren’t all that cool anymore.”
And we lament. It feels something like the end of an era.
Forget iJealousy. Henceforth, the condition shall be known as Andr–envy.
***
Because Andr–envy is a sad, sad thing and there really should be a national awareness day for it or something; Sony stepped in and was awesome and gave me one of their brand new Experia’s to play with. (Which made me all Andr–cited. Boom tish. I’m not even sure that one makes sense. Really, enough, I know. Sorry.)
For my fellow mothers of small, technology obsessed children– this is the phone for you. It has all the features and connectivity you want from a smart phone, with none of the wanker-ness. And don’t listen to what anyone says- Android apps are right up there with Apple apps, even if the store doesn’t feel as user-friendly at first.
For someone like me with a bad habit of smashing expensive technology type things (I’ve been through one iPhone and two iPad screens, plus the terrible state my laptop is currently in), the fact that this phone is virtually unsmashable is more than convienant. The Experia is also dust proof to tradie standards, and water proof for thirty minutes to one metre. That means, if your little angels happen to drop your phone into the toilet/ kitchen sink/ your cup of coffee, there will be no lasting damage if you fish it out. I think that also means it’s slobber proof (Maybe. My claim, not Sony’s). It also has a ’wet track’ screen. So upon retrieving your phone from fore-mentioned coffee cup/sink/toilet, you don’t even have to dry your hands– or the phone– before you use it. (Equally helpful for checking Twitter stream while watering garden. What…?)
All up, the Sony Experia rates a delicious four out of a possible five jellybeans on the RRSAHM Ranking Stuff Scale.
Bonus sugar is awarded because it is just so damn cheap– at $379, it’s much more affordable than most comparable phones. And tough enough that you won’t have to spend a further hundred bucks replacing the screen every six months or whenever your un-coordination takes grip on your ability to walk. One jellybean was eaten for the frustrating fact that the Experia actually doesn’t have a front facing camera, making duck–faced FB self–portraits again a complicated, intricate art form (why I thought that was necessarily a bad thing, not sure. But there you go.)
Find out more about the Sony Experia here.
To aid in the Eternal Fight For Goodness Against The Dreaded Condition Of Andr–Envy, Sony have given me an Experia to pass on to one of you lucky jellybeans. Winning is easy– tell me, using the form below– Have you heard the ringing of the iDeathKnell of late? What bought it to your attention? (Plain English, Lori’s–being–melodramatic explanation– are you over your iStuff? When exactly did that happen? Or are you still, quite firmly, an iPerson with no inclination to defect?)
The answer that I like best (the one that tickles my pickle, so to speak) for whatever reason I choose, is the winner.
Entries open Friday 12th November and close midnight (AEST) on Monday 19th November.
This one’s open to Australian residents only.
The winner will be announced via RRSAHM’s FaceBook page and Twitter feed, and probably in the newsletter as well. Winners will be emailed and have 48 hours to respond to that email with their postal address, or the prize will be redrawn. Comments must be accompanied by a valid email address in order to win. My decision is total and final and no bitching or discussion of any kind will be engaged in.
Cheers, jellybeans.
Leave a Comment
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
- November 12, 2012 at 9:34 pm
-
I commented earlier today but it has disappeared?
- November 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm
-
Ha, just did a massive reply in what was the comp entry – oops, no entry needed here for the Total Mac Family!!
- November 12, 2012 at 6:04 am
-
i mean marie sorry x
- November 12, 2012 at 6:01 am
-
I agree with maria lol, i think i'll just stick to my samsung chat
- November 12, 2012 at 1:42 am
-
I bought the mag too, just to see your article. I've been following you since the before. No i anything, cept ilove your writing . Carol
x x x - November 11, 2012 at 1:39 pm
-
I saw the magazine article on you
it was a beautiful piece and I am happy to see an even wider audience reading your story. - November 10, 2012 at 9:59 am
-
This comment has been removed by the author.
- November 9, 2012 at 8:06 pm
-
It's kind of nice that iPhones aren't everything anymore. Particularly since my irrational hatred of Macs doesn't seem to have waned.
- November 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm
-
You mean…you mean…I sat through that whole iPhones aren't cool rant…and the whole time it was an ad for Sony? I feel so…DIRTY!
Previous post: Cut
Next post: The ‘Other’ Cat
Steamy Windows – RRSAHM
Steamy Windows
As promised, it’s sexy guest post time.. take it away Lucy!!
Hello all……..Lucy from Diminishing Lucy here
Scary. To be writing a sexy post to match Lori’s antics………
We don’t get out much, the lovely husband and I.
We have no family nearby; we have three small children, so “hot dates” are a rarity.
But we do have friends who baby sit for us on occasion. The ever lovely Alice & Ben, who we have know for over a decade, who have their own, older children, and who adore our little children. Who happily appear after their respective work days on a Friday, at our house, to have a nursery tea with the kids, to bath them, and to read them stories and put them to bed, so that the lovely husband and I can go out.
