Monthly Archives: May 2016
FlogYoBlog Friday and What Lori Did To Her New Car. – RRSAHM
FlogYoBlog Friday and What Lori Did To Her New Car.
Yeehaa,
It’s blog flogging day again!! If you don’t what I’m talking about, here’s the low down. Please feel free to grab the button and link up, however big or small your blog may be…
.
Anyway. As the title of the posts suggests, we gots a brand new car. Isn’t she pretty? Leather seats, sun roof, pop-out cup holder. Awww yeah. Her name is Roo. Cause she’s a Suba-roo. Boom tish. I know, the height of freaking creativity.
Poor Roo. I’ve had her for just two short, sun-roofy, cup-holedr-y weeks and…well….
She had just a wee bit of a clash with a pole. I blame the fact that I am a sh*thouse driver this car is so huge compared to my little bubble-mobile I used to drive around.
It was actually much worse than this, the Man popped most of the damage back out. Bless him. (Why he didn’t wait until after I took a photo for my blog, I don’t know. Whatever.)
Needless to say, the Man was not entirely impressed with this turn of events. Again, whatever.
OK, that’s enough about me. Really. What about you..? Link on up below and tell me all about it…
The New Rules (which are kinda almost pretty much the same as the Old Rules)
- Follow my blog. (*ahem* *cough* My Blog. Me me me. Me me. You get the picture.)
- Grab B’s bubbly button and post it on your sidebar.
- Link your First Name and/or Blog Name and URL of your linked post (not your homepage) below.
- Add a short description (max of 125 chars). It could be a description of yourself, your blog or a teaser to your latest post.
- Follow at least 1 linkyer/blogger (Be nice and spread the love).
- The list will be open for linkyers on Fridays (and for the foreigners Friday as well).
- A new and fresh link list will open every Friday. And you will have to link up AGAIN. The previous link list does not carry over to the following week.
- And lastly, have lotsa fun. I mean it. If I detect anyone not totally loving the awesomeness, I will bump you off the linky list. (Joking) (Kinda).
Previous post: Shiny Random Housekeeping Stuff.
Next post: The Second Child
Spoiled Rotten. – RRSAHM
Spoiled Rotten.
My children are spoiled absolutely rotten.
As well as the weekend’s visit to Luna Park, they’ve also been to a live musical production of Scooby Doo (don’t ask), they’re lined up for a trip to Sovereign Hill and one to Sydney. And, thanks to RedBalloon, they’ve also been to the Gold Class cinemas to watch The Smurfs 2.
And that’s just in this school holidays.
The Chop and The Bump have, in their own little minds, reached the level of absolute VIP status. It worries me, slightly. Most of the activities we do are freebies, and the kidlets don’t seem to get the concept of things costing actual money.
The Chop laps it up.
Anyway, that’s another post, for another day. The point of this post is that we went to the movies, Gold Class, and most of it was pretty damn awesome.
There is nothing quite so gratifying as big, comfy, reclining chairs to lay back in while you’re watching a movie. Even if that movie is The Smurfs 2. Don’t let the bad reviews turn you off, by the way. The Smurfs 2 wasn’t that bad. It was kind of indistinguishable from the original Smurfs movie, but really, if you’re expecting that not to be the case then you’re gonna have a bad time.
But it’s all a bit much for princess.
If you must watch a kids flick on the big screen, Gold Class is the way to go. Gold Class cinemas only have three rows of seats. So there is far fewer patrons for your children to potentially annoy. You lay back, press your service button and have your Gold Class attendant bring you pillows, blankets, and drinks. You could, quite literally, fall asleep there. I almost did- it was only the continually bouncing four year old child who insisted on sharing my seat that kept me awake.
Living the sweet life here at the moment, obviously.
Maybe it’s not just my kids who are being spoilt.
***
I know, I know. This is a bit cushy compared to my usual RedBalloon missions. It’s game on again in November- I’m going swimming with sharks. Stay tuned.
***
Thanks to the team at Digital Parents Collective for inviting me to be a part of the RedBalloon Experience Program. Stay tuned- more awesomeness over the next few months. As always, all opinions are my own (because no one else would want them…?) however the experiences are complimentary.
And, just for jellybeans,
there’s a special offer for RRSAHM readers- Spend $79 or more on any RedBalloon experience, and receive $20 off.
To redeem: Visit www.redballoon.com.au and enter the promo code
REDBLOG14 at the checkout to receive your discount.
Terms and Conditions: Offer valid until 30/06/2014. Promotional Code can
only be used once
per person. All purchases are subject to Red Balloon T’s and C’s.
per person. All purchases are subject to Red Balloon T’s and C’s.
Leave a Comment
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
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September 26, 2013 at 11:54 pm -
We are off to see Turbo tomorrow, not Gold Class but if the movie is not enthralling I could fall asleep anywhere, comfort be damned! You and your littlies deserve these activities and, for lack of a better word, perks. You work hard and the universe is not averse to giving back sometimes.
Kim
Kim Bayne recently posted…Creating my writing space
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September 25, 2013 at 10:04 am -
I’ve been to Gold Class ONCE, ONE TIME and it was a decidedly more adult affair involving delicious fried foods and cider. Once in the cushy seats, I settled in to watch the movie and promptly fell asleep.
BAH!
Whoa, Molly! recently posted…Two Years: On Quitting Smoking -
September 24, 2013 at 8:55 pm -
I’m still not sure my 8yo has a proper concept of money and cost. To her money is something that comes out of the machine in the wall and has trouble conceptualising how the money gets into the bank. She earns pocket money now and has to save up for things, and that’s starting to help.
Previous post: Scared and Brave.
Next post: Putting Googly Eyes On Things.
Spoiled Rotten. – RRSAHM
Spoiled Rotten.
My children are spoiled absolutely rotten.
As well as the weekend’s visit to Luna Park, they’ve also been to a live musical production of Scooby Doo (don’t ask), they’re lined up for a trip to Sovereign Hill and one to Sydney. And, thanks to RedBalloon, they’ve also been to the Gold Class cinemas to watch The Smurfs 2.
And that’s just in this school holidays.
The Chop and The Bump have, in their own little minds, reached the level of absolute VIP status. It worries me, slightly. Most of the activities we do are freebies, and the kidlets don’t seem to get the concept of things costing actual money.
The Chop laps it up.
Anyway, that’s another post, for another day. The point of this post is that we went to the movies, Gold Class, and most of it was pretty damn awesome.
There is nothing quite so gratifying as big, comfy, reclining chairs to lay back in while you’re watching a movie. Even if that movie is The Smurfs 2. Don’t let the bad reviews turn you off, by the way. The Smurfs 2 wasn’t that bad. It was kind of indistinguishable from the original Smurfs movie, but really, if you’re expecting that not to be the case then you’re gonna have a bad time.
But it’s all a bit much for princess.
If you must watch a kids flick on the big screen, Gold Class is the way to go. Gold Class cinemas only have three rows of seats. So there is far fewer patrons for your children to potentially annoy. You lay back, press your service button and have your Gold Class attendant bring you pillows, blankets, and drinks. You could, quite literally, fall asleep there. I almost did- it was only the continually bouncing four year old child who insisted on sharing my seat that kept me awake.
Living the sweet life here at the moment, obviously.
Maybe it’s not just my kids who are being spoilt.
***
I know, I know. This is a bit cushy compared to my usual RedBalloon missions. It’s game on again in November- I’m going swimming with sharks. Stay tuned.
***
Thanks to the team at Digital Parents Collective for inviting me to be a part of the RedBalloon Experience Program. Stay tuned- more awesomeness over the next few months. As always, all opinions are my own (because no one else would want them…?) however the experiences are complimentary.
And, just for jellybeans,
there’s a special offer for RRSAHM readers- Spend $79 or more on any RedBalloon experience, and receive $20 off.
To redeem: Visit www.redballoon.com.au and enter the promo code
REDBLOG14 at the checkout to receive your discount.
Terms and Conditions: Offer valid until 30/06/2014. Promotional Code can
only be used once
per person. All purchases are subject to Red Balloon T’s and C’s.
per person. All purchases are subject to Red Balloon T’s and C’s.
Leave a Comment
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
- September 26, 2013 at 11:54 pm
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We are off to see Turbo tomorrow, not Gold Class but if the movie is not enthralling I could fall asleep anywhere, comfort be damned! You and your littlies deserve these activities and, for lack of a better word, perks. You work hard and the universe is not averse to giving back sometimes.
Kim
Kim Bayne recently posted…Creating my writing space - September 25, 2013 at 10:04 am
-
I’ve been to Gold Class ONCE, ONE TIME and it was a decidedly more adult affair involving delicious fried foods and cider. Once in the cushy seats, I settled in to watch the movie and promptly fell asleep.
BAH!
Whoa, Molly! recently posted…Two Years: On Quitting Smoking - September 24, 2013 at 8:55 pm
-
I’m still not sure my 8yo has a proper concept of money and cost. To her money is something that comes out of the machine in the wall and has trouble conceptualising how the money gets into the bank. She earns pocket money now and has to save up for things, and that’s starting to help.
Previous post: Scared and Brave.
Next post: Putting Googly Eyes On Things.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: The Things We Do For Our Kids…
PINT- The Bad Joke Edition. – RRSAHM
PINT- The Bad Joke Edition.
Leave a Comment
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
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July 7, 2010 at 1:37 pm -
The Tigger one was my fav! Hilarious!
- July 7, 2010 at 10:11 am
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My boys would love these!
- July 7, 2010 at 3:28 am
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Okay – I came from PINT on Supah's – read your blog about Twitter and am now a new follower.
Why do squirrels swim on their back?
To keep their nuts dry.
- July 7, 2010 at 3:10 am
- July 7, 2010 at 1:39 am
- July 7, 2010 at 12:10 am
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Haha, love the Tigger & Pooh one… too cute!!
Thanks for stopping by & Happy PINT! - July 6, 2010 at 11:45 pm
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No fair! What's the punch line to the last one. Don't leave me hanging! LOL
- July 6, 2010 at 8:06 pm
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luv it – groaned all the way through reading it, but luv it! Happy PINT – stopping by from Supah's linky
- July 6, 2010 at 5:18 pm
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My kiddo will love these jokes! LURVE THEM! And I actually giggled reading them.
- July 6, 2010 at 4:02 pm
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I liked the giraffe one – my son must have a seriously long neck, he can never smell when his deodorant has failed him!
- July 6, 2010 at 12:18 pm
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Tee Hee: my son likes the tractor one, I liked the Winnie the Pooh one!
- July 6, 2010 at 12:13 pm
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Arrrgghhh!
- July 6, 2010 at 8:46 am
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LOL I love stupid jokes. Especially the Pirate one. Arrrgh
Previous post: Held Hostage In My Home By Two Small People.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: The Crappest GiveAway Ever (really, this time)
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: The Crappest GiveAway Ever (really, this time)
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: You did it how many times???
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: RUOK- Part Two.
BullSh*t – RRSAHM
BullSh*t
“If you have to leave,
Then I wish that you would just leave.
Your presence still lingers here,
And it won’t leave me alone…”
People adore platitudes. They make them feel better.
I have a library of them, a veritable catalogue of them stored in my head that have been said to me well meaning friends and relatives with the very best of intentions. Every one of them has served to piss me off and increase, not decrease, the sense of furious anger I feel toward the Universe.
People like to say “It will all work out” or “The best rainbows come after the storm” or “Think positive and good things will happen to you”.
Bullshit.
There’s a certain vibe that emanates from people occasionally. It’s deep sympathy and pity mixed with an inherent belief system I understood once upon a time, because it was what I believed, too– that there existed within the world some kind of balancing force, some karmic pendulum that would ensure good people were happy and rewarded for the act of just being ‘good’, eventually.
And again, I say… bullshit.
If that’s true… can you prove it to me?
I spent five years working with children who had terminal illnesses. And then I sit beside my husband while he dies after we’ve been married just eighteen months.
Where does that fit into the equation?
“It doesn’t exactly work like that”, a friend attempts to reassure me. “It’s not so much karmic forces. It’s just logic– if you act like an arse, you will end up alone and probably miserable. If you’re a nice person, people will want to be around you.”
But there is scantly little that is ‘logical’ about the social behavior of human beings, when it comes down to it.
So again I say- bullshit. And present my evidence to the contrary.
When my husband died there was one person in particular who you would have assumed, given the circumstances, would be one of the first to offer love and supportive. Not only did they withdraw their own support, they advocated for others to do the same.
At the time there was little I could offer myself in way of comfort. I found myself counting my friends on two hands, and then one. The best I could do was believe what I’d always believed– that the inherent perpetually turning wheels of karma would work their justice. That this person would, eventually, be alone and miserable once people realized the kind of blackness through which she viewed the world, the way she lashed out and bit at those most vulnerable in her pain.
Eighteen months later and my own loneliness stabs great big jagged rips through my core most days. My self esteem is in mangled, trodden upon pieces on a dirty garage floor. I’ve lost so many of the people closest to me. Dating is a tactical and emotional battlefield, and I scare people with the depth of my emotions that don’t feel so intense to me, but must see, like looking into water so clear you can see it turn from turquoise to ink black but so deep you cannot see the bottom.
I try not to weigh myself up against others most days. I don’t compare myself or my situation… it feels as though everyone else always come out better off, and there’s no point in feeling like that.
But if I do compare things and events and people, and I really can’t help it on the occasional necessary visit to this one particular person’s house… I see the difference between the life they are living and my own, stark and real and in direct contradiction to any idea that karma governs life.
Because I witness her surrounded by friends, a partner, multiple people who love her. She has all of her friends… and a lot of mine, too.
Where’s the balance in that? There isn’t one. Everyone can note their own examples, I’m sure. A man who worked hard all his life only to be left on financial ruin by bad circumstances, versus someone who had never done an honest days work in their life and yet has blessings fall abundantly into their lap. The sweet woman who adores children and cannot conceive, versus the mother of four who does not seem to care one way or another. The pack-a-day smoker who lives to be ninety, versus the young healthy father of six who has a heart attack on his daily jog.
It will work out, we tell ourselves. A window does not close without a door opening. The Universe rewards goodness, kindness and honestly eventually.
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. If I’m required to believe any of that, then show me evidence. Pile up the stories and anecdotes you can recount that restore faith in human nature against the ones that I could tell you which speak to its desecration.
Your pile will never stack up to mine.
If that sounds bitter… well… it is. If it sounds as though I’m becoming all those things I didn’t want to be… then maybe I am.
Because maybe it’s not bitterness. Just reality catching up with my naivety. It had to happen eventually.
Leave a Comment
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
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August 15, 2012 at 8:48 pm -
My own sister created a reason to disown me, 18 months in to my life-shattering no-turning-back grief. Totally turned it around to suit her and got everyone around me looking on me as the trouble-maker (when I was barely holding my shit together… they should've all known better, but they obviously didn't). It's been 7 years now. She pretends I am dead. I've stopped holding my breath. It took me 5 years to stop mulling it over, stop reaching and waiting to get to the platform where I felt justified and validated by all the hurt that just kept getting piled upon the losses I already felt. It took cognitive therapy, soul searching, screaming, crying, periods of pragmatism, periods of banshee-screeching, periods of feeling my head would split in two, that I might actually be insane now….. to reach a point where it dissipated.
Years, it took.
I'm only saying this to you because I can hear – through all your wonderful words and working this out step by step (you are so honest with yourself, it is truly a great gift to you.. from you!) – that you are so hard on yourself. I cannot stand platitudes either. And I honestly don't mean this to be one, but seriously? Lori? Just keep stepping. Tune out the rest. Have your gnashing-teeth, pillow-tearing, insane-making moments. They happen. Then get on with it (again… and again… and again). Life IS what you make of it. If that makes me a platitude-offerer, I'm sorry and so be it. xxxxx
- August 15, 2012 at 11:10 am
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Lori,
You have come so far – which gives you a nice long view back.
I would love it if you would turn this "platitudes" idea around and write on how to properly deal with people, like yourself, who are experiencing the extreme emotions surrounding devastating loss and long term grief. What is the best way to walk up to the raging fury of despair and provide true comfort in the absence of empathy. I have tried my best to find something not-annoying to say. So far the best thing I can come up with is "My heart weeps for your pain." But maybe the best thing to say is "Can I pick your kids up for a playdate this week?"
Is suffering a prerequisite to understanding suffering? Can I be of any service to my suffering friend unless I share her particular pain? If anyone has insight on this issue, its probably you.
BTW, I have always wondered — why jellybeans? Is it an Aussie thing?
Cynthia
- August 15, 2012 at 10:18 am
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I'm thinking it was family that turned their back
yeah, i've had that happen too. Life sucks sometimes, and its not fair. I'm sorry you are hurting so bad. I'm proud of you for going on, one step at a time. Your kids need you x Keep holding on. Carol x - August 15, 2012 at 9:27 am
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Lori, I've been to this place many times, but I can't live there so I try to believe somehow, someway things will get better. Sometimes you need to wallow in it and others to believe and hope the up days will take over the down days. This is just how I cope
- August 15, 2012 at 7:25 am
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Lori,
Everyone here has already said so much of what is in my heart… and my head… but I managed to pull myself out of the pits of despair, and the surroundings of suffering. I spent time reading a lot of Buddhist books, the dhali llama, Deepak Chopra, just reading. I got so tired of being someone who just felt so… helpless, hopeless, and utterly devastated all the time. I started practicing yoga at home, and went to ohmharmonics and started their meditation series. Bit by bit, slowly, life started to turn around, and then BAM, there was a snap, after a terrible car accident, the pains of being a single mother, the frustration of being without family to help, on either side of my childs life… it was all encompassing.