So we can go out and pretend that we have a life!
Yay!
So we can go out and watch a movie that isn’t by Mr Disney or Mr Pixar.
So we can go out and eat curry rather than chicken nuggets.
So we can go out and hold each others hands, rather than the much stickier mitts of our children.
So we can skip down the road like bright young things, rather than skipping with a six, four and three year old.
So we can nip out in the two seater Porche rather than the seven seater Captiva.
So we can run out of the house unencumbered with bags of kid crap, with nothing more than a dinky little clutch holding nothing more than a credit card and my mobile. (Which is on silent, so that if there IS a drama, I can cheerfully ignore it.)
But one of the problems that this delightful scenario presents us with is this:
We have spent all evening together. No TV, no blog, no Twitter.
We are loved up.
We have flirted over the poppadoms.
Made eyes over the dahl.
Stroked hands & rubbed thighs whilst watching a rom com.
Gone too long without a bonk………..
So we are hot to trot.
Gagging for it.
Crackling with anticipation and lust.
Desperate to get home and rip each others clothes off and do what grown ups do……….shag the arse off each other……….
But the babysitting situation…..ummmmmm, can you feel the deflation? The cooling of ardour? Dare I say it, the anti-climax?
But wait!
We have the perfect, if slightly ropey solution.
It works.
It is hilarious.
It makes our nights out even riper with anticipation…….
We go parking……..like teenagers.
We have found a spot, with a view. A screw with a view, no less! Hahhaha!
It is not particularly romantic, nor tender coupling. it is not warm, nor sensual.
It is, however, hilarious, fast, knee trembling, naughty, and very very sexy.
It works, for us………..it works very well indeed…..
(Note to self. Must ‘phone and organise a babysitter for sometime soon……………)
Leave a Comment
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
- June 30, 2010 at 11:32 pm
-
Thanks guys, for all your lovely comments….
- June 30, 2010 at 10:05 pm
-
Are you kidding me you have this much energy? When my hubby and me go out (not very often) we're always home 1 hr earlier than planned for the babysitter, because we just can't stay awake any longer. Rock 'n' roll!
- June 30, 2010 at 9:59 pm
-
Whew, that was steamy … sounds like fun! You'd better bake cupcakes for your babysitters or something!!!
- June 30, 2010 at 8:32 pm
-
Hilarious post, Lucy!! I'm chuckling away like a naughty schoolgirl here
- June 30, 2010 at 7:38 pm
-
Ha! Hilarious!!
Excellent post!! - June 30, 2010 at 1:37 pm
-
Ha! What a fantastic post :). Had me cackling in my seat and making me realise I need to get out and a bit, I mean about.
I do, however, have a visual I'm not so sure I'll be able to shake all day. And I'm not talking papadums.
Nice work Lucy. You're now firmly cemented as my idol
- June 30, 2010 at 1:09 pm
-
Woot woo! Awesome.. Note to self.. Get babysitter…
- June 30, 2010 at 12:37 pm
-
You're my hero!
- June 30, 2010 at 11:47 am
-
Awesome!
- June 30, 2010 at 9:58 am
-
Great post! Made me laugh
- June 30, 2010 at 9:50 am
-
Haha! "shag the arse off" and "anti-climax" I'm cracking up!
- June 30, 2010 at 9:20 am
-
Honestly, that kind of thing would be good enuf to last the week if we only got out occasionally. haha, way to beat the system!!
- June 30, 2010 at 8:23 am
-
I love it Lucy. That is awesome. You go!
- June 30, 2010 at 7:46 am
-
Me and hubs did that once and we were startled with the rap rap rapping on the window from a police officer's flashlight…so embarrassing!
- June 30, 2010 at 1:17 pm
-
Lucy, you raunchy woman you! You're like every husband's dream
- June 30, 2010 at 10:38 am
-
Lucy you little minx, I love it!
- June 30, 2010 at 6:50 am
-
You go, Lucy!!!! You hot little devil, you!
Previous post: Post It Notes To Pimp My GiveAway
Next post: You did it how many times???
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: I Can’t F*cking Shut Up Wednesday. With Words And Stuff.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Sunday, Just Me.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: So… now what?
Page Not Found – RRSAHM
This is not the page you seek.
Oh noes! What you’re looking for doesn’t seem to exist.
Why not read my best bits?
Perhaps we could talk about mental health.
Alternatively, you can just head to safety.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Jeans and Stuff.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Nanna Naps
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: The Crappest Give Away Ever!!
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: So Damn Cool I Need My Own Soundtrack.
BullSh*t – RRSAHM
BullSh*t
“If you have to leave,
Then I wish that you would just leave.
Your presence still lingers here,
And it won’t leave me alone…”
People adore platitudes. They make them feel better.