There's little things that you'll find comfort in. Seek your passion. Learn your passion, and then live it. I've seen you grow SO much in the days following the after… and though I don't comment much, I want you to know that there is no right or wrong way of feeling. Those feelings are yours, and you own them. They're not up for discussion, or persuasive change, they just are.. and that my love, is okay.
I'm on your side, so are so many others <3
~a friend, from afar.
- August 15, 2012 at 7:21 am
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Hi, Just read your blog. You are heading away from enlightenment instead of heading toward it! Read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and find the Love again.
- August 15, 2012 at 6:39 am
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Either you can play the victim, or you can acknowledge that yes, this happened, but it also happened to Tony and all the other people who knew him and who know you.
There IS such a thing as the Law of Attraction. As above, so below… as within, so without. What you think about, you bring about. So while the pain and the memories are there, try to focus on what you loved most about Tony, and you will attract more loving people and experiences into your life.
I've had alot of horrible shit happen to me too but I have to pick up the pieces somehow and keep living and learning.
- August 15, 2012 at 3:29 am
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I don't know that "it will all work out," but I do think we will make it through and there will be better times. It's just nature that eventually the pendulum swings the other way.
- August 14, 2012 at 9:54 pm
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Hey Lori, you're absolutely right. It doesn't balance out. Bad things happen to good people. Horrible, crummy, selfish people find success. I'm with the flying drunken monkey a few comments before mine – I got into Buddhism after some losses in my life and I learned that the unfolding of karma happens over lots (and lots) of lifetimes – not just this one. For some reason, that made me feel better – if I could get through the hard times in this lifetime without accumulating additional negative karma – I won't have to go through it again next time around. I can do the work in this lifetime and stop the pattern.
Lots of love to you, Lori. - August 14, 2012 at 9:30 pm
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Oh, Lori… What can I say? You're right. There is no "suffering quota" that decides you've had enough and tells the Universe to leave you alone. There is no magic that always makes everything even out (at least not that we can see). By rights, your so-called "friend" (and believe me when I say that I truly am sorry that it's necessary to see her, however briefly and infrequently, rather than just casting her aside the way she did you) should be suffering, should be getting her comeuppance. Maybe she will later on, maybe she won't.
All I can say is, whenever I feel like I'm losing hope, whenever I feel that life is, and will always be, just shit, some stupid endurance test that I'm not sure I can get through, I try to remind myself that there is still good in this world. I think of the guy from Toronto who saw an American woman being bullied on a school bus on YouTube and immediately started a fund-raiser to send her on a nice vacation – and ended up raising, I think, $700,000 for her. I think of the way people rush to help when there's a natural disaster like the earthquake in Japan or the tsunami in Indonesia. Maybe that's the thing – yeah, life is shit, but there will always be people who care enough to try to help you through it, even if all they can do is leave a sympathetic comment on a blog post.
– Crystal
- August 14, 2012 at 9:30 pm
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Lori sometimes it does feel like karma doesn't work or isn't real. I felt the same way, until recently, when after 13 years the people who tried to take everything from me, are finally getting their karma. They are reaping what they sowed. Life does have a way of working out. Stay true to you. Love your kids. Step through each day, one step at a time. I know it's like walking through quicksand, but just keep walking – it stops you sinking. xxx
- August 14, 2012 at 9:27 pm
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I've been studying Buddhism lately and one thing I've found is Karma doesn't really mean what every one seems to think it means – it doesn't mean that if you do something bad, something bad will happen to you and vice versa. It's more about actions and habits. If we think something bad or do something bad then we create the habit and we are more likely to do the same next time.
Of course, life is shit (something that Buddhism recognises as well!) and some things happen that are just… shit. I don't think it's possible to blame anyone or anything. I wish I could find the words to make everything better for you, but I know nothing will. xxxx - August 14, 2012 at 8:06 pm
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My father died when I was 6, that's when I learned that life doesn't have a happy ending. Bad things happen, and there's no compensation. There's no karma, there's no force of fairness.
To quote my favourite movie "Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
To those posters who mention God – when my father died, I was told not to cry but to be happy. After all, this is God's plan so why be upset. I have had nothing to do with religion since. If God thinks taking a child's father away is a good thing to do, then I want no part of his plan.
- August 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm
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I'm guilty of dishing out platitudes but sometimes you think its better than saying nothing at all.
As for karma and balancing out the good with the bad in life, all I can hope for you Lori is that you live to see a long life where somehow, someway there does occur something that makes you sit back and say "Some good has come out of this shittiness". It could very well be this blog, and its awesome mental health awareness that saves lives (and I am sure it has already) that does it.
I'm sorry for rambling, and hope I havent offended in any way, just want you to know I'm hoping that one day you get repaid with some sort of magic in life because I know you deserve it x
- August 14, 2012 at 3:29 pm
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I call bullshit on a lot of "comfort sayings" they offer no comfort and they never enventuate.
- August 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm
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Well said Lori! I'm a bit of a negative Nelly (at times when shit happens, nothing massive but just shit) and have been told I'm exactly so. But I feel it's being realistic rather than negative in some cases… P.s – On a brighter note – I love the word or words Bullshit! My Son used to call people "a bullshit' when he was about two! Too Funny. From the mouths of babes
- August 14, 2012 at 1:23 pm
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I'll raise my hand as being guilty of offering platitudes. I know how empty my words are, and yet I sometimes don't know what else to say to friends.
The truth I'd like to say is "Shit happens, life sucks, you don't deserve this and I wish it hadn't happened." But I'm not sure that offers any comfort at all. I suppose at least, it wouldn't be so empty.
- August 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm
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You're not bitter, just realistic. There's no such thing as karma. 'But there is God. A God who most of us reject, and that's why the world is a mess. It's called sin. The world as we know it is engulfed in sin and death and decay. Sin caused your friend to reject you at your time of need. Death took your husband away. But God has promised an end to sin and death and decay. His son Jesus died and took upon himself God's anger at us for sinning and rejecting him. If we accept this, God forgives us and offers us life forever with him – pure, lovely life with no sin or death or decay. Call it religious mumbo-jumbo if you like, but why not read the Bible and come to your own conclusion? The book of Luke is a good place to start.
- August 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm
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Absolutely it's reality, Lori. Life isn't fair. It should be, but it's not.
Sometimes karma DOES get those people, but sometimes it doesn't. Horrible people get away with doing horrible things, and that's just the way it is.
Me, though, I'm choosing to try to be better, not bitter. Not because I'll get a reward out of it, because I probably won't. Every day I expect the next Bad Thing to happen to me, but I try not to let that run my life.
It's a struggle. Some days I don't know why I try.
I'm not much of a Christian, but the Bible actually has lots to say about not envying the wicked, like
Proverbs 24:19 Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of the wicked
I don;t know why that has helped me when I ignore so much of the rest of the Bible! but it has. I don't want to be one of Those People, and I just have to concentrate on doing what I think is right for me, and not worry about what they're up to.
Sorry this has turned into a bit of a sermon. X - August 14, 2012 at 11:44 am
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I have a friend who iwas introduced to me by another friend so that the first friend who shut up and realise that things in her life weren't as bad as things in mine.
I wish I had an answer for you, as I believe you deserve one. I find that especially in the depths of your sorrow, one that no one can begin to understand, we find. Inspiration.
Everyday you choose the road less travelled and I find myself inspired. I don't mean that the way it sounds either. I have no idea of the road you are walking, and although we share a few things in common I just mean it that I'm inspired to do what I can, when I can, with what I have.
And that's what you blog about. Regardless of where you are in life, you are Lori.And that's why we love you. Each in our different way. (even those who troll)
Xxxrah rah from Lara (lol never gets old) - August 14, 2012 at 11:16 am
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I feel ya. Everything you said is spot on.
- August 14, 2012 at 11:03 am
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It is bitter and only you taste the bile. Your pile will never stack up against mine..you say…..change your mindset. It ain't no competition. Plenty better off than you and YES plenty worse off. Yes there are, plenty way worse off. Love your blog xox Tanya
- August 14, 2012 at 10:14 am
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i think people tell themselves whatever they have to to make themselves feel better – and by that, i more mean with the karma stuff, and the logic stuff, and the hope that things will somehow work out.
But, like you said, life is shitty. You have had to go through infinitely more shit than anyone in their lifetime should ever have to. in fact, most people will not. So, yes, I absolutely agree with what you have written here.
that probably sounds really horrible, but bad things happen to good people – there is no rhyme or reason to life, as much as i wish there were. i am glad you are still writing, and processing and feeling – working through life as best as ou can xx
Previous post: How To Pretend To Be A Craft Blogger.
Next post: “We Want To Be Heroes…”
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Vlogged: Ink
The Pursuit of Happyness. – RRSAHM
The Pursuit of Happyness.