I have a library of them, a veritable catalogue of them stored in my head that have been said to me well meaning friends and relatives with the very best of intentions. Every one of them has served to piss me off and increase, not decrease, the sense of furious anger I feel toward the Universe.
People like to say “It will all work out” or “The best rainbows come after the storm” or “Think positive and good things will happen to you”.
Bullshit.
There’s a certain vibe that emanates from people occasionally. It’s deep sympathy and pity mixed with an inherent belief system I understood once upon a time, because it was what I believed, too– that there existed within the world some kind of balancing force, some karmic pendulum that would ensure good people were happy and rewarded for the act of just being ‘good’, eventually.
And again, I say… bullshit.
If that’s true… can you prove it to me?
I spent five years working with children who had terminal illnesses. And then I sit beside my husband while he dies after we’ve been married just eighteen months.
Where does that fit into the equation?
“It doesn’t exactly work like that”, a friend attempts to reassure me. “It’s not so much karmic forces. It’s just logic– if you act like an arse, you will end up alone and probably miserable. If you’re a nice person, people will want to be around you.”
But there is scantly little that is ‘logical’ about the social behavior of human beings, when it comes down to it.
So again I say- bullshit. And present my evidence to the contrary.
When my husband died there was one person in particular who you would have assumed, given the circumstances, would be one of the first to offer love and supportive. Not only did they withdraw their own support, they advocated for others to do the same.
At the time there was little I could offer myself in way of comfort. I found myself counting my friends on two hands, and then one. The best I could do was believe what I’d always believed– that the inherent perpetually turning wheels of karma would work their justice. That this person would, eventually, be alone and miserable once people realized the kind of blackness through which she viewed the world, the way she lashed out and bit at those most vulnerable in her pain.
Eighteen months later and my own loneliness stabs great big jagged rips through my core most days. My self esteem is in mangled, trodden upon pieces on a dirty garage floor. I’ve lost so many of the people closest to me. Dating is a tactical and emotional battlefield, and I scare people with the depth of my emotions that don’t feel so intense to me, but must see, like looking into water so clear you can see it turn from turquoise to ink black but so deep you cannot see the bottom.
I try not to weigh myself up against others most days. I don’t compare myself or my situation… it feels as though everyone else always come out better off, and there’s no point in feeling like that.
But if I do compare things and events and people, and I really can’t help it on the occasional necessary visit to this one particular person’s house… I see the difference between the life they are living and my own, stark and real and in direct contradiction to any idea that karma governs life.
Because I witness her surrounded by friends, a partner, multiple people who love her. She has all of her friends… and a lot of mine, too.
Where’s the balance in that? There isn’t one. Everyone can note their own examples, I’m sure. A man who worked hard all his life only to be left on financial ruin by bad circumstances, versus someone who had never done an honest days work in their life and yet has blessings fall abundantly into their lap. The sweet woman who adores children and cannot conceive, versus the mother of four who does not seem to care one way or another. The pack-a-day smoker who lives to be ninety, versus the young healthy father of six who has a heart attack on his daily jog.
It will work out, we tell ourselves. A window does not close without a door opening. The Universe rewards goodness, kindness and honestly eventually.
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. If I’m required to believe any of that, then show me evidence. Pile up the stories and anecdotes you can recount that restore faith in human nature against the ones that I could tell you which speak to its desecration.
Your pile will never stack up to mine.
If that sounds bitter… well… it is. If it sounds as though I’m becoming all those things I didn’t want to be… then maybe I am.
Because maybe it’s not bitterness. Just reality catching up with my naivety. It had to happen eventually.
Leave a Comment
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
- August 15, 2012 at 8:48 pm
-
My own sister created a reason to disown me, 18 months in to my life-shattering no-turning-back grief. Totally turned it around to suit her and got everyone around me looking on me as the trouble-maker (when I was barely holding my shit together… they should've all known better, but they obviously didn't). It's been 7 years now. She pretends I am dead. I've stopped holding my breath. It took me 5 years to stop mulling it over, stop reaching and waiting to get to the platform where I felt justified and validated by all the hurt that just kept getting piled upon the losses I already felt. It took cognitive therapy, soul searching, screaming, crying, periods of pragmatism, periods of banshee-screeching, periods of feeling my head would split in two, that I might actually be insane now….. to reach a point where it dissipated.
Years, it took.
I'm only saying this to you because I can hear – through all your wonderful words and working this out step by step (you are so honest with yourself, it is truly a great gift to you.. from you!) – that you are so hard on yourself. I cannot stand platitudes either. And I honestly don't mean this to be one, but seriously? Lori? Just keep stepping. Tune out the rest. Have your gnashing-teeth, pillow-tearing, insane-making moments. They happen. Then get on with it (again… and again… and again). Life IS what you make of it. If that makes me a platitude-offerer, I'm sorry and so be it. xxxxx
- August 15, 2012 at 11:10 am
-
Lori,
You have come so far – which gives you a nice long view back.
I would love it if you would turn this "platitudes" idea around and write on how to properly deal with people, like yourself, who are experiencing the extreme emotions surrounding devastating loss and long term grief. What is the best way to walk up to the raging fury of despair and provide true comfort in the absence of empathy. I have tried my best to find something not-annoying to say. So far the best thing I can come up with is "My heart weeps for your pain." But maybe the best thing to say is "Can I pick your kids up for a playdate this week?"
Is suffering a prerequisite to understanding suffering? Can I be of any service to my suffering friend unless I share her particular pain? If anyone has insight on this issue, its probably you.
BTW, I have always wondered — why jellybeans? Is it an Aussie thing?
Cynthia
- August 15, 2012 at 10:18 am
-
I'm thinking it was family that turned their back
yeah, i've had that happen too. Life sucks sometimes, and its not fair. I'm sorry you are hurting so bad. I'm proud of you for going on, one step at a time. Your kids need you x Keep holding on. Carol x - August 15, 2012 at 9:27 am
-
Lori, I've been to this place many times, but I can't live there so I try to believe somehow, someway things will get better. Sometimes you need to wallow in it and others to believe and hope the up days will take over the down days. This is just how I cope
- August 15, 2012 at 7:25 am
-
Lori,
Everyone here has already said so much of what is in my heart… and my head… but I managed to pull myself out of the pits of despair, and the surroundings of suffering. I spent time reading a lot of Buddhist books, the dhali llama, Deepak Chopra, just reading. I got so tired of being someone who just felt so… helpless, hopeless, and utterly devastated all the time. I started practicing yoga at home, and went to ohmharmonics and started their meditation series. Bit by bit, slowly, life started to turn around, and then BAM, there was a snap, after a terrible car accident, the pains of being a single mother, the frustration of being without family to help, on either side of my childs life… it was all encompassing.
There's little things that you'll find comfort in. Seek your passion. Learn your passion, and then live it. I've seen you grow SO much in the days following the after… and though I don't comment much, I want you to know that there is no right or wrong way of feeling. Those feelings are yours, and you own them. They're not up for discussion, or persuasive change, they just are.. and that my love, is okay.
I'm on your side, so are so many others <3
~a friend, from afar.
- August 15, 2012 at 7:21 am
-
Hi, Just read your blog. You are heading away from enlightenment instead of heading toward it! Read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and find the Love again.
- August 15, 2012 at 6:39 am
-
Either you can play the victim, or you can acknowledge that yes, this happened, but it also happened to Tony and all the other people who knew him and who know you.
There IS such a thing as the Law of Attraction. As above, so below… as within, so without. What you think about, you bring about. So while the pain and the memories are there, try to focus on what you loved most about Tony, and you will attract more loving people and experiences into your life.
I've had alot of horrible shit happen to me too but I have to pick up the pieces somehow and keep living and learning.
- August 15, 2012 at 3:29 am
-
I don't know that "it will all work out," but I do think we will make it through and there will be better times. It's just nature that eventually the pendulum swings the other way.
- August 14, 2012 at 9:54 pm
-
Hey Lori, you're absolutely right. It doesn't balance out. Bad things happen to good people. Horrible, crummy, selfish people find success. I'm with the flying drunken monkey a few comments before mine – I got into Buddhism after some losses in my life and I learned that the unfolding of karma happens over lots (and lots) of lifetimes – not just this one. For some reason, that made me feel better – if I could get through the hard times in this lifetime without accumulating additional negative karma – I won't have to go through it again next time around. I can do the work in this lifetime and stop the pattern.
Lots of love to you, Lori. - August 14, 2012 at 9:30 pm
-
Oh, Lori… What can I say? You're right. There is no "suffering quota" that decides you've had enough and tells the Universe to leave you alone. There is no magic that always makes everything even out (at least not that we can see). By rights, your so-called "friend" (and believe me when I say that I truly am sorry that it's necessary to see her, however briefly and infrequently, rather than just casting her aside the way she did you) should be suffering, should be getting her comeuppance. Maybe she will later on, maybe she won't.
All I can say is, whenever I feel like I'm losing hope, whenever I feel that life is, and will always be, just shit, some stupid endurance test that I'm not sure I can get through, I try to remind myself that there is still good in this world. I think of the guy from Toronto who saw an American woman being bullied on a school bus on YouTube and immediately started a fund-raiser to send her on a nice vacation – and ended up raising, I think, $700,000 for her. I think of the way people rush to help when there's a natural disaster like the earthquake in Japan or the tsunami in Indonesia. Maybe that's the thing – yeah, life is shit, but there will always be people who care enough to try to help you through it, even if all they can do is leave a sympathetic comment on a blog post.