“It’s not H-A-P-P-Y-N-E-S-S Happiness is spelled with an ‘I’ instead of a ‘Y‘”
“Oh, okay. Is ‘Fuck‘ spelled right?”
“Um, yes. ‘Fuck’ is spelled right but you shouldn’t use that word.”
The Pursuit of Happyness, 2006.
***
I think everyone comes to a point, every now and then, when they realise that the road they’ve been walking is actually a treadmill. You’ve been putting in a stack of effort and it feels okay for a while. Until you’re exhausted and burnt out and you discover that, for all that effort, you’ve been going nowhere. And you’ve been staring at the same freaking wall for the last two hours.
I’ve begun to feel that way myself, lately, and I think it shows here, on my blog– the space where I am Lori, infused and decanted and dripped pure. The place that’s always been a public, viewable salvation.
Lately, it doesn’t feel that way. Lately, I’ve felt more like a money–grinding corporate whore than anything else.
I think it’s been bothering me for a while now, eating at the corners of my conscious, attempting to peak my attention without scaring the sh*t out of me. That feeling of restlessness and boredom always comes from somewhere deeper. I’m almost sure it began when the offers of sponsored posts and reviews and giveaways started gushing into my inbox in tidal waves, and I began blindly saying yes without thinking at all what I was doing. Accepting sponsored posts for far less than what they are worth, given that you lot– the people who essentially support my writing– are the ones that have to suffer through reading them, when I don’t even like writing them.
And lately I haven’t liked writing them. It’s gone from being a challenge– “How do I take this product that I genuinely like and make it interesting for people to read?”; to a soul–sucking chore– “don’t think, just write”.
What bullsh*t. How freaking rude to the people who read this blog. How f*cking undignified. I’m too afraid to open my email inbox for the horrible feeling of being a coward, too nice and too afraid to just say ’no’. I have words dancing the back of my mind, joyful pas de deux that become sad pirouettes as I ignore them, day after day, spending my time either worrying or procrastinating or writing like a robot, programmed by myself.
It came to a point a week or so ago, as things usually do– all those tiny thoughts nibbling in the shallows of mind created at the centre, providing an apex of reason from whence to see what was really going on here.
I found myself writing posts for products I would not necessarily endorse. And the worst part was, it wasn’t a decision I consciously made. I just said ’yes’ to the money, without thinking about it. Would I generally endorse one–use plastic products for kids lunches? No. Would I generally endorse a fruit purée in favor of half a piece of fruit? Well… maybe. I’d certainly buy it. But I’m not sure I felt right about telling other people to buy it, too.
It was only on the eve of publishing those posts, while writing them, that it hit me– this was not cool. How could I have not thought of this earlier?
Auto–pilot will get you everywhere. But it may also get you crashed into the side of a f*cking mountain if you don’t sometimes look where you’re going.
At around the same time I (finally) had that epiphany, I was smacked in the face with another one. Because, as we know, the Universe likes to poke me. With sticks and other blunt objects.
I’ve often raved on about blog events, how awesome they are and how much I love them. So much so that I think I may have, again, let the status quo dictate all my further actions, without stopping to ask myself the question of ’What the actual f*ck are you doing here, Lori?’. Is it really necessary to go to these things? What could your time be better spent doing…?
I attended two events in two days a few weeks ago, both in the Sydney CBD. With the M5 freeway being the veritable carpark that it is, I spent a total of seven hours sitting in a car. Not my car, which I was thankful for at the time– taxis and town cars, provided by the big corporations who had invited me in for a media launch and ‘discussion over lunch’ respectively.
The media launch went for a whole hour. The ‘discussion’, where we’d been asked to along to ‘share tips to make life easier for parents’ involved two hours of us being talked to about how awesome a relatively new software product with an awful reputation is. Admittedly, I left that event early. But I’m still not convinced there would have been any actual ‘discussion’ involved.
The total transport cost, to have me in the city for three hours over two days? $900.
The cab drivers were thrilled. I felt a bit… sick. A bit dirty. You could feed entire families on that for a month, if you went to where it was needed.
I can hear the obvious counter–rationale to this one– if not me, someone else will fill my spot. The money will undoubtedly be spent elsewhere. I’m fairly sure that’s okay with me. I’m certainly not saying I’m never going to another event– some of them are not only entirely interesting, but downright enjoyable. It’s just that the whole episode suddenly changed those lenses on the world, on the way I see myself.
It’s fairly well known amongst my fellow bloggers that I exist in somewhat of a social bubble. It’s quite common for me hear things like “GOMI is talking crap about us” or “Woogs had dinner with the PM” and respond with “What? Really? Wow! When?!” So it was kind of timely to discover that I’m not the only who feels that way… it seems the shine is rubbing off what may turn out to be bullsh*t for a lot of us (and I think this is the point where I confess I have a massive girl–crush on Eden and she may just be the coolest person I have ever met. I also know I’m certainly not alone in this).
So… that’s that. I’m sick of writing blog posts about stuff I don’t really care about, and letting the writing I want to do slide into the background. It may mean I’ll be a bit harder up for cash… Or it may mean I’ll just have to get a bit more creative making it. I’m no longer attending every event just because I’ve been invited and I don’t want to miss out, especially if I’m well aware that there is no way on this earth that I’m going to be writing about it. I’m going to stop doing giveaways just for the sake of it, unless its something really, really awesome.
And I’m going to spend more time being happy– more time doing what makes me happy, I’m going to write what I want to write. I’m going to harness that ‘all bets are off’ attitude that’s surprisingly easy to come by these days. I’m going to spend more time doing yoga, more time playing with herbs and creams. More time exploring. More time in my sadly neglected garden.
And in reality, laced with the best of intentions as those ideals are– I may do none of those things. But I won’t be a slave to myself any more, either, and that’s the aim of the game here. The happiness, I’m sure, will follow.
Leave a Comment
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
- March 27, 2013 at 11:48 am
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You sneaky little creature, you have been inside my head!! I have worked myself into a state looking for ways to write and pay bills that doesn’t make me feel like a ‘corporate whore’, assuming that I even reach a point where I am approached for sponsored posts! I signed up for some content farming sites desperate to make a few dollars but the anxiety this brought on indicated that this is NOT how to be true to myself. I totally agree, the happiness will come from writing what we want to write and telling the stories in our hearts. BTW I totally gushed about you over on my Blog in response to this post…you are AWESOME Lori! xox
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March 18, 2013 at 5:45 pm -
Thank fuck for this post! You’ve finally said what I have been thinking about so many blog posts I read every day (not yours specifically, everywhere really).
I’m really pleased that you’ve had this epiphany and I totally respect what you’ve said.
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March 18, 2013 at 11:39 am - March 18, 2013 at 10:17 am
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While I understand the the bills must indeed be paid, I have found that some of the sponsored posts can feel a little… forced? I empathised because that’s what I would sound like if I was writing sponsored posts, ha!
I’ve recently had people contact me to feature ‘themed guest posts’ or to write similar types of things on my blog (I dont even know why, it doesn’t have a huge readership and it’s so very, very niche.)
But I just couldn’t think of a way to make it work. If a product or site that I loved and thought was super relevant contacted me, I’d likely be down. But for something that I wasn’t super into, I couldn’t think of how to swing it without it being forced and stiff and so on.
I went along to a blogchicks meet recently and it really got me thinking about what I want my blog to be. I honestly think I write it for myself. I do it because it sparks my creative outflow. And on there I just want to be like, 100 per cent pure Molly. Nothing else would work for me. I dont expect to ever make any money off my blog, but if it could be a place where I can be myself and connect with an audience, especially once I actually start making books and so on, then it will be enough for me.
So (sorry about the big ‘me, me, me’ babble there), doing what you feel like is the right thing for the blog is awesome. It feels more ‘Lori’ already. Pay the bills, by all means, but keep it you as well, you know?
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March 17, 2013 at 11:36 am -
There are certain blogs that seriously get on my nerves with the constant advertising, especially if the advertising is hidden under the guise of a regular post. One particular “mommy blog” was always advertising a particular website selling headbands. One day she posted a pic of her kids wearing the headbands, including the boys and I was like, those are the bloody headbands you’re always spruiking!!!
But in your case I’ve always figured you’re a struggling single mum, and if a few ads for squeezy fruit or a new phone pay the bills, then so be it. I think as long as you’re honest about the fact it’s a sponsored post and not hidden as your actual opinion, there’s no problem with it. The comedian Tracy Bartram only promotes products she would use herself, and you remind me a lot of her, so maybe you can turn down products you don’t endorse and talk about the ones you do.
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March 16, 2013 at 9:10 am -
I totally understand your point but will still read because I know you’re paying the bills.
All good with me whichever way you go xx
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March 16, 2013 at 7:19 am -
March 16, 2013 at 1:27 am -
I will always give a hardy “HOORAH” to a person who is listening to their integrity whispering…er…shouting. Take the hit. It’ll be worth it!