– Crystal
- August 14, 2012 at 9:30 pm
-
Lori sometimes it does feel like karma doesn't work or isn't real. I felt the same way, until recently, when after 13 years the people who tried to take everything from me, are finally getting their karma. They are reaping what they sowed. Life does have a way of working out. Stay true to you. Love your kids. Step through each day, one step at a time. I know it's like walking through quicksand, but just keep walking – it stops you sinking. xxx
- August 14, 2012 at 9:27 pm
-
I've been studying Buddhism lately and one thing I've found is Karma doesn't really mean what every one seems to think it means – it doesn't mean that if you do something bad, something bad will happen to you and vice versa. It's more about actions and habits. If we think something bad or do something bad then we create the habit and we are more likely to do the same next time.
Of course, life is shit (something that Buddhism recognises as well!) and some things happen that are just… shit. I don't think it's possible to blame anyone or anything. I wish I could find the words to make everything better for you, but I know nothing will. xxxx - August 14, 2012 at 8:06 pm
-
My father died when I was 6, that's when I learned that life doesn't have a happy ending. Bad things happen, and there's no compensation. There's no karma, there's no force of fairness.
To quote my favourite movie "Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
To those posters who mention God – when my father died, I was told not to cry but to be happy. After all, this is God's plan so why be upset. I have had nothing to do with religion since. If God thinks taking a child's father away is a good thing to do, then I want no part of his plan.
- August 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm
-
I'm guilty of dishing out platitudes but sometimes you think its better than saying nothing at all.
As for karma and balancing out the good with the bad in life, all I can hope for you Lori is that you live to see a long life where somehow, someway there does occur something that makes you sit back and say "Some good has come out of this shittiness". It could very well be this blog, and its awesome mental health awareness that saves lives (and I am sure it has already) that does it.
I'm sorry for rambling, and hope I havent offended in any way, just want you to know I'm hoping that one day you get repaid with some sort of magic in life because I know you deserve it x
- August 14, 2012 at 3:29 pm
-
I call bullshit on a lot of "comfort sayings" they offer no comfort and they never enventuate.
- August 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm
-
Well said Lori! I'm a bit of a negative Nelly (at times when shit happens, nothing massive but just shit) and have been told I'm exactly so. But I feel it's being realistic rather than negative in some cases… P.s – On a brighter note – I love the word or words Bullshit! My Son used to call people "a bullshit' when he was about two! Too Funny. From the mouths of babes
- August 14, 2012 at 1:23 pm
-
I'll raise my hand as being guilty of offering platitudes. I know how empty my words are, and yet I sometimes don't know what else to say to friends.
The truth I'd like to say is "Shit happens, life sucks, you don't deserve this and I wish it hadn't happened." But I'm not sure that offers any comfort at all. I suppose at least, it wouldn't be so empty.
- August 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm
-
You're not bitter, just realistic. There's no such thing as karma. 'But there is God. A God who most of us reject, and that's why the world is a mess. It's called sin. The world as we know it is engulfed in sin and death and decay. Sin caused your friend to reject you at your time of need. Death took your husband away. But God has promised an end to sin and death and decay. His son Jesus died and took upon himself God's anger at us for sinning and rejecting him. If we accept this, God forgives us and offers us life forever with him – pure, lovely life with no sin or death or decay. Call it religious mumbo-jumbo if you like, but why not read the Bible and come to your own conclusion? The book of Luke is a good place to start.
- August 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm
-
Absolutely it's reality, Lori. Life isn't fair. It should be, but it's not.
Sometimes karma DOES get those people, but sometimes it doesn't. Horrible people get away with doing horrible things, and that's just the way it is.
Me, though, I'm choosing to try to be better, not bitter. Not because I'll get a reward out of it, because I probably won't. Every day I expect the next Bad Thing to happen to me, but I try not to let that run my life.
It's a struggle. Some days I don't know why I try.
I'm not much of a Christian, but the Bible actually has lots to say about not envying the wicked, like
Proverbs 24:19 Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of the wicked
I don;t know why that has helped me when I ignore so much of the rest of the Bible! but it has. I don't want to be one of Those People, and I just have to concentrate on doing what I think is right for me, and not worry about what they're up to.
Sorry this has turned into a bit of a sermon. X - August 14, 2012 at 11:44 am
-
I have a friend who iwas introduced to me by another friend so that the first friend who shut up and realise that things in her life weren't as bad as things in mine.
I wish I had an answer for you, as I believe you deserve one. I find that especially in the depths of your sorrow, one that no one can begin to understand, we find. Inspiration.
Everyday you choose the road less travelled and I find myself inspired. I don't mean that the way it sounds either. I have no idea of the road you are walking, and although we share a few things in common I just mean it that I'm inspired to do what I can, when I can, with what I have.