HOORAH!
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March 15, 2013 at 11:41 pm -
I liked your sponsored posts
The one about pureed fruit cracked me up cos I have tried to get my kids to get fruit from a tube and I loved knowing someone else has trouble with their kids having limited tastes 
and the labelling, I got that… the endless contacting of books comes next :p x x x -
March 15, 2013 at 9:36 pm -
I don’t have a blog, couldn’t write 2 interesting sentences if I tried. But I do admit sponsored posts drive me nuts. I don’t know why. Possibly the ‘trying so hard’ is boring. I saw a few “card” sponsered lately and i turn right of, can’t even read them. Boring as bat shiz. I guess its working for the companies though or they wouldn’t do it.
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March 15, 2013 at 5:25 pm -
I am interested to read more and more content like this. I don’t think I could blog a sponsored post I could write PR copy but not a sponsored blog post. (Not that anyone is asking me to!). It’s not really why I blog and not really what I want to read. Good on you Lori, now go Salute the Sun!
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March 15, 2013 at 4:55 pm -
Cool by me, either way. It’s not like the sponsored posts were most of your posts anyway.
But good on you for thinking it through and dealing with the niggling feeling that something wasn’t right!
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March 15, 2013 at 3:05 pm -
If I lose my authentity and integrity writing about something then I won’t. That’s my litmus test.
I have only done two product reviews, and they were easy to write about because I loved the products.It served its purpose for the time you have been doing it Lori. It kept you busy, moving, engaged at a time when you needed it to. Now things have changed, as have you. You’re grown, evolved and in a different direction. The old saying seasons, reasons, lifetimes is applicable.
It makes me happy to read that your going to spend more time being happy, doing what makes you happy. Enjoy lovely. You are more then deserving. Xxxx
Vicky recently posted…Doing the chicken dance while hat juggling -
March 15, 2013 at 11:59 am -
I am not a blogger, but this made me laugh, if you haven’t seen it before. http://shamozal.blogspot.com/2012/09/how-to-talk-to-brands-or-how-to-sell.html
I don’t mind sponsored posts if they are relevant and clearly stated as such. It’s disappointing sometimes to open your blog and find a product review instead of your latest words and views on life that I was looking forward to. But hell, it’s your blog and your bills to pay so sponsored posts aren’t an issue to me.
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March 15, 2013 at 9:59 am -
I love your exploring posts the best, please get out there and go adventuring.The way you write about crumbling old buildings and hidden treasures is just amazing, I feel like I’m living it with you!
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March 14, 2013 at 10:54 pm -
Totally get it and riding the same train. Will be so happy to get this giveaway up and out of the way because I have been sending lots of no emails, and it feels freeing not to HAVE to write about something. And sometimes, watching what you do write because it may upset some companies you are working with.
Time to take it back to basics and write about me for me I think.
I don’t even read sponsered posts anymore. I skip over them because I feel like it’s a bit like a telemarketer or door to door sales person interrupting what I’m doing.
Miss Pink recently posted…Gliding Into A New Perspective -
March 14, 2013 at 8:52 pm -
Thank Christ. I am seriously getting OVER sponsored blog posts. They are cropping up in most of the blogs I read and I find them (for the most part) insanely boooooooooring. If you find a product you love and you blog, that’s cool (and I will genuinely be interested and might even try it myself). If you blog because someone asks / pays you to talk about their product, that’s not. It’s so obvious in the writing (not just yours, I am talking in general about bloggers). I read one blog (a US one) where the woman uses a particular brand of painter’s tape. Every week she does a sponsored posts on that shit. EVERY WEEK. The ridiculous amount of rubbish she has painted in order to play with that tape and therefore have something to write about is insane. I am so glad you are going to concentrate on writing what YOU want to write, not what you’ve been paid to write about. Good for you!!
Karma Baby
Karma Baby
Countdown to Borneo: 13 days to take off.
Anxiety Level: Increasing
Organisation Level: Low to Moderate
***
I keep reminding myself- I’ll only be gone for nine days. In my mind it feels likes some kind of forever, an indistinguishable eternity of change.
Fueled by my children’s obsession with death, perhaps, or maybe the other way around (whichever). The thought of dying in a horrible plane crash or ingesting some variety of flesh eating parasite exists in my mind as though it’s already happened. There’s a nagging, uncomfortable anxiety at the edges of my consciousness.
I really don’t want to die. That’s a thought is both unfamiliar and comforting. I find the universe’s inherent sense of irony alarming in it’s extremes- it would fit, horribly, if I were to find some kind of happy, begin to feel ‘normal’ again, only to cease existing altogether at the crux of it.
I put that thought out of my mind, away in a compartment marked ‘Impending Doom’. There’s not much else to do with it.
***
I’ve never been away from my children for such an extended period of time before, and I will miss them.
I’m existing in a heady mix of terror and excitement I’ve never felt before. It’s as though every time I inhale I’m reminded of how very scary this is (this is my first time overseas, I’m effectively going all by myself, I am far too f*cking old to be doing this for the first time…). But for every inhale, there is an exhale. And every exhale is a fizzing excitement akin to rapture (I am doing this, I am going overseas. I am terrified and I’m doing it anyway).
My bigger-picture consciousness runs on the same undulating, up and down waves. I bounce from maniacal organisation- packing, sorting, photocopying, planning; to lazy apathy- smoking cigarettes, drinking copious cans of V, randomly surfing longform reads on the web. I’m thinking it’s a kind of self-regulation; my mind effectively shutting down the Big Preparing To Go Overseas process at regular intervals. Lest it overwhelm me and I begin to feel as though I’m drowning in it completely.
Deep breaths. Just seven days to go.
***
Sometimes weird stuff just happens.
I had the pleasure of taking my mum on a BridgeClimb for Mother’s Day (more on that coming soon, and you can check out the video on YouTube).
It wasn’t until the end of the climb that we really got chatting to our instructor, Nicole. As it turns out, Nicole’s dad runs a tour company in Borneo. Working with orangutans.
Nicole’s dad is Garry, the owner and organiser of Orangutan Odysseys, the company that’s taking me to Borneo.
I like to think these things happen for a reason. I’m not sure what that reason is, as yet. But what are the chances, of a coincidence like that?
{ 3 comments }
Countdown to Borneo: 13 days to take off.
Anxiety Level: Moderate
Organisation Level: Moderate to High
***
I’m existing in a bubble of my own self-inflicted anxiety. The things I’ve been meaning to do before I left for Borneo are piling up, one atop another, in a heap marked ‘Later’. (Visiting both the shrink and the dentist, toilet training my daughter…. all the best of good intentions that can certainly wait).
I am going overseas for the first time (kind of) in less than two weeks. The days are toppling onto one another like a pile of dominoes. A clicking, sliding house of cards that disappears flat into itself with such startling rapidity you barely have time to catch your breath before the next rows fold into each other.
Don’t think about it, just do it. I’m terrified. But, if nothing else, I’m an expert at just putting one foot in front of the other. And that’s how I’m choosing to approach the next thirteen days. One thing at a time. One task at a time, as it becomes important. Try not to forget anything. Especially breathing, in and out, and reminding yourself you will be fine.
I’m in a good head-space for it. I know this feeling- it’s bizarrely nostalgic, reminiscent of a another time when I was so terrified all I could do was one moment at a time, one task as it became important. But this time around, it’s laced with magic and adventure and excitement. I’m focusing on that- the exquisite, exciting apprehension of it. Because if I don’t, I may just find myself paralysed with crippling fear. And that won’t do, not in this situation. Not at all.
***
“”You are exactly where you are supposed to be, in this moment, right now,” Our yoga teacher said to us. My racing mind immediately came to a screeching halt to digest this new and profound information.”
Paula’s Story, published at Carly Findlay’s blog
“You know, I’ve been thinking, everything is…just comes together. It’s me. I chose this. I chose all of this. This rock…this rock has been waiting for me my entire life. It’s entire life. Ever since it was a bit of meteorite a million, billion years ago. There, in space. It’s been waiting, to come here. Right…right here. I’ve been moving towards it my whole life. The minute I was born, every breath I’ve taken, every action has been leading me to this crack on the out surface.”
I like to think sometimes the Universe presents you with tiny nuances, recurring themes to remind you that the world is much bigger than you can conceive. Signposts, perhaps. to tell you that you’re on the right path. To present you with tools you may need to do what you have to do.
Or maybe I just look too hard and put far too much significance in the blog posts I read, and the movies I watch.
Whatever.
I am exactly where I need to be, right now.
Things roll out the way the do for a reason.
{ 3 comments }
I miss my gran.
It comes in slapping gulps, every now and then, flashes of cold water reality shocking my psyche. It’s a different kind of missing someone, a different kind of mourning. My life has continued relatively normally since she’s been gone– there has been no huge adjustment to make, I haven’t had to reassess my entire existence the way I did after Tony died.
It’s just that my Gran has been so firmly woven into my life, ever since I was a child… sometimes my mind bumps over the expectance of her being here. I’ll drive past her street, or think of her in present tense.
I’m exquisitely aware of the absence of her. Of how she’s always been here…and now she’s not. It takes me by surprise. And every time, I cover it up, shovel life over the top of it until it doesn’t hurt so much any more.
I can’t grieve anymore. I’ve only just made my way out of the blackness of that pain, of missing my husband. I’m reluctant to begin mourning all over again. It doesn’t feel right, missing someone piecemeal and in parts, rather than as an all encompassing presence.
But at the same time, this feels like grief untainted and pure. Missing someone without being angry at them for leaving, without feeling a though the Universe got it wrong.
The memory of my grandmother is rich and worn, comforting and familiar; the softly worn paper of a book I’ve read a thousand times. I remember fretting badly, the night of Tony’s funeral, worrying that I would lose the sound of his voice. That it would fade out of existence and I’d no longer remember what it sounded like when he said my name.
I’ve not encountered that thought yet about my grandmother. Her voice comes into my head unbidden, so distinct it may as well be her there speaking in front of me. The crinkle of her eyes, the sound of her laugh. Her warm, comforting practicality.
I hold the memory of her as a omen, a token, a warm blanket to wrap myself in. Proof that there’s goodness in the world. Proof that lives well-lived are entirely possible.
{ 3 comments }
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Run, Run, As Fast As You Can….
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Possible Indicators That You Have PMS And Everyone Should Clear Out and Go To Hell
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: F*ck.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: So… now what?
How To Pretend To Be A Craft Blogger. – RRSAHM
How To Pretend To Be A Craft Blogger.
How to pretend to be good at craft.
Bought to you by Lori, the self–confessed un–crafty blogger.
Step One: Go to the Canon PIXMA Printables site.
Step Two: Assess your patience level for the following factors…
* Cutting
* Pasting
* Concentrating
* Vacuuming up tiny itty bitty bits of paper from your lounge room floor.
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| Cake card: Tolerance level required- medium. |
Step Three: Dependent on factors in Step Two, select your project.
If patience levels are low, select….
Get Well card or craft calendar
If children are being annoying (common), select…
Any Ice Age 4 printable, especially
Personalised door hangers or printable mazes.
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| Bump shows off the megaphone, tiara and Ice Age 4 stickers created to distract her while Mummy gets some work done…. |
If patience levels are at medium tolerance, select…
squirrel family mobile or printable basketball game.
For (rare) high patience levels, select…
Paper toy train, paper drumming monkey or fish craft calendar.
Step Four: Hit print.
Step Five: Test your hand eye coordination by cutting, snipping and trimming according to instructions. All mothers know the cardinal rule– if you actually want this project to look any good then keep your children far, far away from your workspace and your half–finished craft.
Step Six: Vacuum up tiny bits of paper. Wrestle the only pair of adult scissors in the house away from annoying but cute two year old.
Step Seven (*For those not afflicted with un–craft–ism, proceed directly to Step Eight.): Dependent on pre-determined tolerance levels from Step Two; either scrumple badly cut, toddler-tampered printables into bin, swear, concede defeat; or scrumple badly cut, toddler-tampered printbles into bin, swear, gather your tenacity and begin again; or leave printables in neat pile out of the reach of children for a week or more, followed by either abandoning the project (“What on earth did I print these out for….?”) or gather wits, be as stubborn as an un–crafty mum can be, and begin again at Step One.
Step Eight: Following the instructions (bookmarked on your laptop rather than printed, of course, for reasons of environmental responsibility), mark out your fold lines with a used–up ball point pen (unless you actually happen to have the tool that they seem specifically for doing this. In which case, hello, crafty person. What on earth are you doing here…?) and organise your pieces lest they become lost, thrown out or accidentally glued to each other and/or other random objects.
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| Craft calendar: Tolerance level required- low. |
Step Ten: Salvage children’s glue stick. Trim top two centimeters to remove cover of glitter, fluff, bled marker or unrecognizable debris. As carefully as time allows, paste your previously cut–out bits together in the order nature intended.
Step Eleven: Pause repeatedly to fetch cups of milk, retrieve toy cars from under lounge, kiss ouches and break up sibling fisticuffs.
Step Twelve: Repeat Step Seven.
Step Thirteen: Glue last piece of carefully cut paper into place. Happy dance. Admire finished product repeatedly. Show off completed craft project to family, friends and IG followers. D
eclare you are never paying for birthday cards again.
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| My personal favorite, the matryoshka card: tolerance level, medium. |
Step Fourteen: Bask in self satisfaction. Continue to bask for ten whole days. Forget about printables and return to usual un-crafty-mummy self….
But damn, it was impressive while it lasted.
***
Big props to Canon who gave us one of their PIXMA printers to play printables with. They also gave us a pack of cool stuff. If you have a Canon printer, it’s worth buying new ink right now even if you don’t need it straight away- just so you can claim your Ice Age Party Pack, which is packed with different types of printer papers, and an optional Ice Age DVD.
Just to be extra cool, I’ve got four passes to see Ice Age 4 at your local cinema to be won by one lucky reader. You also get some limited edition Ice Age 3D glasses, as modelled here by the kidlets. To win, tell me- are you crafty? Or, like me… not?
This is a quick one- entries close at midnight Wednesday 15th August.
The answer that amuses or confuses me the most wins. My decision is final and no discussion will be entered into.
This one’s open to Australian residents only.
The winner will be announced via RRSAHM’s FaceBook page and Twitter feed, and probably in the newsletter as well. Winners will be emailed and have 48 hours to respond to that email with their postal address, or the prize will be redrawn.
Comments must have a valid email address to be included in this competition- I cannot stress this point enough, people. The number of times I pick a winner and have no contact address for them… it makes me sad. If you’re on Blogger, make sure you’re logged in then click this link to set your email address to reply-able. Cheers.
Leave a Comment
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
- August 19, 2012 at 7:51 pm
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Oh being a craft blogger…. I have delusions that I am one, and even post the odd 'tutorial' but really I'm just a mum who wants to prove she has done something with her day.
- August 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm
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i like to think i am crafty, but i am not blogging about it anymore…i should actually, from time to time..
thanks for the link to the Canon printables page!
we already went to see ICE AGE 4 – it's awesome,
love the whole series. =D - August 14, 2012 at 9:38 pm
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I cannot stand craft, at least not the type my kids like. I love it when the babysitter does art or craft with them, I have no patience for the mess. Though things are getting better now that little Miss is 5, though Master 3 is a terror with scissors! I suppose I should get motivated to do some more with them, more often as they do love it.
- August 14, 2012 at 10:03 am
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I have my moments, but usually its because I was inspired, not because I made something off my own bat. Unfortunately nothing I do is original.
Nice to see no one commented on the font size.
- August 13, 2012 at 11:53 pm
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I like to think I'm crafty, and I like making cards….well, that's on the outside! Just between you and me, I'm not very imaginative and do much better following someone else…
Oh, and I much prefer shopping for crafty stuff!
- August 13, 2012 at 11:16 pm
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Just wanted to stop by and say that your Bumpy Thing is growing into a really lovely little lady!
– Crystal
- August 13, 2012 at 8:50 pm
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O and my email is nat@the-swamp.com. I thought that my google profile would pick that up! Sorry Lori!
- August 13, 2012 at 6:47 pm
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My 5th grade teacher, Sister Carmel, wrote on my report under arts & craft "Natalie does not exactly shine in hits area. She does,however, try her hardest.". All it's missing is a patronising sounding "God bless her". I'm still scarred by this…how can you tell? Year 5 fr me was about 1980!!!! 32 years and Sister Carmels words still hurt!,
- August 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm
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I am SO bad at craft. I tried scrap booking and failed miserably, why when other people do it it looks so pretty, but when I attempt something it looks shitty.
- August 13, 2012 at 3:26 pm
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I guess I'm a craft blogger, but can I say it sounds about as sexy as a mummy blogger, and I'm probably that too! Thing is, I'm better with a spray can or paint brush than I am with scissors…
You can check out my latest work here
http://paisleyandpolkadotthreads.blogspot.com.au/ - August 13, 2012 at 11:33 pm
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I am not crafty.
However, it would seem my inability has not rubbed off on my spawn. In fact, Master S' kinder report stated he's passed 'cutting and pasting!'.
Cool right.!?
WRONG!
Because being pro cut and paster means I occasionally get a picture made of lawnmowers cut out of a Bunnings catalogue glued randomly to a piece of cardboard…
Or, it means cutting one of the most precious thing to me… His sister's beautiful golden curls.
Like he did yesterday!
And now she is a bit bald. - August 13, 2012 at 11:21 am
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That looks fantastic!