And that's what you blog about. Regardless of where you are in life, you are Lori.And that's why we love you. Each in our different way. (even those who troll)
Xxxrah rah from Lara (lol never gets old) - August 14, 2012 at 11:16 am
-
I feel ya. Everything you said is spot on.
- August 14, 2012 at 11:03 am
-
It is bitter and only you taste the bile. Your pile will never stack up against mine..you say…..change your mindset. It ain't no competition. Plenty better off than you and YES plenty worse off. Yes there are, plenty way worse off. Love your blog xox Tanya
- August 14, 2012 at 10:14 am
-
i think people tell themselves whatever they have to to make themselves feel better – and by that, i more mean with the karma stuff, and the logic stuff, and the hope that things will somehow work out.
But, like you said, life is shitty. You have had to go through infinitely more shit than anyone in their lifetime should ever have to. in fact, most people will not. So, yes, I absolutely agree with what you have written here.
that probably sounds really horrible, but bad things happen to good people – there is no rhyme or reason to life, as much as i wish there were. i am glad you are still writing, and processing and feeling – working through life as best as ou can xx
Previous post: How To Pretend To Be A Craft Blogger.
Next post: “We Want To Be Heroes…”
Epic Quit Smoking Fail. Or why Lori sucks. – RRSAHM
Epic Quit Smoking Fail. Or why Lori sucks.
Weeeeell. As promised, I quit smoking on Saturday 16th October, 2010. Welcome to the aftermath. Enter at your own risk. I hold no liability for any harm, blah, blah, blah.
Stab stab stab,
Day One. No nicotine. Dun dun dunnnnnnn.
7am- Wake up. First thought is of a ciggerette. Which is freaking ridiculous, because usually my first thought is something like “Ugh? Children? Fark”. Must wrangle small child to swimming lessons. Avoiding cups of tea or coffee.
10am- Return from swimming lessons. Shaking. Would kill for a cigarette. Just had one of the worst phone calls of my entire life. My mum was in tears. I want a cigarette. Stupid.
Managed to lose my parking card at swimming and had to get one of the swim chicks to beep us out, after spending fifteen minutes tearing car apart and reminding myself this is not worth crying over.
1pm- Children sleeping. Have I mentioned I want a freaking cigarette…? Maybe, once or twice. Remember, when we first discussed this, and I was all pumped and ready to read the book and use the little mp4 player and get all zen like Lucy? Do you think I’ve done any of that? No, of course not. I have not read the book, I have not listened to the hypno-thingy. Why? Because I am an idiot. Read the freaking book, Lori.
1:30pm- Whilst unstacking dishwasher, I come across a dirty chopping board that the man has stacked in with the clean dishes. Judging by the crumbs, he’s evidently used it to make toast on. What a f*cking moron. How many f*cking time have I TOLD HIM NOT TO F*CKING DO THAT?? HOW F*CKING DIFFICULT IS IT TO CHECK IF THE DISHES ARE CLEAN?? AND WHY THE F*CK NOT JUST USE A PLATE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE???????
3pm- Children feral. If I hear the word “Mum” one more time today I am going to lose my shit. Praise the Lord for babysitters and the fact that the Man and I are going out, kidlet-free, tonight.
11pm-Return home from night out. No alcohol drunk. No cigarettes smoked. I am ready to punch someone in the head. Walking around tonight I nearly kicked a few people. Move the f*ck out of my way, why are you walking so slowly???
Midnight- Man and I retire to bed. I don’t remember the last time I had trouble sleeping, but tonight I am laying awake. Rubbing my feet on the bed, chewing on my lip. When I finally fall asleep I have Technicolor vivid dreams that I don’t remember when I small children drag me from my slumber. Except for one with the sharks.
1am- Chop awake.
1:30am- Bump awake.
2am- Bump awake.
4am- Both kidlets awake.
5am- I’m awake. Vomit. Fall back into bed and dream about bright pink sharks swiming in a fish tank while people watch them and eat sushi. (Bizarreo, yes? Yes. And no, despite the fact that I vomited between the hours of 4am and midday; and I’m dreaming about technicolor sharks and sushi, I’m not pregnant. Thanks for asking. I’m fairly sure it was the effects of chronic nicotine withdrawal.)
6:30am- Kidlets up and bouncing off walls, awake for the day. Dear Lord I am so tired I want to cry. I hate the world. I want my mummy. Drag self downstairs, set up breakfast for kidlets, resist urge to sneak out for cigarette by slamming the lock closed on the back door, fall into coma on the lounge.
7am- Woken by the Chop. “Mum? Mum? Mum? TV’s broken.” Ugh. Children. Fark. What? On closer inspection, small child is correct. The TV is broken. The TV is broken. Oh my f*cking God, the TV is broken.
7:10am- TV still broken. Make coffee. Pinch the Man’s fags. Light, inhale, cough, choke, splutter, be dizzy, feel sick. And repeat. Oh holy mother of Lord I am having a cigarette praise the heavens I do not give a damn the TV is broken I am so tired I could drop my stepdad has cancer and I am having a dang cigarette. And it’s quite possibly the best one I’ve ever had. So ner.