My problem is that I think I'm crafty but I'm actually not at all. So I collect pretty bits of scrapbooking paper, buttons and ribbon which look really pretty sitting unused in my wardrobe.
Or I buy stuff for the kids to encourage their creativity then can't be arsed dealing with the glue and mess.
The idea of printing something out is brilliant – no mess or fuss!!
x
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Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Not OK.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Running Away Again.
Perspective – RRSAHM
Perspective
Being away, being Home, it feels like bleeding poison from a wound.
I spend most of my days still in some kind of fog…. I’m there, as Mum, but for anything else… I am on the outside, looking in.
It’s not a nice feeling. Sometimes I wonder if this is how Tony felt, just Before.
I think I’m OK. I marvel at myself sometimes, at what I’ve been through, and I’m amazed that I’m still able to act like a normal person.
But then I look at myself, at how disconnected I still I am, at how different I feel from the rest of the world. It occurs to me how much I think about dieing, and death, and I wonder if I’m normal at all.
I stood, two or three times, on a chair in my backyard. Stretched myself on my tippy toes.
So I could see what he saw, last. Before….
Me, I think. Me leaning down to scoop up in the Bump, who was standing in the back doorway, between Tony and I. I leant down to pick her up, I broke eye contact for a second…
And it was Over.
Some days, I wonder how close to pyschosis I am. Not so much, now I’m back Home… but especially when I was living in the Purple House that was not purpke anymore, but still felt purple.
My mind would snap at me, play tricks on me. I would see Tony from the corner of my eye.
It’s a relief to grieve. I feel like my mind finally started to wrap around this, seep it in.
Take the poison from my blood, and wrap it around my soul.
But I’m grieving, normally. I’m remembering Tony, and absorbing those memories, rather than pushing them away. I can talk about him now, think abiut him… approach his memory in conversation with my son, rather than the other way round.
I help him create a book of memories of his father, as we all struggle to forget the pyshicality of him. The space he no longer fills.
It’s easier, when we’re not filling that space too.
But it’s so hard, when he was so big and strong, and dependable. How can you not ache for the pyshical presence of someone who was more than twice your size?
***
In the days just after Tony died, in the days he was in the ICU, I felt him everywhere.
Things would happen, that were too much of a coincidence to be one. I felt him, there, I felt the shadow of his atoms, as he ran his hand down my face and kissed me goodbye.
Logically, my mind tells me that this is a socially acceptable borderline pyschosis. That this is what the mind does, when confronted with such suffocatin, shattering pain.
Surely that’s more than possible. The hormones released in the body during childbirth… the body’s own euphoria makers, to deal with the pain you go through. People with brain tumours report religious euphoria, brilliant visions of gods….
Surely, logically, this is the same? I asked my pyschiatrist- does this make me pyschotic? Does this make me crazy? Because I feel crazy.
No, she assured me. This is normal. Normal, acceptable. Healthy.
But then there other things… the ring in toaster. A message from a friend, which came from a pyschic, that used a phrase that only Tony would use, and made perfect sense to me…
Those kind of things… they make me wonder.
***
I’ve been nominated as one of the Aussie Mummy Bloggers with the X Factor. And, hey, I’d love an iPad. You can vote here…. believe me, it’s worth it just to see all of us in cartoon form…
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
- April 1, 2011 at 2:02 pm
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You're peeling away the layers of who you are…at your essence…and are keenly aware of the stuff most of us don't 'feel' or are 'aware' of. It's awesome! Embrace it.
I too have had strange, unexplained experiences with those who are dead, and other every day "stuff" that defies explanation. Don't question anything, just accept that and go with the flow.
Hugs to you. xo
- March 31, 2011 at 9:50 pm
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I, too, don't think you're "crazy" though the horror of what you're going through has certainly rearranged reality for you – and it may take some crazy feeling times in order for you to adjust to the new reality. Hang in there – I think (for what it's worth) that just going through the motions of daily life is one of the many ways to find your way back to feeling better. thinking of you.
- April 1, 2011 at 7:46 am
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I chose my blogging name because I felt like I was on the outside looking in – and that was a year after my husband's suicide. It fades, though I still feel it sometimes. There's no fixed way of grieving, or adjusting and you are not crazy. Stop worrying, Just let yourself be, let the feelings wash over you, give in if you need to. It will hurt less, gradually. You are a lot stronger than you think.
- March 31, 2011 at 7:50 pm
- March 31, 2011 at 6:05 pm
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To me you seem to be going down the road that is right for you.
Keep on going forward.
You are very inspirational. Thanks for keeping up the posts, even when they were hard and people were being crappy. They are little offerings of hope to yourself and many others.
- March 31, 2011 at 2:29 pm
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Everything you have sensed, thought you've seen, the coincidences – its all true. I've had far too many spooky occurrences in my world to know that our departed loved ones are never too far away. Heartbreakingly they are NEVER close as you want, but for me its in my dreams where I can reconnect. I hope this happens to you – it is an amazing experience x
- March 31, 2011 at 2:27 pm
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I believe that what you are describing is what Jesus has told us is possible. I am sure Tony did stop by to say good bye and the ring…if that doesn't have the hand of a merciful God all over it..I don't know what does
Glad you are in a place where you feel like you can heal!
- March 31, 2011 at 12:42 pm
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I am here Lori. I just wanted you to know that. You have such a gift in your writing — I hope you know that.
I believe that our energy transmutes and …when its strong as yours was with Tony … I believe it.
As I've said here before I know, absolutely and without doubt that my father was with me for over thirty years until he knew that things were okay — that he could go.
Watching over.
With love,
Pam
- March 31, 2011 at 10:49 am
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Beautifully written Lori, as always. Feeling Tony's presense is not crazy. It is real. Trust your heart.
Sending love,
Marianna - March 31, 2011 at 10:41 am
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I absolutely believe in other life forms. Idk why, i just, i know. When i used to live athome with my parents things would happen all the time. Blinds flick up, taps would turn ON. Not just start dripping but they would be running water.
And i haven't experienced a loss as great as yours. So if that makes you crazy, well welcome to the club! - March 31, 2011 at 8:53 am
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After I had my daughter I was very ill, my father came to visit me, he had been dead 7 years already, was it the stress and illness or was he really there talking to me? I don't think I'm mad, it all seemed and seems perfectly right and ok but I'm not sure. Does the mind play tricks on us or do all these things happen? So many people find feathers, I believe in the feathers. I think it is ok just to accept that we maybe will never fully understand anything. I also think it was ok to try to experience it from Tony's view to help you. It is a strange feeling when you have that "I wonder" and there is no answer really, you sort of just have to 'let it be'. It's a strange world. I wonder what is normal.
- March 31, 2011 at 7:24 am
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Not crazy. At all.
- March 31, 2011 at 6:42 am
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Oh god Lori, who's normal? I couldn't name one single person I know who fits that godawful word. And I've seen a few too many things to think that no one ever tries to communicate After; not the easily-dismissible stuff, but actual people right there, objects moving with no physical interaction, smells, footsteps….
If you felt it, then it's real, it's your truth and to hell with 'normal'.
Love you dear girl. Keep being Mum and you're already 9/10s of the way there.
Sophie xxx
- March 31, 2011 at 3:27 pm
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A normal reaction to an abnormal situation – or that's what my shrink told me.
You aren't crazy, you are doing exactly what you need to do.
Hang in there girl, you have a lot of people pulling for you.
- March 31, 2011 at 2:58 am
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I'll add my voice to those who are saying that you are not crazy.
There is so much that we don't know about our souls and I don't think it is the least bit implausible that Tony was reaching out to you to remind you that he did love you and that he still does.
I'm glad that you are grieving the way that you feel is right for you.
Trisha
- March 31, 2011 at 1:31 am
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Lady you be awesome, that is all.
Hugs, and I hope you win. - March 30, 2011 at 11:50 pm
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I am so thankful that you are doing what is right for you, where it is right for you. I will continue to keep you close in thought each day. Big hugs from America. Oh yeah, I also voted for you. Hope you win that iPad!
- March 30, 2011 at 11:41 pm
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You're not crazy and they are probably not coincidences. I believe definitely not coincidences, but I like to like to keep an open mind ;-)I had many of them when my Dad died. Even before I knew it had happened.
- March 30, 2011 at 11:40 pm
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I love reading your blog. It almost feels as if we're there for you – by just reading your words you choose to share.
- March 30, 2011 at 10:19 pm
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You're not crazy- no crazier than the rest of us, anyway.
- March 31, 2011 at 8:59 am
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What's normal? Big Hugs… love ya.
- March 30, 2011 at 9:59 pm
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I am in total awe reading your posts as you process all that has happened and is happening around and within you. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Your words are incredibly original and comfortably familiar all at once. Sending trust to know that you can trust what you know. You know?
x
- March 30, 2011 at 9:36 pm
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Beautiful post. A little while after my father died, I made a decision to not be sad that he was gone but instead be happy to have had him in my life for as long as I did.
I think you're getting to a stage where you can do that too, kinda. - March 30, 2011 at 9:25 pm
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I don't think you're normal at all. I think you're extraordinary. You are turning into something, someone, above average.
I'm so glad you have the space and the (for want of a better word) comfort to breathe and grieve.
I don't think anything you've said sounds crazy at all.
- March 30, 2011 at 9:16 pm
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I felt the shadow of his atoms
That literally made me catch my breath. Lori, this is a beautifully written post.And if you know just a little smidgeon about me, you'll know that I know those things aren't crazy. Otherwise, that makes me crazy too. And I know I'm not
Don't be afraid to go with what you've seen, heard, sensed, felt. Don't be afraid to not call it crazy. Know what I'm saying? - March 30, 2011 at 9:13 pm
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I'm so happy you were able to move from the Purple House that wasn't purple any more. Because, literally and metaphorically, if you scratch the surface, the purple is still there, just covered up with paint.
And definitely way too many things to be a coincidence xxx - March 30, 2011 at 11:35 pm
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A beautiful post Lori.
And, I voted for all you ladies in the hopes you'll all tie & win an iPad x
Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures. - March 30, 2011 at 10:30 pm
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♥
Previous post: Free Fall.
Next post: All Bets Are Off
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: Soul Cancer.
Random Ramblings of a SAHM: For Any Mother Who May Pass This Way (Nothing funny about this post, folks)
My Baby, Growing Up. – RRSAHM
My Baby, Growing Up.
My daughter is three months off turning four years old. She is still in nappies. She still has a dummy. She doesn’t particularly want to give up either of them.
I’m quite okay with that. Aside from the continual annoyance of “Mum, where is my dodie?”. And, of course, changing dirty nappies. Which I find becomes more irritating– but also funnier– every time she gags and throws her hands over her eyes, refusing to look at her own mess. Princess that she is.
I tell myself that I’m simply not concerned with any of it, if she’s not. I doubt she’ll be taking a dummy to school. And who am I to take away something that brings her so much comfort, if it’s not affecting her health?
As for toilet training… I think, perhaps, both she and I are just lazy. I had assumed, especially with everyone insisting on telling me how much ‘easier girls are to toilet train than boys!’, that she would do as her brother did and just decide she wanted to start using the toilet of her own accord.
It’s possible– probable, actually, at the age she is– that will still happen. So, I tell myself, there’s no need to pressure her.
While all that’s true, I know there’s more to it than that. In between making school lunches and daycare drop-offs, washing clothes and reading bedtime stories; I catch my daughter growing up, sometimes, from the corner of my eye. It takes my breath away. She’s too tall, her words too well pronounced. She’s far more of a baby, a toddler, in my mind than she is in real life.
And I want to keep her that way. Because once she turns four years old, it feels as though we’ve crossed a line. The stage of having tiny children, of nappies and dummies and milky soft cuddles… that’s all but over, when she becomes a ‘big girl’.
I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I will be, of course, when it happens. But I feel no need to push for it.
I’ve always said I didn’t understand mothers who tried to hold their children back, who want to keep them their babies forever.
I understand it, a little bit, now. Watching my baby grow up is bizarrely heartbreaking and gratifying, all at the one time.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
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July 22, 2013 at 2:09 pm -
Oh I know this is not the same thing, not at all, but my sister is six years younger than I (we are well into our 30′s now
and I remember wishing a bit when she turned five that she could go back to turning four. It was exciting even as a big sister to see her going to Kindergarten and really learning to read… but she had just gotten so BIG. Fun memories to remember though! Thanks -
July 8, 2013 at 6:58 am -
Hello there, I love this post and know exactly what you mean! Our little boy seems to be growing up so fast it’s hard to keep up with him, he’s becoming very grown up and yet it seems like only yesterday he was sitting and burbling in his bouncer. I was often told to grow up as a child but our little boy is only two, he’s got a way to go yet!
Lystra Maisey recently posted…Chapter Seven-Teething Troubles - July 7, 2013 at 9:01 pm
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I find it bizarre when I watch people urging their babies and toddlers to grow up. I have a friend who’s just shy of 3 years old daughter calls herself a “big girl” and I want to scream every time “You’re not! You’re still a baby! Enjoy it while it lasts!”
I have to agree there is something about 4. Greenie was still my little guy, I could still call him a toddler until this year. Now he’s 4 and almost off to school and I just think about how I would love to rewind a couple of years to when I had a baby and a 3 year old. I love his independance but I also miss his dependance a bit.
Miss Pink recently posted…The Stand. -
July 7, 2013 at 12:11 pm -
I had to bribe my four year old daughter to give up her dummy – she was due to start kindy, and I was worried that she’d be the only kid at school with a dummy in her mouth! She told me she wanted her own CD player (this was nine years ago!) in return, and she gave it up in an instant, with no looking back at all
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July 7, 2013 at 11:11 am -
Hi, I remember you. I used to read you and comment a lot when I was Pampers and Pinot. I’m back blogging now. Love your refreshed jelly bean site here.
Also loved the angst of your post. Moments you just don’t get back. Mother with your own instincts.
Kristy @Loveandblasphemy recently posted…Brothers from Other Mothers
Previous post: Normal and Boring.
Next post: A Reddit Intervention.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Sorry I was flogged twice – was on hols and @Maxabella was kind enough to flog me and then I got home and flogged immediately, without realising I was already there. You'll be thinking I've lost it… Hope your car feels better soon.
Wow love the car! Oh the dint…I did that with a new car we bought a few years ago, it was about 6mths old and I was in a parking lot and couldn't park it properly, so I scraped the side of the door – $1000 damage! Ah well – we live and learn! Happy cruising in your new car!
Hi! As soon as I get home from vacation, I will resume linking up as usual! Happy FlogYoBlog Friday!
Sign of a dedicated blogger – wishing you had taken a picture instead of being happy for his quick action at solving the problem
I just found you so did not link up this week but I will be back! (fair warning)
I did a simliar thing to my little car when I got it brand new seven years ago. And it still has the damage…yet I've managed to never side swipe anything else ever again!
Sorry to hear about your new car. I hope it's an easy fix.
Thanks for stopping by my blog, & thanks very much for the kind words! They are very much appreciated.
I didn't damage my car this week it died, completely dead, and they say they can't give it the kiss of life ever again. So I know how your feeling right now. Cars are like babies sort of right?
I don't drive, but still know how you feel. It's just the same as chipping the first plate of a brand new set, right?
Or I could tell you about my mum. Never learnt to drive. So one time she gets in the car to back it out of the shed, took down the shed and half of the outside laundry which was clear across the yard.
och no! you poor thing…hope you get it sorted out soon. YOu always feel like such a twat after a bumper bashing.
I meant to write care ! …oops
oh dear …I've scratched /dented a new car a few times more than I car to admit
…
Hope the beauty is restored soon.
Oh noooo! Not the new car! The Man did a good job, though, to pop it out.
Hey, community service announcement…: Someone needs to tell BM-I Don't Care (The Fat Lady) on #46 up there that we can't comment on her blog! Well, I can't, anyway – comments field doing dodgy things. Has been for the past few entries of hers as well. Does she know?
Beautiful car a little less beautiful now. Bummer! At least it didn't cost you your right arm to have it fixed (that is the going rate at the mechanics these days isn't it?).
Poor Roo
Leather seats? Jealous. It took me a while to get used to a minivan. I felt like I was driving a school bus (still do). Whole new set of boundaries! xx
Hey hon! I haven't done FYBF for sooooo long – I had no idea you were hosting it!
I've been very bad at catching up with my blog reading lately. Life has been so busy.
Off to read some of these now.
Thanks for hosting gorgeous lady. xxx
For the past 12 years, I have driven this zippy little car (yes the same car for that long) and now I drive an SUV. Sooooo different!
…Or a reversing camera. They're nice too.
Me+Car+giant yellow caution pole = bad times
I feel ya momma.
ooo nice new car
oooow nice little dint 
. Yay for hubby who pulled the dint out a little, maybe you can tell him you were simply christening it? you know like when you christen new boats with a champaigne bottle, except you christened the new car with a shiny pole? hmm, no? probably wouldn't work would it? 
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Ouch! You need one of those reversing sensors. I am lost without mine these days. Thanks for the flogging. x
Whoops, sorry to see the car! Sort of thing I do to new cars too! Mich x
Don't you hate that?! I try to preserve the 'newness' of things for as long a I can, but it never seems to last long. I remember being devo when I first scratched my engagement ring….ah, how precious I was. These days I count myself lucky if new sunnies last more than a fortnight with two arms attached.
Maybe your next car should be a lorry!
You really should not have nice things Lori…..
I remember when I damaged hubby's car it cost me $210 to get a 2nd hand front panel & get it painted plus fixed to the car.