*Ahem* *cough* *crickets chirping*.
Well. There you go. Epic quit smoking fail. I suck hard core. You’re all very disappointed in me, I should be very ashamed and embarrassed (and I am) and I am quite probably going to hell with all the other dirty smokers, the puppy killers and people who vote for Sarah Palin. That’s fine. Sarah, the dead puppies and I will all be fagging on and smelling like ashtrays and at least we will be warm.
Now, in the words of Cate, who I am directly ripping and I don’t give a damn because at least I’m linking back to her-
F*ck off. This is the end of the post.
* Oh my. Upon reading this back and bleeping all the swear words, I realise I do sound quite aggressive. Please be assured that now that I have inhaled a positively disgusting amount of nicotine and carcinogens, I feel much better. And please don’t f*ck off. I’ve grown quite attached to you lot.
Leave a Comment
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
- October 22, 2010 at 9:08 pm
-
I'm going to go against the trend here and say that I think that nicotine substitutes are (in my opinion) a waste of time. Yes, quitting cold turkey is mind-numbingly hard. But the research would indicate that NRT is highly unsuccessful beyond the 6 month mark and I personally found that having my drug of addiction pumped into my system made me more likely to go for a cigarette not less. Not to mention that to get the vast majority of nicotine out of your system all it takes is 3 days when you go cold turkey as opposed to months on NRT.
And while it might take you 2,3, 10 or 50 quit attempts if you want to get there you can. A failed quit attempt is such a big part of the overall process. I had to relapse that many times to finally get so bloody sick of it that the next time I was about to fold I decided not to.
Hope some of that makes sense!
- October 22, 2010 at 8:20 am
-
PS – that bloody arse-paddling man has to give up with you. MUST. x
- October 22, 2010 at 8:19 am
-
You need a substitute, Lori love. Get some of that gum. Carry it with you everywhere. When you really, really, really can't stand it, chew the gum and get the hell out of Dodge. x
- October 21, 2010 at 6:45 pm
-
Have to admire you for your effort! I've never smoked, because I know if I did I'd never have the guts to stop. YOU CAN DO THIS, and at least when you screw up, you write something funny about it so we can all enjoy your failures.
(Too soon?)
- October 21, 2010 at 4:06 pm
-
Aww bugger. It sounds like my weight loss attempts these days. That's ok, you gave it a try, you're gearing up…so try it again when you're ready. And read the effing book.
- October 21, 2010 at 12:13 pm
-
Lori, You did wonderful, you tried and that is what counts right now. You have this on your mind and it won't stop nagging you until you do quit. I can't tell you how many times I failed at stopping. I tried and tried to quit smoking so many times that I finally said "Screw it. I'm done." I put on a nicotine patch that I bought a year earlier. I was on the patch less than two months, then cold turkey. It's been nearly 8 months now and I have been smoke free. You will do it. It will just take some time. Good luck. ~Super Daddy~
- October 20, 2010 at 6:33 pm
-
Well how dare the friggin tv be broken…how dare it. No wonder you are swearing…
- October 20, 2010 at 4:38 pm
-
I read your blog because it's like a chat with a good friend, you're completely up front and honest and that's why we come back, we take the good with the bad! So be it…. till next time!
- October 20, 2010 at 2:50 pm
-
I think they call that 'crash and burn'.
You can do it Lori.
You just have to want the long-term benefits more than the short-term instant gratification. Few people acheive their goals on the first attempt. You have got this. Just finish the packet and make it your last (and BTW, it would be MUCH easier if hubby did the supportive things and joined you!). Shit happens. You.have.got.this.
(was that at all motivating or just school-marmish?)
- October 21, 2010 at 1:48 am
-
You will overcome the habit; I know it, because you are strong. Rome wasn't built in a day.
- October 20, 2010 at 2:23 pm
-
I am not disappointed in you. I am proud of it. Shit happened and you gave it a really good try.
You know, sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. Show yourself the same kindness you would show your mates. (Unless that involves kicking someone up the arse. Cos you would really need a ciggie if you had to kick yourself up the arse.)
Enjoy, inhale, do it mindfully, and when you are ready try again. And if not? Honestly, it's not the end of the world. We all have vices. Mine is ice-cream and I'm sure it's just as bad for me as nicotine. - October 20, 2010 at 1:15 pm
-
When the time is right, you will do it! Don't be so hard on yourself Lori. We still believe you can do it.
- October 20, 2010 at 1:07 pm
-
Is it bad that I'm laughing? It is isn't it. Bad. Bad for laughing. *snort*
Today is a new day dude. A brand fucking new day.
- October 20, 2010 at 1:05 pm
-
Just like Holly said, give yourself a break. No one can be expected to give up their vice (cigs, food, cocktails…) when stuff goes wrong.
- October 20, 2010 at 1:05 pm
-
You'll quit when you're ready. That is what my aunt told me when I used to smoke; it was the most simple, but amazing and powerful advice that I had ever been given. It was absolutely true, and applies to most circumstances in life…so that is why I am passing it on to you! (Oh yes and while I'm all preachy here…you do not suck – careful with the negative self-talk!)
- October 20, 2010 at 1:03 pm
-
At least you tried. I know this sounds cliched, but maybe this wasn't the right time to try? I don't know. But I'm not going anywhere xxxx
- October 20, 2010 at 12:04 pm
-
Haha least you kept your sense of humour!
Enjoy your fag ; )
Theres always next time if you decide to try again. I quitted when I got pregnant but still find the smell of others peoples somewhat comforting in the weirdest way possible. Like a memory or something. - October 20, 2010 at 11:25 am
-
oh Lori, it may have been an epic fail, but you DID try right? I think with each quitting attempt it may become easier. what about just allowing yourself x amount of ciggies a day?
- October 20, 2010 at 11:15 am
-
So the moral of the story is quitting smoking sucks arse, yes?
I should probably read this and have sympathy for the husband who would like to quit and has quit/un-quit many times. I have sympathy for you – but I still have aggressive, rabid guard dog annoyance with the husband. But I'll work on it.
Still have bucket loads of sympathy for you… - October 20, 2010 at 8:55 am
-
We all have epic fails from time to time but…. back on the horse and all that other crap. Oh, and as is my usual come back when someone tells me to fuck off – no, you fuck off!
There, now dont we all feel better ? - October 20, 2010 at 8:47 am
-
Maybe you should try the patch. Isn't that like trying to lose weight by not eating anything at all? Or maybe not, I don't know. Hang in there. Not fucking off. xo
- October 20, 2010 at 8:30 am
-
At least you didn't actually kill someone. Sometimes you have to give yourself the small rewards. I quit a year ago and most days not killing someone was my best accomplishment. Most days…
- October 20, 2010 at 8:25 am
-
Read the book Lori. Just read the damn book.
Hugs babe. I truly do emathise. I am not gonna fuck off.
xx
- October 20, 2010 at 8:13 am
-
Lol.
To be fair you had a pretty big bombshell and some serious fucking shit dropped on you in that time. Just start fresh from right now! - October 20, 2010 at 7:35 am
-
I am so jealous of your right now…..
- October 20, 2010 at 12:59 pm
-
i woulda have knocked someone out
- October 20, 2010 at 12:59 pm
-
You Did well to last that long…. hahaha
- October 20, 2010 at 12:55 pm
-
Dude, baby steps. Go back, reassess and try again when you feel confident – There's no timeframe on quitting smoking. It's the same shit I'm dealing with, with my weight loss (or lack thereof). We will get there … eventually! Love x
- October 20, 2010 at 11:39 am
-
Make that *best* of luck.
- October 20, 2010 at 11:38 am
-
Yay for you for going so long without a ciggie!
I never even dreamed of quitting smoking when I was a nicotine fiend. Then pregnancy happened, and the combination of morning sickness and guilt was what stopped me.
I would hate to be giving up smoking without morning sickness and guilt, I'd send you a bottle of it if I could.
P.S: I miss smoking. I was terribly in love with smoking. It's really hard to give up. Bets of luck with future tries. - October 20, 2010 at 10:27 am
-
Well, tomorrow is another day, fiddle-dee-dee and all that.
You can always quit again. If you want.
Previous post: “It’s Getting Hot In Here…”
Next post: Get Vloggy Wit’ It.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Haha, go Lori, what a hilarious photo! I could never do that!
I can see from your photo that you have put on a bit of weight, and I think you look fantastic – you look more healthy & have a lovely glow- even if its a b&w picture! Seriously girlfriend you rock those extra kilos – keep them, hug them and love them. xxx
You look fantastic! And you look like you’re having FUN!
Marianne recently posted…Passionate Goddess
All power to you sista!
Go you!! You look amazing, and very confident!
If I ever had the courage to look at myself in the mirror, I think burlesque classes would be very cool
Kel recently posted…The Acidic Observer, Volume III
FUN!
Although, I am not sure I could rock a pair of pasties quite as well as you. Kudos.
Oh my gosh, you’re adorable! You go girl!
Had never considered burlesque! Thanks for trying. And sharing. x
When I was performing Burlesque I was the biggest I’d ever been, but it was cool because it meant I had more boob to go around, ha! (I only did it for a little while, I’m a terrible dancer, and no amount of desire to parade about semi-naked in front of large groups of people can override that fact. Boo.)
I’m glad the classes helped you to feel more awesome with your body.
LOVE THE PASTIES!
Whoa, Molly! recently posted…It’s all just choices…